Personal benefits of being a stay at home parent.

quiltlovinlisa

There's so many personal reasons, and not everything will apply to everyone. I stayed at home because we couldn't afford childcare (There's 19 months between my middle son and his twin brothers). Right now I work as a substitute so sometimes I'm home and sometimes I'm not. Now that my kids are all in school, when I'm not working I get time to take care of myself. I exercise in the morning. It's great.

MostlyWater

I was bored staying home and frankly, a 2nd paycheck is handy. I always worked full time. I have 2 grown kids.

lynn1982

I think you need to do what YOU feel is right. And you may not have the answer until you have children. Not having children of my own, it's hard for me to have a valid opinion on this, but my sister always planned on going back to work after her son was born. She's a very successful lawyer and loved her job before she went on maternity leave. After the year was up, she admitted that she would rather stay home with her son. (She went back to work because they couldn't justify giving up her paycheque, but it was not her first choice.) On the other hand, a friend of mine who had always planned on staying home after her first child was born, decided after the year to go back to work part time because she missed her job as a social worker.

servilia

I'm on a year long mat leave right now with my first baby. I plan to go back to work but in the meantime I guess I qualify to somewhat answer your question since it's a long leave. Personal benefits include being able to make my own schedule (as long as they fit with baby's naps etc), being able to get errands and shopping done during the day when it's less hectic than after work, be able to go with the baby to baby and me class, having the flexibility to start dinner cooking early, more time to get chores done around the house, using time to workout (go for a long walk with the baby or do a workout vid while she's napping), taking a nap when she's napping, and of curse, spending all this time with her and seeing her firsts.

cardbucfan

I've been a SAHM since my oldest son was born-he's now a freshman in college. Our son was born one month before the Oklahoma City bombings and the pictures of those babies being taken out of the daycare center in that building were just devastating and I couldn't imagine putting my baby in that situation. That left a nanny and once we ran the financial numbers it was going to be stupid for me to work and have somebody else see all those "firsts". I won't lie, that first 2 months when I was on maternity leave I thought I'd go bonkers. I had no other SAHM friends and we lived in a city different from where I grew up or where our family lives so it was lonely. BUT, once I made an effort to find other moms with kids, I really enjoyed it.

Throughout the years the benefits have been being able to be very involved in their schools (chaperoning things, going to all the class parties, volunteering in the classrooms and with the parent organizations). I only missed a couple of sporting events in all that time. My house was always open to them and their friends and I KNEW their friends and the friends parents. When they weren't in school we were able to go along on my husbands business trips and vacations during school breaks.

I found hobbies for ME that I could do while they were at school and my husband was at work (working out, playing golf, volunteering) and take care of all the house stuff ( I'm called the household coo) and am now trying to decide if I want to get a part time job now that they are older. But I don't want to give up the trips with my husband or golf!

Only you can make this decision. It's not for everybody and some people can't handle the financial hit. Do do all the math though because your expenses working are different than being at home. Also have a very candid discussion with your husband about the division of labor in the house AND with the children. Good luck!

feelin_gr_8

First, I'll admit that I don't have kids (infertility problems), but I hope to! And I want to stay home with them. Maybe it's because I like kids and I feel so much better about myself when my house is properly tended to (home cooked meals, clean house, organization) or maybe it's from jobs I've had before. It depends on your job, but I've had my fair share where you realize you are just a number. No boss will ever appreciate me as much as my children will. No job will ever have as much impact in my life or my family's life as much as my being there for those I gave life to. And specifically, as you asked, benefits that are for you and not for the kids....I believe that it is a bit of both-if you are there to rear your children (i.e. they're not in daycare), their benefits are yours. Working in a school district I spot the daycare kids easily-they often have behavior problems...If the kids aren't acting out-you have less drama to deal with. But I also understand those that have to work outside of the home. For finances and to keep myself emotionally fulfilled, I plan to still work part time from the home (I am currently working a PT job as an online secretary) and I've made crafts and sold them online before).

In the end, it's up to you and your family. If you pray, I recommend that as well.

Nico_the_enabler

Right.. well. I am a SAHM to our 4. Have been since #1 was born 18 yrs ago. Youngest is 9. It was a decision we made before we had children, as it was how i was raised and we are in a position financially where we can. So the benefits. It's really changed over the years depending on their ages. But its been a blast. Outside of the personal satisfaction of knowing of teaching them myself in the early years, theres been a lot. Having the space and time to learn new things. Mean I can now renovate a house pretty much without a builder. I have taught myself a million things which I then get to pass onto the children. Thats just one. There are a lot more. We have always had an open door policy so lots of times especially in the holidays we have upwards of 8 kids in the house. It really makes me feel good to be able to help my friends who work out, by having their kids so they dont have to pay a limb to have them in full time holiday programes etc. Or when someone is sick and mum/dad cant take a day off. I get to be there. Like a sarogate aunty i guess. lol. And in turn my friends and family really do make me feel appriciated. I understand its not for everyone. But its not a thankless task. Over all I wouldnt swap it for the world.
To be honest. I am looking at retraining and going back to work in the next 3 or 4 years and .. frankly that scares the daylights out of me. I am used to being my own boss. Being on my own time schedule.
Good luck what ever you decide to do.

ninerbuff

I'm a SAHD. I do all the cooking, cleaning, bills, yardwork, drop off and pick up my DD from school, homework, etc. I'm organized at it and enjoy it. All that and still have time to hit the gym as well as train a couple of clients in the morning and a couple of clients in the evening as well as classes.
What's great? I own my life. I get to choose when I work, whom I want to work with and control my free time/relax time. I'm also showing my DD compassion and love so she knows what to expect from a male when she's ready to date (if I ever let her!!!). And being able to focus on my own personal fitness goals is also keeping my attitude very very positive.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

You still work (although part-time) so I wouldn't quite call you a SAHD as you just have unusual work hours the same way I wouldn't call a parent that works from home or a mother that works part time in the evenings a SAHM. As to me a SAHParent is someone who doesn't work for monetary compensation.

