not weight loss support, just support...

mlagena

I didn't know where this would fit the best... Seems kinda dreary to post in "fun & games." lol

So, one of my cousins past away last week. I didn't know her except maybe from the occasional family reunions but she was 28 and passed from a pretty bad cancer. My grandfather also has cancer and decided, this weekend at her funeral, that he wanted to stop his chemo treatments.
His cancers have changed him so much and it hurts us all. He's gotten... selfish. And I'm not just talking about the chemo stuff. This is his, I think, Third fight with cancer and during his first he started changing. My grandmother was a nurse and she waited on him hand and foot since he had esauphogial surgery THREE YEARS ago - it's only recently that she's started making him do for himself.
But... the chemo is a big thing. I'm not going to pretend I know what it's like to go through it and I know that I'm being a selfish as well, but this just seems so... childish of him.
I worry so much for my mom and grandma. Moms not been feeling well since she came back from visiting them - her stomach as been upset. I do know that feeling and I hate knowing she's going through it.
I'm just stressed about the whole issue and it sucks that I'm an entire ocean away!
I'm hoping this will pass - that he'll change his mind.
Why didn't I take that course on the Psychology of Death?? would've have been so helpful already...

LastFighter

Sorry for your loss,

I hear chemo can be a terrible, terrible thing. It may seem like your grandfather is being selfish by stopping but maybe its time to stop the suffering, the place he choose to decide may be inappropriate but everyone grieves in their own way. Nobody knows how they would react in that situation unless they have been in it.

pixieE

I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin, such a young age to pass I'm also very sorry to hear about your grandfather.
It's frustrating when someone we love decides to abandon chemo, with it being their only chance of living at least some kind of life.
My father was diagnosed with a brain tumour three and a half years ago, he's not supposed to be alive right now, his doctor's gave him a 3 year prognosis. As soon as he got to three years he decided to stop chemo. Its his only chance of prolonging the inevitable.
His wife (my step mother) is beside herself, she's had to stop working so she can care for him, yet selfishly he won't go back on his chemo meds., he just seems to have given up because he "hates the side effects of the chemo".
Its a hard situation to swallow but at the end of the day its my dad's decision. All we can do is support him and be there for him.
There is nothing any of us can realistically do when a loved one has incurable cancer. We can't force them to take treatment so the only things left that we can do is show our support and love and be there when we're needed.

Its a bummer and there's no magic wand to wish this away so i guess all you can do is be there for your mother, your grandmother and you grandfather, even though you're miles away you can still show your support in other ways, on the phone, emails, letters.
I really wish you and your family the best in this nightmare situation x

Vanessa1977

I would also suggest don't use the last of a loved ones time being angry with them, embrace what time they have left.
The quality of a persons life can diminish significantly when their whole life revolves around meds and side effects.
I had a very similar experience with my son, when after years of meds and side effects he simply needed a break, it put a whole new spin on our lives, although for my son the outcome would not be death but a life of crippling pain and limited mobility.
The most positive thing I gained from that experience is realizing All is Impermenant, and the purpose of life is not to extend it but embrace every moment you have, we live our lives now with a completely different mindset then we did a few years ago when our whole lives revolved around meds, side effects and disease.

mlagena

Thanks for the replies, guys!
I'm not angry with him just annoyed, I guess. I know that it's up to him and not us. It's just hard not being able to do anything.

PixieE - It's the same with my grandpa. He said he's tired of feeling sick, and I understand that.

I'm terrible at this subject and can't do much more than be stable during the situation. I guess we'll just see where this goes for now. He usually does chemo on thursdays, so we'll see what he decides!