How can I get my hubby on board with lifestyle change?

wowwymommy

Hi there...I am fairly new here...been on about a month. While I am not very faithful about tracking, I do see the benefit of the site, just knowing that I have a support community, being able to see the numbers rise and fall as I track food and exercise, and especially when the scales are good to me.....the whole idea of having "someone" to be accountable to other than myself, is motivating enough to keep me making healthier choices during the days when i don't track. The problem is that I have no idea how to get my husband on board with the lifestyle changes that I know we both need to make. He agreed to weigh in with me last week, I even got him to take his measurements, and we agreed to work together to make healthier choices...he has health issues (needs a C-PAP machine at night to keep him breathing right) and losing weight could make it so he could get rid of his machine...he weighed in at 278 last week. He ran track in highschool, and is only in his early 30's, but 3 kids, long hours at a desk job, and insomnia have definately taken it's toll...he has gained over 100 pounds since I met him 10 years ago. (Granted I have put on about 50 myself). When he weighed in this morning 2 pounds more than last week, he gave up hope....before he weighed in I had him talked into a walk before work, and breakfast with the kids instead he crawled onto the couch and slept through breakfast with us, and then was going to have a dish of apple crisp with cool whip or ice cream for breakfast....I asked him to please make a healthier choice and save the dessert for later and he stomped back off to bed...when I went to try to talk to him he just said "I'm too fat to eat"....I just don't know how to help........any thoughts? ideas? similar stories that found happy endings?

Mellie13

For me it took just doing it myself and "leaving him in the dust". I also don't give him many choices with food since I do all the grocery shopping and 99% of the cooking. I buy healthy snacks and cook healthly meals (sometimes I even fix his plate to control portions and he thinks I'm just being nice). Finally, he got on board and even joined this site (though he doesn't really do it anymore-it's not really for him) and is still losing weight, he's getting closer and closer to a healthy weight!!

LaughItOff

Print this for him. My light hearted approach to getting your family onboard.
http://doesthisblogmakeuslookfat.com/2010/07/28/letter-to-the-family-diet-saboteur-reader-favorite/

cakesmooth

My husband won't work-out with me and he used to think I should be able to control myself and not finish off all of the sweets he brought home. I made it a rule that he couldn't bring any snacks home. If he wanted them so bad he could stash them in the office. That has helped me a lot. Also, I'm a runner. He has occasionally rode his bike next to me while I ran. That workded out well because it made me speed up. Good luck!

losingnow

my hubby saw how much i enjoyed this site and now he has decided to join. I would just give him time! Maybe if he sees your dedication and sees you having results because of it, he will want to try again!

waguchan

I think the best thing you can do is to not push him and to just keep doing this yourself. He'll see the changes in you and will gradually join you on his own. It also helps if you do the cooking and shopping for the family so you have a little more control about what goes in everyone's mouth.

My husband does most of the cooking and a lot of the shopping. But luckily, he always chooses trim pieces of meats and always cuts off the fat and skin from meat and poultry. But he also adds tons of sodium to his dishes and he cooks very few vegetables except for onions and bell peppers as seasoning. And he thinks that potatoes are vegetables. But overall, he cooks pretty healthy and fresh foods.

My husband doesn't have any health issues and has always been very fit. But after I lost the first 50 pounds or so, he decided to eat better and exercise even more. He lost about 20 pounds and is more "cut" than ever. We started doing Insanity together and we go to boot camp together on weekends. He also supports me and is happy to set aside some chicken or beans for me before he mixes it in with all the rice for himself and the kids.

wowwymommy

wow thanks for all the posts so far.....I am going to keep going myself, I just hope it has the right effect on him....he just was so discouraged this morning when I had lost and he hadn't.

jheller

tough situation and unfortunately he has to want it bad enough to change. No matter how much we want something good for our spouse you can't force or change him. I lost and gained weight several times over without any help or change from my husband and it wasn't until he wanted it for himself did he start to change. Hopefully he'll see you making good and healthy changes and he'll just kind of fall in line with you but don't let him stop you.

khk2010

Boy, this is a tough one. It is hard to do it alone and it's hard to get healthy and see your spouse stay in unhealthy habits. I can only say that I have been hounding my husband for years to eat healthier and lose a bit of weight for his health issues. I have pleaded with him to stop bringing home the junk food that is unhealthy for the kids and us and that is hard for me to resist.

