Alex's - Weight loss Blog

Lurklog

Hoping this will help motivate others, and also help keep me motivated.
(Shame there is no longer a personal blog section in our profiles.)

Note: Really wish they would add a "Goal: Weight loss" forum vs. maintenance or gain.

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Hello! My name is Alex

My goal is 300lbs (currently) down to 220lbs in about 40-52 weeks.

Starting Point: Last 4 years have been difficult, divorce, lost my business, ended up homeless, was living in my vehicle for past 3 years. Definitely gained weight not having a kitchen, plus stress.

Current Pictures (no filters or anything)

I plan on keeping this thread going on a every other week posting basis. Talk about challenges I am dealing with. Strategies I am using to make progress. Resources I am using to help me stay on track, etc.

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I have seen a couple of people post their blogs in this forum section.

Please don't just delete/remove my thread if moderators feel it isn't a good fit for this section. Honestly posting where I believe is the best spot as there is no clear forum section for this style post.

If this post just gets deleted, vs. helping me and allowing me to move it or something, then I will probably just quit before I get started in participating in the community portion of this.

Lurklog

This post I am going to go through some of the challenges I am facing, and why I decided posted a forum thread for support to keep motivated is important.

So my current circumstances are that I have PTSD/Anxiety to the point that I am applying for SSDI as I have lost 6 jobs in just 1.5 years. The SSDI will take probably 2-3 years maybe more to get.

A week after I lost my job I discovered a lump on my neck, nodules in my Thyroid, done several tests, cancer still isn't ruled out, next step is an appointment with an endocrinologist.

Today I received an email from my unemployment, that my last employer is trying to appeal my unemployment benefits. ( take them away).

I live in transitional housing, supposed to help you get into permanent housing. Found out earlier this week that due to funding even though I have met all the program requirements to "graduate" they won't be helping with deposit or first months rent as you are supposed to get to help you get into low income housing.

3 months without a job no interviews. blah blah blah…. lol

TL:DR
So I have a mountain of challenges. I keep getting shown that none of my efforts are yielding results. So I am trying to lose weight as I figure it is the one thing in my life I have control over. Ironically losing it and keeping it off is one of the hardest thing people do in their lives, which is the easiest thing I can work towards given my situation.

So yeah, fingers crossed, we will see.

yakkystuff

Hi Hi,

Good idea to journal this.

Not to intrude, wondering if you want replies, or... are you just wanting to journal your journey?

Lurklog

Replies are cool and welcome. Hope your day is going well. :)

Lurklog

So last post I mentioned my barriers, in this post I want to talk about some the advantages I have.

I have several certifications:
ACE - Certified Personal Trainer
ACE - Weight Management Specialist
ACE - Behavior Change Specialist

Precision Nutrition - Pn1 Nutrition Coaching
Precision Nutrition - Stress, Sleep, and Recovery Coaching

I have always been achievement motivated: Second highest GPA in my Digital Marketing Bachelor's with multiple awards, I got the FAA part 107 (remote commercial pilot license - drone piloting), scored a 92% on my ASVAB, etc. etc. etc. (84 other highly specialized certifications).

I have taught Painting, Computer Programming, Archery, Self Defense, and even Emergency Medical skills (FAST, CPR/AED/EMR/BLS/Wilderness First Aid) to an Instructor trainer level (training other instructors).

I have been in the gym (gym environment is difficult for me), I can workout easily at home (why don't I then?). I have lost 80lbs (2 times). So obviously it isn't a knowledge or experience problem.

I have two points with this post.

#1 Everything I have listed above doesn't matter, if you can see the pictures, you can see where I am at despite all of these "advantages". I "should" be fit as *kitten*, circumstances excluded.

#2 I want people on this forum to see that knowledge and experience itself isn't enough. I don't want others getting caught in the knowledge trap. There are definitely people on here that have none of these certifications, etc. that could do a work out that could tap me out in under 5 minutes.

So don't be hard on yourself if you yourself are struggling. That said, all the things I have done in life, have set the bar super high for myself by myself, and in a way it feels like it is backfiring. I get frustrated and impatient with myself, some days I struggle to just take a shower and show up for meal time in the cafeteria (hard to believe, based on the pictures right?)

Obviously I struggle with negative self talk.

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Conclusion: I feel like something has broken, and I don't know what it is or even how to fix it. I feel overwhelmed, pathetically under performing, struggling just to pace myself into doing 2 or 3 "need to get done" things a day. My PTSD/Anxiety keeps me so occupied managing them, that I feel I am struggling to really address what is potentially burnout.

I work each week to make one small change, to what I eat, drink, do, routine, schedule, etc. Hoping overtime it will snowball into positive impact and progress.

So next time you are feeling really screwed, you aren't the only one. Plus I would argue that struggle doesn't mean that you are a low value person.

yakkystuff

Whew, busy week…

if we were having a cup of coffee after the gym… i would probably nod and say…

Yep, yowser, you have a lot of craptacular stuff going on there...

Good on you - doing things to help yourself...

How's it going?

External crisis - hang in, do what you can, and kerp going. hope you catch a break soon.

Things you can do now? What worked for you before? Stay with the basics, do what you can today, do more tomorrow... keep putting 1 foot in front of the other, and it will be further than quitting.

Feelings, especially to tough stuff, so normal. Acknowledge it, but don't linger there.... say ok... then turn and do life forward, with what you've got right now.

♡

Pretend you are your client, practice your insight & wisdom on you, do that ;)

yakkystuff

Wondering how's it going. Hold onto the rope & keep going.