Really need personal advice

KageyKat
KageyKat Posts: 45
in Chit-Chat
Hi all,

I really need some advice as I am literally making myself sick to my stomach. I had to attend a meeting today for work. At the meeting were two ladies that I've worked very closely with over the last ten years, all by phone and email but have never met face to face. We have become friends and I know about their families and they know about mine.

I didn't get a chance to talk to them before the presentation. After the meeting I went over to where they were and gave each of them a big hug. One lady was very positive to it the other so so.

I am just worried sick that I might have offended one or both of them. I don't know what possessed me to hug them as it is not that kind of work atmosphere. I don't know whether to apologize, or just say nothing and see how the next phone interaction goes with them.

I've even played it out in my mind that they file a harassment claim against me. I am so depressed right now that I have a pain in my chest, no I"m not having a heart attack, just so incredibly sad and feel so stupid for doing something so unprofessional. I'm not a young person and I know better.

Any suggestions?

Replies

  • PicNic00
    PicNic00 Posts: 269 Member
    Some people are huggers, some are not. I'm sure your mind is making it way worse then it actually was.
  • yustick
    yustick Posts: 238 Member
    It's easier said than done, but let it go. I too obsess over random little situations. They may have been uncomfortable, but I seriously doubt they would file an harassment claim or do anything about it. And they probably aren't even giving it a second thought.

    I am typically uncomfortable about people touching me, but I realize that its really more about me than the other person. And I wish I could be more warm and friendly.

    Really, take a deep breath and let it go.

    Best wishes.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Take a deep breath and move on. I bet neither one of them are thinking anything about it right now. Just say nothing and go on as normal. :flowerforyou: It is OKAY!
  • TheCalorieSMASHER
    TheCalorieSMASHER Posts: 162 Member
    Some people are huggers, some are not. I'm sure your mind is making it way worse then it actually was.

    ^^Agreed. I'm a hugger, I've been known to make people uncomfortable but most people also understand this.
  • crystalrp
    crystalrp Posts: 113 Member
    Don't do this to yourself! You have been talking to them for a long time. You felt like you were friends with them. You were excited about finally meeting them in person, so you hugged them. You are WAYYYY over thinking this. Maybe the so-so reacting one isn't big on hugs. Some people aren't. You did NOT harass anyone. Even if they weren't overly comfortable with it, it is over and done. Don't mention it and make it a bigger deal than it was. Just move on. They probably didn't give it a second thought, and if they did, they just thought you were very friendly.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Rehearse in your head a couple of times: "You're right, I realized right after I hugged her that I may have crossed her boundaries. It won't happen again." Realize it will go no further than a mild verbal "reprimand," and even that is very unlikely. It's almost certainly forgotten by now.

    Then take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are feeling terrible because you showed another person affection. If that's the worst thing you've done in awhile, you are probably pretty awesome.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Also, if this kind of reaction is common for you, please do go speak to a therapist and/or a psychiatrist about it. There is help for it, and you don't have to live your life always replaying your less than greatest hits. It's miserable and wastes your time, and if you feel you can't stop it on your own, there are solutions out there.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    Yep, nothing to worry about. Personally I'm not a hugger, but in the environment I work in many are. Random point of interest.. If you want to get a co worker to stop hugging you. It turns patting them on the *kitten* unintentionally works a treat!
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    Say nothing and let it go.

    I'd only worry if you worked a little *kitten* slap into it
  • skinnybythanksgiving
    skinnybythanksgiving Posts: 159 Member
    I believe it's Wonderful that you hugged them. I wish more people were like you!
  • Musikelektronik
    Musikelektronik Posts: 739 Member
    Stay "kagey," KageyKat. That is all.
  • trackme
    trackme Posts: 239 Member
    You have been in touch with these people for 10 years, then finally met them. I don't see a problem, it seems perfectly normal....why do you feel they would file suit? Did you grope them or touch them inappropriately? Just wondering why you would feel this way.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    you might have been working alone for too long. read7ng that much into a brief social interaction at work dwellin on it and fearin the worst imaginable scenario as a probable outcome is not healthy or merited from this interaction. hugs are not groping. this is all between women right? most people i kno still hug. unless you rubbed up and down them like a stripper pole and grunted or moaned i think you can safely chill and put a funny movie on. if it still bothers u later write down why and follow your statemnts to their natural conclusion. when you get to the ridiculously untrue statement the whole fear thought process will come crashing down like a house of cards. then you may stop worrying.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    Say nothing and let it go.

