Dealing With Unsupportive Friends & Family
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I feel that your co-worker is jealous that you are doing something about your weight. I bet the more you lose, the more negative they will get. Or at least will not acknowledge your success. I had a long time friend who told me not to be so happy because the 20 lbs I lost was probably just water. She was not happy with her weight but, wouldn't change her lifestyle and didn't want me to either. Misery loves company.
I need to lose over 100 lbs. It seems like an impossible goal. I look at all the success stories on MFP and it shows me that it can be done.0 -
A very wise friend of mine has a technique for this. When she knows she's about to hear the same-old-same-old from people she loves, she just smiles and sings old TV theme shows inside her head while they talk. Try it! "Flintstones, meet the Flintstones . . . "0
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I'm struggling. Luckily I have what I consider extended family. My "other mom" is also transforming her health through dieting and exercise. We call or text each other every morning (since we don't live in the same city) and do a 30 minute workout together. Exercising sucks, but it sucks a lot less when someone is suffering with you : )
As far as the dieting goes, my coworkers are actually supportive. They offer something once and I say no instantly because if I didn't cook it, I don't know how many calories is in it. I don't actually want to say no of course, but you are so important. I pack my lunch every day so there are no excuses (plus it's saving me tons of money).
Dieting is way harder for me than the exercise part, but some things that have helped are salsa (low calorie flavor), hot sauce (no calorie flavor), and increasing my protein - egg whites, fish, beans, hummus.
You are not the only one going through this, obviously by the many responses, we all are. Hang in there, you can't do a diet... you have to make a permanent lifestyle change. Make one change every week and it'll seem much easier like baby steps : )
Good luck with everything and if you need a supportive buddy, I'm here.0 -
I definitely appreciate all of your insight and thoughts on this topic. It was much needed to hear from many of you.
Here's to giving it my all!0 -
I have no one to blame but myself but hearing him say "oh this will just be another fad like weight watchers or atkins or being vegetarian" actually hurts to hear.
Uh, no. You have him to blame for making jerk-*kitten* comments. You're entitled to set personal boundaries with friends, and this looks like a great place for one. Let him know in no uncertain terms that if he can't be supportive, he can keep his opinions to himself.0 -
Firstly, I would never have a friend who didn't believe in me and my abilities and who was always negative. People like that drag you down and don't add anything positive to your life. Sometimes, we as overweight individuals surround ourselves with people like this, sometimes due to self esteem issues or other issues that have gone on in our lives.
I would definitely speak with this so-called friend and tell them that their negative comments hurt you and are an obstacle in your path to a long, healthy life. If they are truly your friend they will be sorry and they will change for the better. If they don't and they continue to drag you down with negative and defeating comments then its time to say bye bye.0 -
dont worry about proving them wrong so much as proving yourself right. if proving them wrong is a side effect, so be it.0
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Listen to that logical voice inside your head not the heart because the heart cares about what others think about them, the mind doesn't, it stays focus. You don't need anyone to tell you that it's just jealousy because they have given up and you haven't. Listen politely for you cannot change others, then continue doing what's best for you.0
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Until I got to work. My coworker and very good friend who is very obese is a very negative person in my life when it comes to being healthy. I have no one to blame but myself but hearing him say "oh this will just be another fad like weight watchers or atkins or being vegetarian" actually hurts to hear. I need to lose weight. I need to be healthy. But having him be so negative makes me want to just give up on the spot because I think to myself that I can't change who I am or how I eat. It's so frustrating
One, that's incredibly rude of your coworker. I'm glad you are able to successfully label him as a negative person. Now the real question is, why should you let a person you've labeled negative dictate how your life will unfold? Is he really able to control your life and your results? Does he really know you, if he's so condescending of you? Should he mean anything to you if all he does is provide negativity in your life?
The answer to all of those questions is no, you shouldn't let him rule your life, because he's clearly an imbecile who only knows how to drag people down to his level. He obviously has some issues he needs to work out about his own life. But none of these are your concern. Your concern is you and your health.
So two, don't give up! If you give up, what does that prove? It only means you'll continue to gain weight, remain unhealthy, and be miserable. It means people like him will feel right in their assessment of you (even though they're not) and they'll continue to belittle you. And unfortunately, I'm assuming you're like me (because I would have reacted the same way) which means you'll feel guilty and continue to self-punish yourself. But you need to stop punishing yourself.
If you fall off the bandwagon, oh well. You can always get back on. But think of all the progress you'll make even if you fall off. Even if it's just a fad, who's to say it won't be a reoccurring one? Maybe you'll fall several times, but that doesn't mean each time you get back up is a failure. In order to make it through this weight loss adventure, you need to love yourself and be compassionate with yourself. The best way to be self-compassionate is to imagine yourself in a third person point of view, and ask yourself what you would say/think/do to comfort this person with similar situations as you. I doubt you'd laugh at them, call them a failure, or demand they give up. The same should be applied to you.
