Hope for people with depression...my experience

whitlisd

I feel I need to write this down somewhere and, why not here I thought! MFP has been a major contributor to my success in the past 6 months and I want to share everything I have learned in hopes of maybe helping someone else with their journey. Sorry if it's a bit long.

I am 41, 5'6" and weigh in at 240 pounds right now. I have struggled with depression/mood swings and anxiety since my teens and take a small dose of Celexa that helps take the edge off.

What I want to convey to people is that I have found what I think (sadly) has been the underlying reason for my depression/anxiety for many many years - My HIGH SUGAR, HIGH FAT, PROCESSED FOOD DIET. I could go from happy to upset in the blink of an eye. I could literally "feel" my mood rapidly declining in minutes at times. It was scary.

I have been on many diets in the past. Everyone one of them I had limited success with because I either starved myself, didn't exercise along with it, or wasn't educated enough to know how to do it in a healthy manner. There have been about 3 times where I've lost 60 lbs or more. Only to gain it back and then some. My highest weight was 295 and I'm ashamed to admit that. For more than 20 years, I lived at McDonald's, KFC, and any other greasy place within my reach. I ate HIGH sugar foods all the time without evening knowing it. I never grew up eating vegetables. I was always the fat, shy kid. I found comfort and happiness in food where I had none with my parents. My father was an alcoholic, my mother with a personality disorder. This started the spiral downwards.

I finally started this journey to health back in April when I threw my hands up in the air and acknowledged that I really don't know what I thought I did. My mother had just been in the hospital, almost coding from her COPD symptoms and I was devastated. I knew I didn't want to end up like that...but where to begin? I started from scratch and joined a weight monitoring program in Edmonton with the intention of losing weight so I would qualify for bariatric surgery. Little did I know, that move would change my life.

I was immediately informed about MFP, put on 1500 calories a day, and told to walk at least 2000 steps per day....which I found hard in the beginning. I lost the first 40 lbs this way. As I was going along, I researched all I could to do with what I was putting in my body. I had no idea what I had been doing to myself for so long. I am a self diagnosed food addict. I have no control when certain foods are available to me. Greasy, salty, restaurant food is the worst. I felt I would never overcome my problem.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I started cutting out the sugar, cutting out the pop, and went cold turkey on the fast food. Then I cut out most processed foods and increasingly, I found my mood stabilizing, my depression lifting, and my outlook on life improving. I had never been able to say that I "enjoyed" life before. This is foreign to me, but I am loving every minute of this journey now.

I "got right" with myself and went to counseling for all of my past hurts. I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I came out to everyone I know on Facebook and it broke the chains that bound me in my personal and professional life for YEARS. I am free and it set forth a series of beautiful things. I am able to look at people and genuinely feel love and acceptance, not jealousy or inferiority. I came to the conclusion that this is what WILL be, not just what I would like to have happen, or that this is something I will try with will power. It's really not about will power. It's about loving yourself for the person you are and realizing that YOU DESERVE TO LIVE. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. I never knew what happy was. I do now. 41 years. It's incredible.

One more thing that I have incorporated into my life is strength training. I knew that if I joined a gym, I would never be motivated enough to keep going by myself. So I found a personal trainer who I go to with a small group of people. I believe I have found the answer. I just needed someone to take an interest in me; to show me what to do. If I could give anyone advice, it would be to reach out to people for support. I never realized how integral it would be to my success. I now have people at work that I exercise with, people at my trainer's studio, and much support from my MFP family. My years of hiding away, thinking no one could help me....I was so wrong. I was so wrong about myself and my own strength.

I do not claim to be cured from the chemical imbalance I know I have, but I truly truly believe that diet is responsible for years of misery. All I can think to myself is "what have I done????" and "I hope I haven't done too much damage". But I also remind myself that I am reversing some of these maladies now, and that I will continue to improve as time goes by.

All I want to say is, before you write yourself off, before you think that you are not able to do this, EDUCATE yourself about what is in your food, how your body processes sugar, the corporations that have you believing they have your best interests at heart, LOVE yourself, PUSH AWAY anything negative in your life, EXERCISE to help ease your mind and strengthen your body, and HEAL from your past. This, to me, is the key....the secret of success.

Good luck everybody!