Feeling like too much of a failure to start over.

cncrafton

I lost 30 pounds last year by eating at a totally reasonable deficit and walking regularly. My daily calorie goal was never below 2,000, so I wasn't hungry often, and I still allowed myself to eat what I wanted on holidays/vacations/etc. That's all basically to say that I lost that weight with little to no misery - it honestly wasn't that hard at all.

Somewhere along the way (around March), life just got busy and I got depressed, so I took a break from calorie counting to focus on my mental health. I was totally positive that over the summer (I'm a full time college student), I would get back on track. Didn't happen. I was sure it would happen when I got back into my school routine in August. Didn't happen. Now I eat out (mostly fast food) for almost every meal - I think I ate one meal at home last week. Part of this is time - I am taking 18 hours of classes and work about 25-30 hours a week. Mostly, though, it's just laziness and a genuine enjoyment of eating out, even though now I feel like absolute crap every time I do it. I can't afford it anymore, financially, emotionally, or physically, but I keep doing it.

To make matters worse, I saw my weight at the doctor's office last week (the first time I've known it since probably May, when I was up about five pounds from my lowest weight) and I'm back where I started, plus five pounds. I'm actually the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I was so sure that I wouldn't be the person to gain back weight since I lost it the 'right' way. Hah. This has totally tanked any inkling of motivation to get back on track. I feel like it's completely useless. I feel like I'm just going to keep losing and gaining for the rest of my life, and I might as well just forget about the losing if that's the case.

I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I feel like such a failure. I need some serious support here. I desperately want to get back on track but I just can't get over the mental hurdle of feeling like I'm too far gone.

blueboxgeek

You are here making this post so you are on the right path already!!

Just take a few days to log what you are currently eating. I bet when you see the calories in things you will start to actually WANT to make better choices.

Although it's tough that you are back at the start plus a few pounds, you know this is do-able!! You've done it before and even say yourself you didn't find it that bad.

Don't be too hard on yourself, a massive percentage of people re-gain the weight they lost, myself included.

But you're here and you want to lose the weight again. You got this sussed!!!

Momf3boys

Today is a new day...it's never too late to start over. Yesterday is the past...pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start fresh! You can do it!

beachlover317

I'm not trying to be snarky, but when you really want to lose the weight - you will. There's no magic formula, pill, no amount of support that will make it happen until you are ready.

Someone told me this years ago - and it was the truth. I've been plodding along for 16 months now and I just have to get up, eat right and exercise every day. No excuses.

I wish you good luck when you decide you're ready!

ETA: Quit starting over. Just keep going. One bad day does not have to derail your whole plan.

Fkika3131

Don't be to hard on your self. Start again putting down what you eat. You posting on this message board is sure the 1st step to trying to get yourself back in track. We are all here to motivate each other.

judebristow15

Hi, some aspects of your story sound very familiar to my own, and I understand the despondency and feelings of failure that you have. I think you are brave to face up to your current health situation, which is itself a positive first step. You may find it helpful to take some time to think about your schedule and commitments; your goals and aims; your positive motivations for change. Make a fresh start, wipe the slate clean, breathe, and begin again. This is the start of a new journey, you have all the knowledge, tools, and friends here on MFP to support you. Believe that you can, and you will-one day at a time...my best wishes to you

kristina1709

Ive been here before. I lost 80 + lbs then gradually gained it back, got pregnant and gained just about all of it back. It took until my son was 6 months old to kick my butt in gear to get back to were I was. Emotionally it was hard because I had to start all over again and I knew how hard it was the first time around. Im not saying this road to get it all off again was easy because its not. I lost it then gained 15 back last christmas/new years but back in May I finally lost what I gained over the holidays.

You CAN do it. We want this bad enough we find ways. Its an emotional battle and its something we will battle daily. Just don't give up and push!

egh1974

As someone who works in mental health, please understand that eating right is directly related to your mental health. Don't take breaks from being healthy to try to get healthy, that's defeating the purpose. Start with small goals, like tracking your water and at least entering what you do eat. The process will help you be stronger mentally. A good rule of thumb is - if you bite it - write it. If you drink it, ink it. Stay strong and give yourself some credit for starting again. Realize this is a lifestyle. Much love to you!

