Mind Game

michellekicks

Eating at a deliberate surplus is a mind game after trying to eat at a deficit for a year and a half. I have taken breaks from cutting during race prep weeks and stuff, so I've definitely deliberately eaten AT maintenance and I've carb-loaded and know what the water weight/bloat feels like, but I'm definitely struggling with doing this on purpose.

I'm only 1 week in to my first bulk and I'm questioning EVERYTHING. Why am I doing this? I have almost 120 lbs of LBM on my 5'7" frame. It's not like I need to get more muscle. I just want to re-shape things... I want a nice shoulder cap. I want to give my back an opportunity to get stronger and more defined and maybe make me look like I have a waist. I want muscle cleavage since I don't have any other kind of cleavage haha.

The scale is up 1 lb. Obviously it's just a pound. I am struggling with the idea of putting on 5-10 lbs though... on purpose. Why is it bothering me so much? It's a minuscule amount of weight in reality. It will barely be noticeable to anyone other than me.

Anyone else relate?

runfatmanrun

Fear. You've worked so hard to get where you are. You're now gaining on purpose which seems to contradict what got you where you are. I felt it during my "rebound" gain. I gained on purpose but was still scared I would forget everything I had learned and, to use a cliche, fall off the wagon. I think I am over that now. Or, I just decided that if I run 30ish miles a week forever, I can work around lapses in gastrointestinal judgement. You will be just fine.

juliemouse83

Bumping to follow...Will be going there, too, in the not too distant future...

moonshine_betty

Fear. You've worked so hard to get where you are. You're now gaining on purpose which seems to contradict what got you where you are. I felt it during my "rebound" gain. I gained on purpose but was still scared I would forget everything I had learned and, to use a cliche, fall off the wagon. I think I am over that now. Or, I just decided that if I run 30ish miles a week forever, I can work around lapses in gastrointestinal judgement. You will be just fine.

I agree with this. I've never done a bulk but it makes sense that after a long time of losing weight it will be a significant mental struggle to switch gears and actively try to gain weight. I'm sure you can't help but keep viewing things through a "weight loss lens" where gaining weight is a bad thing even though you're no longer in that phase. Plus, considering this is your first time bulking, you lack the reassurance of experience to know that you can do this successfully and it won't mean undoing everything you've achieved.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

I absolutely felt this way when I did it. It's too bad I deleted my old account because I totally made a blog post about it. It's worth it. I haven't been committed enough to "cut" after my bulk 2 years ago but I still do not regret it. I do have pec-clevage, nice round shoulders, visible triceps, the start of a "V" in my hips, some "abs" when I'm behaving, things I never had before my bulk, visible even without the hypothetical cut.

Barbellgirl

Yes sweetie, I can relate. We just have to remind ourselves of a few facts when the doubts and mind games start.

1. Building muscle is our new goal......it's a sexy goal at that
2. Eating more is necessary for number 1
3. Gaining weight is a by product of number 1 and 2

And most importantly

4. We WILL get any gained fat back off and look better than when we started

Hang in there.

funforsports

Changing mind frames and going against what you have always tried to do is definitely not an easy thing to do. Just keep in mind what you are trying to do and why. Once you get done with your bulk and cut back down, you will look even more amazing. The great thing is, you will learn that manipulating your weight to look the way you want is as easy as you want it to be.

nboks

I'm definitely in the same page. been on a 2-week bulk already and i can't count the number of times i'm tempted to cut back on the calories i eat. Plus the bouncing numbers on the scales doesn't really encourage me much since a higher number makes me worried that i'm getting fat and getting my pre-bulk weight makes me feel like i'm barely accomplishing anything.

jennybennypenny

Bump for later. I have the same fear/doubts.

Tiff050709

Look online. I have seen pictures of what 1lb of fat looks like and 1lb of muscle. Not anywhere near the same. But I can understand where you are coming from! You know you are doing right though so just listen to that voice and tell the other one to be quiet, lol.

Boogage

I am in the same boat and really struggling with the idea of eating more. I'm at a good weight for my size but I look nothing like I'd hoped I would (still way too many wobbley bits) and my other half says I look anorexic so I decided to eat my way slowly up to maintenance and then start a lean bulk to recomp but I'm really stumbling on this new journey already through fear of just getting fat again. It seems to be turning into another type of yo-yo diet! I have to spend time everyday convincing myself that I'll never have the body I want if I don't just bite the bullet and get on with it.

NRBreit

Yes, I can relate. I did my first bulk last year and put almost 2 inches on my waistline during the process. It's tough to keep going when your pants start getting tight! But the weight came right off during the cut and I'm now doing my 2nd bulk. It's worth it in the long run.

