Having my weight loss noticed makes me feel uncomfortable
Elafacwen
Posts: 44 Member
Today I decided that I felt comfortable enough to wear a form fitting top. As I was minding my own business at work, my supervisor walks behind me and states rather matter of factly,
"My God, Emily, you have been losing a lot of weight."
I went into instant social anxiety mode. Instead of saying something like "thank you for noticing! ect." I just go
"....yea."
This doesn't only apply to my supervisor, but to my friends and family as well. I just feel so uncomfortable whenever anyone points it out, and for the life of me I can't figure out why.
You know what's also uncomfortable? Passerby's looking at you and smiling. Strangers talking to you. Actually receiving help in a store.
I feel like I have been missing out on basic human interactions my whole life because of my weight, and they are now all being thrown at me at once as a 23 year old woman.
Anyone else in the same boat?
"My God, Emily, you have been losing a lot of weight."
I went into instant social anxiety mode. Instead of saying something like "thank you for noticing! ect." I just go
"....yea."
This doesn't only apply to my supervisor, but to my friends and family as well. I just feel so uncomfortable whenever anyone points it out, and for the life of me I can't figure out why.
You know what's also uncomfortable? Passerby's looking at you and smiling. Strangers talking to you. Actually receiving help in a store.
I feel like I have been missing out on basic human interactions my whole life because of my weight, and they are now all being thrown at me at once as a 23 year old woman.
Anyone else in the same boat?
0
Replies
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Kind of. I get variations on "You are so skinny, now!" and don't like it. I have noticed more "help" at stores, too. Sometimes when I don't want or need it.
I REALLY don't like talking to people I do not know, though. Now there are more of them trying to initiate conversation >.<0 -
I also try to change the subject when friends bring up the weight loss. I am so ashamed to have been at that weight to begin with.
I do think people are more likely to help a pretty good looking girl.0 -
maybe because it reinforces that they thought you were fat before.0
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I lost a lot of weight a few years back (and sadly put it all plus more back on, sigh...), however back then, there was a woman who was a contractor where I worked, so she only saw me every 2 or 3 weeks, which meant the weight loss was more obvious to her.
I was really pleased because each time she saw me, she complimented me on my motivation and how dedicated I was - NOT because I was now thin, as opposed to previously being fat.
It is awkward. It's worse when people want to hear all about it. And yep, agree on store assistants paying more attention... which I hate, because I just want to browse, fat or thin!0 -
I feel the same way, but I think any unsolicited comments about my body make me feel scrutinized and uncomfortable. Plus I really don't want to get into diet/weight loss talk with anyone, ever.0
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Not me, I get super excited and even more motivated !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0
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I'm with you when it comes to awkward (or awkward for me that is) social interactions. The worst for me is the grocery store cashiers who comment on my purchases. "You must eat really healthy" " you must really like Greek yogurt" "is this what you eat every day?". Seriously! What am I supposed to say? Gah! Sometimes you just want to be invisible!0
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I don't get uncomfortable, but when certain people comment it makes me mad.
I was fat for a long time, and fat people are largely invisible to most of the world. People don't really see you. When someone who has always ignored me in the past suddenly comments on my weight loss, I think, "screw you if the only time I'm worthy of your attention is when I look more like you think I should."
Yeah, I have some issues.
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I kinda understand what you are saying. I find it more annoying than anything. It used to make me feel good, but now it just feels obnoxious in my opinion. I don't know. Too many people tell me that I am too skinny now or that I don't need to lose any more. I usually just reply that I am doing it for myself, not for anyone else. I started with a goal, and I'm not going to stop 6 lbs short because someone else thinks I should.
It almost makes me want to cut anyone out of my life that knew me as a fat guy. Obviously I would never do that, but you get the point.0 -
If it is a genuine compliment, people are admiring that you set a goal and have worked hard to achieve it. The weight loss industry is a huge one, and I think that says something about the demand for help to reach a weight loss goal.
When I notice that someone is thinner or healthier, the compliment might be that they have lost weight, but the motivation behind the compliment is respect for that person's dedication to their goal.
As for more help at stores, yes. Thin, attractive, and child-free will garner much more unsolicited help than the opposite.0 -
I feel the same way, but I think any unsolicited comments about my body make me feel scrutinized and uncomfortable. Plus I really don't want to get into diet/weight loss talk with anyone, ever.