MelRC117

I've been in a similar boat...I lost 90 pounds and felt great about myself. I slacked, gained a few pounds back, then back on the wagon, etc. This on and off thing happened and then I got pregnant. I was eating for two right? I went so horribly off the wagon. I gained A LOT of weight...way too much weight while pregnant. I didn't quite get to where I was, but I was still 70 pounds from my lowest weight. I had my child in July of 2012. It took me until January 2013 to realize I needed to do something. I've lost 26 pounds, but feel "stuck" and I'm now recommitting to it. The first time it took me 8 months to lose 90 pounds. My child is 14 months old and I've lost 26. So don't think "Oh, well it took me only 6 months last time to lose X amount of pounds". So what if it takes a year or two years to get back down?

You need to start. Just do it. Prepare your meals ahead of time. Don't buy anything that is junk food. Don't use school or work as an excuse. I've been there and gained alot of weight in college. It takes 10 extra minutes to prepare your food then to eat fast food. There are also healthier options for fast food. I've found that the most difficult time to stick to a diet is the beginning.

If you don't start now, will you regret it a month from now, or a year from now?

suzend

ETA: Quit starting over. Just keep going. One bad day does not have to derail your whole plan. smile.

^^^THIS^^^

Even one bad meal doesn't have to derail you. It's a life long thing battling weight.

I wish you luck and best wishes!

missdibs1

I lost 30 pounds last year by eating at a totally reasonable deficit and walking regularly. My daily calorie goal was never below 2,000, so I wasn't hungry often, and I still allowed myself to eat what I wanted on holidays/vacations/etc. That's all basically to say that I lost that weight with little to no misery - it honestly wasn't that hard at all.

Somewhere along the way (around March), life just got busy and I got depressed, so I took a break from calorie counting to focus on my mental health. I was totally positive that over the summer (I'm a full time college student), I would get back on track. Didn't happen. I was sure it would happen when I got back into my school routine in August. Didn't happen. Now I eat out (mostly fast food) for almost every meal - I think I ate one meal at home last week. Part of this is time - I am taking 18 hours of classes and work about 25-30 hours a week. Mostly, though, it's just laziness and a genuine enjoyment of eating out, even though now I feel like absolute crap every time I do it. I can't afford it anymore, financially, emotionally, or physically, but I keep doing it.

To make matters worse, I saw my weight at the doctor's office last week (the first time I've known it since probably May, when I was up about five pounds from my lowest weight) and I'm back where I started, plus five pounds. I'm actually the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I was so sure that I wouldn't be the person to gain back weight since I lost it the 'right' way. Hah. This has totally tanked any inkling of motivation to get back on track. I feel like it's completely useless. I feel like I'm just going to keep losing and gaining for the rest of my life, and I might as well just forget about the losing if that's the case.

I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I feel like such a failure. I need some serious support here. I desperately want to get back on track but I just can't get over the mental hurdle of feeling like I'm too far gone.

FIst off: you are not alone! Many of us struggle with similair issues. i just got back on the wagon.

Please know: Exercise is the MOST UNDER UTILIZED anti-depressant there is.

Keep yourself moving.

Do not focus on the scale. Focus on moving. Walk run dance whatever.

Much love MissDibs

running_shoe

I don't have issues with depression, so maybe I can't understand enough to comment. But, it sounds to me like you just need to reframe the way you look at things. The old adage is "life is a journey, not a destination." You have not failed. Anywhere. At all. I gain and lose the same 5-10 pounds once a year because I take breaks from counting and on it creeps. I allow myself this leash. When I creep back up, I knuckle down again and work it off.

It's also been true for me that you can't have angelic habits overnight. You can't live by angelic habits all day every day. But, over the YEARS, as you improve one habit after another (eating habits, exercise habits), you find yourself, on the whole, a healthier person. But it takes place over a lifetime.

Someone else here already said it. Don't look at it as "starting over." Look at it as continuing the journey. It sounds like what you were doing before was pretty spot on and pretty sustainable. You know what to do, just carry on. Good luck.

daniellemm1

I can't tell you how many times I was in your exact situation. The difference for me this time and the reason it is working is because I just keep going, even when I have a terrible day (or two or three or four). Every day I wake up and try to do better then the day before. Each meal I try to make a better choice then the one before it.

