NOT DOING GOOD AT ALL.

omegareyes

My Motivation is not there. I have been trying to do well . I do my morning Smoothie and eat a healthy lunch ,
stay active during the day and chasing after a 2 year old grandson I have just gotten custody off.
At night I cant sleep have so much in my mind worrying about my kids.
One in jail cuz of tickets he cant seem to understand they need to be paid and its not going away.
My daughter , cant seem to get her life straight for her child ..


Then I snack , snack . Even if I try to eat healthy stuff im still snacking.
I know Im a failure and I feel like one.
But its like I try and try and I see no results ; and it just brings me down /
Im not making any excuses for myself and I know it is up to me , but im getting
to the point why..
I have been dieting and eating right , yes I slip , for so long now I am starting to realize im NEVER
gona change and be skinny ,

pltjess

If you keep thinking that way, and telling yourself that you'll never change, then you never will!

But, you CAN do this. You CAN be healthy. You CAN lose the weight. This isn't a journey anyone else can do for you. Any bumps in the road you may encounter as well as any highs can only be attributed to one person. YOU.

It all boils down to: How badly do you want this?

It's never going to be easy, and life is never going to stop throwing curve-balls. Unfortunately, you just seem to get more than most. Even through all of this though, there's one person you aren't focusing enough love and attention on, and that is yourself.

jvorocks

Your grandson needs you that should be your motivation. It is hard when you have a lot going on but you can do it, I know I don't know you but I will support you in your journey. You are worth it and if you don't think so look in your grandsons eyes, they will tell you. Good luck and keep trying.

melaniecheeks

Your heart is in teh right place - and a mother's work is never done!

I think you should work on your sleepng habits. If you're not getting a good night's rest then that will affect your weight loss (and your mood the next day).

Can you try a milky drink before bedtime? A soothing bath? Lavender oil? Just writing down your problems on a piece of paper so that they're out of your head for a while?

NonnyMary

Hi - I'm sorry whats happening...

I think you may be like a lot of us - stress eating. its what you do to take care of yourself when things get too hard to deal with. Even this - you cant handle a diet AND the problems with your kids.

Be good to yourself

Take care of what you can take care of.

if you can, try to eat better foods that will help you with your goal of losing weight, but dont stress over that too. try to follow what MFP says to do - you can do it, its not too hard. its just where you log in your food, its actually kinda fun. Try to look at it at a way to take a break from all the stress in your life and finding fun ways to work in your food for the day!

kowajenn

I have a good handle on my diet most of the time, but when I'm bored or stressed my initial reaction is to head to the kitchen to see what's there to snack on. It helps if you limit the goodies to things you are actually supposed to eat.

The biggest change I've made is that I go to bed much earlier. I used to watch TV and ramble around the house until midnight and for me that becomes a food fest. Now I head to bed at 9:00 whether I'm tired or not and read until fatigue sets in. As a result I get more sleep and I prevent my later in the night food binges. Give it a try.

Attitude is important. If you think you can't, you can't.

running_shoe

You need to decide to set yourself up as the example. LEAD. You are a strong woman and have the right instincts. Educate yourself, and then just lead by example. YOU are the only thing you can control. Live a life you can be proud of and, if others are smart, they will learn from you. YOU CAN.

simsburyjet

This is very tough.. Can you channel your eating into some other way to relieve your stress.. just walking up and down
stairs will burn a ton of calories. Do not bring snacks in the house. for now.

Frankii_x

I don't mean to be rude, although this may sound rude, so please know it's coming from a good place.

You are making excuses for your snacking and your choices. Everyone has 'baggage' and it does sound like you have your fair share of worries (I do hope things start to come together soon in that regard) but it's about changing those bad habits and replacing them with good habits. Take control of the situation and make the decision that you are doing this and not giving in this time. I have been that person who excuses my choices, so I do understand but only you can change your actions and to do that you need to take responsibility for your food choices and exercise.

Also 'skinny' is not really a healthy aim to have - make healthy food choices and put in some exercise and the fat WILL go (assuming you have no dietary problems etc etc that you didn't refer to in your OP). I will never be 'skinny' I'm just not that girl, I have a bum and boobs and they're here to stay, but I can have a low BF% (eventually...).

Like others have said, having a good bedroom routine will help. I used to be a nightmare, up til late and then up early and always exhausted. I found a routine that worked for me and have never looked back.

Essentially - we can all offer our advice and our tips but you and only you can make the change.

shannashannabobana

A soothing bath? Lavender oil?

Yes!!

It sounds like you are stressed. You need to take care of that, or it will sabotage your weight loss efforts (cortisol). Maybe take some time for yourself periodically to try to get centered and relax. Read a book, take a bath, meditation, sit outside and watch birds...whatever works for you. Exercise can be very relaxing as well. Take your grandson to the park and push a stroller or walk with him.