This is so me. On MFP, or with friends who I KNOW are similar-minded, it is ok. But still a little bit uncomfortable.
However I *HATE* talking with randoms about this stuff. I'd rather they not even notice my weight loss than try to talk to me about how great Body by Vi, Paleo, Atkins, etc are...no thankyou0 -
If it is a genuine compliment, people are admiring that you set a goal and have worked hard to achieve it. The weight loss industry is a huge one, and I think that says something about the demand for help to reach a weight loss goal.
When I notice that someone is thinner or healthier, the compliment might be that they have lost weight, but the motivation behind the compliment is respect for that person's dedication to their goal.
As for more help at stores, yes. Thin, attractive, and child-free will garner much more unsolicited help than the opposite.
^^^^^
this
Take the compliment........ could be worse, they could be saying "WOW Chunks! you've put some weight on haven't you!"0 -
Yep it is a little uncomfortable but I think it will stop in time when they are used to what we look like now. Could be worse, we could be still obese and no one says anything. -)0
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I agree, it can be awkward, even for someone like me who hasn't lost nearly as much as many of the folks on MFP. It's the sort of realization that seems to come across people faces, as if they are thinking "wow, you used to be a chubby guy...wtf?"
I want to say something like "that's right, b****, I worked my *kitten* off getting in this kind of shape...deal with it!"
But of course I always just say something like "oh, thanks, yeah, I've been running a lot..."0 -
Me too! But, I just get embarrassed when my best buddy tells me, "God, you are so skinny now!" I'm like, "No, I'm not. I'm thinner. But, I'm sure as hell not thin yet.
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This has honestly been my struggle in losing weight...not the calories or working out but the social aspect. I hate the attention and it makes me feel vulnerable.0
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It is complicated for me. So I've lost about 75 pounds since 6/3/13 (about 18 weeks). On one hand, I take the comments as a compliment. People mean well. But I am still about 35 pounds from my goal. Too much praise makes me feel like I've done this weight loss thing well enough, so maybe the next time I am tempted to just stop eating healthy and exercising, I might succumb. I have avoided telling people how much weight I've lost too (sometimes I just say "yeah I've lost a lot of weight").
I just try to keep in the back of my mind the fact that this is a never ending journey, even if I were to be at my goal weight today.0 -
While I don't mind an enthusiastic, "you look awesome," it makes me very uncomfortable if someone mentions weight in particular. I agree with others that it basically reminds everyone where I came from. (I lost about 50 pounds 10 years ago, so my ticker just reflects a new round to take things further.)
I really don't like when people ask, "how much have you lost?" When I saw someone after the 50-pound loss, she was pretty insistent--a good friend and in a fun way, but I was really uncomfortable. She said, "Man, if I lost so much weight I'd be shouting from the rooftops how much it was." Well, she's one of the thinnest people I know who has no idea what it really feels like. Recently, my MIL asked how much I've lost. She's much overweight herself, but I just said that I didn't want to talk numbers.
I think my discomfort comes in part because if I say how much I lost, a part of me figures they can estimate what weigh now, add the loss number, and estimate my high weight--which I really don't want anyone thinking about!
Or if they're overweight and they want to talk about how I've done it. If I share, they'll say all of their excuses (which I've overcome and don't want to be reminded of). Or they'll tell me how I'm doing things wrong, or how someone else did it another (inferred better) way, etc. So I'm really vague or don't talk about it at all.
As far as getting attention in stores or from random people who don't know what I used to look like--that doesn't bother me at all.0 -
Even though the fact that people don't help heavier people as much as thinner people is basically crap ... we should all treat EVERYONE the same... despite that, acknowledge YOUR hard work and if someone says something, OWN IT. YOU are putting the hard work in. YOU are exercising restraint, willpower, and inner strength on this journey and YOU deserve all the praise because YOU lost the weight. I think you are putting too much emphasis on the weight itself and not you as a person. Yes, you were overweight. I still am. BUT, you're striving to be a better YOU and that is all that matters. Weight or not.0
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I always say "Thanks, still working on it". I'm glad they notice, and I want them to know I'm not done yet.0
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I sometimes am the same way. But then I remember the time, energy and the motivation it took to get me where I am and it somehow makes me feel better. . You look great and have accomplished a ton, be very proud 0
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It took me over a year to become some what comfortable with compliments about my weight lose and how good I am looking and doing.0
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OMW......SO TRUE....SO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I am at a 64pd weight lost and have another 50 or so to go so like you I almost HATE when people make me feel like I have reached my place and yes my mind and efforts start to relax....so like you I now say nothing and will try to not even tell them numbers. In the past when I have said "well I have 50 more pds to lose" they make me feel weird by saying well I think you look great....you look so good. When in inside I know 50pds of extra weight on my frame is not healthy nor does it look cute. And yes I know people mean well0
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My friend and family could have cared less if I was a 16 or a 4. I really never got comments at either size. I did it for me and really didn't care what others thought.