When I got serious about losing weight and joined MFP. I told him I cannot have the unhealthy foods in the house. I also talked to him about how what we eat as kids effect our future health. He kind of got that when I related it to our kids future health. I also told him that I plan to live a long time and would like him to be around with me.

He'll still go get the pizza and fried chicken and junk, but I started throwing away the candy and potato chips and really bad stuff when it came in the door. We have healthier versions of the snacks and stuff - like baked chips, salsa etc.

Since I have been on MFP he has lost about 20 pounds. Partly because I am fixing lower calorie meals that still taste good, I am more active and always ask him to come for a walk or whatever. He sees how much better I feel and look after losing weight.

So I say get tough. No more junk in the house. Do it for yourself and your kids.
Hopefully he will get the message and notice how much better you feel and look.

mmtiernan

Did you clean out your frig and cupboards to get rid of the unhealthy foods? If there isn't any junk food around, it's easier to make a healthy choice.

You might also try picking up "The Abs Diet" book. It's written by one of the editors of Men's Health magazine and touts clean eating (even has some good recipes) and exercise for weight loss, maintenance and over all health. It has a lot of good information and is a pretty sensible book. In the meantime, I wouldn't nag him. Keep only healthy foods in the house and leave the book where he can find it - sometimes, guys just need to hear the information from another guy!

You didn't mention if you have kids, but if you do, you can also enlist their help by teaching them about healthy eating and bringing them in to help prepare healthy meals. My 15 year old has been getting lessons from me about clean eating for a few years now and can read a nutrition label with the best of them! She also found Clean Eating magazine (on her own!) and got excited about the different recipes. We cook dinner together every night and pack our own healthy lunches for school and work. She loves planning the meals and we have a lot of quality time together in the kitchen! Maybe if hubby sees the family bonding in the kitchen, he'll want to join in?

Most importantly - don't let his reluctance to jump on board sabotage your efforts to get and stay healthy!! Keep at it and come here to MFP when you need support!

Best of luck to you!

mmtiernan

wow thanks for all the posts so far.....I am going to keep going myself, I just hope it has the right effect on him....he just was so discouraged this morning when I had lost and he hadn't.

We don't have a scale in my house - they are not the best measure of your progress, in my opinion. I'd try moving away from the scale and adopt a tape measure instead. Even then, I'd keep the measuring to a minimum. Once the clothes start to get loose, then you'll know you're making good progress!

AHealthierSuzyQ

I think the best thing you can do is to not push him and to just keep doing this yourself. He'll see the changes in you and will gradually join you on his own. It also helps if you do the cooking and shopping for the family so you have a little more control about what goes in everyone's mouth.

I heartily agree. My husband didn't decide to make wise food choices until after I lost 40 pounds and kept it off. During that time it was often tempting to mother or lecture him on what he should and shouldn't be doing. Believe me, it was VERY tempting! . Now he's been "on the bandwagon" with me for a little over a month and has already lost 12 pounds.

I've been married to the same guy for almost 33 years so let me give you a bit on insight into the male psyche: There is an old saying. “No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” This REALLY applies in the husband department. If you have been nagging him about his weight or food choices, or are just plain hard to get along with, your chances of being really being heard are slim to none. And I don't know about you, but when my man thinks I am demanding something, he gets what I call a ‘mule spirit’ and digs in his heels and won't budge. So bossy won't work either!

The best tactic is to just be the best you you can be and model good choices. If you just HAVE to say something, set boundaries, but don't accuse or criticize. Fro example I did asked him to NOT bring contraband food into the house and not to eat it in front of me. I bought him flavors of soda, ice cream and cookies I didn't like to eat.

Remember that most guys will get mouthy or just clam up if they feel cornered. When expressing your views say, “I feel,…” “I sense,…” or “It bothers me that,…” God made us women the more relational ones. Help him see beyond the facts. Hubby will not feel obligated to argue with what you FEEL. But he can put up a good argument to what you “think” or “know” he should do.
A good tactic might be, "Honey I really want to grow old with you. But I'm afraid that won't happen unless you start making some better decisions about your health."

