Does anyone ever SAY anything?

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FitToBeFab
FitToBeFab Posts: 537 Member
in Motivation and Support
Okay, I'm not looking for a trophey, or a gold medal, or anything, but does anyone ever SAY anything? I've lost almost 19 pounds, which is 10% of my body weight. 10%!! And no one has said anything. Not even "You look nice."

I know I'm not losing weight to get noticed, or for other people's benefit, but it would be nice to hear. Just a little "You're looking good," or "Have you dropped a few pounds?" Just something! Something to show me that I'm not the only one who sees this progress.

I feel like this a repeat pattern of mine. I lose 15, 16, 19 pounds and my family and friends don't say a word until I bring up the fact that my pants don't fit anymore, or that I'm watching what I eat. It's just so frustrating! I appreciate that no one ever says "Looks like you've packed on the pounds," when I've gained weight, but I feel like victory is so much sweeter when someone besides myself recognizes the fruits of my labor.

I want to wear a shirt that says "Why yes, I HAVE lost weight, thanks for noticing!"
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Replies

  • weaklink109
    weaklink109 Posts: 2,831 Member
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    At work, people may tread cautiously for fear of HR complaints. At home, people just don't notice because they see you every day.

    If you run in to someone that doesn't see you regularly, and they are comfortable with mentioning it, then you will get a comment. People are sometimes fearful of how a comment will be taken, so they say nothing.
  • Nina74
    Nina74 Posts: 470 Member
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    Please don't be disheartened. I have experienced the same thing. in fact I was standing at the check in counter at the gym and people have commented on OTHER people looking good, but throw me a bone or something, but nope! Not even my own mother!

    Maybe we can get a bunch of those tshirts printed up.
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    Maybe we can get a bunch of those tshirts printed up.

    i'm in. bulk discount? :)
  • verbifyvenus
    verbifyvenus Posts: 175 Member
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    I seriously think you should wear the t-shirt!!!! How awesome would that be and it would make you smile all day :laugh: :happy:
  • itsmenatalie
    itsmenatalie Posts: 190 Member
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    I do think people try to be careful about that kind of thing. They think that by saying something about it, it implies that you needed to lose weight and they don't want to say you are fat. I lost about 18% of my body weight and was within 10 lbs of my goal weight before people really started to say something. My favorite was the TSA agent at the security check point who looked at my driver's license and said, "Wow, you've lost weight!" Why yes, I HAVE!
  • Sherry1979
    Sherry1979 Posts: 457
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    GREAT JOB on the weight loss first off!!! :smile: The people who usually notice the most when I lose weight are people who I haven't saw in a while like "weaklink109" said. I will say this. . .my husband is the first to notice when I GAIN 5 lbs. but I can lose 40 and never get nothing. . .the most I have gotten is "your legs look smaller". . .WOW!!!!!! REALLY???? LOL :laugh: I know it's just the way he is but sometimes it hurts. But we just have to remember like you said we're not doing this for anyone else in the long run it's just for ourselves!!!
  • EboniA
    EboniA Posts: 181 Member
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    I don't know what it is but 2 people in my office have lost weight and I didn't say anything. I think I felt my own insecurity or I didn't want them to think I was watching them to see if it continued. Or, it could be because whenever someone commented on my loss, I took it as a free pass to slack off.
    As for my experience, I just got a comment today and it was great but now I have to break the cycle of self-sabotage.
  • MacMadame
    MacMadame Posts: 1,893 Member
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    Sometimes people are afraid to say anything in case you lost weight because you are sick or something.

    People can be unobservant and lost in their own world. Before I got a new license, people would ask to see my driver's license, look at the picture of me 20 years younger, with curly hair and contacts and weighing close to 200 pounds and then look at me standing next to them 20 years older, with straight hair and glasses and weighing almost 100 pounds less and not blink an eye. let alone say anything.
  • LettyM62
    LettyM62 Posts: 130 Member
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    Maybe we can get a bunch of those tshirts printed up.

    i'm in. bulk discount? :)

    You know you can probably make a lot of money selling such t-shirts!
  • fun_mom
    fun_mom Posts: 54
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    I have found that many times you have people in three different camps which prevents them from complimenting you or noticing your weight loss. The first camp is afraid to offend you. They are afraid to say you look good because that would mean they thought you didn't look good before and well they don't want to feel like they're being rude. The second camp and more common camp is people who are jealous of your success. They very likely have weight, habits or heath issues they want to improve upon and for one reason or another haven't been able to and to acknowledge your success is acknowledging their perceived failure. There are also people in the camp who are just flat out mean, nasty people who simply can never say anything nice about anything. Finally, your third camp are people who truly don't even notice. Those are people who are often very much wrapped up in their own world, their own struggles and their own reality and have no presence of mind to look away from themselves to see those around them. Many times they aren't mean, they're just a tad self absorbed. Those are the people who will pipe up usually in a very supportive way when you tell them you have lost some weight or your excited to go shopping for a new dress size.

