Do I follow my heart?

Guinivere
Guinivere Posts: 357 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay. Here's the facts: I'd like a tattoo on my back when I reach my goal where I can choose to cover it up or show it off. Floral and pretty - no words or iconography. Something timeless and girly.

My fiancé who I have been with for seven years and am due to marry next year hates tattoos.

Do I do it for me and risk hurting him by disrespecting his feelings or do I suck it up and accept as a 40yr old woman the moment has passed?

Just need to hear some other options/opinions to help me make my decision.

Replies

  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    If you are planning on marrying him, then I think you need to discuss this with him and come up with a solution that works for both of you. If you do it without him agreeing to it, then you are risking ruining or at least damaging your relationship.
  • Dandman1990
    Dandman1990 Posts: 196 Member
    I'd suggest showing him designs that you're interested in and see what he thinks. Who knows you might end up with a surprise. A tattoo on the woman he loves can suddenly become a lot more appealing than the idea of a a tattoo as an abstract concept that he might imagine in his head.

    Also, can I advise a cherry blossom tattoo? I was randomly looking at japanese style tattoos for guys on google images earlier and there was the image of a woman with cherry blossoms on her side/back and it looked awesome! :happy:
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    Take him to a tattooist with you & have a look at some of the designs on offer, and see if you could find something he could live with if not learn to love on you.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Take him to a tattooist with you & have a look at some of the designs on offer, and see if you could find something he could live with if not learn to love on you.

    I agree with this.
  • Guinivere
    Guinivere Posts: 357 Member
    Ooo I love cherry blossom - that's right up my street...
  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
    listen to your man... dont go all ronin on him
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Get the tattoo! If your fiance loves you, he will get the hell over it and learn to love it too.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    Is a tattoo worth hurting his feelings and possibly your relationship? At the same time, he needs to understand why you want one. I think that you both need to find a happy medium, one that you can both feel comfy with.
  • Dandman1990
    Dandman1990 Posts: 196 Member
    Get the tattoo! If your fiance loves you, he will get the hell over it and learn to love it too.

    I probably wouldn't have put it so bluntly but totally this ^^^.

    And yay for liking cherry blossoms! I was actually looking for cherry blossom tattoos for guys (yeah manly I know :laugh: ) but pretty much every image was of women and there were some really cool ones.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Get the tattoo! If your fiance loves you, he will get the hell over it and learn to love it too.

    Ummm. No.

    If you are entering into a partnership, then you need to act like it's one. Doing something behind his back that he totally disagrees with, and that will be a permanent part of your body which will remind him forever of what you've done behind his back, is sure to hurt your relationship. And may even be reason enough for him to decide he can't trust you in the future. If you are willing to risk it, go ahead.

    I have two tattoos, but my husband likes tattoos and has two of his own, so it's a non issue with us.
  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
    ^^^^ TITCR
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    Here's My thing...did he know this about you BEFORE the engagement or are you now changing on him based on you losing weight? I don't think a tattoo is something a person all of a sudden expresses that they like or may want. If he knew this about you and accepted your likes and who you are, then just let him know that what you talked about before you have now decided to get...a tattoo. This really should not be a surprise IF the two of you KNOW each other. If he was NOT aware of your interest in tattoos before the engagement and wt loss because you did not tell him or discuss it with him, then Consulting with him BEFORE you get one is important. If YOU are changing because you are losing weight, you might want to hold off on marriage for while until you KNOW who you are...wt loss changes some people and who and what they "settled" for when they were overweight/obese and had lower self esteem may not be who and what they want now or in the future.

    ETA: If he knew of your likes and desire to get a tattoo as a reward for wt. loss, and he still disapproves of it, you may want to ask if he is trying to Control Yoiur Body now...and once married will he be even more Controlling?
  • tehboxingkitteh
    tehboxingkitteh Posts: 1,574 Member
    Get the tattoo! If your fiance loves you, he will get the hell over it and learn to love it too.

    Ummm. No.

    If you are entering into a partnership, then you need to act like it's one. Doing something behind his back that he totally disagrees with, and that will be a permanent part of your body which will remind him forever of what you've done behind his back, is sure to hurt your relationship. And may even be reason enough for him to decide he can't trust you in the future. If you are willing to risk it, go ahead.

