Jekyll & Hyde
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Loss4TheWin
Posts: 249
I just realized this morning, there are two people living in my body. Almost literally; based on the number on the scale and BMI charts, half of my body weight would comfortably make up one “normal” sized person. But I mean this figuratively. There’s a Dr. Jekyll and a Ms. Hyde sharing my headspace.
Week day mornings, I’m Dr. Jekyll. I faithfully, without fail, leave the house by 4:30am and meet my personal trainer before 5am 3 days a week, extra long dog walks the other days and going to be starting C25k. I give each workout my absolute everything. I LOVE it. The trainer introduced me to heavy weights and I can’t get enough. I’m pushing myself, seeing my 1RM’s sky rocket (thanks n00b gainz!). I’m making new PR’s in the gym almost every session. Beast Mode Engaged! I get home, walk the dog, stretch, make myself a healthy protein-filled breakfast, pack a healthy balanced lunch with plenty of “smart” snacks. During down time, I lurk on MFP. I read the success stories for motivation, I make charts and graphs so I can visualize where losing .5, 1.5 and 2 lbs per week would put me – where I could be by the next family function, holiday, anniversary, business outing, etc. I play with calorie calculators and read reviews on different dieting philosophies. TDEE, IIFYM, BMR -500 calories…and on and on. I write in my Journal about what losing weight would mean to me. How much easier life would be, how much easier the gym would be, how much healthier and happier and further away from all the scary body weight related diseases I would be if I wasn't essentially carrying an extra person on my body every day. I plan what I’m going to eat for dinner and pre-log it in MFP. I fiddle around with it until the calories and macros are JUST RIGHT. I have a plan, all of the tools, and no excuses. This is totally possible. I feel strong. Today, Dr. Jekyll wins.
Then I go home for the day, or, even worse, the weekend… and Ms. Hyde is there to greet me at the door. Oh, look, someone left candy out…better mindlessly cram that in my gob before taking the dog for a walk. I’ll just adjust my calories, eat a little less <insert healthy food here> to make room in my plan. I’ll just eat a few more pieces while I make dinner, I’ll adjust my plan. You know what would be sooooo good on this healthy balanced meal I pre-planned? Cheese/butter/whatever else I did not factor in to my plan. You only live once, I’m not depriving myself. It’s been a long night and tracking is so tedious, I’ll just guesstimate and log it tomorrow; I’m going to enjoy the rest of the evening. By the end of the night, I’m thinking, “You know what, I’m not going to let society dictate what I should eat/look like/be, I’m my own person, and if I want to eat whatever I want, screw it, I’m gonna. I’m sick of all the negative self-talk, I’m fine just the way I am, I LOVE myself. <virtual naughty finger gesture> Take that SOCIETY!”.
What the what.
It’s a weekday, so Dr. Jekyll is firmly back in control and I look back at what Ms. Hyde did last night with shame and regret. Society isn't dictating anything. I am. At least, I’m trying to. Nobody in society (not even my Dr., although, shame on her, really) is telling me I’m overweight or unhealthy, that I should watch my calorie intake and shed some pounds. I’M the only person saying that to myself…ME. I know I’m unhealthy, I know this weight is putting extra strain on my body, keeping me from shopping at the stores I’d like to, keeping me from being and doing and living the life I could. And there’s no negative self talk that I need to work through. Recognizing that you are overweight is not negative self talk. I love me. It’s because I love me so much that I’m trying to lose this weight, to improve my quality of life, to make things easier for myself, to open up this big beautiful world for running, jumping, playing, living. I’m trying to unshackle myself. I’m trying to lose this weight BECAUSE I love me.
I go back through my calorie diary, try to find out where I went wrong. Did I not eat enough protein/carb/fat early in the day? I know inside that’s not it. I wasn't hungry or deprived or lacking anything when I crammed in those extra calories. I don’t know what I was…other than Ms. Hyde.
Every morning, once again feeling strong and motivated, I regroup. I think about what I did the previous evening, analyze the missteps and try to put fail-safes in place. Candy bag sitting out when I got home…K, making sure candy is either thrown away or in a secured location – that kind of thing. I’d like to say every day is getting better, but the trend is not a straight line, it’s a lazy river of ups and downs. Some days are really good, some days Ms. Hyde doesn't make an appearance at all and I stick to my plan with the greatest of ease. Some days, Ms. Hyde is the only one to make an appearance. But I’m not giving up, I’m going to keep fighting, regrouping, tackling the problem from different angles. Eventually, maybe I’ll have more Jekyll days than Hyde, and that, I assume, is how progress will be made.
