Discouraged by other people

lithezebra

People are weird. I would never comment negatively on someone's appearance, even if that person was a friend or family member. At work, I barely comment on anyone's appearance at all. At most, if someone is dressed up for some reason, I might say something like "that dress suits you well" or "you look like you're well prepared for that presentation." I think it's out-of-line for anyone to tease you about your physical appearance.

exmsde

I'm shocked. I never found my co-workers to be anything but supportive of efforts by others to improve their health. Especially people trying to lose weight! And while no doubt there were likely behind people's backs comments about weight (because people are people), harassing co-workers over their weight would just have been unacceptable. And in my years as a manager it would not have been tolerated.

Yes friends would discuss how they were going about pursuing their diet or fitness goals. And yes people might attempt to provide constructive criticism. But that isn't what you are describing.

My advice, and it is something that is perhaps easier for Men than Women, is to turn the criticism into motivation. Just decide you are going to $*%@(*@ show them and make every negative comment a motivator. @_$* them!

Do the offenders know you find their comments inappropriate and unhelpful?

HeadsPoppingOutOfCups

i believe we shall never discuss our health related aims and problems with anyone

when we achieve the results everyone will see and accept the new us

Why? If they're supportive it can be rather motivating. When I started on here three months ago I started because three of my coworkers were trying to get fit and another one had just lost probably a good 50+ pounds in the last year. While the three sort of fell off the wagon (which really isn't too big of a deal anyway, none of them were overweight, just wanted to tone up for the summer) all their initial talk is what got me going in the first place. The one I sit right next to asks me every Friday how my weigh in went which gives me a bit of accountability on a weekly basis. I believe having such great coworkers is what got me on the right track.

ladymiseryali

1. Don't talk about your fitness goals with these people. They're a bunch of twats.

2. Go to HR and say they're creating a hostile work environment, because they are.

3. Prove them wrong and get fit and healthy and awesome!

Rai007

i believe we shall never discuss our health related aims and problems with anyone

when we achieve the results everyone will see and accept the new us

Why? If they're supportive it can be rather motivating. When I started on here three months ago I started because three of my coworkers were trying to get fit and another one had just lost probably a good 50+ pounds in the last year. While the three sort of fell off the wagon (which really isn't too big of a deal anyway, none of them were overweight, just wanted to tone up for the summer) all their initial talk is what got me going in the first place. The one I sit right next to asks me every Friday how my weigh in went which gives me a bit of accountability on a weekly basis. I believe having such great coworkers is what got me on the right track.

well i respect ur opinion but my own experience is that i was overweight from my teens. and a lot relatives told me to lose weight but u know i never did anything except for piling on more weight. so u never start unless the urge comes from within and when i begun litrally everyone had accepted me the way i was. yes we all need proper guidance and that is what i get from mfp and it users. but noone can motivate u to workout or count calories ever unless u urself are motivated from withing. well this is the case for me but yes if u like others support it is great.

AglaeaC

Also I want to make it clear that I am from a country where most girls are small/petite.

Your coworkers frankly seem like quite "small" people regardless of their body size; arrogant and unkind behaviour is reflecting only on them, so let it glide out of the other ear without even registering. I suspect they are the type that if you take it to HR, your own work might be in danger if it isn't already, because stupidity like that might go hand in hand with sabotage.

I always throw in this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, too:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
It's worth taking some time to ponder its meaning.

janicelo1971

Wow, I'd say you should omit these people from your life, but seeing as you work with them it doesn't seem like that is possible. I think the only thing left to do is lose the weight and flaunt it.

this!!!

sounds like you work with a bunch of immature *kitten*!

wilsoje74

Sounds like you work with some really nice people!!! Yikes!

jojo37696

they are afraid they won't have anyone to put down after you lose the weight, so they will have to pick on another person and they are afraid it will be them. ignore them. you go get em

NatalieWinning

Just wait. You'll get thin and look younger. More healthy. Then they'll be all worried you are too thin. You might even make them feel inadequate about themselves and lose a friend or 2. But you do this for you and all the right things will fall into place. You'll find the more positive and supportive people naturally, drop the negative and walk away, and surround yourself with positive energy while doing what's best for you. That's where you're headed, and it feels good!

corgicake

Translation: they're insecure and believe that extra weight is the only thing standing in the way of their nice things (promotions, hot significant others, etc) going to you instead. Cattiness is their way of telling you that they believe the perks to pulling this off will go beyond health and treat it as unintentional motivation.

NatalieWinning

The fact of it is it's not their business what shape you have. They are being rude.

I just looked at your profile. Where on earth do you work where they find 5'7" and 170 lbs. to be "fat / big / chunky"? Seriously, I am 5'7" with my highest being 190 and my weight has never been even noteworthy to co-workers. I understand different body types look different at the same weight, but at 170 lbs. I calculate a BMI of 26.6 which is within the normal health weight range. Good luck on the journey to be healthier, and please don't let these co-workers get you down about yourself.

I'm really flabby in all places and it's becoming very noticeble even though I am tall. To be honest, I do realize that I am really the biggest/tallest girl in our group. But they don't have to constantly rub it in especially now that I am doing something about it. By the way, I also computed for my BMI and it says 26.63 which is still overweight, not normal.




Thanks for all the response. I very much appreciate all of your support.

bridgie101

Where on EARTH do you work that this sort of treatment is acceptable?!

It's what she'd get where I work. It's quite common.

They are actually, in their way, showing they care. they're teasing, to show she is one of the group, that she can handle being teased.

Some workplaces, to be teased is a sign of success. Right? If you're getting picked on, you're getting noticed. People don't mean anything by it. People don't think you're getting distressed. People don't think... Heh. They're just going for a laugh at the orifice.

Also: people don't actually like CHANGE. It destabilises them. There's something primeval about it. They don't want to have to renegotiate pecking orders, they don't want to have to learn new ways of relating to people... it's all too much. They want everyone to stay in their boxes and not move.

It's not worth getting upset about. it's like King Canute, trying to stop the tide. It's an overwhelming force of nature so all you can do is protect yourself, by never telling anyone anything you're sensitive about, until it's ancient history and you're no longer sensitive about it.

You would be stunned at the crap I got for smoking herbal, nicotine free cigarettes when I quit smoking. Not only from the smokers but also from the non-smokers. The non-smokers,. who like giving the smokers ****, gave me 3x more **** for quitting. Buncha derps.

If this is the way people show they care about you, I'd really rather they didn't.

The alternative, thinking they're evil and out to get you, is a thousand times worse and strategically idiotic.

It creates feelings of victimhood, which creates depression, which creates failure.

Never analyse people in such a way that you end up disempowered. For as long as you have a chance or a choice to overlook how they behave and carry on without any ruffled feathers, do it.

Any other course of action is self-punishing and self-destructive.

Jazzabelle100885

I definitely learned from experience not to talk about dieting or losing weight with anyone other than my fiancé. People will always think they know better. They will always have a comment or something to say/ask.

Stop talking about food, working out, weight. Don't engage in those pathetic conversations, just ignore it. Smile, but don't respond to it. Or talk to your employer, because to me, this sounds more like bullying.

astartig

Wow, I'd say you should omit these people from your life, but seeing as you work with them it doesn't seem like that is possible. I think the only thing left to do is lose the weight and flaunt it.

the other thing to do is report them to HR. if they are really saying the things the OP says they are saying Pretty sure that constitutes harassment.

at the very least they all deserve a very stern talking to about saying things like that to a coworker from a higher up. that is really uncool