What's your perspective? Opinions wanted!

justahorsen

I would say that after 8 years you ARE going through the divorce process....I broke up with my ex after 7 years of living together....he just up and left one day....I was depressed, I wanted him back (why I don't know, looking back)..... I put a time limit on it (6 months) then I got a new life and refused to allow him to be in it......the day he came to my house and I refused to let him in, I want to tell you was hard, and he was SHOCKED that I took such a stance....... good for you to tell him NOW that he can't call or text you....he is NOT your friend......
I swore I was DONE with men and I was never going to get involved again...EVER ....
Well now I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 26 years and I am happy ....he has literally been there for me through thick and thin......good men are out there, but don't go looking for them, they will find you.......

tcac

Here is my thoughts, I have been married for 33 years to a man I love and who loves me back.
If a person could break up with you over weight, that person is not the one you are looking for as a lifetime partner. Marriage is hard work. You do not stay the same people you are at the beginning. You age, sickness comes and goes, weight changes up and down. If what you want is external you will never stay together. A person who will drop you for weight, what would that person do if you got cancer and lost your breasts--justify leaving because HE wants 2 breasts. You may not realize it now, but he did you a favor, now do not go back with him. He is letting you know his true inner character, and it is not good. Eight years is a long time and you will need time to move on, but you will. The day will come when you will thank him for doing this. My daughter has dated guys who loved themselves way more than they cared for her. Now, though, she will be married in 2 weeks to a guy who truly loves her and treats her great. I will tell you what I told both my girls. Look for kindness in a man it never gets old or goes out of style. When other characteristics fade kindness lasts a lifetime. My husband is kind to everyone, not just me and our girls. I cannot begin to tell you how many friends over the years have said that they wish their husbands were half as kind as Steve. Oh well, sorry to write a novel, I just hate when someone is treated badl by someone who professes to love them.

godblessourhome

Response to Dawn/godblessourhome:

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Yes, it feels like a huge loss. I feel more like I'm going through a divorce. It's a process. Good luck to you!

you'v had a lot happen to you recently with a job loss, move and now the break-up. take care of yourself!

jbuffan218

Here is my thoughts, I have been married for 33 years to a man I love and who loves me back.
If a person could break up with you over weight, that person is not the one you are looking for as a lifetime partner. Marriage is hard work. You do not stay the same people you are at the beginning. You age, sickness comes and goes, weight changes up and down. If what you want is external you will never stay together. A person who will drop you for weight, what would that person do if you got cancer and lost your breasts--justify leaving because HE wants 2 breasts. You may not realize it now, but he did you a favor, now do not go back with him. He is letting you know his true inner character, and it is not good. Eight years is a long time and you will need time to move on, but you will. The day will come when you will thank him for doing this. My daughter has dated guys who loved themselves way more than they cared for her. Now, though, she will be married in 2 weeks to a guy who truly loves her and treats her great. I will tell you what I told both my girls. Look for kindness in a man it never gets old or goes out of style. When other characteristics fade kindness lasts a lifetime. My husband is kind to everyone, not just me and our girls. I cannot begin to tell you how many friends over the years have said that they wish their husbands were half as kind as Steve. Oh well, sorry to write a novel, I just hate when someone is treated badl by someone who professes to love them.

This is exactly what I was thinking but couldn't put into words.
In time you will realize that he truly did you a favor.
How is it that we allow ourselves to be hurt the worst by those who profess to love us the most?
You honestly deserve better than this.
(Hugs)

TammyK777

*bump* for later... at work right now only started to read and am about to cry. I had a similar experience with an ex that I'll explain later.

iplayoutside19

As a Man, Your Ex Boyfreind's behavior toward you certainly was not one of love, especially unconditional love.

10 Hugs in 8 years? Give me a break. If I don't hug my wife at LEAST once a day I get kind of crabby.

Try and forget about this guy. There are plenty of Men out there who will love you unconditionally regardless of your gym patronage. My wife and I have lost 100 lbs together without setting foot in a gym.

However, I will agree that you need to be honestly happy with yourself for your next relationship to have it's highst chance of success.

lisawest

As a Man, Your Ex Boyfreind's behavior toward you certainly was not one of love, especially unconditional love.

10 Hugs in 8 years? Give me a break. If I don't hug my wife at LEAST once a day I get kind of crabby.

Try and forget about this guy. There are plenty of Men out there who will love you unconditionally regardless of your gym patronage. My wife and I have lost 100 lbs together without setting foot in a gym.

However, I will agree that you need to be honestly happy with yourself for your next relationship to have it's highst chance of success.

Awww, I gotta love this guy! (Or at least I'd better since we're married!:laugh: )

I totally agree with everything else everyone has said. I will add that DH met me at around 175, while I was a HS cheerleader, lifeguard, etc etc etc. Ten years later I was unhappy in my job, 205lbs, and tired from having 2 kids. Yet he stuck with me. I am one of the luckiest women on earth!

One day, you will be too. Focus on getting happy. Once you are happy with who you are, everything else will fall into place. If happy is 150lbs, then go for it!

P.S. He DOES have a brother, if you don't mind a younger guy!

TammyK777

A little background: in school I didn't date, I was always the 'sister'. I've dealt with body image all my life. Some time in freshman yr I found out this guy liked me (a very hot looking, popular guy). after yrs of flirting and stuff, we finally dated, on and off. We got serious and he told me God had told him that I was 'the one', but this guy said that his problem with that was that I was fat. We used to go for walks and one day a fit/thin girl ran past us and he asked me when I would look like that. We stayed together for many more months (keep in mind that I was in love with the idea that he loved me, blind to fact that he really didn't), the weight didn't stop him from wanting to have sex though. The last nights we were together he told me everything he thought was wrong with me... fat, lacking self-confidence, if I didn't change I wouldn't amount to anything and a bunch of other crap that I honestly can't remember anymore (thank God!). He broke up with me and it wasn't until very recently that I finally got over him fully (thought I had many times, but there was always another layer of pain hidden). This whole process started in 1994, we broke up in 1999, it took me 11 years to heal.

So, as a victorious woman (of God and only by His grace!) I tell you to LET HIM GO NOW!! Take care of yourself, for your self! I fully rely on my Savior, without Him I probably would have given up sooo long ago. I don't mean to be preachy, but I fully believe that the Creator is the only One who can show His created how much they are worth.

I'm losing weight now for my health, to be able to help others and I just want to feel better. If I find a husband now or later, he will have to love me for me, not what I look like.

If you want to talk more, feel free to add me as a friend and/or send me a message.

You are loved, just as you are. I pray God shows you that and you can accept it.

sandara

And maybe one of the reasons you've had such a hard time losing weight is that deep down you were testing him to see if he really loved you just for you. I think you really knew his love wasn't real. Now you are free to become whatever or whomever you want to be just for yourself. Then you can meet someone that will truly see the real you.

valeriebpdx

Dear girl, I am so sorry this happened to you. I will not castigate your boyfriend--I have a husband who wishes I were thinner, and occasionally cannot keep these wishes to himself--but the fact that he could actually leave you over this issue does give you some important information. Even if this is just a drama play to see if he can shock you into losing weight, why would you want to spend your life with someone who would do that?? I think you are so smart to ask him to leave you alone and spend some time on yourself. I only know a few women who feel like they got a good deal on their husbands ALL the time--all people have flaws--but you do have to realize you only get one (at a time, anyway ): you are choosing one man out of all the men in the world to love and support you and be your friend. I gotta think you could do better next time. Even if there are some weirdos out there.

Best wishes to you on your healthy journey. I hope great things are just around the corner for you. You're indeed bellissima.