Last night's plan – I brushed my teeth immediately after dinner instead of waiting until bedtime. Nothing tastes very good with that minty toothpaste flavor on your tongue. It worked. Definitely going to try that again. Maybe this will be the winning strategy for me…
Do any of you struggle with this? What, if any, solutions have you found?
Week day mornings, I’m Dr. Jekyll. I faithfully, without fail, leave the house by 4:30am and meet my personal trainer before 5am 3 days a week, extra long dog walks the other days and going to be starting C25k. I give each workout my absolute everything. I LOVE it. The trainer introduced me to heavy weights and I can’t get enough. I’m pushing myself, seeing my 1RM’s sky rocket (thanks n00b gainz!). I’m making new PR’s in the gym almost every session. Beast Mode Engaged! I get home, walk the dog, stretch, make myself a healthy protein-filled breakfast, pack a healthy balanced lunch with plenty of “smart” snacks. During down time, I lurk on MFP. I read the success stories for motivation, I make charts and graphs so I can visualize where losing .5, 1.5 and 2 lbs per week would put me – where I could be by the next family function, holiday, anniversary, business outing, etc. I play with calorie calculators and read reviews on different dieting philosophies. TDEE, IIFYM, BMR -500 calories…and on and on. I write in my Journal about what losing weight would mean to me. How much easier life would be, how much easier the gym would be, how much healthier and happier and further away from all the scary body weight related diseases I would be if I wasn't essentially carrying an extra person on my body every day. I plan what I’m going to eat for dinner and pre-log it in MFP. I fiddle around with it until the calories and macros are JUST RIGHT. I have a plan, all of the tools, and no excuses. This is totally possible. I feel strong. Today, Dr. Jekyll wins.
Then I go home for the day, or, even worse, the weekend… and Ms. Hyde is there to greet me at the door. Oh, look, someone left candy out…better mindlessly cram that in my gob before taking the dog for a walk. I’ll just adjust my calories, eat a little less <insert healthy food here> to make room in my plan. I’ll just eat a few more pieces while I make dinner, I’ll adjust my plan. You know what would be sooooo good on this healthy balanced meal I pre-planned? Cheese/butter/whatever else I did not factor in to my plan. You only live once, I’m not depriving myself. It’s been a long night and tracking is so tedious, I’ll just guesstimate and log it tomorrow; I’m going to enjoy the rest of the evening. By the end of the night, I’m thinking, “You know what, I’m not going to let society dictate what I should eat/look like/be, I’m my own person, and if I want to eat whatever I want, screw it, I’m gonna. I’m sick of all the negative self-talk, I’m fine just the way I am, I LOVE myself. <virtual naughty finger gesture> Take that SOCIETY!”.
What the what.
It’s a weekday, so Dr. Jekyll is firmly back in control and I look back at what Ms. Hyde did last night with shame and regret. Society isn't dictating anything. I am. At least, I’m trying to. Nobody in society (not even my Dr., although, shame on her, really) is telling me I’m overweight or unhealthy, that I should watch my calorie intake and shed some pounds. I’M the only person saying that to myself…ME. I know I’m unhealthy, I know this weight is putting extra strain on my body, keeping me from shopping at the stores I’d like to, keeping me from being and doing and living the life I could. And there’s no negative self talk that I need to work through. Recognizing that you are overweight is not negative self talk. I love me. It’s because I love me so much that I’m trying to lose this weight, to improve my quality of life, to make things easier for myself, to open up this big beautiful world for running, jumping, playing, living. I’m trying to unshackle myself. I’m trying to lose this weight BECAUSE I love me.
I go back through my calorie diary, try to find out where I went wrong. Did I not eat enough protein/carb/fat early in the day? I know inside that’s not it. I wasn't hungry or deprived or lacking anything when I crammed in those extra calories. I don’t know what I was…other than Ms. Hyde.
Every morning, once again feeling strong and motivated, I regroup. I think about what I did the previous evening, analyze the missteps and try to put fail-safes in place. Candy bag sitting out when I got home…K, making sure candy is either thrown away or in a secured location – that kind of thing. I’d like to say every day is getting better, but the trend is not a straight line, it’s a lazy river of ups and downs. Some days are really good, some days Ms. Hyde doesn't make an appearance at all and I stick to my plan with the greatest of ease. Some days, Ms. Hyde is the only one to make an appearance. But I’m not giving up, I’m going to keep fighting, regrouping, tackling the problem from different angles. Eventually, maybe I’ll have more Jekyll days than Hyde, and that, I assume, is how progress will be made.
