Territorial Gym Peeps

springlering62

This is so silly, but it’s rankling me.

Our gym has a huge women’s dressing room, with four spacious U-shaped sections, all with lockers and clothes hanging bars for those not using lockers.

I always automatically put my stuff down at the same spot, at the end, under a small hanging bar. I put my moderate sized bag of gym and swim equipment underneath the bar so I can hang my coat and sweaty gym clothes on the bar to dry while I’m in the pool. I’m not a pig. Everything is neatly organized so I can get out of the gym and immediately in to the water.

Lately some woman is laying her larger bag on top of my own bag and towel, and shoving my stuff on the bar to one side to hang her own.

There’s got to be at least four other unused hanging bar spots on that side of the dressing room just in that half of the dressing room.

I just find it kinda gross that she’s setting her bag on my fresh towel and hanging her pinstripe volunteer uniform up next to (or over) my sweaty clothes. This morning she laid her water jug on my change of clothes.

She’s an absolutely lovely lady. We often talk briefly since she gets out of the pool while I’m getting in, so we’re not on bad terms that I know of. I can’t understand why she’s started doing this all of a sudden.

It’s minor in the great scheme of things. I’ll just start using a different space since this appears to upset her enough to rearrange my things.

Do you guys have territorial gym users? Is it in the actual gym, in the dressing rooms, parking lot? What gets in their heads?

AnnPT77

If it's new, and she seems like a nice person generally, I wonder if there's something going on in her life that's distracting or traumatic, has her not noticing things like this or considering others' needs.

Generally I haven't noticed things like that at the gym. I did have a brief weird moment Wednesday when a woman rounded the blind corner expecting to put her things down at the sink I was using, momentarily looked shocked and maybe offended that I and my stuff were already there. It's a two-sink set-up, and I think the other woman was a gym friend of hers, so maybe they had a routine, dunno. Her "I'll use another sink" sounded a teensy bit miffed. (I would've offered to move, but I had a bunch of stuff spread out already, and it was quick.) I made it a point to be friendly to them both until we left the locker room.

For sure, though, people are territorial about things like which bike is "theirs" in spin class, where they stand in group fitness classes, and that sort of thing. Same was true at work, where in repeat group meetings, people tended to prefer to sit in the same spots.

In that work scenario, I thought it was fun to move around from one meeting to the next, maybe mess with people a little. (Yeah, naughty of me.) I got visible reactions at first, when I was in "their" chair when they arrived, but nothing overt. Over time, more people seemed to be mixing it up.

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this, but in non-gym settings when I was married, I noticed that some men were likely to be a little bit like that, but sort of on purpose, though maybe not consciously in all cases. I'm talking about moving other people's stuff to put theirs down, putting their coat over someone else's (with repeats about who they did this to), etc.

In context, I interpreted it as a form of ranking behavior, like you kind of encroach on someone you want to push down the social hierarchy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's universal, and I'm not saying ranking behavior is absent in all women (it's sooo not), but I think when it happens with women it's usually manifested differently. (The "married" part is relevant because I don't as often do things in more evenly-mixed numbers of men/women anymore. FWIW, I didn't really notice this specific kind of thing much in the work setting, which for much of my career was amongst more men than women.)

Honestly, at the gym and elsewhere myself these days, I try to not have a rote pattern of where I put things, where I sit, etc. It feels good for me in some ineffable way to mix things up, and no, not trying to mess with people at this point. At the gym, I do worry that giving my slipping memory, I may be wandering the aisles looking for my lock to find my locker!

tulips_and_tea

That is really weird. I mean, putting her things NEXT to yours I could see, but setting her things ON TOP of yours?! That is just odd.

Since you do have a cordial relationship with her, I'd give her a pass, as Ann mentioned. But, yes, I'd try using a different spot for a while and see what happens.

I purposely try to not use the same locker all the time in either of the gyms I go to, although I do favor certain treadmills and ellipticals, but mainly due to their functionality and not due to habit.

Report back if you change spots, please! I'm interested to see how she reacts.

Alatariel75

"Hi, sorry, I noticed that you keep putting your things on top of mine. I have this skin issue at the moment, the doctors say I'm fine to keep swimming and working out because I clean the machines after, and the chlorine takes care of any contamination, but we're worried that it might be spread by direct contact. I can recommend a medicated detergent, if you like?"

springlering62

OMG @Alatariel75 😱😅

Ann that’s actually a great suggestion. I don’t know her personally but it seems so out of character for her, maybe I’ll ask around or try to chat her up. We are an older crowd.

