I'm eating myself to death. (Nighttime eating and more!)

jcx13

Hi everyone -

I suppose this is my "crossroads" moment. The moment where I'm fed up. I've been on the site for a week and logging everything I eat for good or bad.

Every night I've loaded up with candy, cookies, and other crappy foods. I eat them in the middle of the night, or sometimes IN bed right before bed. I'm ashamed to say I keep candy under my bed and if I don't have it around I get jittery, nervous, shaky. It's like when they show people in the movies who are on Heroin and don't get their fix.

I'm 120 pounds overweight. I'm diabetic. I have apena but don't treat it. I'm a mess!
I've felt good physically but lately I feel my age and older. I feel the weight too.

I'm sedentary. I overeat, yes. I make bad choices, yes. I don't eat fruit and veggies as I should. I eat a diet high in processed carbs. I'm like I child. I eat what I want when I want. These are things I'm working on. The nighttime eating is self sabotage but I feel helpless to stop. It's like I'm addicted to the sugar, the carbs, the chocolate, whatever. It has a figurative and somewhat literal power over me.

How do I break this cycle? I know coming on this site is a good start. Tracking my food will help me make changes, but still, I feel motivated but also very hopeless. The hopelessness trumps the motivation.

The only thing that ever worked for me isFen-Phen (or is it Phen-Fen?). I was on it, lost 80 pounds, then it was pulled off the market. I then gained 100 back. Not good!

This is my cry for help. Mostly to myself but if anyone's ever been in the same situation, I'd love to hear what finally got you over the barriers. I have the motivation but I think I'm frozen with fear. Not sure what I'm afraid of though. Maybe I need structure? Accountability? Who knows? I'd love to know what worked for you!

Thank you for reading. I don't know if this makes any sense, but it made me feel better to write it.
Thank you!

Greenrun99

Sounds like you know what needs to change.. you made a list of your bad habits.. One way to stop eating is stop buying it.. you can't eat it if you don't buy it.

diannethegeek

If it stresses you out this much then it might be time to seek professional help. This isn't meant as an insult or jab of any kind. Having a therapist to talk to through my diet journey was one of the best tools I could have had to help me reach my goal weight. If food has this much power over you that you're literally risking your health rather than control your intake then I would really suggest finding someone who can help you deal with the emotional issues. Whether it's a counselor, nutritionist, or someone else entirely, it sounds to me like you need more help than random people on MFP can give.

howardheilweil

Good point. I'd also like you to stop saying you are addicted to sugar and carbs and everything else you are overeating. You said it yourself... You make bad choices, but they are choices. When you call it an addition, you are essentially saying it's not in your control. You don't need a diet drug, you need to start eating sensibly and need to start exercising for your health. This will be a long and difficult journey, but you can do it! Good luck!

QuietBloom

If it stresses you out this much then it might be time to seek professional help. This isn't meant as an insult or jab of any kind. Having a therapist to talk to through my diet journey was one of the best tools I could have had to help me reach my goal weight. If food has this much power over you that you're literally risking your health rather than control your intake then I would really suggest finding someone who can help you deal with the emotional issues. Whether it's a counselor, nutritionist, or someone else entirely, it sounds to me like you need more help than random people on MFP can give.

This is excellent advice. If you can treat the underlying emotional issues that lead to overeating, you have already won half the battle. Don't be too hard on yourself - everyone needs some help now and again. :flowerforyou:

lisajsund

It's all about making one change at a time. Doing too much at once can be stressful and overwhelming. You have listed your habits, work on one thing at a time. Maybe drink more water one week, stop eating at 8 PM the next week. I also make sure I get in about 25 to 30% protein. Its seems weird, but it helps with the sugar cravings. My husband is diabetic, so I somewhat understand what you are going through. On activity, start with walking around the block. Then two, and increase your distance by what you feel comfortable. You got this - believe in yourself - I do!