    I have two tattoos, but my husband likes tattoos and has two of his own, so it's a non issue with us.
    It's fair to respect both parties, but why should his wishes about her body be more important than her wishes for her own body?

    I agree with a PP about taking him to see the tattoo artist.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Get the tattoo! If your fiance loves you, he will get the hell over it and learn to love it too.

    Ummm. No.

    If you are entering into a partnership, then you need to act like it's one. Doing something behind his back that he totally disagrees with, and that will be a permanent part of your body which will remind him forever of what you've done behind his back, is sure to hurt your relationship. And may even be reason enough for him to decide he can't trust you in the future. If you are willing to risk it, go ahead.

    I have two tattoos, but my husband likes tattoos and has two of his own, so it's a non issue with us.

    Well I didn't suggest doing it behind his back. Let him know that then do it. It's HER body.
  • Blondiegrl11
    Blondiegrl11 Posts: 458 Member
    I'm all for doing what's right for you but if you go against his wishes you lose the respect in your relationship and when he wants something that you don't, guess what he's going to do??....if you don't want to put someone else's feelings into consideration you probably shouldn't be in a relationship. Tattoos are deal breakers for some...
  • Naomi0504
    Naomi0504 Posts: 964 Member
    Get the tattoo! If your fiance loves you, he will get the hell over it and learn to love it too.

    I agree with this, it is her body as pp said. I may not like every single one of my husbands tattoos, but I'd never make it an issue.
  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,803 Member
    You have some time before you hit goal, I would say that if you still want it when you get to goal then go for it. You are doing this for you and you alone. Talk to him then not now. You might change your mind by then.
  • amberkeever1
    amberkeever1 Posts: 34 Member
    THIS!!
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    I should ask my fiance if it's ok to tattoo MY body.


    Yeah, okay :laugh:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    It's your body, this is true. But he also gets to choose whether or not a tattoo is a deal breaker. So if getting a tattoo without discussing it with him first is more important than your relationship, then go for it.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    I was expecting a much more dramatic issue in this thread
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I was expecting a much more dramatic issue in this thread

    Your attempts at immortalizing my bad math failed!! No know one will ever know!
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    I was expecting a much more dramatic issue in this thread

    Your attempts at immortalizing my bad math failed!! No know one will ever know!

    i am so pissed off about that you have no idea

    in reality though I was just trying to distract the fact that I also had bad math
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I was expecting a much more dramatic issue in this thread

    Your attempts at immortalizing my bad math failed!! No know one will ever know!

    i am so pissed off about that you have no idea

    in reality though I was just trying to distract the fact that I also had bad math

    I thought that I had edited it quickly enough...

    I had a feeling someone would have quoted it before I could. Bah!! :laugh:
  • Elliesque
    Elliesque Posts: 156 Member
    For me personally, I wouldn't get a tattoo if my husband wasn't okay with it. Talk to him about it and maybe you can come to an agreement - maybe if it's small or in a spot that is covered or able to be covered he would be okay with it? But if you are going to marry him then I think he should kinda get some input.
  • ostrichagain
    ostrichagain Posts: 271 Member
    It depend largely on the kind of relationship you guys have. My husband is opposed to tattoos. But my husband knows better than to tell me what to do and I know better than to tell him what to do.

    Open, honest and respectful communication will get you through the tattoo debacle.
  • Guinivere
    Guinivere Posts: 357 Member
    Thank you all for your replies - I really appreciate your input.

    I think that respect between me and my man is the most important thing for me.

    And although I have always wanted a pretty tattoo but never felt I had a body that I could show it off on, my future with him should not be marred by my selfishness.

    I will wait until I am at goal, hopefully by the end of this year which is still 8 months before our wedding. Then discuss it seriously with him by taking him to a tattoo shop and showing him the design.
    If he hates it and asks me not to then I will consider it a gift from me to him not to do it.
    If he is supportive I will consider it a gift from him to me.
  • phred_52
    phred_52 Posts: 189 Member
    Yes ma'am, follow your heart. Floral and pretty, out of plain sight, how can that be so bad? Yeah, let him know, but, it seems "petty" that something like that would cause a problem.

    It's not like your getting a tattoo with another guys name that is in plain sight.

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