For example yesterday I ate half a loaf of italian bread with my lasagna (despite telling myself that I would only have two pieces) and boy am I feeling bad about that choice today. In the past I would have given up because I would have seen the higher weight on the scale and would have felt like a failure. Now I know better and that one bad choice will not ruin all the progress I have made. Today I will do better.

Make small changes that you can sustain. I know you want this. You can do this. Friend me if you want some support and encouragement

Nightingale9591

Been there, done that!! Don't give up. Just do one thing/change at a time until you are back on track. Fast food? Salads and grilled chicken, no fries for now. Get a fitbit pedometer and link it to MFP. Start tracking your food. No excuses, only you see it. You can put it on your phone for quick recording if you don't have time at night. I have been where you are only I lost 80 and gained it all back. We get busy and distracted, depressed, have hardships, vacations and life changes. You just have to keep on keepin on!! Like someone before me said, don't start again, just keep going. I don't lose every week, but I feel better getting my 10,000 steps in every day. And I don't get them in every day and I don't eat right every day, but I keep on keepin on and the scale eventually responds!! Good luck!!!

ELEANOR43da

The thing that I appreciate here is your willingness to step up to the plate, state the facts and look for the support to help you on this journey. I know how hard it can me when it concerns Mental health . I have learned that through eating properly..........and that means logging everything ,exercising, and proper rest its easier. ...I started off slow,and keep in touch with the posting . I have been blessed with a circle of friends here who motivate and encourage and I tell you there may be days I slip a little ,but overall I love myself enough to pick up and move forward. Believe in yourself and think of it as a lifestyle change . I am going to add you as I believe support is very important.

jojo4613

Your final statement "I'm too far gone" resonates with me. It isn't the idea of losing weight that is so daunting, it is that you are looking at where you were and feeling like you've wasted it all. Drop that right now. That is my best advice to you. You cannot look back, unless it is an encouragement to know you have done it before "the right way" and you can again.

For many of us, it is a battle not just to lose the weight, but to maintain healthy eating and exercise patterns when life hits us with difficult times. Managing how we deal with that is going to be our struggle. My weight gains have come when I was overwhelmed with life. It sounds like you are similar.
.
You can do this again. And you can make changes slowly that will help you figure out better ways of coping. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up. I am finally learning that I don't have to lose 20 pounds in 5 weeks and pat myself on the back. I've always worked out and been stringent with my eating. Now, I'm learning to eat what I want (within reason) and watch as I trend downward slowly. It has been difficult to adapt to that.

If it helps take a picture of yourself right now to refer back to later. But do not compare it to where you were. For some that might be an encouragement to see that their goal is attainable, but your goal is in front of you. You really can do this. And, based on your previous experience, it won't be as difficult as you fear.

ElegantSlenderChic

Don't be discouraged. You have already identified the main cause of your weight gain and know from past experience what you need to do to lose the weight. I recommend that you look into the cause of your depression and have a positive mindset. You did it once you can do it again! Feel free to add me~ remember that "Motivation is what gets you started but habit keeps you going." Good luck:flowerforyou:

workout_ninja

I know how you feel, I worked my butt off in 2010 to lose my weight, I was still technically overweight (the weight I am now) when I got pregnant and put it all back on. It took me until my son was a year old to start again because I felt ****ty restarting. I wasted a whole year of my life to end up back where I was. When I did kick my butt into gear, I started losing weight and exercising and eating right becomes a habit. i am now exactly where I was 2 years ago and this time I'm going to keep going. You can totally do this to. Even if you arent motivated, just act like you are motivated and it will come naturally. Good luck, I really hope you get there

ninerbuff

99% of people fail before they succeed.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

beachgal0626

You are not alone!! You CAN do it, no one is "too far gone"! Take one day at a time, set mini-goals for yourself, i.e., "I will walk/move for 10 min. longer today", "I will eat a piece of fruit/veggies with at least one meal today", etc. Most importantly, don't be too hard on yourself, and don't give up! Some days will be harder than other days, just keep going . . . . you are worth it! :flowerforyou:

asalembier

I'm not trying to be snarky, but when you really want to lose the weight - you will. There's no magic formula, pill, no amount of support that will make it happen until you are ready.