On the food side, make sure you're getting enough protein/fat, because if you aren't it will make you hungrier. I don't personally do well with snacking. That's a personal thing, but if you feel it's derailing your efforts, you might want to try having 2 or 3 square meals a day for a week or two and see if that helps. Snacks in general tend to be high carb/high sugar, with little protein, and again that can just make you kind of hungry. So maybe some little tweaks will be helpful. I also find that sugary drinks are terrible for me and had great success when I cut them out.

Good luck. It really can be done.

calliekitten9

My Motivation is not there. I have been trying to do well . I do my morning Smoothie and eat a healthy lunch ,
stay active during the day and chasing after a 2 year old grandson I have just gotten custody off.
At night I cant sleep have so much in my mind worrying about my kids.
One in jail cuz of tickets he cant seem to understand they need to be paid and its not going away.
My daughter , cant seem to get her life straight for her child ..


Then I snack , snack . Even if I try to eat healthy stuff im still snacking.
I know Im a failure and I feel like one.
But its like I try and try and I see no results ; and it just brings me down /
Im not making any excuses for myself and I know it is up to me , but im getting
to the point why..
I have been dieting and eating right , yes I slip , for so long now I am starting to realize im NEVER
gona change and be skinny ,

You need to give yourself some GRACE and realize that the poor choices of your adult children are their issues and they need to take responsibility for themselves. It doesn't mean you stop caring, it means you recognize that your influence is limited and you can't fix things for them. It sounds to me like you are struggling with poor self esteem and boundaries with your children and you would benefit from seeing a therapist who can work with you to improve your self esteem. Also...I find that journalling really helps. I journal every night before I go to bed those things that are bothering me so that I get them out of my system. It really helps me to see all my concerns written down and I put them aside until the next day when I can really focus on them. Ealier bed time works for me as well. I used to go to bed at midnight but now try for 10 PM.

walkinthedogs

Raising kids (even when they are adults) is hard and emotional and never ending. Show your kids that you have taken control of your life, by becoming a healthier you, and hope that they follow your lead......eventually. And remember that YOU are just as important as the rest of the people you are caring for and about. Good luck, keep going, don't sweat the mistakes, move forward, You got this!

FourIsCompany

At night I cant sleep have so much in my mind worrying about my kids.

Your kids are going to do what they are going to do. You worrying about them isn't helping you OR them. You really need to think about YOURSELF right now. You need to get healthy, if not for yourself, then so you can be there for your grandson.

I did what you are doing for MANY months and it's very frustrating! Truth is, if you're snacking and not counting calories and not taking control of your eating, you will not succeed. Millions of people get control of their weight every year. You CAN do it, but you must make yourself a priority.

YOU are not a failure. You are making wrong choices and you know it. Get straight with yourself. Be really honest about it. List all the reasons you want to lose. Put it on the frig. List the advantages of losing weight. What will you do? How will you feel? What can't you do now because of your extra weight? List the advantages of staying like you are. There must be some or you'd lose weight. Really explore why you're not being successful. It's NOT because you're a failure. You just need to reach inside and find that strong woman who knows what to do and control the situation instead of letting it control you.

I do know that's easier said and done. And it's NOT easy. But once you get in touch with what you really want, I know you can be a huge success!

rhye

I felt this way recently and I think it was a blessing. Out of sheer frustration I've shaken things up and tried different things, met with a nutritionist, and am sticking to this new plan so far just because I AM SO FREAKING FRUSTRATED OF TRYING SO HARD AND SEEING NO RESULTS. A couple weeks ago, I could have written this post. For now, I decide the day before exactly what I am going to eat and at what times. It's very rigid, but the problem is I can't trust myself to make decisions when I am hungry or emotionally compromised yet so this is where it has to start before I can make those decisions under stress. Would something like that work for you? Somehow saying, "In half an hour I can have some nuts" is better than "I shouldn't eat anything right now" mentally for me. I can wait half an hour but the second sounds like I have to wait indefinitely.

Of course, making good decisions on the fly will hopefully come for us. I couldn't be on this rigid scheduling forever. And I don't think I could do it at all of I hadn't felt the despair and frustration you are feeling and then being like "ok, what do I HAVE to do to change this."

The Success Stories thread is full of people who have thought at some point in their lives "I am never going to be skinny" but are. Go poke around there until you find a story that speaks to you and remind yourself of it when you think it can't be done. IT CAN BE DONE. People are doing it. YOU are doing it. These emotional speed bumps are part of that process. If they weren't, this forum topic would not exist

happysherri

You can do this! I've been through A LOT more than I ever thought I was strong enough for. You'll survive, but the quality is up to you!

