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how to deal with food with your relationships

lillyy23
lillyy23 Posts: 138 Member
in Getting Started
i want to start this new year right, but i recently got into a relationship now and im struggling with exercise and eating out together being in the deficit espeiclaly if my bf cooks for me... ugh how do you all balance like real life, and tryign to lose weight

Replies

  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 35,661 Member
    edited January 13
    I empathize. I'm not blaming him, but I suspect part of the reason behind my gradual weight gain over years was giving myself food choice and portion size equivalence to my late husband. We also ate out a lot.

    I'd say this, though, and partly from the perspective that I did lose some weight while still married, though I did regain it again back then. (Unlike this time, when I'm keeping it off, 8+ years so far.)

    I'd say this:
    - Eating out doesn't mean we all need to eat the same menu items, or the same amounts of any item.
    - Technically, exercise is optional for weight loss. Weight loss is all about calorie intake. Exercise is good for a body, and as a bonus lets us eat a little more while losing at the same sensible rate, sure. But it's not essential.
    - Doing active things together as a couple may be an option, though that depends on your relationship partner.
    - I have to say this: The right partner will support us in our goals, maybe even help us reach them. If the person pushed food when I'd made it clear I was trying to limit, that's a controlling behavior, so a red flag to me. An implication of that is that communicating clearly with the person about my goals is important, and it's my responsibility to do that. I can't expect them to guess.
    - Maybe your BF, if he's a real green flag kind of guy, can learn to structure his cooking so there are lower calorie things you can eat more of, and higher-calorie things he can eat more of. There's always portion control on your side, though I understand how that can be more challenging if he cooks most of your meals.
    - Any meals you eat apart are totally in your control.

    I'm not saying it's easy. I'm saying there's some personal control even in the relationship situation. The sphere where there's personal control is the place to focus in order to make progress, and if there's influence on other aspects, that can be used, too. (Examples of influence: Restaurant choice when eating out, one's own portion sizes for shared dishes, and that sort of thing.)

    From personal experience, it can be tempting to make the relationship a justification for less than ideal personal choices, especially when I'm only half-heartedly committed to a goal. That's a personal decision. Either decision is OK, but in my life I think it's important to recognize that I have a decision about things like that, and own the decision I choose, along with its results. Just my opinion, though, and I'm a pretty obstinate, cranky li'l ol' lady. ;)

    Best wishes!
  • yf8ffgth48177
    yf8ffgth48177 Posts: 1 Member
    You can balance it out by being on a caloric deficit on a following day after the night of eating out. 5 days being of a deficit 2 days of eating out should be ok in my opinion. You should be on a weekly calorie deficit then you still loose weight
  • neanderthin
    neanderthin Posts: 10,511 Member
    By being proactive and asking your new partner to help you achieve your goals. That way you accomplish 2 things. 1 you have someone helping you achieve your goals and 2, you find out what this new person is all about and if they're worth your time investment and heart. :)
  • totameafox
    totameafox Posts: 1,029 Member
    1) be willing to eat differently from your boyfriend. My boyfriend and I do not eat the same things and I cook for myself. We have different groceries. he may eat my food but I do not eat his. I also no longer finish what he can't eat.
    2) discuss what he cooks if he is going to cook for you. learn what a serving for that meal is and stick to that serving.
    3) if you go out to eat, plan that. research where you are going. pick a meal that fits into your way of eating. I go out to eat with my mother each week. I only eat a small breakfast and realize that I may go over my goals but will hopefully stay under my tdee. if not... oh well.

    if this person is not willing to support you, better to find out now.

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