I completely agree with this. Once we are ready to put in the fight to lose weight, we will, but it's not about how much we think we want it, but how much we really want it. How much are we willing to do to put our thoughts into actions and do something about it rather than just think about it?

You are not a failure, until you quit. No matter how much you have fallen off the track, just wipe yourself off and get back on it.

Have you heard of the 5 stages of change.... knowing more about it will help you decide where you are, and where you want to be.

Precontemplation (Not Ready)-"People are not intending to take action in the foreseeable future, and can be unaware that their behaviour is problematic"

Contemplation (Getting Ready)-"People are beginning to recognize that their behaviour is problematic, and start to look at the pros and cons of their continued actions"

Preparation (Ready)-"People are intending to take action in the immediate future, and may begin taking small steps toward behaviour change"

Action – "People have made specific overt modifications in modifying their problem behaviour or in acquiring new healthy behaviours"

Maintenance – "People have been able to sustain action for a while and are working to prevent relapse"
Termination – "Individuals have zero temptation and they are sure they will not return to their old unhealthy habit as a way of coping"

newjojie

I like this quote it has helped me through some of those same feelings. "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm - Winston Churchill" Maybe it will help you too.:flowerforyou:

jlapey

"When you are sick and tired of starting over, stop quitting".

I saw this quote on another thread, makes sense, doesn't it?

'Losing it right' is one thing, but if you didn't make a permanent lifestyle change then it stands to reason you would gain it back. You're not supposed to 'diet', you're supposed to change your habits for the rest of your life. You did it once, do it again; this time permanently.

walzllw

I can't tell you how many times I was in your exact situation. The difference for me this time and the reason it is working is because I just keep going, even when I have a terrible day (or two or three or four). Every day I wake up and try to do better then the day before. Each meal I try to make a better choice then the one before it.

For example yesterday I ate half a loaf of italian bread with my lasagna (despite telling myself that I would only have two pieces) and boy am I feeling bad about that choice today. In the past I would have given up because I would have seen the higher weight on the scale and would have felt like a failure. Now I know better and that one bad choice will not ruin all the progress I have made. Today I will do better.

Make small changes that you can sustain. I know you want this. You can do this. Friend me if you want some support and encouragement

Same for me!

leanne9876

I could have written this post. I lost about 15kg last year so I decided to relax a bit over xmas and new year. Just a few naughty things now and then but once I started being naughty I couldn't stop. Holiday season was well and truly over but I kept telling myself it's ok you'll get back to gym very soon. Well very soon turned into 8 months I gained back 13kg.
I finally went back to the gym and I have now lost 7 kg. I hated myself for what I had done. All that hard work for nothing. It was a hard lesson to learn. I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I have now realised that there is no quick fix.
I didn't gain this weight over night and I won't be able to lose it over night. It's going to be an ongoing battle for the rest of my life.
But If I don't try I'm just going to keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

singglory24

Failure is when we don't get back up and try again.
I am starting over, again.
I lost 30 pounds and put on 35.
Got disgusted with myself, pouted and called myself names, thought why try any more and ate the pizza and ice cream just for spite.. Decided it is time to stop being cruel to myself. To stop calling myself names (especially failure) and get back to the business of taking care of myself.
You have a very full schedule, sounds stressful. You don't sound lazy to me, just a bit overwhelmed.
So first off and most importantly stop beating yourself up. ]
With your schedule sounds like eating out is necessary so make healthier choices. There really are quite a lot of foods out there that won't explode your calorie count, waistline or pocketbook.
You already know how to do this, you have proven you CAN do this, so be kind to yourself. If you must call yourself names - motivated, capable, smart, diligent, hardworking, aspiring, successful - these would be good ones for you to use.
Remember every day has different challenges. Some days we will score higher than others. Key is to keep going.
Good luck in your efforts.

dirtmagnets

Hey, my friend - I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but didn't want to pass this without saying something. I KNOW for a fact that you can do it. You were such an inspiration to me in the spring, with a dedication that I still can't quite seem to equal! It's not like you're starting from scratch, anyway - what was that about a 5K this past weekend, followed by an amusement park? I think I would have died. Give yourself credit for being the strong person you are, sweetie.

osothefinn

I'm not trying to be snarky, but when you really want to lose the weight - you will. There's no magic formula, pill, no amount of support that will make it happen until you are ready.

