Sooo, have a "Dating" question for yous guys! :)

TamTastic

So I date sometimes. I did the online thing before but that was sort of turning me off dating! lol! I am a single, working mother and I have a 4 and almost 7 year old boys and I work full-time. I was in a relationship last year for about 8 months that didn't end well and he didn't handle things right by my boys upon our end. He was a coward. They still talk about him even though it's been months.

I'm so busy and also very wary about trusting someone with my boys again. I like being in a relationship but the "dating" part to get to that point is difficult! haha! I'm also OK being on my own. I'm not the type to have to jump from person to person. I am very comfortable with my own company. But I am romantic, passionate, and like what a relationship is about.

So I have everyone around me saying "we know someone" or "My husband thinks you should date his friend" or "Going out this weekend??"

I guess my question is....... isn't it OK I'm fine on my own right now? My boys even ask about me having a boyfriend! lol! I say "It has to be the right one for all of us" (I call us the three musketeers!). Sometimes I get lonely and again like having a boyfriend...but in the meantime my plate is pretty full and whoever I do date has to be pretty patient. It's all about quality of time vs quantity these days.

So I don't understand why people keep pushing me. To each their own right? We're doing ok! Is there something weird about me being fine being single for the moment??

Ahhh, what say you!

Tam

Naomi0504

Stay single for as long as you want, nothing wrong with that at all!

ndj1979

people tend to think that their friends are "great" and as such, they must have something to offer to you, even though their friends may be a complete D-Bag or idiot, they just do not see it..

Option 2 - since they are married, dating, have boyfriend, whatever and because you are alone they want you to be "happy" and "meet someone" so they push you towards other single people that they also think should be "happy"..

If you are happy with your situation then roll with it ..

I am single and it would be nice to have a GF but I am not just going to settle for someone because I feel "lonely" or want to be in a relationship..

oh and in my experience blind dates always tend to end in disaster....LOL

symetrex1

You have you and yours to look after. It's fine that your single. And honestly its attractive to see a mom doing her thing taking care of her family on her own.

ndj1979

is yous guys a typo or are you from jersey???? LOL

TamTastic

people tend to think that their friends are "great" and as such, they must have something to offer to you, even though their friends may be a complete D-Bag or idiot, they just do not see it..

Option 2 - since they are married, dating, have boyfriend, whatever and because you are alone they want you to be "happy" and "meet someone" so they push you towards other single people that they also think should be "happy"..

If you are happy with your situation then roll with it ..

I am single and it would be nice to have a GF but I am not just going to settle for someone because I feel "lonely" or want to be in a relationship..

oh and in my experience blind dates always tend to end in disaster....LOL

That's just it! lol! I love being in a relationship but not going to pick the first person that comes along just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Just can't do it!! lol!

And I have thought of writing a book about my online dating experiences! Titled "The Food Was Better Than The Company!" :laugh:

TamTastic

is yous guys a typo or are you from jersey???? LOL

Oregonian living in Connecticut. I just like saying yous guys! lol!

symetrex1

Born in jersey and actually live in Ct myself. Luckily i ditched the accent though. Hahaha

ndj1979

people tend to think that their friends are "great" and as such, they must have something to offer to you, even though their friends may be a complete D-Bag or idiot, they just do not see it..

Option 2 - since they are married, dating, have boyfriend, whatever and because you are alone they want you to be "happy" and "meet someone" so they push you towards other single people that they also think should be "happy"..

If you are happy with your situation then roll with it ..

I am single and it would be nice to have a GF but I am not just going to settle for someone because I feel "lonely" or want to be in a relationship..

oh and in my experience blind dates always tend to end in disaster....LOL

That's just it! lol! I love being in a relationship but not going to pick the first person that comes along just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Just can't do it!! lol!

And I have thought of writing a book about my online dating experiences! Titled "The Food Was Better Than The Company!" :laugh:

bahahahahaha...I have done, and still do, the online dating thing...were not all D-bags on those things..promise...

ndj1979

Born in jersey and actually live in Ct myself. Luckily i ditched the accent though. Hahaha

originally from Boston ...15 years in the south has dropped my accent...

bennettinfinity

I think people that are OK with their own company are fairly rare and most people just can't wrap their brains around that concept.

Your friends and family are just showing that they care about your well being, but you should feel free to decline their offers to set you up - as some of the other posters have pointed out, set ups rarely end well.

Best of luck!