We do go through the territorial thing with the swim lanes. In the gym area, people are super considerate about sharing the gym equipment or courteously waiting til you’ve finished your set. Because it’s an older crowd, and photos not allowed, users seldom camp out on equipment.

SafariGalNYC

@springlering62 - sorry you’ve had to deal with the annoyance.

The only way to nip it in bud is to say something or leave a note on your clothes.

I don’t know if she is being territorial.. but the action is unsanitary and disrespectful.

If you don’t address it - it’s going to fester and the only one that suffers is you. You don’t have to suck it up to make things easier for someone else.

Though / I’m not as patient as our co MFPers above 😇

My 2 ¢

nossmf

Just butting in to say as a guy I have seen guys push other guy's stuff to the side before, but NEVER seen a case of putting on top of another guy's stuff.

HappyDonkey75

I have to agree with those MFP'ers that suggested you speak up and ask her directly. This is odd behavior and in my opinion disrepectful of personal space. It comes down to boundaries. Maybe she is trying to push you around in a not so subtle way , or maybe she is oblivious. Either way I would address it directly.

springlering62

She’s a super nice woman, probably in her mid to late 70’s.

I’m almost wondering if this is a subtle dementia issue. I can’t think of anything that would be upsetting, or triggering. I’m just going to take the high road and find another spot. It’s not a crisis, just weird.

TBH I think it’s kind of funny because it’s started out of the blues. Another swimmer and I were joking about it, although she was surprised, too. But she says in the years she’s been there she’s seen lots of bad behavior in the dressing room. She said one lady would get six towels and strew them and her stuff all the way down the bench, so no one could open the lower lockers. She said several of them finally had to tell her off.

I was just really curious if anyone else had seen territorial behavior around their gym.

I see it a lot in yoga, people who have “regular” spots and get a wee bent if someone beats them to it. We’ve got a whole back row that arrives half an hour early to make sure they get “their” spot. Me, I’m walking in at 7:59, and always get the front and center space no one else wants -and which I prefer. No competition for that one, lol.

I’ve even seen it out on the bike/walking trail. When we first got the High Anxiety Dog, I would sort of push him against retaining walls and fences and knee-block him if I saw a runner coming at us because he would try to lunge and bite. A runner screamed her head off at me til she was out of sight “Do you drive on the wrong side of the road, too?!!!!!”

She’s lucky she didn’t lose a chunk of leg. He was pretty….challenging…. in the early days of adoption.

SafariGalNYC

Nah haven’t really seen any territorial behavior at my gym… people kinda just super self absorbed doing their own thing… I don’t see a lot of people chatting with one another though either..

Even in group fitness or yoga.. 🤷‍♀️

My gym is not very crowded though either so maybe ample personal space helps?

When i book a SoulCycle— i book the bike I want.. so no jockeying for placement, you get what you book.

MaggieGirl135

I haven’t seen this behavior in the gym, either. I was also thinking that dementia may be starting with a lack of awareness of one’s surroundings and/or lack of conforming to expected behavior.

ninerbuff

Leave your underwear on top and see if it happens.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer

IDEA Fitness member

Kickboxing Certified instructor

Been in fitness for 40+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Jezebella9031

All you PeePs are so much nicer than me.

Every day it happened, I would move her stuff to a different location in the locker room and not say a word. Never the same place. I would leave it stacked exactly as it is, but move it around.

springlering62

I’m just utterly puzzled. She stopped for months but is back doing it again. But she’s such a delightful lady, I can’t bring myself to say anything. There’s something else happening here.

That could be me in a few years, I’m thinking.

I guess I’ll pick my battles. If I have to pitch a fit about her versus the Women Doused in Perfume In the Pool, I know where my bitchiness quotient is heading.

MySlimGoals

If I didn’t know the lady I would suggest to throw all her stuff on the floor to stop that behaviour immediately! But the fact that she knows you and you her makes me think that she is doing this for some reason you may not realise. Does she think she is protecting your things by putting hers on top? A conversation is going to have to be had to sort this out.

ddsb1111

We need an update! Did you ever ask her? You’ve got a way with words, so I know you would make the interaction as comfortable as possible.

Jthanmyfitnesspal

Nice people can definitely do irritating things. All of us can sometimes miss when their behavior might be infringing; however, this seems like a near obvious case. I would ponder the kindest way of asking this person to alter their behavior. Wait for your moment, then say "oh, please don't put that there, [give simple reason, such as 'I want to keep it clean']."

