Territorial Gym Peeps

springlering62

This is so silly, but it’s rankling me.

Our gym has a huge women’s dressing room, with four spacious U-shaped sections, all with lockers and clothes hanging bars for those not using lockers.

I always automatically put my stuff down at the same spot, at the end, under a small hanging bar. I put my moderate sized bag of gym and swim equipment underneath the bar so I can hang my coat and sweaty gym clothes on the bar to dry while I’m in the pool. I’m not a pig. Everything is neatly organized so I can get out of the gym and immediately in to the water.

Lately some woman is laying her larger bag on top of my own bag and towel, and shoving my stuff on the bar to one side to hang her own.

There’s got to be at least four other unused hanging bar spots on that side of the dressing room just in that half of the dressing room.

I just find it kinda gross that she’s setting her bag on my fresh towel and hanging her pinstripe volunteer uniform up next to (or over) my sweaty clothes. This morning she laid her water jug on my change of clothes.

She’s an absolutely lovely lady. We often talk briefly since she gets out of the pool while I’m getting in, so we’re not on bad terms that I know of. I can’t understand why she’s started doing this all of a sudden.

It’s minor in the great scheme of things. I’ll just start using a different space since this appears to upset her enough to rearrange my things.

Do you guys have territorial gym users? Is it in the actual gym, in the dressing rooms, parking lot? What gets in their heads?

AnnPT77

If it's new, and she seems like a nice person generally, I wonder if there's something going on in her life that's distracting or traumatic, has her not noticing things like this or considering others' needs.

Generally I haven't noticed things like that at the gym. I did have a brief weird moment Wednesday when a woman rounded the blind corner expecting to put her things down at the sink I was using, momentarily looked shocked and maybe offended that I and my stuff were already there. It's a two-sink set-up, and I think the other woman was a gym friend of hers, so maybe they had a routine, dunno. Her "I'll use another sink" sounded a teensy bit miffed. (I would've offered to move, but I had a bunch of stuff spread out already, and it was quick.) I made it a point to be friendly to them both until we left the locker room.

For sure, though, people are territorial about things like which bike is "theirs" in spin class, where they stand in group fitness classes, and that sort of thing. Same was true at work, where in repeat group meetings, people tended to prefer to sit in the same spots.

In that work scenario, I thought it was fun to move around from one meeting to the next, maybe mess with people a little. (Yeah, naughty of me.) I got visible reactions at first, when I was in "their" chair when they arrived, but nothing overt. Over time, more people seemed to be mixing it up.

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this, but in non-gym settings when I was married, I noticed that some men were likely to be a little bit like that, but sort of on purpose, though maybe not consciously in all cases. I'm talking about moving other people's stuff to put theirs down, putting their coat over someone else's (with repeats about who they did this to), etc.

In context, I interpreted it as a form of ranking behavior, like you kind of encroach on someone you want to push down the social hierarchy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's universal, and I'm not saying ranking behavior is absent in all women (it's sooo not), but I think when it happens with women it's usually manifested differently. (The "married" part is relevant because I don't as often do things in more evenly-mixed numbers of men/women anymore. FWIW, I didn't really notice this specific kind of thing much in the work setting, which for much of my career was amongst more men than women.)

Honestly, at the gym and elsewhere myself these days, I try to not have a rote pattern of where I put things, where I sit, etc. It feels good for me in some ineffable way to mix things up, and no, not trying to mess with people at this point. At the gym, I do worry that giving my slipping memory, I may be wandering the aisles looking for my lock to find my locker!

tulips_and_tea

That is really weird. I mean, putting her things NEXT to yours I could see, but setting her things ON TOP of yours?! That is just odd.

Since you do have a cordial relationship with her, I'd give her a pass, as Ann mentioned. But, yes, I'd try using a different spot for a while and see what happens.

I purposely try to not use the same locker all the time in either of the gyms I go to, although I do favor certain treadmills and ellipticals, but mainly due to their functionality and not due to habit.

Report back if you change spots, please! I'm interested to see how she reacts.

Alatariel75

"Hi, sorry, I noticed that you keep putting your things on top of mine. I have this skin issue at the moment, the doctors say I'm fine to keep swimming and working out because I clean the machines after, and the chlorine takes care of any contamination, but we're worried that it might be spread by direct contact. I can recommend a medicated detergent, if you like?"

springlering62

OMG @Alatariel75 😱😅

Ann that’s actually a great suggestion. I don’t know her personally but it seems so out of character for her, maybe I’ll ask around or try to chat her up. We are an older crowd.

We do go through the territorial thing with the swim lanes. In the gym area, people are super considerate about sharing the gym equipment or courteously waiting til you’ve finished your set. Because it’s an older crowd, and photos not allowed, users seldom camp out on equipment.

SafariGalNYC

@springlering62 - sorry you’ve had to deal with the annoyance.

The only way to nip it in bud is to say something or leave a note on your clothes.

I don’t know if she is being territorial.. but the action is unsanitary and disrespectful.

If you don’t address it - it’s going to fester and the only one that suffers is you. You don’t have to suck it up to make things easier for someone else.

Though / I’m not as patient as our co MFPers above 😇

My 2 ¢

nossmf

Just butting in to say as a guy I have seen guys push other guy's stuff to the side before, but NEVER seen a case of putting on top of another guy's stuff.

HappyDonkey75

I have to agree with those MFP'ers that suggested you speak up and ask her directly. This is odd behavior and in my opinion disrepectful of personal space. It comes down to boundaries. Maybe she is trying to push you around in a not so subtle way , or maybe she is oblivious. Either way I would address it directly.

springlering62

She’s a super nice woman, probably in her mid to late 70’s.

I’m almost wondering if this is a subtle dementia issue. I can’t think of anything that would be upsetting, or triggering. I’m just going to take the high road and find another spot. It’s not a crisis, just weird.

TBH I think it’s kind of funny because it’s started out of the blues. Another swimmer and I were joking about it, although she was surprised, too. But she says in the years she’s been there she’s seen lots of bad behavior in the dressing room. She said one lady would get six towels and strew them and her stuff all the way down the bench, so no one could open the lower lockers. She said several of them finally had to tell her off.

I was just really curious if anyone else had seen territorial behavior around their gym.

I see it a lot in yoga, people who have “regular” spots and get a wee bent if someone beats them to it. We’ve got a whole back row that arrives half an hour early to make sure they get “their” spot. Me, I’m walking in at 7:59, and always get the front and center space no one else wants -and which I prefer. No competition for that one, lol.

I’ve even seen it out on the bike/walking trail. When we first got the High Anxiety Dog, I would sort of push him against retaining walls and fences and knee-block him if I saw a runner coming at us because he would try to lunge and bite. A runner screamed her head off at me til she was out of sight “Do you drive on the wrong side of the road, too?!!!!!”

She’s lucky she didn’t lose a chunk of leg. He was pretty….challenging…. in the early days of adoption.

SafariGalNYC

Nah haven’t really seen any territorial behavior at my gym… people kinda just super self absorbed doing their own thing… I don’t see a lot of people chatting with one another though either..

Even in group fitness or yoga.. 🤷‍♀️

My gym is not very crowded though either so maybe ample personal space helps?

When i book a SoulCycle— i book the bike I want.. so no jockeying for placement, you get what you book.

MaggieGirl135

I haven’t seen this behavior in the gym, either. I was also thinking that dementia may be starting with a lack of awareness of one’s surroundings and/or lack of conforming to expected behavior.