BigGuy47

Here's a good thread on the subject:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1069962-the-former-fat-boy-girl-syndrome?hl=former+fat+boy+syndrome#posts-16471096

I wish this post could be a sticky at the top of the Gaining Weight forum.

waldo56

Bulking is not easy, it is very psychologically challenging, even if you've been through it a few times.

Remember, "falling off the wagon" when bulking means that you fail to gain. Giving into your fears and excessive conservatism is a form of falling off the wagon.

A major beginner mistake that experience will help you with is to avoid overadjusting. Weight comes very nonlinear when bulking, several pound swings day to day and week to week are not uncommon. You need to trust your calorie levels and trust that every major weight jump will be followed by a pullback.

Given the "scariness' of bulking, falling off the wagon and gaining to infinity is of little concern. Rarely does that happen. Its much more common for people to conclude that bulking is too hard and just give up.

bagge72

Yeah I agree seeing the scale go up even though my clothes pretty much still fit the same, and I'm getting much strong really was messing with my head, now that I'm about a month and a half into it I've gotten better at telling myself that this is the new normal for now, and it will all be worth it.

Barbellgirl

OP, one of the other members started a new group called "women who bulk" you may want to join it.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/51470-women-who-bulk

andreae13

Right there with ya girly. Just started my new bulking plan today. After being focused on losing weight my entire life, this decision was the most terrifying thing I've ever done. But, like my sister said, if I don't like the results...just switch back. Easy as that

michellekicks

OP, one of the other members started a new group called "women who bulk" you may want to join it.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/51470-women-who-bulk

Thanks!

michellekicks

Here's a good thread on the subject:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1069962-the-former-fat-boy-girl-syndrome?hl=former+fat+boy+syndrome#posts-16471096

I wish this post could be a sticky at the top of the Gaining Weight forum.

That was great! Spot on. At least I'm not alone.

michellekicks

Bulking is not easy, it is very psychologically challenging, even if you've been through it a few times.

Remember, "falling off the wagon" when bulking means that you fail to gain. Giving into your fears and excessive conservatism is a form of falling off the wagon.

A major beginner mistake that experience will help you with is to avoid overadjusting. Weight comes very nonlinear when bulking, several pound swings day to day and week to week are not uncommon. You need to trust your calorie levels and trust that every major weight jump will be followed by a pullback.

Given the "scariness' of bulking, falling off the wagon and gaining to infinity is of little concern. Rarely does that happen. Its much more common for people to conclude that bulking is too hard and just give up.

Thanks for this. This is what I know in my head, but following through is the trick. It was easier to hack no change on the scale for the first 5 days (I hate daily weighing but am still trying to figure out my intake since I cut out about 3 hours of running each week) than it was to take a 1.5 lb gain overnight. I didn't adjust what I'm doing for the low numbers and I'm not adjusting for the high ones. I actually think I'm pretty bang on with my targets so this *should* work.

I know if I persist and do this successfully it will be super empowering.

Willbenchforcupcakes

I get this. Oh boy do I get this. I'm starting my 11th week of my bulk, and all along I've been fighting the urge to just cut again. Add in a husband who prefers me on the edge of obesity, and it's been a bit of a mind-f!ck. I finally realized that I'm doing this for me, to make my body the best I possibly can, and now it's enjoyable! Still looking forward to cutting and seeing the results of my hard work, but for now, I'm content putting on the weight and putting in the work at the gym.

cavia

Yup, I can definitely relate. I'm just into week 6 of my first bulk. The first 4 weeks were high anxiety for me. I'm gonna gain the weight back, I'm not gonna be able to diet it off again, etc. Now that the scale rollercoaster has evened out, I'm seeing how hard it is (for me, anyways) to actually put this weight on. On my bloatiest days, where I've felt like a marshmallow, were the days I got the most compliments on my appearance. I still worry about being able to diet off the fat but my anxiety level is much lower overall.

cmeiron

A major beginner mistake that experience will help you with is to avoid overadjusting. Weight comes very nonlinear when bulking, several pound swings day to day and week to week are not uncommon. You need to trust your calorie levels and trust that every major weight jump will be followed by a pullback.

This is good advice, thank you. I've been crunching numbers (intake and weight) from the past couple of months and while the weight is VERY up and down, it seems to be going in the right direction, at the right pace, overall. I had to see it plotted out in a graph before I believed it though.

pandorakick

Plotting the data is a good idea. I think I will also weigh myself just once a week, measurements perhaps bi-weekly or even monthly. Just to make it easier to see the overall trend instead of the short term fluctuations.

elisa123gal

Changing mind frames and going against what you have always tried to do is definitely not an easy thing to do. Just keep in mind what you are trying to do and why. Once you get done with your bulk and cut back down, you will look even more amazing. The great thing is, you will learn that manipulating your weight to look the way you want is as easy as you want it to be.

this guy makes sense... however.. i'm still trying to lose but many on here make everything so emotional when it is all a logical process.