"Tact is the skill of making a point without making an enemy" (A lesson I can learn over and over.)

And, couldn't you change to put everything in a locker?

springlering62

@Jthanmyfitnesspal locker? What? And have to pay extra?! And remember another combination? 😂

I’ve given up. She’s the nicest lady, but obviously quirky. When one of our other classmates was out for weeks with knee replacement (several weeks longer than expected), she and I were the ones who made sure she had what she needed, visited her regularly, checked up on her.

Clearly a good heart and great follow through.

I’ve got my own wierd little issues, and would probably be hurt if someone called me out about something I’d never given a second thought, so I just got over it.

Today’s issue….. someone greeted me in front of my house- by name. She was surprised to learn I lived so close.

It took me two hours to finally place her as the lady I’ve laid my yoga mat by her and her husband every Saturday morning for years.

She probably went straight home and told her husband I had a stick up my rear end, but it was my typical “deer in the headlight because clearly I should know you?” behavior.

This happens to me alllllll the time in our smallish town. I can typically fake my way through it, but she caught me utterly by surprise at my own front door. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Humans. We are just weird. Our brains get set dressing room habits we can’t deviate from, or we can’t recognize people who are outside their box, and wearing street clothes.

AnnPT77

@springlering62 Are you aware of the condition called 'face blindness' a.k.a. prosopagnosia? At an extreme, it's a cognitive or neurological malady where people literally can't recognize faces at all. I think it was the famous neurologist and wonderful author Oliver Sacks who was so face blind he literally didn't recognize his own face in a mirror/window, and not just as a rare or fleeting glance, and he considered his case moderate. Some people routinely struggle to recognize immediate family members.

I kind of think this is a thing we can be more like or less like. I definitely have the issue you describe: People I see at the gym or around the boathouse regularly, have conversations with, know their names and more . . . if I see them at the grocery store, I'm doing well if I have a dim feeling they look vaguely familiar. Other friends of mine deny having this issue entirely.

Sacks thought there was a genetic element, because his brother was also face-blind.

There are other cognitive domains where I think some people function much better, and others much worse, too - and not for reasons of simple ignorance or even stupidity, more like having a talent for that thing or not. A common one is navigational: Some people can drive back to a distant specific place they've only been to once, no errors. Some (me again) need a map or GPS to go somewhere they've been a dozen times, that isn't even that far away. Etc.

nossmf

I work as a civilian in a military base, get used to seeing the same people in uniform every day at work. If I see those same people outside work in street clothes, my recognition factor drops to maybe 25%. Heck, one day the unit did a morale day of allowing their military members to wear street clothes to work, so I still saw the same faces at the same place just wearing different clothes, and still didn't recognize a few people until they opened their mouths to speak. (For some reason I'm better at placing voices than faces.)

springlering62

I know about face blindness. Pretty sure that’s me. It’s literally a curse.

I trained myself at work to write people’s names down when I spoke to them in person or the phone. That helped me “plant” them in my memory, but retired and “in the wild” there’s no opportunity for that.

I do have a short note on my phone. “Suzy Q, dark curly hair, neighbor, does yoga”. “Raphael, owns Italian restaurant, kids names are thus and so”.

I’ve got a friend who makes an art of it. When she meets someone new, she creates a contact card, notes their occupation, kid’s spouse and pet names, their hobbies, and googles them to find a picture of them on social media, which she uses for the contact card.

She is phenomenal. She knows everybody in town and can greet them by name and ask them how the kids are doing, what’s up at work. She’ll also mix and match friends based on interests.

I aspire to that. It’s a little OCD but everyone loves that they made such an impression on her and she remembers them in such detail. They have no idea , lol.

She’s an absolute doll and works very hard at being a good friend. It’s inspiring to witness.

AnnPT77

Yeah, I've learned to reinforce people's names (one of the things where I needed to channel my late husband's skills/techniques after he was gone), and keep notes on my phone about newly-met people lie that - not as fancy as your friend, though. I suppose I may've partly gotten that from Ken, too. He managed his old-guy softball team for years. Of course he had a list of names and phone numbers for the guys, but also noted down names of their girlfriends/wives/children. I learned to consult that list on the sneak sometimes, when someone showed up to spectate whose name I'd forgotten.

Practice helps, too. I get a lot of that helping with the learn-to-row classes at my rowing club.