Hope this helps :flowerforyou:

kah78

Don't push it...that just doesn't seem to work with guys. I've been at this for 4 months now, and I just did my thing but was open that I was logging my cals on MFP, and asked my hubby to not "set me up" to eat bad things. A few days ago, he joined on his own and started asking for a few tips, etc. Wow! Ultimately, he has to decide to do it for himself...you can't do it for him. Good luck supporting yourself in the meantime!

HealthyChanges2010

It's all about taking care of you first, if we don't do that we're no good to anyone else as an example:ohwell:

Simple lead quiety by example, he'll either jump on board as time goes on, or he won't.

It's his choice to get healthy or not and he is the only one to be able to make that decision. You have all of us here to keep you going when things get tough.

Help at home is terrific for many that have it. Many don't have it with friends and family on here so they keep it up despite and are succesful because they are realizing how important health is to them.

It's all about you now Hon

dothompson

Obvously he isn't motivated by constructive critisim (see breakfast story). Plus the going back to bed and saying that he's " too fat to eat" shows that he's a little depressed and feels out of control. You need to catch him doing something right and give him some praise and turn a blind eye to his tresspasses for the time being. There is a secret about men, we will do just about anything to please our women, show him you are pleased.

Also, you might want to get the junk out of your house, nobody needs apple crisp, cool whip, or ice cream

Utahbeth

I feel like I'm on the opposite side of this argument. My husband has been trying to get me to eat healthier and exercise more for the last few years. And I will try to "diet" and will lose 20-30 pounds, but then I go back to my old ways. And eventually we have another "discussion" about the weight I've gained. My husband loves almost all vegetables, except Lima Beans and Brussels Sprouts, so it's easy for him to eat healthier (if he could stop adding butter to everything anyway). I on the other hand I grew up with processed food, rich desserts, and more chips than I knew what to do with. I love that stuff, and for the last several years, I did not want to give it up. But I've realized now that this is more than just me losing a few pounds. It's about NOT teaching my 11 month old daughter that's it's OK to eat candy corn by the handful.

This last year I've gotten more embarrassed by my weight, but I tried not to dwell on it, I had a baby to focus on. But since Amelia has been born I noticed how many pictures of her there were, and I wasn't in them. And how my entire Facebook page looked like Amelia's page with my name on it. Now, I know that new moms will feel like they've lost their identity, but this was getting ridiculous.

That was the wake up call I needed I guess, This life is about me first, and my family next. And I need to take care of myself if I want to teach my children to do the same.

I guess what I'm saying is, that my husband pushing me to lose weight didn't help but make me feel threatened. So it probably won't help your husband. Just praise any good behavior on his part and continue to be a good role model. Like getting the junk out of the house, it broke my heart to throw so much food away, but it's too much temptation. And, hey, may-be bust out the photo albums and see how many pictures he's in.

AHealthierSuzyQ

I feel like I'm on the opposite side of this argument. My husband has been trying to get me to eat healthier and exercise more for the last few years. And I will try to "diet" and will lose 20-30 pounds, but then I go back to my old ways. And eventually we have another "discussion" about the weight I've gained. ... I guess what I'm saying is, that my husband pushing me to lose weight didn't help but make me feel threatened.

If we could all just learn to apply this to every area of our lives! Pushing someone to change rarely ever produces the desired result, but instead causes them to shut down. That's why its always best to change what we can about ourselves, and model good choices. The only way anyone achieves lasting change is to want something for themselves badly enough to do it

JClark1980

i have to agree with some of the others you may have to fix meals with out telling him what is all in it, i have the same problem my husband seems to be content with his present self, i have asked him a numerous amount of times to join me in the lifestyle change but he only agrees so that i will stop pestering him. he absolutely hates anything that is deemed healthy, he also has been told by his doctor that he has diabetes and that he needs the change. if i had to count how many regular sodas he has in a day i would run out of fingers and toes. my beautiful aunt faye has made some wonderful healthy meal recipes that i have been dying to try at home and think that my hubby and kids would love to eat and it would help keep them healthy here is the link
http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/cookbooks.asp?cookbook=96866
good luck