Hellbent_Heidi

Welcome to MFP...you can totally do this. The first step in any 'recovery' is knowing you have a problem and identifying the behaviors, and you've just done that.

Now, go into your profile and fill it out.. Write down what you want and why you want it....because when it gets hard, you're going to need to remind yourself WHY you don't need those. Take measurements and log your weight and food honestly. Put up a profile picture, and if you aren't ready for your own..then put up a picture of something or someone that motivates you.

Its a long process, but will be worth it when you see results and start changing how you feel about yourself :flowerforyou:

EDITED TO ADD: go into the success stories in the forums here too....they can be really inspirational, as many of the people here were in the same place you are now!

ptjbaker

Surround yourself with people who are encouragers. The hospitals have free support groups that are a good start. My daughter just had gastric by pass, and it is not a quick fix. She still could reverse everything she has done, without motivation.
Search your local area for support groups. Sometimes churches will have small groups that focus on health....and that has to be your focus.......healthy living. Water, water, Water.....our bodies are dying for water.
Blessings. your can do it, but not alone.....
Tammy

kwilson18

Try Geneen Roth's book "Breaking free from emotional eating". It has some very helpful advice about emotional eating, and especially dealing with binges.

MyJourney1960

It's all about making one change at a time. Doing too much at once can be stressful and overwhelming. You have listed your habits, work on one thing at a time. Maybe drink more water one week, stop eating at 8 PM the next week. I also make sure I get in about 25 to 30% protein. Its seems weird, but it helps with the sugar cravings. My husband is diabetic, so I somewhat understand what you are going through. On activity, start with walking around the block. Then two, and increase your distance by what you feel comfortable. You got this - believe in yourself - I do!

totally this.

this is what i do/did.

And every time I find myself slipping - and it IS a slippery slope! - i go back and pick *one* habit that I want to deal with. Whatever it is - take it one at a time.

Start with one thing that you want to change- maybe it's drinking a few glasses of water a day. Maybe it's taking a walk around the block. Maybe it's eating only in the kitchen. pick your one thing and do it for a few days. when you feel comfortable, then add another and another. it WILL happen, you WILL start to feel better about yourself and find that you are looking forward to the healthier you.

jcx13

If it stresses you out this much then it might be time to seek professional help.

Thank you! I'm actually on MFP as a result of meeting with the last mental health specialist. I've seen an LCSW who specialized in eating disorders as well as a psychiatrist with the same credentials. It was the psychiatrist who said that what I'm dealing with is a mental addiction, that is not terminology that I came up with.

I'm not blaming an addiction, ultimately I am responsible for my actions. This is where my doctor and I didn't see eye to eye. She kept trying to "blame the addiction."

She also recommended I come to this site to find others who may be going through what I am. I don't expect a miracle drug or anything like that. Just for some empathy from others who may be going through similar issues.

I appreciate all of the encouragement so far. I've begun taking small steps. I just purchased the book recommended by kwilson, and will look forward to what others have to say.

Thank you.

osothefinn

Your post inspired me to post a reply for the first time. I saw myself 8 months ago in your words.

I suppose this is my "crossroads" moment. The moment where I'm fed up. I've been on the site for a week and logging everything I eat for good or bad.

The fact that you realized you have an issue that needs correcting is a great sign.

Every night I've loaded up with candy, cookies, and other crappy foods. I eat them in the middle of the night, or sometimes IN bed right before bed. I'm ashamed to say I keep candy under my bed and if I don't have it around I get jittery, nervous, shaky. It's like when they show people in the movies who are on Heroin and don't get their fix.

I didn't just eat sweets. I ate everything. When you're sneaking into the kitchen after your spouse goes to sleep so they don't see you eat you know you've got a problem with food.

I'm 120 pounds overweight. I'm diabetic. I have apena but don't treat it. I'm a mess!
I've felt good physically but lately I feel my age and older. I feel the weight too.