But this weekend, with my mom, I was trying on dresses at Macy's for an upcoming wedding. I had come out to look in the big mirror and 2 ladies came out with a bunch of items and put them on the rack outside because they didn't work. I hear the one say to the other "I wish I was that thin. Everything would look great then", pointing to me. Insead of saying, "Wow, you look great", I got the "Life would be better if I was like her" comment. I took it as a compliment, but if given a bit more warning I'd tell her how much work it is to be my size. It didn't happen overnight and 2 years ago around this time I got to my breaking point. Wishing won't make things better, and comments under your breath to a friend in a fitting room won't make the commentee feel good about one's self either.0 -
lol, i like you.0
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I used to enjoy it when I lost weight the first time, but now that I've yo-yoed, I actually cringe when anyone says anything, I would rather they just ignore my weight!0
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Today I decided that I felt comfortable enough to wear a form fitting top. As I was minding my own business at work, my supervisor walks behind me and states rather matter of factly,
"My God, Emily, you have been losing a lot of weight."
I went into instant social anxiety mode. Instead of saying something like "thank you for noticing! ect." I just go
"....yea."
This doesn't only apply to my supervisor, but to my friends and family as well. I just feel so uncomfortable whenever anyone points it out, and for the life of me I can't figure out why.
You know what's also uncomfortable? Passerby's looking at you and smiling. Strangers talking to you. Actually receiving help in a store.
I feel like I have been missing out on basic human interactions my whole life because of my weight, and they are now all being thrown at me at once as a 23 year old woman.
Anyone else in the same boat?
I'm sure most here have plenty of sympathy for your plight.0 -
Not me, I get super excited and even more motivated !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me too :happy:
I understand what the OP and some others are talking about though. Society isn't very kind to bigger people. So getting all this new and different attention is bound to be at best strange, and for some, stressful and alarming.
It's not just weight loss, people report similar things who've had breast reductions/enlargements; changed their hair colour; changed gender or cross dress; have children; aged... the list goes on.
I used to resent it if I got wolf whistles in the street. Now I resent it that they're whistling at the girlie next to me.
What matters is that you're happy and comfortable in your own skin. As well as shedding the weight and getting fitter, you need to discover your inner glow, your self pride and confidence so that comments like this make you smile instead of making you cringe, and any nasty comments just bounce off.0 -
It makes me uncomfortable, too. But I'm just anti-social in general....I don't like people to call any kind of attention to me. Leave me the eff alone!0
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Today I decided that I felt comfortable enough to wear a form fitting top. As I was minding my own business at work, my supervisor walks behind me and states rather matter of factly,
"My God, Emily, you have been losing a lot of weight."
I went into instant social anxiety mode. Instead of saying something like "thank you for noticing! ect." I just go
"....yea."
This doesn't only apply to my supervisor, but to my friends and family as well. I just feel so uncomfortable whenever anyone points it out, and for the life of me I can't figure out why.
You know what's also uncomfortable? Passerby's looking at you and smiling. Strangers talking to you. Actually receiving help in a store.
I feel like I have been missing out on basic human interactions my whole life because of my weight, and they are now all being thrown at me at once as a 23 year old woman.
Anyone else in the same boat?
Passerby's or strangers don't make me uncomfortable. They are just looking. I don't mind receiving help in the store either. What is starting to annoy me and make me uncomfortable is that I have the same co-workers saying "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!" "How much have you lost now?" "What are you doing?" A lot of times they ask when there is a crowd around and so everyone is like paying attention. Everyone at work knows I run and hit the gym after work so it gets bothersome sometimes. You'll get used to the new attention. Most of the time I just smile and keep it moving.0
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