New to the gym as a fat girl

SaraRN2
SaraRN2 Posts: 3 Member
in Fitness and Exercise

Hi there!

I'm really new to using the gym. Before I gained a lot of weight, I liked going to the gym. I used to go two or three days a week and although I was never a total gym rat, I was pretty comfortable using the equipment and felt like I belonged. But that has changed.

I'm now significantly overweight and with my 43rd birthday around the corner, I just don't know if I can do it anymore. I worry that people will stare or take embarrassing photos and put me on socials for a laugh.

My starting weight 5 months ago was 260, I'm now 225. I feel good, my energy level is much better. I'm swimming and cycling a bit, but I want to start going to the gym again to tone up and lose more weight. I want to be a positive influence for my young daughter (she doesn't have a weight issue at all, but I want to be a better influence for her as she enters her teens). Anyone else ever feel like this? Like you just don't belong? How did you overcome that?

Replies

  • briscogun
    briscogun Posts: 1,235 Member

    Congrats on the 35 lbs! That's awesome!

    I think everyone struggles with gym anxiety when they first start going or start back up again. It's very nerve-wracking. We all feel like we are on display, kind of showing everyone all our short-comings and making ourselves vulnerable to scrutiny.

    I think for the most part no one there really cares, they are all so focused on their own stuff they don't have time, but we bring our own insecurities and fears in with us. Usually after a week or so it should start to normalize and you'll feel better. Don't let it stop you from going especially if its something you used to enjoy!

    Once you get back on the horse and go a few times you'll be comfortable, I promise!

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,852 Member

    I stopped going to the gym when people started using phones in the locker rooms and communal shower area. Even though the gym has signs up about not doing that, there really is no way to enforce it so I stopped going. If there were private showers and changing areas with locked doors I would likely still go. For me it was more a privacy issue, like you said.

    There are plenty of other ways to get exercise and many of them you can take your kids. Be creative! It's also easy enough to set up some basic weights if you have the space at home. Even in the garage or extra porch area.

  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 37,510 Community Helper

    While the kind of things you mention can happen, IME it's quite rare, so unlikely in an individual case. It gets a lot of publicity when it does happen, I think, which makes it seem more common than it is.

    I went to several gyms while obese, used weights, cables and machine; I also went to the pool when obese and after bilateral mastectomies (no reconstruction or prosthetics, so fat, flat, and old besides). Other than people who were conventionally friendly when appropriate, no one paid any attention, and no one stared, commented, etc.

    The main gyms I've used have routinely had people there of your weight and more. I'm not saying they're the majority, but numerous and common enough that it doesn't cause a ripple.

    People do use phones in the gym, including - exasperatingly - in the locker room where there are clearly signs saying it's against the rules. In any case I've ever seen, they're yakking, texting, or listening to music. I don't love it, but I don't feel spied on, either. YMMV.

    If you're considering a particular gym or gyms, consider visiting there in street clothes and ask to see the facilities, ideally at a time similar to when you'd be going there to work out. You'd get a feel for the culture and behavior there, which can help you understand what it'd be like to work out there. If you get the ick when visiting one gym, visit another. Sometimes different gyms have different cultures.

  • claireychn074
    claireychn074 Posts: 1,887 Member

    My experience is mostly in strength gyms rather than general gyms, but I think most people are either worrying about themselves, trying to get a workout in during the limited time they have, or battling demons. We all think everyone is looking at us - but everyone else is being just as paranoid. The only time I’ve had someone really stare at me was because the woman wanted to ask where I’d bought my gym top! I think do whatever exercise you enjoy and go for it!

  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 9,968 Member

    been there done that. No one cared. They were all too busy with their podcast, phone call (why would someone think I wanted to have a log convo while they’re grunting and breathing heavy and not giving me their entire attention) or their own person struggles.

    That buff guy over there is busy looking at the buffer guy and critiquing his own self.

    Ask about gym policy.

    My gym has a No Photos/Filming policy, and even went so far as to put a signal blocker in the dressing room and pool area.

    If you want to see a bunch of people lose their *kitten*, take a photo in the pool. Instant lynching mentality. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s funny/scary. The members take it seriously.

  • Jthanmyfitnesspal
    Jthanmyfitnesspal Posts: 3,695 Member

    It sounds like you crushed your first round of weight loss. Really amazing!

    I think we can all relate to your feeling about going to the gym. There are certain gyms where I wouldn't feel welcome (64y male— It's those buff youngsters!). But, there are gyms where I feel totally welcome! As @AnnPT77 suggests, get a tour and don't hand out any money until you're convinced it's a good environment for you!

    Also, there are lots of smaller venue exercise options that make things a bit more tailored and can be really FUN. Things like GetInShapeForWomen, for example. (I know someone who really likes that org, but there are lots of options.)

    I also agree with @cmriverside that there's lots of great exercise to be had outside the gym sphere. The simplest is walking. Extra credit if you can bring your daughter! It's a good excuse to get a dog, BTW.

  • Nutbugs2
    Nutbugs2 Posts: 105 Member

    Congratulations on your weight loss. I have lost 50 and have about 70 more to go. I am feeling the same way about the gym. I'm so fearful to be made fun of on Tik Tok or whatever without my knowledge. I've been overweight my whole life and been made fun of my whole life and the last thing I need to do is try to go into a gym to do the right thing and have some idiot making fun of me. But then also there is the thought pattern of just feeling like I don't belong. So you're not alone in your feelings and your thoughts. My husband asked me a very important question though. He said what is it going to do to you if these people do take videos of you on the treadmill or on the weight machines and post it and make fun of you that is not a Feeling. And he's right it's not going to hurt me it's not going to change my weight loss all it is is a feeling of embarrassment. One other person commented above that these people who do that it just shows how stupid and immature they are. So for you and I and anyone else who feels the same way let's just get out there and do it and see where it takes us. Cuz I need to do something more than what I'm doing now if I want to continue with this weight loss.

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