Just remember, even if you do 4 weeks of healthy eating, and a week where you fall off the bandwagon, then repeat the process five times, that's 20 weeks of healthy eating! That's better than 25 weeks of unhealthy eating (which is where you'd be at if you didn't make the switch). Your body will have some benefits from this. And you might even have some mental tools develop along the way that will drive you one step closer to succeeding all the way without falling off again.Have you guys ever had to deal with an issue like this? I don't want to cut this person out of my life, but I can't stand hearing that I can't make the changes in my life that I need to make in order to be healthy.
Yes. I ignore them. Clearly they don't know what they're talking about OR have their own life conflicts that they're trying to deal with. It's not my problem, it's theirs. I only have control over myself and so I only control myself and let other people be who they are freely. You don't have to cut these people out of your life if you don't want to. But if you want to keep them in your life, you have to learn to agree to disagree and remember that your own self-love and self-image are what matter most.0 -
I choose not to support their lack of support by paying exactly zero attention to what they do or say. It's really not that hard after a while.0
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my dad used to bring my mum chocolate home every time she went on a diet - as a teenager I didn't understand it and his behaviour annoyed me! Now I'm around the same age as my mum was back then, my boyfriend said to me the other day "now you are going to lose all this weight, that will be it, you will get attention!!" What!? He didn't seem to bothered by the fact that I was very slim when we met! He's also commented (negative) that my weight loss has been off my bust, and bought Chinese food for me when I was not hungry! Arrr.
I'm just glad that both mum and I are starting this journey together and supporting each other through it! I cook one night a week and she cooks another. We text each other everyday and she brought me flowers when I lost weight after a very hard first week. I'm loving reading the support messages here and hope that those with their own insecurities (who love to sabotage our good intentions) should deal with them, as we are our own. Good luck to everyone - nothing great is easy x0 -
My coworkers eat junk & fast food all day. They poke fun at me for eating healthy but I try to stay positive. My family are all very big & of course says I'm too thin. I am staying positive because I don't want to look like any of them lol. Luckily my husband is being supportive. Good luck & hang in there!0
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Not trying to be crappy...but why do you care what this "friend" has to say? Your husband is your champion that stands behind you...I would kick this person to the curb. Don't let him ruin your new life style
AGREED! When you are trying to do good things there will ALWAYS be people who envy your tenacity and ability to change. What others think about you should NEVER guide how you think about you.0 -
Wrote a blog post. It might interest you.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Yanicka1/view/you-didn-t-failed-the-diet-the-diet-failed-you-573479
don't let anyone say that you cant do it.0 -
Kellyb48, your bf sounds like he is intimidated by your weight loss and wanting to be healthy, that really is unfortunate. But its so cool that you and your mom are doing this together and are motivating each other. Sounds like a success story in the making! Cheers!:drinker:0
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I know how you feel. On my birthday, my friends baked me a cake; that morning I'd told one of them I had lost 15lbs, and that same afternoon, after I had a slice of the cake she said to me "You just gained those 15lbs back" and she might've been joking, but it still hurts to see people think you won't succeed. No one cares about your successes, they only want to see you fail.
My advice is just not talking about your weight loss and fitness issues with them, I bet you have other friends that will support you.
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This really is a reality bites moment for all of us.....always remember-- Just as No one can "make you lose" weight --No one can "keep you from losing weight". It's our mind set...we have to be strong for ourselves and once we have that nobody can get in our way unless we allow them to. Good luck. I know its rough. 0
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Paint your pinkies' fingernails blue and wave it at anyone who does something like that. I really think we adults should buy the blue polish sign, too. https://www.facebook.com/BluePinkyAgainstBullying0
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its not that my family are not supportive its just that they say they will love me no matter what size i am. that originally was my demotivator and i would think why put in all this effort if the important people in my life dont care how big i am but now they are different after i told them that my doctor says i have to lose weight to prevent ill health they are very supportive my partner comes to the gym with me and my brother reminds me to weigh in every week and buys me healthy food when at his for dinner etc. and tells me that he can see how much weight im losing.
Ultimately thou this time is different because i'm doing this for me and my health and no-one else and thats all the motivation i need.
you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it and are doing it for yourself and the right reasons. Keep going xx0 -
Since I lost weight all my friends have decided that the do not wish to talk to me anymore. I was given limited medical help, so I decided to write my own diet sheet and training programme. As far as family is concerned, I have not seen them for 20 years.
My health was suffering so I decided to do this on my own. 0 -
Cry, pray and come here to vent.0
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Easiest way is to not talk to family friends about it, and just do it. That's what we are here for on MFP. Use all of us as support. Once your family and friends see the change in you, and the weight loss, they will be on board with it and be supportive. That's what happen with me. It's great now.
I agree. My husband used to complain that I went to the gym and left him at home and that I never bought any junk food anymore. I used MFP to look up healthy recipes and get support from others. I used that support to get me through the beginning. Once I started losing inches and weight, he noticed. Now he goes to the gym (not with me of course) and doesn't complain as much that there is no junk food. We are all here for each other. You can add me if you want, no negative comments here.0 -
I have done this without anyone in real life being supportive. My husband feeds me crazy amounts of bad food choices. My dad says horrible stuff about how ALL MEN view fat women. My good friends are all serious drinkers. I do this like I am on an island by myself.