Madame_Goldbricker

I've been single for over 2 years and to be honest it's actually finding the time to meet someone too. I'm the same I miss the relationship bit & all the nice stuff that goes with it. However, I don't miss the meet someone date them a few weeks and then start tripping over the dead bodies stashed under the carpet. I don't think there is anything wrong with being single. I try and get at least a few night's a month with friend's and have a spa day pretty often. It's nice to still find the non-mum time for yourself.

cdahl383

You should do whatever makes you happy.

simplycorey

You are fine to be single! I am a single mom and I haven't started dating yet but I seriously made a list of characteristics I'd like to see in my future man. Some are deal breakers and some would just be nice. I settled ... majorly ... last time and now we're fighting through attorneys. I refuse to settle again. I know I deserve better and that my kids deserve better and if they don't meet certain criteria, then no way. I am happy being single but I miss certain aspects of a relationship. I'm still in no hurry. I have a crazy schedule too with work and kids so a relationship/dating is going to be tough but I suppose if the right man comes along it will all work out. Good luck to you!

TamTastic

You are fine to be single! I am a single mom and I haven't started dating yet but I seriously made a list of characteristics I'd like to see in my future man. Some are deal breakers and some would just be nice. I settled ... majorly ... last time and now we're fighting through attorneys. I refuse to settle again. I know I deserve better and that my kids deserve better and if they don't meet certain criteria, then no way. I am happy being single but I miss certain aspects of a relationship. I'm still in no hurry. I have a crazy schedule too with work and kids so a relationship/dating is going to be tough but I suppose if the right man comes along it will all work out. Good luck to you!

I settled too! Hence why I asked to separate when I was still pregnant with my 2nd child who just turned 4. Needless to say the first couple of years...dating?? NO WAY! lol! Then I did date someone for 8 months. He was younger and no children. Was really good with my boys but at the end of the day our worlds just didn't mesh well. Lesson learned. Age isn't a deal breaker but he was wanting a Disney movie and life just isn't like that!! haha! How wonderful if it was, eh?

Other than online dating i have no idea how to meet people! I do get out with friends sometimes but the meeting in a bar thing is somewhat scary these days too!! :laugh:

Good luck to you too!

simplycorey

He was younger and no children. Was really good with my boys but at the end of the day our worlds just didn't mesh well. Lesson learned. Age isn't a deal breaker but he was wanting a Disney movie and life just isn't like that!! haha!

Same EXACT situation for me! I call him my rebound that went too far. Ha! Honestly, I am relieved it's over.

TamTastic

Thanks for the replies guys! Sometimes I feel odd for being single. Also, men don't approach me all the time. Not sure what that's about. They look and will double take...but are men expecting women to do all the work nowadays?? lol!

So I go "Mehh" Ok....and on my way.

Being single definitely has it's perks too.

ndj1979

Thanks for the replies guys! Sometimes I feel odd for being single. Also, men don't approach me all the time. Not sure what that's about. They look and will double take...but are men expecting women to do all the work nowadays?? lol!

So I go "Mehh" Ok....and on my way.

Being single definitely has it's perks too.

its tough to make the split second decision sometimes..its like, did she just glance at me, or did she look at me due to interest...and before you know it the moment is gone and well whoops...missed that one! LOL

EmilyEmpowered

Thanks for the replies guys! Sometimes I feel odd for being single. Also, men don't approach me all the time. Not sure what that's about. They look and will double take...but are men expecting women to do all the work nowadays?? lol!

So I go "Mehh" Ok....and on my way.

Being single definitely has it's perks too.

When I was single, I had this problem alot, and my self esteem took a couple of blows because I just didnt understand. If I questioned "What is wrong with me, why dont any guys approach me?" I always got "OH, your SO INTIMIDATING!" Riiiigghhhttt, that MUST be it! LOL... But then when I would say "Why do I attract mall these men who are twice my age & are really creepy?" My friends said "You are just WAY TOO NICE!" Ok, whatever then...

During that time I was single, I looked around at all my friends who were single mother, one of them who introduced her kids to like 7 guys in one year. Honestly, that was way too much for me. I started thinking, who would I really want around my kids, and how can I make the time to find out? I work 50 hours a week, I dont want to spend time away from them EVER when I dont have to!

I was too shy for the internet thing, tried dating a couple friends (who already knew my kids) but things just felt forced and awkward... I decided to stay single!!

Shortly after this decision, I had a death in my family that rocked my world and my children's father and I decided to work things out. So I never had to go through with being single for longer than 6 months. However, those 6 months taught me a lot about myself and what I want out of life and a relationship.

Sometimes that time "alone" is exactly what you need, so I say take as much time as you want! It's the best thing for you and your family, IMO. :flowerforyou: Good luck!

cdahl383

I met my wife online years ago. I was busy as well, working 60+ hours a week in the winter, just bought a house and got out on my own, really had no time to go out and meet people, etc. The online deal worked great, I could check it later at night, set up some dates for the weekend. Most of the girls I met on there were flaky, but when I finally met my wife it was all worth it. I'd give the online dating a shot, it seems to work well if you're busy, etc.

TamTastic

Sometimes that time "alone" is exactly what you need, so I say take as much time as you want! It's the best thing for you and your family, IMO. :flowerforyou: Good luck!


