I lost most of it, and gained most of it back....
Pameleyah
Posts: 5
How do you deal with this? How do you not allow it to take over? How do you STOP gaining?!?!?! I'm tired of people telling me "you did it before.. you can do it again, when you're ready.." When I'm ready? Do you think I want to be fat and hate myself??? Anyone in this boat or been in this boat? I need help.
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Replies
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I'm the queen of self loathing I've lost and gained weight do many times. I've probably lost the same 70llb ten times..don't listen to other people they aren't in your shoes and your feelings. I made the decision in july I was going to lose half my body weight. I ws tipping the scales at 350llb. I'm 6' 2. Super morbidly obese. I've lost 80llb so far. 120llb to go. Tomorrow is a new day. Start again. Don't drag baggage from past with you. think positively and you will do it and get there. Add me if you like. I log daily and will support you if I can0
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How do you deal with this? How do you not allow it to take over? How do you STOP gaining?!?!?! I'm tired of people telling me "you did it before.. you can do it again, when you're ready.." When I'm ready? Do you think I want to be fat and hate myself??? Anyone in this boat or been in this boat? I need help.
You stop gaining by continuing to count calories and, if you gain weight, cut back. Alternately, you stop counting calories but check your weight daily, and if your trend gets more than a few pounds over your goal, you eat at a deficit until it's back at goal.
Basically, if MFP helped you lose the weight, it should help you keep it off, but only if the changes you made to lose were true lifestyle changes to your long-term diet (the food you eat regularly), and not a short-term "diet" that you abandon as soon as you reach goal.
I recommend reading John Walker's "The Hacker's Diet" (http://www.fourmilab.ch/hackdiet/e4/), especially the chapter "Perfect Weight Forever," though you need to read some of the earlier chapters to make sense of that one. Walker takes an engineering and management approach to weight loss and maintenance: instead of loathing himself for being unable to control his weight, he figured out a way to compensate for his skewed sense of what it meant to eat normally.
Good luck!0 -
I may have to log for the rest of my life. I have decided to not DIET any more but to change my diet for ever. I have too often hit a weight and STOPPED DIETING and gained it back. It is affecting my health and I need to get off the rollercoaster.0
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Everytime I deploy (I am US Military) I lose between 50-60 pounds in 3-4 months. I have done this the last 3 times (every other year) I always look great when I come home but then just pack it back on within a year. I am back at it again (down 20 in 1 month with 2 to go) and I am really going to try to not only keep it off but, lose even more when I get home. It is just so much easier here because I have alot of time, (no family) and the tempations of all the fast food isnt here.0
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time to look into how you lost it originally, to see what makes it come back so easily!0
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You're certainly not alone in this experience. I lost 10lbs, then gained 7 of them back once i fell "off the MFP wagon" and stopped counting calories. It's so easy to fall back into old habits, and if you're not tracking everything, there's nothing holding you accountable or pointing out how many calories you've eaten. I fortunately got back ON the wagon and lost those 7lbs, but it wasn't easy!!! It was frustrating as hell0
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Make it a lifestyle change. I know I will be logging for years to come. However, I am making this a lifestyle change. Making different food choices than I have done so in the past. I have to be sure to eat proper portions and just STOP eating when that portion is gone. Eat slower when you can. I will be eating breakfast or dinner for another 10 minutes after my husband is done. He can eat, pick up the dishes, load the dishwasher and I may still be eating. That is OK. He knows his limit and has always been able to shut off. I need to take longer so my mind will tell my body to shut off. Even though mentally I know I shouldn't eat so much, I still need that cue some days from my stomach to my brain.
Figure out some things that work for you. You do it for you. Yes you did it before, but think about how you did it before. Was it the right thing for you? Can you incorporate that into a lifestyle change???
