Help for my mom

climbing_trees

Hey guys, I need some wisdom! I've shared my success and this website with my mom and she has started logging and trying to eat cleaner/better. (She cooks all the food at home so my dad has sort of adopted some of the healthiness too.) But, she's gone a bit extreme and I'm worried about her!

She's 5'7" and at least 225 lbs. She said that since starting, about two weeks ago, my dad has lost a bit of weight but she hasn't. I asked her what she's been eating and she says she rarely breaks 1200 calories! (Even on days when she's been gardening for hours! She doesn't eat back exercise calories...)

I tried to tell her that it is important to eat what makes you feel good, but you need to eat something! She recently read Wheat Belly and thinks that all grains are awful for you and won't eat any. She has developed a sugar phobia. She is getting super controlling about pre-made food too and won't eat anything with more than five ingredients or anything artificial. I know some of these are controversial, and I'm not really worried about her exact eating style, but so much restriction seems dangerously obsessive. I actually have no idea what she really does eat, I imagine lots of fruit and vegetables, maybe some nuts...?

I know she's really trying hard and she wants to be healthy. She has been big since before I was born and has tried/failed a bunch of fad diets with no success. I know she doesn't have a good relationship with food. Our family has always associated food with celebration, rewards, emotions... We love cooking and baking, our family is only three people, just two in the house since I've moved to my own place, and leftovers are plentiful. I actually avoid going home sometimes because I know there are too many binge ready foods available.

A few years ago she managed to lose about 40 lbs fairly quickly by really restricting her intake, she rarely ate and only had very small meals. However, she hurt her foot and was unable to walk or garden, and gained all of it back. I feel like this is still haunting her and she's desperate to achieve those same results again.

I am worried about her! This is not healthy at all! How can I talk to her without hurting her motivation or making her feel bad? I thought I was encouraging her to begin a healthier lifestyle it backfired majorly...

OneThrone

I know what it's like to worry about your loved ones. I also know how your mom is feeling. I have tried just about all the fad diets out there and my story is the same I would lose some weight and then gain it all back and then some. What really helped me and maybe this might help her too is listening to some nutritional presentations from Nutritional Weight and Wellness. I hate going to the doctor and always shunned the idea of seeing a nutritionist because for one I don't want to use my insurance for that and I knew they were only going to give me the information they learned from textbook and not their own research.

Since, I coordinate our professional development program here at my job as well as our wellness classroom offerings I had the opportunity to sit in on some of the courses from NWW nutritionists. They base everything they teach on science and extensive research, not fads. I believe their podcasts are free and they also have some online courses that cost maybe $20.00. You can also find recipes too. Maybe after taking a look, you might want to give her an online class as a gift for doing such a good job logging her food and making healthy choices. Here is the website, feel free to look around. http://www.weightandwellness.com/

mabbzie

This is always a tricky situation, because it's someone very close to you can you know that any attempt to help them can backfire. (Trust me, I know this all-too-well).

First, I would suggest her to see a doc to get her thyroid levels checked. My best friend was in the same boat for a long time-barely ate, ate healthy, exercised-before finally getting her thyroid levels checked and realizing she has hypothyroidism. It really threw a wrench in her weight-loss progress. Now that she's maintaining it with medication, it's starting to come off, albeit slowly.

Second, I would just suggest to let her know that food is NOT the enemy. Sugar isn't the enemy, carbs are not the enemy. Food is food, and the basic science to losing weight is to eat at a deficit. 'Nuff said. For example, there's a guy that lost 20+ lbs eating only Twinkies, but he maintained a deficit. Though I do not suggest she start eating Twinkies every day, it just goes to show that in the end, it really doesn't matter what you eat. Eat less, move more basically.

I hope this response helps. Here's the link to the article about the Twinkie diet, also:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/twinkie.diet.professor/index.html

OneThrone

Love the article about the junk food diet. Made me smile. :-) Thank you for sharing.

climbing_trees

Thank you both for the ideas! I really like the idea about getting her a class or a nutritionist as a gift I know she has been to the doctor recently but I will ask her about her thyroid.

sarah_lou22

mabbzie is awesome and you should really take her advice!! and onethrone is a smart cookie!

to be perfectly honest, when you are desperate for a change -- you do anything that you can!! convince her of the benefits of a nutritionist -- I know once I started going to mine, LOTS of things changed. it was no longer he-said she-said, it was what is best for ME.

people continue to tell me "carbs are the enemy!" when that couldn't be farther from the truth! -- yes, you will lose weight, but the second that you eat that ear of corn you will balloon up, and likely get sick because of not having had it (your body stops producing the enzymes needed to process it)

but most importantly, BE THERE FOR HER. express your concerns, but don't tell her that she is wrong. be that supportive, caring, wonderful daughter that she needs in her life considering all of the bad that is going on now. but most importantly -- encourage her

best of luck!

edited for typos