    Regardless.......be proud. You making fantastic changes and remember your real motivations. Finally, I've learned you can't expect people to read your mind or give you what you need unless you ask for what you need. So next time your out with someone who seems clueless and you want some positive reinforcement, share your success with them and I guarantee 9 times out of 10 they look at you......REALLY look at you and tell you how great you look!
  • FitToBeFab
    FitToBeFab Posts: 537 Member
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    Thanks guys. :smile:

    You're right about my friends seeing me every day and thus maybe not noticing. But I don't see my family all that often, and I felt like they were going to say something (sometimes my sister will randomly say I look like I've lost weight, even when I haven't!).

    It just feels SO GOOD when people do say things, and I feel like after 19 pounds, it's noticable. But I'll keep my head up!!
  • KellieMcMurdy
    KellieMcMurdy Posts: 49 Member
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    I totally get where you're coming from ... my hubby doesn't see what I've changed but he's the first to make a jab about "that's a big piece of cake" or "didn't you have ice cream last night too" ... it's frustrating as heck. He claims it's cause he sees me every day, my argument is if he sees me every day and one day realizes my shorts aren't as tight that a nice comment would be nice. Congratulations on what you've lost and one day they'll notice.
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,003 Member
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    I'm with you I want one of those tshirts. Just dont give up. you are doing great and even though you want people to say something the important thing is that you feel better about yourself
  • LittleSpy
    LittleSpy Posts: 6,754 Member
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    It took about 30 pounds for me before people started noticing. Then the comments kind of simmered down and surged again around 60. Lately I've gotten those "you're wasting away" type comments from people who've previously commented BUT I'm still getting first comments from folks at work. A few weeks ago, I was talking to a coworker from a different department and she stopped mid sentence about 5 minutes into our conversation, GASPED, and said "Oh my god, you've lost so much weight!" :laugh: I was just like "Well... yes. Thanks for noticing." :laugh:
  • FitToBeFab
    FitToBeFab Posts: 537 Member
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    Regardless.......be proud. You making fantastic changes and remember your real motivations. Finally, I've learned you can't expect people to read your mind or give you what you need unless you ask for what you need. So next time your out with someone who seems clueless and you want some positive reinforcement, share your success with them and I guarantee 9 times out of 10 they look at you......REALLY look at you and tell you how great you look!

    I really need to stop expecting people to read my mind!! Thanks :smile:
  • SassyMissDasha
    SassyMissDasha Posts: 614
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    What are these t-shirts we are talking about? I want one! I agree, nobody ever says anything .. but my family and friends do, but no one else. It is disheartning. But we know that we are doing great, and it's how we feel - it's a different encouragement. GOOD JOB!
  • pb4053
    pb4053 Posts: 8
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    25 to 30 lbs people start to notice, as long as you're happy and making progress that's all that matters.
  • jcubesmommy
    jcubesmommy Posts: 35
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    I can understand your point - I stopped myself from commenting on another person who mentioned this same thing because I was afraid of how it sounds... but here goes...

    I would rather that people didn't say anything because that means that I always looked like I weighed what I weigh now. Like I've never had that terrible "before" picture. It proves that they never saw how bad it was before - you know... maybe I hid my weight well.

    Then there is another part to it... I had this girlfriend who was looking more beautiful than usual - yes, thinner and I said something to her but I must have said it wrong because she thought that I was trying to hint her into losing some weight. Then I just felt bad - embarrassed.
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
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    Maybe we can get a bunch of those tshirts printed up.

    i'm in. bulk discount? :)

    You know you can probably make a lot of money selling such t-shirts!

    Shirt for MFP to make money? (I and a bunch of other people may be interested in buying that)

    Also keep in mind how often these people see you. If they see you every day, it is much more likely that they won't notice until you lose a lot of weight because they see the little changes. It is more likely that someone that hasn't seen you in a while will notice first.

    My funny story about my weight loss is my brother came back into town for a surprise visit. I had gone from 280 to 210 and he had not seen or even known about the transition. He happened to see my mom and I driving and he called her on her cell. He then asked my mom who was riding with her.
  • Flippy44
    Flippy44 Posts: 77
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    Don't get down! What you've done is AMAZING! For me, if I see someone I haven't seen in a while and I think they've lost - I usually don't say anything for a few reasons. 1) They may be sensitive about it - i.e. they're not at their "goal" and don't want to discuss it; 2) sometimes I feel like if I say "have you lost weight" I'm implying they were overweight to begin with; and 3) if I don't know them very well (co-worker or acquaintence) I worry that maybe they've been ill or something and its not a "good" loss. I know I probably worry about what I say more than most - and of course that doesn't account for your family - but maybe this helps a little?

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