Here we go....

Bnates

So, I have been a member of MFP for quite some time now...I joined through an app on my phone after a friend of mine started raving about it! I have used the app off and on every so often. I want to use it more now. I want to truly devote myself to this change. I lost so much weight not too long ago... 30 lbs. in three months time frame...however, I did not transition back to regular eating the way I was suppose to, and I kept the bad habits. This simply cannot happen anymore! Not only did I gain the entire 30 lbs. back, but I gained an additional 10 lbs. Now, I am way, way over my goal weight.

I did Insanity (a Beach Body program) back in 2010. I saw results... but, I guess I became discouraged and impatient. My husband did it with me...then, he hurt his back during a fishing trip and could not do it...so, I basically used that as an excuse to be unmotivated and stopped the program two weeks short of completing it. I tried to start it back up off and on over the years, but I seem to be unable to keep myself motivated to do it alone. So, I started gaining weight... I tried diets off and on...but, crash dieting has proven to not lead to anything but a big "crash" and a lot of depression and disappointment. I have P90X as well now... I did it for a month last year...but alas, I became unmotivated again. And.....I continued to gain weight.....

Like I mentioned earlier, I recently lost 30 lbs. in three months. I did this through water fasting...which I did for healing...not for weight loss... that just happen to be a great benefit. You are suppose to come off of this fast slowly...I did at first... but, then I thought "ok, that's slow enough and I can eat normal "bad" stuff again" WRONG. My metabolism was way too slow still... and because the kids were out for school I stopped trying to go to the gym (can't go when I have children at home to watch ). I could have broken out the P90X or something and tried again...but, I didn't. I have no excuses...I just didn't. I couldn't seem to motivate myself! EH!!!

I have never been one to "count" calories... but... I guess it's time I step outside of my comfort zone and try something else... because I am obviously not succeeding with my current methods. January 2009 I weighed 140 lbs. (this is when I first met my husband). By September 2009, I weighed 150 (This is when I got married). I did Insanity January- February 2010... My ending weight was 140 lbs. again... which made me super happy! In all fairness, I was happy to be at the weight I was a year prior... but, not happy with the weight itself because my ideal weight is 128-130 lbs. My weight went up and down throughout the years... too many times to continue listing. Over the summer (2013), before my fast, I weighed a total of 165.6 lbs.; My highest weight ever, other then when I was pregnant. After the fast, I weighed 133.4 lbs. I was so happy!!!! I was almost where I needed to be... where I wanted to be. I currently weigh 167.4 (as of this morning). I am SO disgusted with myself. I keep telling myself "you need to do this; you need to do that" but...I don't do it. I make up an excuse...and then the next day I say "okay...you can start today." It's a continuous cycle with me... and I am so exhausted from it...

I do not want to be over weight anymore. I do not want to hate my body anymore... to hate myself anymore. It's about making myself happy..no one else. My husband says he loves my body- regardless... but, then again, what kind of guy would he be if he said anything different? I need to love myself again. I need to know I can disciple and dedicate myself to this change I so desperately want for myself. I can do this. right?

I start a new job soon. I have two biological children and two step children. I go to college fulltime online. The course I am currently in is over in two weeks... then, I plan to take a few months off of school to focus on my job training.

I am open to any friends... so, feel free to add me. I would love any support I can get... and of course I will gladly return it. Thanks for reading!