When I started MFP I was 485 pounds. Had apnea for years and never knew it. Got diagnosed and got that treated with CPAP, which eliminated my depression and got me off Prozac. The morning after my sleep study, where they put CPAP on me partway through the night (I was having 90 apnea events per hour) I felt the best I remember feeling since I was a kid, and I'm in my 40's. I can't recommend enough getting your apnea treated.

I'm sedentary. I overeat, yes. I make bad choices, yes. I don't eat fruit and veggies as I should. I eat a diet high in processed carbs. I'm like I child. I eat what I want when I want. These are things I'm working on. The nighttime eating is self sabotage but I feel helpless to stop. It's like I'm addicted to the sugar, the carbs, the chocolate, whatever. It has a figurative and somewhat literal power over me.

My food cravings went down tremendously after I got my CPAP and started actually sleeping at night. I didn't fall asleep at my desk at work, doze anytime I sat down on the couch at home, sprung out of bed in the morning like I have a motor. Please get your apnea treated.

The remaining food cravings are managed as someone else said, by not bringing the stuff I can't resist home. That allowed me to get past the first month, and after that I don't even want most of it. Seeing results gives the power to walk past a plate of cookies at work, or cake at a party.

How do I break this cycle? I know coming on this site is a good start. Tracking my food will help me make changes, but still, I feel motivated but also very hopeless. The hopelessness trumps the motivation.

Please get your apnea treated. This will likely work wonders on your mood, your energy levels, everything. If you still have feelings of hopelessness, or depression, tell your doctor. There is no shame in seeking help.

Track everything. Make notes of how you feel when you binge. If interactions with certain people or situations cause binging, you may have to limit/eliminate those interactions as much as feasible. Toxic people are kryptonite.

The only thing that ever worked for me isFen-Phen (or is it Phen-Fen?). I was on it, lost 80 pounds, then it was pulled off the market. I then gained 100 back. Not good!

I had some success years earlier with stimulants too, mostly because of the appetite suppressant effects I'd guess, but it's not healthy.

This is my cry for help. Mostly to myself but if anyone's ever been in the same situation, I'd love to hear what finally got you over the barriers. I have the motivation but I think I'm frozen with fear. Not sure what I'm afraid of though. Maybe I need structure? Accountability? Who knows? I'd love to know what worked for you!

I was afraid of change. My whole life has basically been me reacting as little as possible to the events that took place. I was dreadfully shy, especially around girls, and the weight made it easier to be ignored by them, so I ate, which gave me an excuse to put my fear of rejection as an issue with them (they won't like me because I'm fat). I wanted to be in the military, then a police officer, but my fear of the unknown had me eat to make those goals unavailable to me. Again, my brain said, it's not my fault.

I met a girl (blind date set up by mom, yes I am that beta fellas ;-) and was sort of happy, lost a bit of the weight, got married, had a child, then had medical issues that caused depression, plus the undiagnosed apnea. Ballooned.

Got the apnea treated, but by then I was 485. The idea of losing weight seemed so big and impossible I didn't even want to try, but kept the weight steady at least.

The last straw for me was finally having my years of eating catch up to me. My fasting blood sugar after a morning surgery was 260. Found out my pre-op test 4 hours after lunch was 385. My grandmother ended up blind and legless from Type 2 and I decided that wasn't going to happen to me. Same week I ended up in the ER with premature ventricular contractions from lipitor I had just started taking. I was done. I wanted to live to play with my kids, and my grandkids.

Started in March with MFP. 60 pounds lost since then. Have an exercise bike at home so I can't let lazy be an excuse to not workout (it's too cold to go to the gym, etc) I ride for 45 minutes 6 times a week. Off the prozac, off the lipitor, off the metformin (hi2u morning sugar of 85), off the vertigo meds I used to take, CPAP pressure is reduced by 30%.

I just wanted to let you know I am you, but enough about me.