Someone told me this years ago - and it was the truth. I've been plodding along for 16 months now and I just have to get up, eat right and exercise every day. No excuses.

Quoted for truth.

dominiqueruns

So much supportive advice on this thread! it's been helpful to me just reading it!

Yes, many of us have been exactly where you are. I too am an emotional eater. I've lost the same 40 lbs at least 4 times now...but the only way to truly fail, is to give up. As long as you keep trying, you'll get there!

One thing I would suggest is that you focus less on your long term goal and more on short term goals. Fitting into one size smaller, or even having your favourite jeans fit a bit looser! After all, even a 5-10% weight loss will allow you to feel so much better! it will motivate you to keep on going!

Put one foot in front of the other, making as many healthy choices as possible in the run of a day, and be patient with yourself. You'll get there!

jennybennypenny

I know exactly how you feel. My advice is set small achievable goals. Log your current food if you think that's helpful, but if it makes you freak out (OMG I ate 3500 cals today I am beyond help!) then don't for awhile and just focus on your small goals. I've been a yo-yo dieter and getting where I am now was a long process. The time it actually stuck was when I just started making small changes.

Examples: Set a number of times you want to walk per week. Do it and feel good that you did. Then up the distance but keep the number of times/wk the same, or add one per week. When you want to eat out, decide not to a few times. That's a step in the right direction. Or change up what you normally get. Usually get a burger? Get a grilled chicken sandwich. Once you've made some small good changes, then start logging and it won't feel so big and huge. And set small weight loss goals--5 lbs at a time. You'll be there before you know it and it won't feel like you're changing everything in your life all at once.

joyincincy

Now I eat out (mostly fast food) for almost every meal - I think I ate one meal at home last week. Part of this is time - I am taking 18 hours of classes and work about 25-30 hours a week. Mostly, though, it's just laziness and a genuine enjoyment of eating out, even though now I feel like absolute crap every time I do it. I can't afford it anymore, financially, emotionally, or physically, but I keep doing it.



I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I feel like such a failure. I need some serious support here. I desperately want to get back on track but I just can't get over the mental hurdle of feeling like I'm too far gone.

You need to seriously consider finding a way to automate your day. Find 2-3 breakfast, lunch and dinner ideas (centered on whole foods that are convenient or foods that are healthier than what you have been eating everyday) and eat those in rotation for a few weeks while you get yourself to a place where you are not so overloaded with obligations. Perhaps until the end of this semester and then take less classes next semester. Seriously, no need to rush out of college, b/c the job market sucks! If you already have an offer and are speeding through to get to that point, then continue on with the automated daily food schedule. Also, keep your sodium levels low, low, low - and avoid alcohol, if possible, as these two factors play havoc on two things, your bloat (thus weight each day can bounce like crazy) and appetite, everyone who has ever drank a bit too much knows what I mean here. You will begin to get bored with some items, but it is important to log very closely when making changes to see what kind of impact it will have on your caloric intake for the day. This can also cause cravings, especially if you eat certain foods that were triggers for you in the beginning. For me, I can't eat dairy, but I choose not to eat gluten, except on rare occasions, however will say that m overall chronic pain subsides greatly when I take it out of my diet.

LEARN to love convenient fruits and veggies. I know how it feels, you think people are looking at you thinking to themselves, Oh there's the fat girl eating a banana, (apple, nectarine, etc,etc) when she should she be eating nothing." WRONG! If there are any of those people thinking that, f$#* them and their thoughts, real people think, NOTHING. They are too consumed with their own lives to give a damn what you are eating, so eat what is good for you. Seriously, you are way too young to do this to yourself and way too pretty to let it rob you of that special gift that you were given. I gained weight after returning to school at the age of 28, talk about a hardship - losing weight in your 30s! Don't let this happen to you.

I probably will get "shot" for this, but don't even worry about the exercise yet. If you can, always try to walk to class, work, etc, but don't try doing too much at once as it will only overwhelm you. Also, don't expect it to all change in a month or two, or expect to lose weight quickly, b/c you won't and you shouldn't (no one really wants cottage cheese thighs, do they?)

You can do this, just try to do it so that you are not putting more burden and stress on yourself, it sounds like that is the last thing you need.

Good luck girl - you will get through this (((hugs)))