I have a serious problem and I don’t think I’ll ever get better

Losingthedamnweight

https://imgur.com/a/Xwj6SLR

^^my banking app categorized my eating out

I’m sitting here after another binge as a grown man trying to stop myself from crying. I feel so helpless. I feel like I have no control over my life. I binge ate this morning and felt bad about it and then when I woke up later, my wife is like “wanna go get Taco Bell?” I said no. Let’s eat the healthy food we got at the store.

She just sat there all moody about it. I told her we spent so much money on groceries at the store. Let’s just eat what we planned today. We were gonna have steak, Potatoes and asparagus all weighed out and calorie counted. But she wants Taco Bell. I said “you can go get it for yourself but I want to eat healthy tonight. I feel bad about earlier”. She said “I’m not getting Taco Bell if you aren’t” implying she’s not going to eat anything if I don’t get Taco Bell. I told her…you don’t need to tie your eating to me. It makes me feel obligated to binge eat and go through a shame spiral. Please. Just eat what you want. “…ok”. And then she would just sit there in a mood while saying she’s fine and ugh. I can’t keep going through this.

She doesn’t understand. She’s 120lbs and fit. I’m 250lbs and depressed and feel like my life is out of control right now. I don’t feel like I have the support I need and when I try to talk to her about it she gaslights me or just says “ok. You’re right. Whatever”. With no emotion in her voice when it’s clear something is wrong

I don’t feel like I’m ever going to change. I say I want to and then I binge eat. I ate 6000 calories today. I probably ate about the same yesterday. I told myself yesterday “ok this is it. I’m gonna be good now. No more of this crap! Tomorrow I’m eating what I calorie counted and that’s it”. I at work last night thinking about how I was going to do right this weekend and feel so much better coming back on Monday.

I don’t see the point of living anymore. Nothing is gonna change.

sollyn23l2

You can change. But the first thing I would suggest you do is sit down with your wife and have a serious conversation. She needs to stop enabling you and manipulating you into binges. If she can't, you probably need to reconsider your marriage. Tell her that too. Because this is going to kill you. Be straight with her. This binging and weight gain is, quite literally, going to kill you. Go to youtube, watch some Alan Roberts, and really absorb what he has to say.

Theoldguy1

Tough love coming. You have to have a strong why to fix this issue. Something that will bring tears to your eyes. Do you love your wife, do you have kids? Picture yourself laying in a casket at a funeral home with fast food wrappers stuffed all around the body and your wife and kids crying. I'm guessing you don't like that picture.

Now you have to take the steps to avoid this. Have a frank talk to your wife about why you want to get off the binging and junk food. Tell her you need her support in this and not enable you. Would she keep handing you shots if you were an alcoholic? Maybe you need some counseling. If so she should support you in that.

God bless.

spiriteagle99

Your wife doesn't love you. Someone who loves wants the best for their partner. They want them to be healthy and happy. Not miserable and full of shame. Do what you need for your health and well-being and ignore her sulking and whining. If she wants fast food, she can get it for herself, but you don't need to go along with it. Figure out a plan to get healthy. If she resists and undermines your efforts, leave. You deserve better.

lelu730

Things can change, and there is so much point in living. First, though, the difficult conversation you will need to have with your wife. Gaslighting you into dying from food is a real possibility. Talk about her about this - it's very manipulative but maybe she doesn't see it. If it's intentional, you may need to reconsider your relationship. That said, with or without anyone else, you can do this, you can make the changes, you can be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished.

SafariGalNYC

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10934831/i-have-a-serious-problem-and-i-don-t-think-i-ll-ever-get-better

@Losingthedamnweight

Focus on you. Focus on your future.
I do think your wife is being selfish, your health is important and I’m sorry she isn’t supporting you.
that being said… get fit and healthy for you, in spite of the negativity she is showing your journey.