You make it happen. There is lots of support here if you choose to take it!

cdahl383

First of all, it sounds like you really have a LOT on your plate right now. You are handling a lot of stress which wreaks havoc on your body both physically and mentally. So I think its perfectly normal to feel a little overwhelmed and when you get overwhelmed, you start to get a little negative, and then you start second guessing yourself and your confidence goes down the drain. It sounds to me like the stress is really bringing you down, so you'll need to figure a way to deal with it that isnt negative towards you. I have had panic attacks in the past due to poor stress management and I have beaten them without meds just by adjusting my perspective on things in life.

The first thing you need to do is stop believing that you are a failure. If you believe that, then you will become that. If you believe you are successful and capable of doing anything you put your mind to, like losing weight and getting in shape, then it will happen. You have to first believe in yourself before anything else. The results are what comes AFTER you believe that you can do it and make a plan to do it. Looking for results to make you feel successful is a bad way to go because everyone at some point fails. But if you dont mind that you fail occasionally and get back up and keep going, then it wont really matter because nothing is taking you away from that main goal in your mind to get in shape and take care of yourself, regardless of all the stress and other things going on in your life right now.

I think you can do it, and I think you know you can as well, you are just letting the stress get you down. There are many people with much less stress than you, while there are many others with much more stress than you too. The bottom line is, if you don't believe in yourself, who else will? You can do it, I think the first step is changing your perspective and realizing that you can do it. Look at all the success stories on here and the before/after pics, those people all had problems too and they overcame them, so I'm sure you can as well!

MinnieInMaine

This is a pretty tough love post too...if you're not ready for that kind of advice, please feel free to skip over it...

1) Stop looking at yourself as a failure - putting that much pressure on yourself is just adding to your stress levels which in turn is cauisng you to lose sleep and turn to emotional eating. All of these things are detrimental to your weight loss efforts

2) Snacking is not bad, even certain foods shouldn't be labeled as "bad". It's not what you're eating but how much of it that's the problem. Even vegetarians get fat and we think of them as having fairly healthy diets, right? Again, it sounds to me like the problem with your snacking is that it's an emotional response rather than eating because you're actually hungry. So instead find a better outlet - go for a walk, read a good book or watch a good movie, do some crossword puzzles or knit - whatever it takes to distract you so that you're not eating for comfort.

3) Exercise is a natural mood booster. Get some activity in every day if you can. Take your grandson to the park and walk around the perimeter while he plays - or have him ride his bike while you walk - things like that. Plus earning the exercise calories gives you some wiggle room with your daily calorie goal.

4) And yes, try to get more sleep. Writing things down, as someone else suggested, has always been helpful to me when I'm going through tough times. I can get those thoughts out of my head and find a little peace of mind. I also find reading or playing some mindless game can help distract me from whatever I'm stressing about so I can relax and get some rest.

Best of luck to you for finding some focus during these tough times!

calliekitten9

I have been dieting and eating right , yes I slip , for so long now I am starting to realize im NEVER
gona change and be skinny ,

Ok...so I was on my walk and this thought came to me. Why are you using the word skinny?

Perhaps it is just me but

Skinny (to me) implies that that there is something wrong with me now and if I could just lose weight I would be ok. It means that I am focused on the end number and every day that I am not closer to that number is another reason to feel bad about myself.

Healthy (to me) implies that I want to take care of myself and get my body in the best shape it can be. it does not rely on a "number", but instead it looks at how I feel, where I am improving, where I could improve.

If my definition of skinny resonates with you..then remember that you are on a journey towards health.

mimismoon14

Don't beat yourself up. Anyone who is providing a loving home for a 2 year old after raising their own kids is certainly not a failure. You are a success in stepping up to the plate to give this child the love he deserves. You deserve some love too so make sure you allow yourself one treat each day. Plan it in your daily calorie intake. Save it for the end of a busy day and savor it. Diets don't work if they are all deprivation. Hang in there......you are not a failure.

Rockstar_JILL

If you keep thinking that way, and telling yourself that you'll never change, then you never will!

But, you CAN do this. You CAN be healthy. You CAN lose the weight. This isn't a journey anyone else can do for you. Any bumps in the road you may encounter as well as any highs can only be attributed to one person. YOU.

It all boils down to: How badly do you want this?

It's never going to be easy, and life is never going to stop throwing curve-balls. Unfortunately, you just seem to get more than most. Even through all of this though, there's one person you aren't focusing enough love and attention on, and that is yourself.

^^^ This!

NonnyMary

I went thru tons of stress with my adult kids, and i gained about 20 pounds myself from eating brownies and eclairs to sooth myself..

i had to really detatch myself from their problems which they needed to handle and the problems i couldn't solve.. it was hard.. beleive me... because mothers instict is very strong.

eating sometimes seems like the only pleasure or the only thing that can give relief.

The answer - detatch mentally from the problems.... really..

then concentrate on taking care of yourself. Start somewhere. its a big mountain to climb.. start with step 1. whatever that is for you.