You can hear platitudes from me, or anyone else, but until you decide to change it's not going to help much. You have to want to get better. What you're feeling is fear, cold naked fear. Being fat is like wearing armor, a feeling proof vest sometimes. It's an excuse not to try new things, not to approach new people, not to risk failure because you don't have to try at all. Food is like a friend. Food never tells you you're fat, or calls you stupid, or thinks you're weird. Unfortunately, food isn't your friend. It's keeping you from being the person you were born to be, from being the bright light in people's lives you can be, and the fat isn't really armor, but the walls of a prison.

MFP is the key to open the door to the prison cell, and the healthy people in your life who support you are your friends, whether in meatspace or on here. Yes, by opening the cell you might be hurt emotionally, and may be hungry, and sore from exercise, but staying in the fat cell I can promise you that you will get hurt, and feel ashamed, and sad, and depressed, and sore from the weight every single day.

Please open the cell and come out into the sunlight, and be the person that God <insert other belief system as necessary here> has always meant you to be. Out here are people and activities that can fill the food sized black hole in your soul, and people who need you to fill that hole for them. All of us are special (except lawyers, because screw those people ;-) and we're needed, and wanted, and loved.

Thank you for reading. I don't know if this makes any sense, but it made me feel better to write it.
Thank you!

Sorry for being preachy, but I hope it helps you. I will pray for you.

EDIT: Edited to actually use quotes. :-)

diannethegeek

If it stresses you out this much then it might be time to seek professional help.

Thank you! I'm actually on MFP as a result of meeting with the last mental health specialist. I've seen an LCSW who specialized in eating disorders as well as a psychiatrist with the same credentials. It was the psychiatrist who said that what I'm dealing with is a mental addiction, that is not terminology that I came up with.

I'm not blaming an addiction, ultimately I am responsible for my actions. This is where my doctor and I didn't see eye to eye. She kept trying to "blame the addiction."

She also recommended I come to this site to find others who may be going through what I am. I don't expect a miracle drug or anything like that. Just for some empathy from others who may be going through similar issues.

I appreciate all of the encouragement so far. I've begun taking small steps. I just purchased the book recommended by kwilson, and will look forward to what others have to say.

Thank you.

I'm really glad to see that you're seeking help with all of this. A lot of people don't understand how hard it can be for some of us to do this alone.

You've gotten some really good advice here, but I'll add my own tips for battling the emotional side of things.

The acronym a lot of people use is HALT. Keep yourself from getting too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. That's when we are more likely to overeat.

Try to be mindful of why you're eating and what you're feeling when you eat. I'm an anxiety eater. If I get too stressed out or too nervous I'll eat to try to silence the anxiety. If I can recognize the anxiety before I reach for food, sometimes I can stop it in other ways before I start eating.

Journaling is something that's always helped me. Whether it's writing about food and why I'm eating or writing as a way to sort out what's going on in my life, it helps keep me more in balance than food ever could.

Try to replace something else for food. If you're a boredom eater then take up a hobby that keeps your hands busy. Stress eater, try yoga, long baths, good friends, massages, anything to keep the stress down. Eating for comfort is a habit and it can be changed like any other habit. Find something else to do with your time that you enjoy.

It's easy to get overwhelmed by the big picture. Set small goals. Celebrate the first 5 pounds. The next ten. Try not to think of it in terms of one chunk of weight or one chunk of time. Even something as simple as telling yourself each morning that you'll hit your goals for one day can really help. Wake up the next morning and do it again, and again, and again until it's a habit. Take it one day, one week, one hour at a time if you need to.

And remember that we're all a work in progress. There are going to be bad days. Try to learn from them but don't let them stop you. There will be good days as well. Enjoy them and keep them in mind through all of the ups and downs.

senyosmom

I would suggest baby steps - start small and add to the positive changes gradually. The weight will come gradually then as well.

I too am a late night snacker - and sometimes in bed as well. Try something that will satisfy you that is not as bad as what you currently consume. Maybe try a popsicle instead of a candy bar - waaay less calories, plus they take a while to eat so you are busy eating it for longer. I buy frozen mango pieces from trader joes - I swear they are like mango popsicle bits when eaten still frozen.