You said she is fit, but if she is eating Taco Bell all the time, how healthy is she really?

maybe it’s time to talk to her about your future.
it seems she is sabotaging your weight loss, but you are strong enough that it doesn’t have to happen.
If you get dragged through the drive through, any reason you can’t get the healthiest thing in menu? Maybe chat with her about food quality?

Get your head in the game, get fit, get healthy and feel sexy.. and then decide whether your partner lifts you up or drags you down. Make changes accordingly.

plenty of groups here to cheer you on !

PAV8888

Obviously things are not perfect on either side but neither binging nor relationships are diagnosed from a single snapshot.

How much you're spending eating out or on your groceries does not define a binge.

You can a calorie count more easily and accurately at home than at a restaurant but that doesn't mean you cannot calorie count restaurant meals.

Eating healthy is HELPFUL but it is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition to lose weight.

There is a chance you're trying to cut calories TOO much, which will encourage binging. However it does sound like many other things are going on.

As a major eyeball…. if a 120lb female is standing next to me and maintaining her weight and I'm a 250lb male and I go on to eat exactly what she does and no more than that at any other point of time in the day (just and only exactly what she eats) then I will be creating a more than substantial enough deficit to rapidly lose weight.

If you're still full from your 6000 Cal meal, why would you be eating a full meal, healthy or not, a few hours later? Getting a full Taco Bell meal for her may make sense while you could have something less substantial in terms of CALORIES, not size, to tide you over.

Have you figured out how many calories you should be eating per day more or less? I.e. what a typical breakfast/lunch/dinner should be? (Just throwing numbers here) If it is 600 Cal per meal and you've overdone your previous one and you are still feeling full then you can hit the next one at a discount or, to be honest, since you are already deficit eating just hit your normal calories for the meal and keep on going chalking the previous overage to experience!!!

But all these strategies require your brain power and active participation.

Which requires getting your OWN mental house in order and focused on weight loss and lifestyle changes to support it

Based solely on the snapshot provided by your post, I would stop reading answers and would be concentrating on finding a counselor/therapists type professional to talk to one on one.

I would also double check with a medical professional as to whether I might benefit from medication.

yakkystuff

Little dramatic, but the underlying truth is companionship eating... and especially the fun stuff.

Changing that might require some conversation, strategy changes and buy-in.

And maybe eating different things at different times. It does not need to be all or nothing…

shiny_chani

@Losingthedamnweight I don't know you or your wife and I refuse to give an opinion on that with no real knowledge of the relationship, but I think you'd benefit from counseling. Of course, that's not feasible for most people, so I'll say this: CICO doesn't need to mean healthy, pre-portioned food. Sure, it's helpful, but the main thing is to maintain a calorie deficit. If you and her can't figure out a way to make your meal planning work all the time, then just settle on a Taco Bell order that doesn't exceed your calorie limit. It's not ideal, but a deficit is a deficit.

I really encourage you to advocate for yourself, though. Your weight is killing you, physically and emotionally, and having a partner who doesn't support your liberation from that is just as unhealthy.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I had easy answers to give. But you are stronger than you know, your life has great value, and you're worthy of a future where you don't have to feel like this anymore. If you can't do anything else positive today, at least look yourself in the mirror and give yourself a high five from me.

elisa123gal

You have to take control of your life. that means, if your wife is not supportive.. you need to no longer include her in your goals. See your doctor and explore the possibility of getting on ozempic or the like. It takes away the "food noise". that makes people binge. I'm not on it.. but someone close to me is.. and it is a game changer. Some people don't understand that many people need help to achieve the weight loss goals that some do with will power. good luck to you.. you deserve to be happy and loved.

ddsb1111

If I told my husband I’m focusing on my weight and health, and he tried to guilt trip me for not going to Taco Bell, I’d have a serious issue with that. I would make it clear how his attitude affects me. At the end of the day, what I eat, when, and how much is entirely my choice. But being around people who sabotage your efforts is neither healthy nor supportive. Consider letting her read this, and potentially doing some heavy reading on emotional intelligence while she’s at it.