Friends and Weight Loss

SilverRoxy

This is the first time I've started a post, but I really need some advice....forgive the length.

A friend of mind, who I've started to see more often after she's relocated, is struggling with her weight. I don't know how much weight she has gained in the past few years, but it's quite a bit. 10 years ago (we were graduating high school) she was probablly a size 8 or 10. Now she is around a 22/24. I, on the other hand, have lost weight over the years. (Around 50 pounds.) Everytime we get together she goes on and on about how great I look, which makes me feel good, but also makes me feel a little awkward and bad.

Recently, we took a mini vacation. This was the first time I've spent a significant amount of time with her other than a quick meal here or there. To be honest, the amount of food I witnessed her consume was mind boggling! (For example, we went for lunch and I ordered a half turkey sub w/o mayo and picked off most of the bread. She ate a foot long cheese steak with mayo on it and then dipped it in ranch dressing mixed with buffalo sauce.) She has a lot of other stresses in life, including a mentally abusive relationship (her boyfriend called her a cow to her face), and I know she's trying to handle it with food. When I hang with her I tend to eat things I shouldn't.(I ate a bunch of her fries a lunch)..almost as to not make her stand out, I dunno. Or, its my excuse to let loose. Whatever it is, it makes me feel horrible!

When she asked about my weight loss, I mentioned MFP but said sometimes it's hard to stick to my daily calories...around 1200. She then replied, why, is that too much for you?...which makes me realize she has NO clue about any of this. When we were on vacation, I suggested this site but she kind of brushed it off.

So...the advice I need. I'm honestly really worried about her but I don't want to offend her. SO, how do you tell a friend that her eating habits are disgusting and she's killing herself with food?

BeautyNBriefcase

has she ever said out loud she's not happy with herself?

ethompso0105

When I became very concerned about one of my friend's weight situaion, I had an open and honest conversation with him. I told him how much I cared for him, and wanted him around for years to come. I said that I was concerned, though, about his weight and about how that would affect his health. I let him in on my experinces in weight loss (I've yo-yoed for years), but let him know that losing weight was the best way to ensure a healthy future.

You have experience with weightloss so can help give her support. Compliment her on something you appreciate about her, but also compliment her about something physical...beauitful eyes, a great smile, whatever. Make sure she feels beautiful...especially if she's in a mentally abusive relationship...before you talk to her about losing weight, though.

Then be honest--even if she's frusturated, I'm sure she'll appreciate your offer of support.

Good luck.

sexylonglegs

Unless she is wanting to lose weight, I wouldn't say anything. If she's happy with the way she is then so be it. Some people are happy with who they are.

I'd just wait for her to ask you for advice, otherwise I'd leave it alone...could potentially damage a friendship.

sexylonglegs

Unless she is wanting to lose weight, I wouldn't say anything. If she's happy with the way she is then so be it. Some people are happy with who they are.

I'd just wait for her to ask you for advice, otherwise I'd leave it alone...could potentially damage a friendship.

sexylonglegs

ack ~ sorry for the double post!

SilverRoxy

Yes, she constantly says how she wishes she could lose weight and how this boyfriend of hers is the best she can do so she puts up with him. She is the nicest person in the world and has a lot going for her. Just wish she could see that.

robynbest32

I feel like that, but i feel like the friend, I overeat, then go for my friends plate is shes done, and i know what I am doing is wrong, but I keep saying to myself that I will just do better tomorrow. But it seems like I tell myself this everyday. and everyday I do the same thing, I consume more then my allowed recommended portion. I have a job where I am constantly moving and walking and doing something, but I am not losing because I eat and eat and am eating the wrong things. Its been a up hill battle for me, I want to lose this weight, and I would feel very honored for a friend to step in and and say hey, lets talk.

sexylonglegs

Ok, well then I would sit down with her and maybe show her this website & how great it is! Maybe help her set up her profile and get her going. Be her motivation & support system. She's being an emotional eater & I know how hard it is to get out of the trap.

Sounds like you are a great friend for her to have!

VeryKerri

Honestly she isn't ready then. Everyone of us has had to get to the point where we are just tired of being at whatever weight we are and are ready for a change. Until she is ready to commit to losing the weight and changing her life, there isn't much you can do to make her. Here is what I recommend and what worked for me. I have a friend that thought exactly the way you do, about me. She would always tell me how pretty I was and say things like when I am ready to lose the weight, just come to her and let her know and she would help me. She said this for two years! Finally when I realized how big I had gotten and was getting sick a lot and my health was starting to bother me, I went to her and told her I was DONE! I wanted to lose weight now! She sat me down and we worked out my nutrition and we started to walk together everyday at lunch. She is a tiny person and I was over 300 pounds! It was funny and people would ask her why she was doing it. She was and always has been SUPER supportive of me. Now I am in a gym and I am on MFP and I am doing it myself! I have lost 41 pounds (I haven't adjusted my ticker yet!!)! I have a long way to go, but I couldn't have started the journey without her support and love. That is what I suggest you do for her.

queenmedusa

I agree that you're a great friend but upset by ANY woman who puts up with abuse and says that "he's the best I can do". What's wrong with being by yourself above being in a bad relationship? Or am I the crazy chick?!

I think a lot of the problem is lack of education. My mum doesn't understand about calories and has spent all my life telling me that "a little bit of what you fancy does you good" but that would mean cake and pudding with custard during the same day as I was growing up. It took me until my early 30s to realise where my weight problems came from!

Unfortunately your friend is suffering from major self esteem issues and needs a dose of confidence and start to love herSELF enough to sort herself out. This guy clearly doesn't love her enough to respect her so she needs to make some serious changes. The fat around her tummy is a security blanket. Perhaps start out with some education, explain about calories and what they do, why we need some but not too many. Boost her confidence while you're at it - tell her she's a good person and deserves to live a happy and healthy life. It's not like you're encouraging to have an eating disorder but she does need to start looking after herself. I hope she accepts your help.

anikab

Honestly she isn't ready then. Everyone of us has had to get to the point where we are just tired of being at whatever weight we are and are ready for a change. Until she is ready to commit to losing the weight and changing her life, there isn't much you can do to make her. Here is what I recommend and what worked for me. I have a friend that thought exactly the way you do, about me. She would always tell me how pretty I was and say things like when I am ready to lose the weight, just come to her and let her know and she would help me. She said this for two years! Finally when I realized how big I had gotten and was getting sick a lot and my health was starting to bother me, I went to her and told her I was DONE! I wanted to lose weight now! She sat me down and we worked out my nutrition and we started to walk together everyday at lunch. She is a tiny person and I was over 300 pounds! It was funny and people would ask her why she was doing it. She was and always has been SUPER supportive of me. Now I am in a gym and I am on MFP and I am doing it myself! I have lost 41 pounds (I haven't adjusted my ticker yet!!)! I have a long way to go, but I couldn't have started the journey without her support and love. That is what I suggest you do for her.

This. My best friend is unhappy with her weight and she joined MFP but isn't really keeping up with it, and she's trying very hard to eat right but not completely committed so I just encourage her. but with me, my friends know I'm very blunt and I'll just tell her 'hey, why are you eating that put it back and eat a salad or you're not allowed to complain about the weight' and she does. but in OP case, I'd sit your friend down and just have a heart to heart. let her know if she wants to lose the weight she is going to have to get serious. and let her know you will help her as much as she needs but if she's not ready which it seems like she's not, then there's nothing you can do. lead by example is what I've learned. let her see you eating right exercising and losing the weight, she'll eventually jump on. I've brought a good amount of my friends to MFP just simply by being an example, not pushing anyone etc.