Thank you! I feel that too. And us being this "package deal" makes it harder too. I won't bring just anyone around my boys. So my window really is small. And I'm happy things worked out for you and your husband!

TamTastic

I met my wife online years ago. I was busy as well, working 60+ hours a week in the winter, just bought a house and got out on my own, really had no time to go out and meet people, etc. The online deal worked great, I could check it later at night, set up some dates for the weekend. Most of the girls I met on there were flaky, but when I finally met my wife it was all worth it. I'd give the online dating a shot, it seems to work well if you're busy, etc.

I'm not against it really...and I have tried it. But I wasn't having any luck at all and it kind of turned me off. So many game players! Yuck!! But we'll see! Glad it worked out for you!!

janupshaw

I think it's important to be happy with yourself first, before you get into a relationship. Meaning; be single, be happy! Nothing wrong with that at all!

underwater77

I have found that my married friends and friends who have a revolving door for "serious" boyfriends do not understand my contentment being single. I think they assume I am putting on a front about being very happy alone. But they could not be more wrong.

Definitely different strokes for different folks and I think it's safe to assume your friends may be the same way - I think it is hard for someone who thrives in the company of others to understand how people can be happy single, doing their own thing. Much like I look at them and wonder how the hell they don't get sick of the same person around them every single day.

I love to get up crazy early and sip coffee > walk dog > go to yoga > work > gym > grill > read > trashy TV > cuddle my dog and go to bed by 9. Boring and mundane and I love it.

Tahitidreamz

Hi TamTastic! There is nothing weird about "doing you". Now what gets weird is being single for so long that you have to seek some kind of dr. Phil moment because you then end up scared to go through the drama all over again. Ps. I think according to the men census after 3 years of celibacy I am considered new virgin again........ I am looking forward to my next moment of #havingsexanxiety.

Hardy har har.

jennpaulson

It is perfectly ok to be single for as long as you want to be single. I haven't been in a long term relationship since my daughter's father and that ended in 2001. There have only been two men that I have introduced her to in that time and it took almost 6 years before that happened the first time.
Online dating sucks, I tried every site out there and met nothing but players, psychos and stalkers. I also have the problem that men don't approach me when I'm out (except for the old creepy ones) and I don't understand it either. I've been told it's because I'm intimidating or because I'm too independent. Well if that's the case, too bad because I'm not changing the fact that I can take care of me and mine all on my own.

TamTastic

This is why I'm so careful. My sweeties. Add on full time work, exercise, healthy lifestyle and great family and friends and my life is pretty full! Yes I love romance too! When the time is right and the right one comes along I guess!

Chieflrg

Its perfectly fine to be on your own. Take care of you & your boys.

Enjoy being able to turn your brain off and not think about relationships. Its so good for the soul.

TamTastic

Hi TamTastic! There is nothing weird about "doing you". Now what gets weird is being single for so long that you have to seek some kind of dr. Phil moment because you then end up scared to go through the drama all over again. Ps. I think according to the men census after 3 years of celibacy I am considered new virgin again........ I am looking forward to my next moment of #havingsexanxiety.

Hardy har har.

Awwww you can do it!! It is scary. And strange. When you've been out of the scene for awhile.

anemoneprose

coupled friends are marginally happier when all their single friends are also suffering also people get a charge out of thinking they help other people, by connecting them with boyfriends, flight deals, doctors, etc. hooking up two friends together = twofer

Gidzmo

So I date sometimes. I did the online thing before but that was sort of turning me off dating! lol! I am a single, working mother and I have a 4 and almost 7 year old boys and I work full-time. I was in a relationship last year for about 8 months that didn't end well and he didn't handle things right by my boys upon our end. He was a coward. They still talk about him even though it's been months.

I'm so busy and also very wary about trusting someone with my boys again. I like being in a relationship but the "dating" part to get to that point is difficult! haha! I'm also OK being on my own. I'm not the type to have to jump from person to person. I am very comfortable with my own company. But I am romantic, passionate, and like what a relationship is about. So I have everyone around me saying "we know someone" or "My husband thinks you should date his friend" or "Going out this weekend??" I guess my question is....... isn't it OK I'm fine on my own right now? My boys even ask about me having a boyfriend! lol! I say "It has to be the right one for all of us" (I call us the three musketeers!). Sometimes I get lonely and again like having a boyfriend...but in the meantime my plate is pretty full and whoever I do date has to be pretty patient. It's all about quality of time vs quantity these days.

So I don't understand why people keep pushing me. To each their own right? We're doing ok! Is there something weird about me being fine being single for the moment?? Ahhh, what say you!

Someone once set me up in a relationship that turned out to be a disaster. He wanted to marry me before I thought I was ready. I'm still single.

Unlike me, you have your sons to think about. I think that your friends and family want to see you happy--but if you think that it's not right at this point, then staying single till you feel ready is good. It's not just about you, it's also about your sons. "Love me, love my children".