Friend me if you would like. I am not perfect, only human, but will be there to support as needed.0 -
Your situation sounds just like mine. I get so upset with myself more than anyone with the mentality that I lost it before that I should be able to do it again. I feel just like you do. I don't wanna be overweight. I wanna be happy with myself and like what I see in the mirror. I weigh 40 pounds more now than I did two years ago. I remember feeling so good about myself but I just can't get back to it. Why??? I have no idea. I can't get into that mind frame again I guess??0
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it has to be a lifestyle change. I was doing awesome, had so much more energy, clothes were fitting, etc... then I had a few bad weeks and went back to eating way too much fast food, snacks, goodies and no exercise, and those few bad weeks turned into several bad months. I gained most of it back and felt like kicking myself.
So I did a mental kick in the can and am back at it. I'm not going to go my whole life without cake, ice cream, chocolate etc but moderation is the key! and exercise is a must.
you can do it!0 -
You need to make a life change, and forget dieting. Everything that you eat that helped you gain it back needs to be looked at very carefully. "The I can have whatever I want in moderation", isn't always helpful.0
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Well I was big before I joined the military and lost 80 pounds and kept it off for 5 years. I then had my son which I gained it all back and then some. People tell me oh you can do it again. However, this time I have injuries from my service the worse being my arthritis in my knees. We ran so darn much my knees are just done.
However, sulking and being upset does nothing to help with weight loss. Actually, the cortisol that the body produces from stress can actually cause you to gain weight. Knowing you have done it before, for yourself, can push you through doing it again. But you have to find your own motivation to want to get the weight off. I am sorry to sound harsh (and I am still a big girl too) but you just have to get up and do it.
Please stop beating yourself up! Recognizing you have a problem and wanting to change is more than some do. Now, you have to come up with a plan and then stick with it. Don't rush. Take your time by changing your diet and adding exercise. Before you know that weight will be back off. You will be better off in the end. Good luck in your journey.0 -
it has to be a lifestyle change. I was doing awesome, had so much more energy, clothes were fitting, etc... then I had a few bad weeks and went back to eating way too much fast food, snacks, goodies and no exercise, and those few bad weeks turned into several bad months. I gained most of it back and felt like kicking myself.
So I did a mental kick in the can and am back at it. I'm not going to go my whole life without cake, ice cream, chocolate etc but moderation is the key! and exercise is a must.
you can do it!
Agree - This, lifestyle change0 -
From my experience, I usually gained it back after not eating enough. Trying to lose too quickly, and feeling hungry and deprived afterwards. I would get tired of being hungry all the time, and then eat anything and everything I had been missing out on. I would eat too few calories, and eat things like chicken, fish, broccoli, and salads all the time....boring! Those things are great, but if that's all you eat, it's easy to get bored with them. What I did differently this time, is increase my calories. Based on my TDEE -20%, I should be eating 1,980 calories daily, according to the scooby method. Although, I have a bodymedia, so I just go by it. It automatically adjusts my calorie goal daily, based on my activity. My bodymedia calorie goal is 1,750, and I can eat back exercise calories if I want to, which I do once or twice/week.
I feel satisfied, I don't feel hungry or deprived. I try to eat healthy atleast 80% of the time, more or less. I don't feel bored, and I get to eat the foods I love, in moderation. I exercise, I do Zumba 3-5x's/week, treadmill, and I lift weights, because muscle burns calories. I've been overweight since I was a kid, I've tried every diet and pill out there. You have to make changes that you can live with forever, if you want to change your lifestyle. 0 -
I completely understand the frustration of the losing vs gaining cycle. I have probably lost the same 10-15 lbs 2 or 3 times. While I know this may not seem like a lot to some people, but I started at 400 lbs and my goal is 150(ish). Those 10-15 lbs that I lost so many times would have put me just that much closer to my ultimate goal.
I am aware of what my mistakes are with my weight loss and weight gain. I lose some weight and then I become complacent or lazy and stop doing what it took me to lose the weight in the first place. I'm aware now (hopefully) that this is not about a diet, but a lifestyle change. I don't believe that one has to log in their food for a life time, but I do believe that one has to make decisions about what one decides to put into their body. That to me means that I need to always be aware of my eating triggers and counteract those with healthier choices. I need to be stay away from processed foods as much as possible along with white sugar and a high sodium foods. I lose when I'm responsible for cooking my food (because I know what I put in it) and when I meal plan. These may be things that are done for a lifetime because your health will be a lifetime responsibility.
