How supportive is your significant other?

baybeejulia

My boyfriend has never been supportive of my dieting. He just calls it dumb and dismisses it when I try to talk about it. Whenever we go out to dinner and I try to make a healthy choice, he says 'just eat what you want and exercise.' It makes me really angry because I try really hard, and I have come such a long way and rather than make me feel good about myself, he just tells me what I'm doing is dumb and counting calories is dumb. He tells me I'm beautiful as I am and I don't need to lose weight. He doesn't understand when I try to explain to him that even maintenance requires counting. He also doesn't understand when I tell him I have low self-esteem and I'm doing this to feel better about myself.

He used to be really fit, but in the past year he has gotten really busy with work and has become quite unfit, I try to get him back into it but he's just not interested.

P.s, he's a wonderful man and treats me right, just in case there are any doubts

aquarabbit

That sucks. When you're going through this kind of journey, it is nice to have someone that you can talk to about it. It takes a lot of effort and influences every part of you life! Luckily there's this site though. I think that some people just don't get the whole fitness thing. It's not that they don't care, they just don't get it. That's what it sounds like to me. Come here, you'll get lots of support from people who understand when he's annoying you with apathy. Even if he doesn't get this particular part of your life, it's nice that you guys are doing well. I love you pic (I'm assuming that's him). Be his inspiration to get back into this stuff. He has to want it on his own. Maybe once he gets the bug again, you guys can do it together!

For me, my husband is super supportive. We're great coaches to each other. He kicks me in the butt, lends a shoulder to cry on, and keeps me calm, mostly, at the right times. Sometimes we annoy each other, even if it's well intentioned. But that's usually when we're calling each other out on things we know we shouldn't be doing, so it's not so bad. He's bulking and I'm slimming, so we're on our own journey. But we always check with each other to make sure that the other person is still happy with what they're doing. I workout in my studio and he works out in the garage, which share a wall. So that's nice since we can get inspired to get off our butts and move around by each other too.

baybeejulia

That sounds wonderful Aquarabbit. It's really great that you and your husband are pushing each other and helping each other. Sometimes when you want to give up, it's nice to have someone behind you telling you to keep going. I wish my bf did that, but you're right, some people just don't get it.

My MFP friends have been so supportive, and I love that. I just feel like it's a whole part of my life that I'm not sharing with him and I hate that. For someone who isn't on MFP, they don't realise just how big and important MFP is in a person's life.

heathereames

My other half is pretty cool about it. He does tell me that I don't need to lose the weight and I look great as I am...bt if I want to change myself then that's up to me and if he can help he will.....he also says that if he thinks im getting too obsessed with it he will take me to one side and tell me to cool it lol. Maybe try talking to him about it....not about the dieting but about how it is making you feel...you might find his response surprising good luck x

Donald_Dozier_50

That is a bad situation but as you say and as you should tell him, you are doing this for you not for him.

To answer the question though, my wife (if nearly 35 years) is very supportive but the days she struggles to stay within her calories she seems frustrated because I am not. She too is on MFP and having great success (she has lost 55 lbs.) but we support each other doing completely different programs other than dinner. I am home (because I am disabled) so I do all of the cooking. We eat the same thing then and when we eat, I weigh and measure both of our plates and I let her know how many calories each item is and the total calories. That is the only thing we do alike. I get to exercise walk often and she isn't able to since she goes to work (she is a teacher) at 5 AM and gets home anywhere between 5 and 8PM. When I ask her if she wants to walk in the evening she is often too worn out but gets a little upset sometimes when I go anyway.

Overall the support is good but as I said, there are some issues.

baybeejulia

I guess no relationship is perfect, right? But the fact that you and your wife are on the same page, weight loss wise, is still a great thing.

I have spoken to him and told him how I feel. At one point I lost it at him and told him to just be considerate for once and understand that it makes me feel amazing, and I want him to support that. He took a step back and said okay. This was about a week ago and I haven't had the chance to see how he is now (we don't live together) but I guess time will tell if he really does understand.

Donald_Dozier_50

I guess no relationship is perfect, right? But the fact that you and your wife are on the same page, weight loss wise, is still a great thing.

I have spoken to him and told him how I feel. At one point I lost it at him and told him to just be considerate for once and understand that it makes me feel amazing, and I want him to support that. He took a step back and said okay. This was about a week ago and I haven't had the chance to see how he is now (we don't live together) but I guess time will tell if he really does understand.

You are right. We have always been pretty much opposites on many issues but that can make life interesting. Earlier in our marriage we took many of those compatibility tests for couples and we could have not been farther apart in every respect but 35 years later she has come more in my direction than I have in hers. In the end it can make for better decisions when you have both views.

As far as YOU are concerned, I could not have been happier to read your statement "we do not live together". That is a very good decision and choice. People say, living together first lets you get to know each better but that just is not true. I hope your confronting him actually works. It is so much easier when you have support in real life too.

CherylP67

Maybe he's afraid that you are going to be so fit and fabulous that you won't want to be with an unfit person.

He can say he supports you, but actions speak louder than words.

My husband was the same way, he'd buy me candy bars and jelly Belly's to be nice. Jelly Belly's are a trigger food for me, no matter how fit I am, if I eat one, I eat the entire bag, no matter how big, and he would buy me a big bag.

Sometimes guys are dumb about showing their insecurities.

Maybe this isn't your situation at all, if not, ignore my post.

baybeejulia

Donald, in my culture premarital cohabitation is a big no no. So it won't be a while till we live togethe.
Also, its really wonderful to hear that despite being so different, you're still very much in love.

Cheryl I am so sorry to hear your husband is like that. You need to sit him down and sort that out! It's definitely not the case with my boyfriend, he's very confident and is extremely sure of my love for him. He's just a really easy going kinda guy and gateshow my calorie counting complicates things a little Lol.