But I figure I am also not the one who will die of a heart attack or diabetes or liver failure. I have all of these private yay me moments that I don't share with people. I pleases me and makes me sad at the same time to know I am evolving alone. Someday someone really healthy will enter my island. Until then I keep sweating alone. Thank goodness for MFP friends.
Best of luck to you.0 -
Hello this is Nj we r in a same boat dear I am a hypothyroid patient n also morbidly obese.me n my hypo is the cause of of my 90 kilo weight but beside tht I have a very very very unsupported family n frn!they laugh at me,they mock me n whenever I tried to eat healthy they started bringing pastry caakes,chocklates,chicken fry n ice creams n chips!but now I have had enough!though it seems impossible to lose 40 kilo weight,still I want to live as a healthy person...I want to get rid from my obesity...pray for me n I will do d same for u
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I know how you feel. On my birthday, my friends baked me a cake; that morning I'd told one of them I had lost 15lbs, and that same afternoon, after I had a slice of the cake she said to me "You just gained those 15lbs back" and she might've been joking, but it still hurts to see people think you won't succeed. No one cares about your successes, they only want to see you fail.
My advice is just not talking about your weight loss and fitness issues with them, I bet you have other friends that will support you.
i wouldnt say she said that to say you are going to fail. i have had friends say that if i even looked at a fry food while we are out. all my friends are extremely happy and comment when they see me (even though i still see myself at the same size)0 -
When I first started all I heard was "why are you going to the gym so much" or making comments when I told them I couldn't eat something because of fat or sugar content or telling me that I was going to bulk up because of weight lifting. Now that I am in the best shape of my life they all ask me how I did it and if I can help them. I never did it to prove anyone wrong, I did it to prove to myself that I could do anything. Now I am the fit friend and one of the fittest females at the gym. It was really hard for the first couple of weeks then I started seeing the results and that is what drives me. The first step is always the hardest, just keep going and never give up.0
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Well, there's only one thing to do. Do this for yourself. IF people are unsupportive, do not share anything with them. Make your own goals for your health and follow through. If this is really what you want - NO ONE can knock you off your plan. NO one.
Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
A bit long-winded... sorry.
Don't talk about it with people who are negative.... Do for you what you need to do for you!
The good news is you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better.
++Track for a week or two before worrying about losing. This way you'll see where you really stand odds are it is different than where you thought you were.
++Be scrupulously honest... you can lie to your friends, you can lie in your diary, you can lie to yourself, but YOUR BODY KNOWS EVERYTHING YOU EAT. So you might as well be honest in your diary (keep it private if you like) but you need that info because you can't get where you are going if your are not honest about where you are right now.
++See where you can make small changes on things that aren't so important to you.
(Don't even think of taking chocolate out of my diet!!!)
--Reducing quantities
--Swapping out things instead of eliminating them.
++Focus on what you should eat not what your shouldn't.
Eating your nutritious foods first. Your body will be more satisfied and have less cravings.
++Small sustainable changes.
Every couple of weeks see where you can make another couple of small changes.
If you completely revamp your diet, it's way easy to revert to old ways in times of stress. (and who doesn't have stress?)
If you make a series of small changes, food still offers you some sense of comfort, sort of a comfort continuum, and after a while the first small changes will seem comforting in themselves. Also rather than having to think about everything all the time. You only have to think about a 2 or 3 new things to focus on.
++Rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me. (I swear this saved my life.) I was happier once I gave myself a range:
ROCK BOTTOM: 1200 cal
TARGET: MFP Calories for lose 1 lb a week (when that hit 1200 I changed to lose 1/2 lb per week)
TOP OF RANGE: Maintain Calories for my GOAL Weight.
(SAFETY VALVE: Maintain Calories for CURRENT Weight - remember to keep updating this number as you lose)
++Only worry about it 1 lb at a time.
Forget I *NEED* to lose 20, 30, 50, 100 lbs. I'm only worried about 1 lb the next one. I'll worry about the others later.
Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as achievable. )
Food is not the enemy. You need nutrition to fuel your body and make it strong.
Oddly enough, on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
I have the occasional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time, now the occasional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.0 -
Hi,
My family are not the warm fuzzy types but they let me get on with it with only a few snarky comments or digs. Every time i go out food shopping i have to convince my boyfriend that i don't want the bad stuff. His family however tend to get a bit offended if i don't clear my plate or chose not to have cake and if i told them i was on a diet it is all i would hear about and they would criticise my every move so i just don't bother telling them, i see them on a regular basis and it is not worth the hassle.
The community on here seems really friendly and supportive so that is a big positive0 -
I know how you feel. On my birthday, my friends baked me a cake; that morning I'd told one of them I had lost 15lbs, and that same afternoon, after I had a slice of the cake she said to me "You just gained those 15lbs back" and she might've been joking, but it still hurts to see people think you won't succeed. No one cares about your successes, they only want to see you fail.
For the record - I'm cool with all snarky comments that come with free cake.0
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