Really Need Some Support

wynn217

Hi guys,

I have eaten the equivalent to 2 full medium pizzas and 2 pieces of les leches cake among other horrible things. I've been sick and just haven't cared. This cycle is killing me, elation when eating, utter depression after (even trying to purge, but not). I'm just shy of 60#'s lost. I just don't know what else to do

pastryari

It happens. One day will not ruin the progress you've made thus far unless you let it by not getting back in the swing of things. Dust yourself off and pick back up tomorrow.

Edit: I missed the part about purging. If this is a constant thought you're having, it may be best to seek professional help as that is dangerous and unhealthy thinking.

danasings

Was this just today, or are you binge eating often? Is this new behavior? Are you tracking your patterns of binge eating? Have you sought therapy for a possible ED?

Some books that may help: Skinny Thinking by Laura Katleman-Prue; Women, Food , and God by Geneen Roth (anything by Geneen Roth, really)

Some resources:

http://intuitiveeatingcommunity.org/

http://www.oa.org/

ETA: trying to purge after a binge is opening a door you don't want to walk through. Trust me...it took me 21 years to stop purging. Just don't start that, ever.

shellymkmatthews

first and foremost, way to go losing 60 lbs. That in itself is a huge accomplishment.
now, on to your trouble. How long have you felt like this? If its more than just a few days, or a couple of weeks, you might want to see someone. Figure out what is causing you to be depressed. If its just a matter of having a rough day or week, Remember you gotta start back somewhere so like adini said, dust yourself off and pick back up tomorrow. Purging is Not the way to go. But honestly, deep down, you know that. You gotta find your happy again, or fight like hell to try and get it back. Do you have spouse/friends/siblings that you can talk to or can help hold you accountable?

Contrarian

I'm concerned about your efforts to purge, mostly. Many people have bad days, but you have to own them, accept them, and figure out how to prevent them, in future.

Food is not your enemy. Food is fuel.

PetulantOne

You may need to seek some outside help (therapy). Speaking from experience, it's not a good road your on. You need to find a way to heal your relationship with food.

wynn217

Thank you everyone. I only want to purge and have come close as I used to do it a lot, but the people on here really helped me. I've been eating "bad" for about 2 weeks. I don't want to log b/c I'm so ashamed, but I do.

I thought about doing OA, has anyone had success with them?

All I think about is food...it's just horrible.

suziepoo1984

Thank you everyone. I only want to purge and have come close as I used to do it a lot, but the people on here really helped me. I've been eating "bad" for about 2 weeks. I don't want to log b/c I'm so ashamed, but I do.

I thought about doing OA, has anyone had success with them?

All I think about is food...it's just horrible.

I just checked your diary. Your calorie goal seems to be 1280 and you have not crossed it a lot at least last couple of days. How did you calculate that as your calorie goal? If you restrict too much for too long, there is a very big chance of being fed up with it and i can understand the feeling of food obsession.
The best way i feel is to calculate your TDEE and deduct maybe 20% off it and eat at that. Also, dont deprive yourself of any particular food item. Try to include everything you can in your diet. I do take a lot of diet breaks and have lost weight very slowly, but i know its not coming back on anytime soon as i dont feel deprived.

Good luck :flowerforyou:

bridgie101

Thank you everyone. I only want to purge and have come close as I used to do it a lot, but the people on here really helped me. I've been eating "bad" for about 2 weeks. I don't want to log b/c I'm so ashamed, but I do.

I thought about doing OA, has anyone had success with them?

All I think about is food...it's just horrible.

I know how it feels when you pack in calories and you sooo wish you hadn't. It sounds to me like 2 things:

1. go on to maintenance. Stop trying to lose for a fortnight, write a list of all the things you want to eat and then go ahead and eat them - staying under maintenance cals, of course. But let yourself have more. You might be leached all out of micronutrients and be having physical cravings to restore some of those levels.

2. I wonder how life's going for you anyway. How's things at home? Is work going okay? Are you under any extra stress anywhere? I think it can be emotional losing a lot of weight, because you go back to the place you were at last time you were that weight. It's a memory trigger and I think sometimes a grief trigger. Do you maybe need counselling?

Don't be afraid of counselling. i have a counsellor and after 43 years of calling psychology names like 'quackery' I can't live without it. One place in the world I can tell the absolute, utter truth, and get help with it. I really can't recommend it enough.

wynn217

As much as I don't like to tell people this. I have Bipolar II, with mixed episodes. I know the depression I'm on right now is coming off of a manic high. I know that probably doesn't make much sense to anyone, but it's a constant struggle.

So as far as my life, it's fine, I don't have worries about husband, family, money, debt, etc. Hell, I'm even going to Italy in 47 days!!!

I know that it's time for counseling because, as an example, my husband brought home donuts last week (I love donuts). I resisted all day filling up on the good stuff. When nighttime came, I ate not only the 3 he bought me, but also 4 of his. In one sitting!!!! How disturbed is that?

PS Suziepoo what is TDEE?

booksgiver

After I read your post I had a look at your profile and I was happily surprised to see that you are very close to your goal. I also had a look at your pics and you should go have another look too, because your newer pic reflects a woman who DOES have control and who has demonstrated it. I can also relate to your feeling that control can slip away because it's a struggle for me every, single day. Not one day in the last year have I not wanted to eat more than my allotted calories and the thought is always just a blink away of wanting to over eat....anything. That's the power of food addiction. For me the only thing that helps is knowing that I am literally doing battle for my own life and that overeating is a LIE that I believed in for so long. The lie that eating a huge bowl of icecream was actually going to make me feel good. Yes, it made my mouth happy, as did the 4 slices of pizza, and the cookies, and the ........... It was endless you see, the lie was never going to make me happy, but it would cripple me, give me heart disease, harm my social life, affect my intimacy with my husband, cancel my sense of self worth, and still the lie would seem to pull me in yet again. NO, I will not believe the lie and I will fight every day to have my self respect and my health back. All of us at MFP offer you our support, but it's you who has the backbone, the serious courage to reclaim who you are from the lie.