Lastly, with exercise which for me is the difficult part because I don't enjoy it (those supposed endorphin hormones people always talk about do not exist for me lol), I hope to be able to 1) walk 3-5 times a day and 2) find activities that challenge me. As much as I hate exercise, I want to run a 5K. Why? Because I am trying to see if I can do it. It's a challenge to me and I want to be able to face that challenge and conquer it.
My words to you is "that was then, this is now". Every time I have fallen off and I am determined to get back on the wagon, I have to analyze and review my reasons for wanting to do so. I want to be healthy; I want to be happy with me; and I want to have children some day (my size makes that risky on so many levels). I may fall off or sometimes I see no change when I'm working hard, but I'm determined to keep trying. I didn't gain all this weight overnight so I can't expect it to come off overnight. Build up a strong support system around you and use them. Don't be afraid to talk to them when your feeling down or frustrated or whatever. I have 2 friends that I can do this with. They understand because they are going through the same thing I am with yoyo weight loss and trying to stay on program for an overall lifestyle change. I check in with them sometimes daily because I'm accountable to someone and they are accountable to me. We agreed to do this together.
I know that was alot and I don't know if it helps. But I believe you can do it partially because I'm an eternal optimist but also because if you can do it, then maybe so can I.
Good luck!0 -
100% understand the lifestyle change. I lost the weight the first time with Weight Watchers. I no longer like the program and don't desire to pay or have to follow a plan for the rest of my life. I had different motivation when I lost it the first time. I had a really bad year that threw me into a 2-3 year long depression. Hello weight gain! I'm just having a hard time I guess... I need to stop the wallowing and get off my butt!0
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I may have to log for the rest of my life. I have decided to not DIET any more but to change my diet for ever. I have too often hit a weight and STOPPED DIETING and gained it back.
exactly this.
i need to be aware of what i put in my mouth every day. For that. i will have to log everyday... or at least to be consistent.
I have decided that i will never be on a diet and have forbidden food. no food is devil when you eat it in a reasonable portion.
Just need to make healthy choices and also have... cheat days once in a while.
3 months already and so far it works. and i almost find it fun.
Really easy to follow. No special food. Just normal food. Just Normal life.0 -
it has to be a lifestyle change. I was doing awesome, had so much more energy, clothes were fitting, etc... then I had a few bad weeks and went back to eating way too much fast food, snacks, goodies and no exercise, and those few bad weeks turned into several bad months. I gained most of it back and felt like kicking myself.
So I did a mental kick in the can and am back at it. I'm not going to go my whole life without cake, ice cream, chocolate etc but moderation is the key! and exercise is a must.
you can do it!
Agree - This, lifestyle change
Agree also - lifestyle (mindset) change
I have ** always ** struggled - obessessed over food. Feeling great when I do "good" & horribly when I do "bad", but STILL obessessing all the same. Started reading a book that has really opened my eyes & changed my life. Changed my relationship with food, because after all...it's just food. ONLY I am responsible for what I put in my mouth.
It's all about listening to your body & of course, portion control. Balancing your food choices & not beating yourself up when those choices might not be so great. "I ate a 1/2 a bag of potato chips", I'm disgusting. "I shouldn't have eaten that whole box of cookies", I hate myself. So what are you going to do, eat like crap the rest of your day? Where's the sense in that??? Just make your next meal a good choice...balance.
I do not diet anymore, because I KNOW I will not keep up with it. Depriving myself from the foods I want make me just want them that much more....& make me EAT more of them when I indulge. I will fill more satisfied with, say, a "small-ish" peice of lasagna & a salad than some bland baked chicken & a pile of steamed vegetables. I got to eat what I really wanted & I won't be obsessing about what I "CANT" have all day. I stop & listen to what I really want..& WHY I want it.
To be honest, I don't even really count calories any more...to me, that's just obsessive (my personal opinion). I get on MFP for support.
Iv'e lost 4 Lbs in 4 weeks without exercising & eating what I want...because I'm paying attention & listening to my body. I know that 4 Lbs in 4 weeks is not very fast...but it will continue to fall off, because I'm paying attention...lifestyle change. Sometimes I exercise, sometimes I don't...it's not the end of the world...but as long as I'm listening I know I'm headed in the right direction.