    I'd only worry if you worked a little *kitten* slap into it

    It's an easy mistake to make :embarassed:
  • VeganLexi
    VeganLexi Posts: 960 Member
    I wouldn't worry about it! You will make yourself Ill :(
  • Sjenny5891
    Sjenny5891 Posts: 717 Member
    I don't like being touched for personal reasons, but i would tell someone before filing harassment charges.
    That being said, It is different when it is a woman vrs a male.

    I think it may be appropriate to send an e-mail or talk with them and apologise if you are uncomfortable.
  • ravegee
    ravegee Posts: 999 Member
    A hug is a hug don't worry about it. I highly doubt they will file charges.
  • michelleinpa
    michelleinpa Posts: 68 Member
    I have no doubt in my mind that if I had met someone in person whom I have been working with and close to for over 10 years...I most certainly would have hugged them. I would say nothing....really, not something you own an apology for
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    If you guys are on the same.level it might not be a biggie, if you are a superior it might be an issue.

    If I was you, I will draw first blood. Shoot an email and sound super excited in it about how happy you were for finally meeting them (don't mention the hug, unless they do first. And even if they do pretend that you were soo excited to finally meet them, that you don't recall doing it).

    Corporate culture is a very tricky beast to tame sometimes because of all the BS language HR has piled in it.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    this is a sad post OP. :( I'm not a hugger generally and even I would have hugged those ladies in that situation. I have problems with physical intimacy based on some past experiences and I often unintentionally stiffen up when someone hugs me, especially if I haven't had enough time to prepare for it. I don't think you need to worry about it at all.
  • TMLPatrick
    TMLPatrick Posts: 558 Member
    At worst, they might have thought "that was weird" and moved on without giving it much thought. You're beating yourself up for nothing.
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member
    At worst, they might have thought "that was weird" and moved on without giving it much thought. You're beating yourself up for nothing.

    Exactly this.

    There might have been some initial awkwardness if the hug was unexpected or they're not big huggers, but it's pretty likely they just went about their day as usual and didn't think about it again. Don't stress yourself out over it! Even though I'm not really a hugger, I always appreciate the gesture for what it is.
  • CherylP67
    CherylP67 Posts: 772 Member
    Hi all,

    I really need some advice as I am literally making myself sick to my stomach. I had to attend a meeting today for work. At the meeting were two ladies that I've worked very closely with over the last ten years, all by phone and email but have never met face to face. We have become friends and I know about their families and they know about mine.

    I didn't get a chance to talk to them before the presentation. After the meeting I went over to where they were and gave each of them a big hug. One lady was very positive to it the other so so.

    I am just worried sick that I might have offended one or both of them. I don't know what possessed me to hug them as it is not that kind of work atmosphere. I don't know whether to apologize, or just say nothing and see how the next phone interaction goes with them.

    I've even played it out in my mind that they file a harassment claim against me. I am so depressed right now that I have a pain in my chest, no I"m not having a heart attack, just so incredibly sad and feel so stupid for doing something so unprofessional. I'm not a young person and I know better.

    Any suggestions?

    I think you are being too harsh on yourself. We always tend to judge our behaviors more harshly than we should.

    Also, nobody will be able to file a harassment charge, what you did wasn't harassment.
  • Sarahs2576
    Sarahs2576 Posts: 418 Member
    Follow up with a hand written note expressing how you were pleased to have finally met them and maybe compliment them on the presentation. Other than that move on and I'd say probably no more office hugging just to be on the safe side.
  • shrinkingWITS
    shrinkingWITS Posts: 108
    Some people are huggers, some are not. I'm sure your mind is making it way worse then it actually was.

    This. I don't think it was inappropriate considering the relationship you described. Are some people anti-huggers? Sure but oh well... you didn't know if they were. It happened, don't worry yourself over it. :)
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
    Hi all,

    I really need some advice as I am literally making myself sick to my stomach. I had to attend a meeting today for work. At the meeting were two ladies that I've worked very closely with over the last ten years, all by phone and email but have never met face to face. We have become friends and I know about their families and they know about mine.

    I didn't get a chance to talk to them before the presentation. After the meeting I went over to where they were and gave each of them a big hug. One lady was very positive to it the other so so.

    I am just worried sick that I might have offended one or both of them. I don't know what possessed me to hug them as it is not that kind of work atmosphere. I don't know whether to apologize, or just say nothing and see how the next phone interaction goes with them.

    I've even played it out in my mind that they file a harassment claim against me. I am so depressed right now that I have a pain in my chest, no I"m not having a heart attack, just so incredibly sad and feel so stupid for doing something so unprofessional. I'm not a young person and I know better.

    Any suggestions?

    Cat people. Sheesh. :rolleyessmileydangit:

Categories