But regardless of definitions, I do not want to diminish your accomplishment. Hats off to you for staying at home for the majority of the time. I think too many men don't want to stay home because of the optics of feeling like it makes them 'less of a man' if they're not the moneymakers, especially if they do it by choice. I think that you need to do whatever works for your family.

I don't have to work though. We could definitlely live just off my DW's income. I choose not to stay at home all the time because the current job I do is one I love and is directly helping people who direly need it most of the time. I don't do it for the money (although I do make decent pay doing it). I train people while my DD's in school, and later again once my DW is home. So essentially am I a SAHD only part time? Maybe in the eyes of some, but I don't think one just has to stay in the home to define the job. I mean parents that are stay at homes go out and shop, have lunches with friends, spend money, do errands, etc. I do the same too.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

MinMin97

I’m married lady in my late twenties and am keen to start a family BUT I’m also doing really well at work and have a husband who’s very career focused.

So, with the risk of my career becoming unsalvageable after a break, of my husband being unable to respect what I do all day (he’s very caring, he just doesn’t understand how much time and work running a home takes), and the risk of losing myself into the “mum and wife” mould, I’m keen to understand some personal benefits of staying at home with our family.

Not benefits to the children (I’ve read all the articles...) but the benefits to the person giving up all their personal goals while very often not getting the kudos they deserve for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m hoping to stay home – it’s the way I was raised and it was the most valuable thing in the world to my upbringing - but it’d be good to see some positives come out of it for me too.

p.s. this is in NO way a dig at any stay at home (or working) moms and dads, I’m just keen to hear the views of those that have been there – thanks!

Wow, that is so amazing how you are thinking this all out in advance. That is great!! I just plunged right in!
Guess I would say that whatever challenges you had in your career will pale in comparison to the challenges of raising a family. I am continually amazed at how super-hero people will go to their knees. I thought it was just me.
Another point I would make is that all my decisions are sort-of through my husband....just a chain of command, as it were.
I am the weakest link in the chain....I am the most vulnerable....so I am sort-of in control, ironically.
The idea that I'm not appreciated had not occurred to me, because I LOVE my family so much (the one I came from) and know just how important they were.
The idea of losing myself to a mold had not occurred to me, because I think a wife and mother is the most glamorous privileged person ever....I have my own version of glamour and privilege which I try to cultivate in my own life....it's my world, it's my life, and I'm dressing up for it! I always take care of myself. It's really important! And I get to be the most feminine and alluring woman in the world toward my husband, which he does not mind at all.

cask16

Thanks all, this post has been really invaluable! Don't get me wrong, I'm not likely to base this decision on anyone's advice, I instinctively feel I'd rather stay home awhile and see if I want to go back to work, rather than do it the other way round, BUT having the honest options of such a wide group of people has been really helpful.
Thanks a million!

bethannien

I wouldn't trade being a SAHM for the world. Spending this time with my little girl means the world to me. But it's not the only way to be a parent

Jessica1173

I’m married lady in my late twenties and am keen to start a family BUT I’m also doing really well at work and have a husband who’s very career focused.

So, with the risk of my career becoming unsalvageable after a break, of my husband being unable to respect what I do all day (he’s very caring, he just doesn’t understand how much time and work running a home takes), and the risk of losing myself into the “mum and wife” mould, I’m keen to understand some personal benefits of staying at home with our family.

Not benefits to the children (I’ve read all the articles...) but the benefits to the person giving up all their personal goals while very often not getting the kudos they deserve for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m hoping to stay home – it’s the way I was raised and it was the most valuable thing in the world to my upbringing - but it’d be good to see some positives come out of it for me too.

p.s. this is in NO way a dig at any stay at home (or working) moms and dads, I’m just keen to hear the views of those that have been there – thanks!

Hi, my mom was a stay at home mom, and she found it was very fulfilling. She was very good at it. I don't think she every regretted making the decision to stay at home with my sisters and I. My dad worked outside the home and hated his job. He did not feel fulfilled. He always kind of made fun of mom for staying at home, even though she was very happy. He wondered what she was doing all day if he came home and the house was messy or dinner was not cooked. Of course, there were difficulties but the relationships you form with your children are forever. All of my siblings like to call my mom regularly and we are really close to her, even if she or we do things that offend the other. I am definitely not as close with my dad.

I am not sure I personally am cut out for the stay at home mom role. I find it quite stressful and find I am not a very good stay at home mom. I am not really a good teacher to my son. I would keep him home if I could but I am not good at being consistent in the teacher of a young child role. I love him and enjoy spending time with him. I really miss him at school this year. I am not sure that the stay at home mom role is for me. He is really taking off at school and doing so well. He is learning so much. I never really saw the point of staying at home if my son is in school. I could be doing something work-oriented during that time, not that running a house is not work. I just find it kind of stifling and boring. I have a lot of skills that are not used tending to a house. I don't really feel proud of myself. I have been home with my son since he was born, but now that he is going to school, I want to go back to school and study archeology/anthropology. I feel like I am meant to pursue that field. We really do need the income too.

Jessica1173

It really depends on your goals, ambitions, skills, and life purpose what is right for you to do as far as staying at home or working outside the home. When your kids go to school when you are done having kids you can always go back to work because that frees up a lot of time during the day to do something like that.