Last night's plan – I brushed my teeth immediately after dinner instead of waiting until bedtime. Nothing tastes very good with that minty toothpaste flavor on your tongue. It worked. Definitely going to try that again. Maybe this will be the winning strategy for me…
Do any of you struggle with this? What, if any, solutions have you found?
0
Replies
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Oh sure, especially when there are unexpected goodies around. Sometimes I can convince myself that the calories just aren't worth messing up all my hard work, or sacrificing good calories from something healthy I have planned to eat later. But sometimes my brain goes "MUST EAT ALL THE CHOCOLATE!!!" and I can't find any good reason for the life of me to argue.
Keeping goodies out of the house, or at least hidden would be the first step. Have a chat with whomever is doing that and ask them to kindly keep their goodies in their room or in a certain cupboard that you know you can't get into. This is what we do in my house. Hubs has his chocolate chip cookies way up on a high shelf so I can't get to them very easily - plus he tells me that he counts them so he'll know if I try to sneak one. LOL!! He doesn't really but it sure crosses my mind that maybe he does if I'm tempted - it's enough to keep me away.
It's good you have healthy snacks around but also keep yummy healthy snacks that you can turn to when you're craving something. They may not be as good as those candies someone left laying out but theyr'e still a good treat. Something 100 calories or less... There are a million snack packs out there or you could do what I did and develop a taste for the really good dark chocolate and only have a square of that (about 60 cal). Side benefit - regular old milk chocolate tastes like junk candy after eating the good stuff so it's easier to say no to the other stuff.
It does get a little easier with time. It's like any other habit - you have to retrain yourself to think and react differently. Maybe put up motivational quotes around the kitchen to keep you on track? Or even something sublte like a picture of some place you've always wanted to go to but didn't feel comfortable doing it at your former/current size. Something along those lines...
Best of luck!0 -
Oh good I am not the only one with Dr. Jekyll and a Ms. Hyde. I also have the internal 2 year old who likes to throw a tantrum when they don't want to do something. This is done when I know I need to do a run or workout the the 2 year old that lives in me with Ms. Hyde throws a fit.0
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RIght there with you! It's tough not taking the "easy" route by grabbing fast food for supper or just one soda becuase one can't hurt right? Self control is tough, but I am slowly seeing results. Not necissarily pounds that have come off, but clearer skin, higher energy, better sleep, calmer attitude, not so off the wall period symptoms, and much more focus on work. It takes time to get there, but tell Ms. Hyde to STFU and give her the finger right back lol0
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Yes. I am a candy/sugar/bake good/cup cake/cookie addict. I love sugar. I love baked goods. Saying no to myself is really hard. It is not fun. It is necessary. A girl can't live on sweets her whole life. I do think the more I say no, the easier it has gotten. I also find my body does not feel good after eating lots of sugary sweets.
Few things that have helped me:
1. Planning to eat a piece of candy/baked good/sweet/sugar/whatever in my daily meal plan every other day.
2. Occasionally going on candy free streaks. I make a sign to count how many days I have been without candy/baked good/sweet sugar/whatever. Updating the sign daily with a post it note. This hangs in my office at work. My co-workers find it hysterical. They all know not to come by with candy for me. Last year I went over 270 days without candy. That was good for me. I find I don't enjoy eating candy nearly as much as I used to. I don't seem to have the same type of cravings. I can actually say no or limit myself to one piece.
3. I found that eating sweets were part of a habit. Eat a meal then eat a sweet. I weaned myself off dessert by allowing 10 chocolate covered raisins. Each week I ate one less raisin. I now don't eat any chocolate covered raisins after meals. I don't feel deprived or particularly miss them (most days).
4. See a sweet. Want a sweet. Don't eat. Go get water. Drink water. Go get fruit. Eat fruit.
5. Sometimes I really want a cupcake. If after two days of wanting a cupcake I still want one then I go buy one and eat it and enjoy it. Two days is my waiting period. If I still want something after two days then I go for it. Most cravings go away before two days.0 -
Great posts, thanks for the advice!It takes time to get there, but tell Ms. Hyde to STFU and give her the finger right back lol
LOVED this!0 -
Great posts, thanks for the advice!It takes time to get there, but tell Ms. Hyde to STFU and give her the finger right back lol
LOVED this!
Sometimes we just gotta get down right nasty on our inner selves lol0
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