You can friend me if you like. I don't have any...LoL! & I would love to offer support. I know exactly how you feel & I wish you the best of luck.0 -
Like others said, I also plan to probably count my calories for the rest of my life. I have to keep myself accountable. I also refuse to indulge in any self loathing anymore. That sabotages me possibly more than anything else.0
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I actually agree that you'll be able to do it again when you're ready. It's not a temporary thing, it's a lifelong change, and unless you're ready to do that, it's not going to work, IMO. I took me years to be ready to do it, I knew I'd get there eventually but I wanted to be ready before starting, otherwise I knew I'd just give up and gain back more again... but hopefully this time I'm in for the long haul.
And yes I'll log my whole life if it's what it takes, it's a small bother really when you see the results. It keeps me accountable, I guess, and I can say without a doubt that I'd eat more if I didn't count, and it would lead to me gaining again.0 -
Thank you very much. I really liked your reply. I dont know much about computers so I dont know how to friend. But I would. I am not doing the best at the moment and need all the support I can get...and accountability. I understand that I need to change my thinking. This is not another diet, but my way of living. I so want to believe that...and live like its truth. My lowest was 181...and now Im sitting at 215. I am very sad about that yet I still continue to gorge on candies, cake and ice cream. Funny thing is I dont even feel comforted when I indulge..just bored. haha but I have alot to do. I just dont want to do those things. (lazy) Im trying to go back to basics...again.0
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time to look into how you lost it originally, to see what makes it come back so easily!
this!0 -
The whole secret is a support system that keeps you accountable no matter what happens. I lost over 100 lbs back in the 90s and kept it off for over a year, but when my Dad Died, I ended up putting the weight back on because I went back to eating like I did before I lost the weight. This time, I lost the weight and have coaches and trainers that keep me focused. The longer I can go, living this lifestyle, the more ingrained it becomes.
Get your coaches and friends that are going to keep you on track once you lose it, and dont stop checking your weight and size every week once you lose the weight.0 -
Everytime I deploy (I am US Military) I lose between 50-60 pounds in 3-4 months. I have done this the last 3 times (every other year) I always look great when I come home but then just pack it back on within a year. I am back at it again (down 20 in 1 month with 2 to go) and I am really going to try to not only keep it off but, lose even more when I get home. It is just so much easier here because I have alot of time, (no family) and the tempations of all the fast food isnt here.
Thank you for your service :flowerforyou:0 -
I lost over 100 lbs. I gained over half it it back. For years I beat myself up for being so horrible. Granted, there were some awful extraneous factors that did it, but what I learned is that the reason I gained it back was mental. I lost the weight, but the mental demon was still there. I didn't do it FAST, but I kept dropping, but couldn't keep it. Now, if I plateau, I take it as a challenge to maintain my weight before I drop again. Drop 10, and hold it. Etc. I've kept it off and you know what, if it takes another year to get off the last 30-40 lbs, so be it. I will never have to take it back off again. You need a buddy here, reach out.0
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How do you deal with this? How do you not allow it to take over? How do you STOP gaining?!?!?! I'm tired of people telling me "you did it before.. you can do it again, when you're ready.." When I'm ready? Do you think I want to be fat and hate myself??? Anyone in this boat or been in this boat? I need help.
Well, for starters you have to quit hating yourself. FULL STOP. You do not need to lose one single pound to be worthy of your own love and respect, and the love and respect of others. You don't need to do anything to be worthy of love and respect, and hating yourself sets you up to fail.0 -
If you're constantly "dieting" instead of making lifestyle changes, it's likely the weight will come back when you reach your goal and start eating "normal" again. It's got to be a lifestyle change (I say this without fully knowing your situation).
The self-sabotage and loathing thing I get, but hopefully you can get to a place where you have high self esteem and respect yourself as the wonderful human being you are, capable of great things. Then when you notice a couple of pounds that sneak back on, you solve the problem before it spirals out of control again.0
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