Learning to relax, truly relax

Alatariel75

So I've generally throughout life been pretty lazy when it comes to structured movement and exercise, and when I have done it, the results I've gone for are cardio fitness or building strength. More mindful exercise, yoga etc, has never really appealed. But after a hellish year or so, I've realised I need to start looking after that part of me, so I have been engaging more with mindful movement, doing yoga, some meditation, and also working with some physios to try and work out some aches and pains and issues.

The resounding response I am getting, from the professionals and from my body is that I do not know how to relax. I am tense ALL THE TIME. I get into a yoga pose that's supposed to be a deep, letting it go stretch, and half way through I realise that my shoulders are at my ears, my abs are rock, and I start to really try to let go and the more I think "there it goes" the more I realise - no - I'm still totally wound up.

One of my physios (that ladies health kind) has addressed that my constant tension is actually affecting my *ahem* pelvic heath - I never unclench and it makes everything more difficult.

Does anyone identify? How the hell do I train myself to not be wound up like an eight day clock?

I'm doing 20 minute yogo in the mornings, I do pilates a couple times a week, and I do remind myself over and over through the day to drop the shoulders, stretch out the back... but it's so hard to break this habit.

Strategies, podcasts, YouTube channels, class recommendations all welcome, please and thank you.

COGypsy

I'll be following along with this. I carry so much tension in my body it is physically painful to be touched more often than not. I use a massage gun and a posture board when I think of it. I've tried to like yoga, but being still, quiet, and awake all at the same time is rough--my body thinks if I'm laying down, I should be sleeping! I'm mostly afraid that I've been this way so long there isn't any point to trying to stretch out and relax....my body just doesn't do relaxed anymore (if it ever did).

So no suggestions, but I definitely identify!

AnnPT77

I think you're doing some of the key right things, IME. I especially appreciate and admire that you're not saying "I can't relax enough to do yoga or meditation so I won't do them". I observe people saying things like that sometimes, and it seems . . . unhelpful: Vaguely analogous to people saying "I can't do yoga because I'm not flexible enough" when part of the point of yoga is to move a person from less flexible to more flexible.

I'm not as tense as I used to be because I retired from a highly stressful job. That's not generally an available-to-all strategy, however, unfortunately. I'm sorry.

It suggests to me, though, that if there are any other standard stress-management strategies available to you, or ways you can reduce/eliminate some stressors, that could help somewhat.

Unfortunately, I think being a tense person is one of those things we don't really solve, but work at gradually improving and maybe have gradual success.

Some other things that have helped me at times have been regular professional massage, sauna/steam room (even hot shower/bath or heating pad), exercise (perhaps especially small bouts of intense exercise once I had the base fitness to tolerate that intensity), nutrition, both drugs and avoiding drugs , a bunch of self-massage techniques (foam roller, yoga ball, lacrosse ball, a rolling-pin-like massage thingie, couple kinds of massage guns/machines, something called a Theracane for trigger points, and more), possibly some nutrition interventions. None of that is a solution, it's just examples of chipping away in ways that might help some aspects a little for some people at some times.

MaggieGirl135

Referencing Ann’s yoga comment of the more you do it, the more flexible you get also relates to mindfulness exercises. The more you do them, the more effective they’ll be for you. And if you go into either mindfulness or yoga exercises with the thought that neither would be helpful for you, then letting go of that thinking would be productive. I do realize it is far easier to say it than it is to do it. And please know that although meditation does fall under the category of a mindfulness exercise, it is only one aspect that you can pursue with mindfulness exercises.

Alatariel75

Thanks all! It looks like I'm on the right path, somewhat, and it's just going to take patience and practice. I never thought I'd be struggling to relax, of all things!

I am loving the yoga, I find it so refreshing. I'm only doing short morning flows at the moment, so I'm going to keep working up to longer ones.