Try to take a walk every day or something. Start out small - maybe 15 minutes.

Hang in there!!

shortmomma81

My advice would be to not start with food and instead start with exercise. This is a great site for support but not the best site for calorie recommendation, it basically tells everyone to eat 1200, as if everybody was the same. I know that as soon as eat less than 2000, I'm starving and my metabolism goes down to the ground and I have opposite results and GAIN weight. Instead of logging my food I make sure that the food I put in my mouth is all stuff that I cook at home. If you like cookies, cook 'em yourself, you'll be more aware of what you're putting in your mouth. When you become aware, you'd be surprised at how much you won't eat. And exercise, when I started exercising it was just 25 minutes of walking and saw results. It's not as hard as everyone pictures it out to be, take it easy on yourself.

osothefinn

My advice would be to not start with food and instead start with exercise. This is a great site for support but not the best site for calorie recommendation, it basically tells everyone to eat 1200, as if everybody was the same. I know that as soon as eat less than 2000, I'm starving and my metabolism goes down to the ground and I have opposite results and GAIN weight.

MFP has never suggested 1200 calories, unless you count the time I first set up the account, before adding my weight, activity level, and the amount I wanted to lose per week. I recommend checking that.

WannabeStressFree

I say stay on MFP, try and be honest with all your eating, that was my biggest obstacle. Now I log everything in and it makes me realize what changes I need to make.
Start slow as others said, maybe see a nutritionist to find a good meal plan for you. Start walking, then increase to other activities once your body gets accustomed to moving.
Identify your triggers and stay away from them, such as buying junk food, someone said already to not buy it. I agree.

I wish you the best! anyone can add me!

desiv2

You are going to hear this a lot, but stop bringing the bad foods into your house. Start experimenting with healthy cooking, healthy snacks, and find things you like. It takes 21 days to form a habit (or so they say), so it wont be easy and you will crave these foods, but with time the cravings will slow or stop. Exercising helps me a lot with motivation, try saving calories for evening, drinking a TON more water, and picking up hobbies to distract yourself. When i'm doing a hobby I love I can easily go several hours without remembering to eat-- which is quite a feat for me lol!

Vicki8524

Accountability is what worked for me. I started by logging everything that went in my mouth to learn what was wrong per say. It was eye opening and still is. Logging food makes me accountable. Once I realized what I was doing wrong, I set on a path to make it right. I don’t eat super healthy. I just eat less of what I love really. I track my calories and it works for me. I don’t exercise (yet). The key to my weight loss was planning what I am going to eat. I food shop in the beginning of the week and plan out all meals and snacks. If I don’t have a plan, I gain weight. Plain and simple. Hugs hugs to you. You have to want to change. Coming here was a great first step. Don’t allow your hopelessness to win. Set small goals. Don’t stop eating everything you love or you will fail. Slowly decrease “bad foods” and increase “good foods.” You can totally do this! GL!

jcx13

You folks really are amazing! I'm a stranger to each of you, but you've all taken out the time to point me in the right direction. I'm going to keep using MFP and clearly I need to use the message boards. I'm starting to feel a little bit of hope here, and hope is something I haven't felt in a long time. I have a lot to absorb, and would love to hear any others.
I learned today that this isn't just a food thing and it isn't just an emotional thing. It's everything. Food, exercise, self worth, health, life. It's all part of this puzzle.

Weight loss and lifestyle change really is a puzzle, isn't it?

Thank you everyone for the gift of hope!

JenSD6

You have some great advice here, OP. I truly wish you the best on this journey and changing your life.

My thought would be to tackle a habit at a time and not overwhelm yourself. The first thing that jumped out at me is eating in bed, and getting out of that habit. Put on clean sheets and make the bed a food and crumb-free zone. Those sheets will feel so nice without dried bits of food in it, and you'll never want to allow food in bed again.