For your amusement and motivation...

Samuraiko · October 2013

In another thread, I'd made a joke (which some folks found amusing) about why we have the occasional weight gain or plateau during our weight loss efforts:

I like to think that my body has a co-dependency relationship with fat. When I lose weight, I occasionally go through phases where the fat comes back, and I imagine that it's like an annoying ex-lover who doesn't understand that my body doesn't want to put up with its s*** anymore. But every now and again, my body goes, "Oh, okay, maybe one more try... no, f*** it" and then like four pounds come off at once.

But the real entertainment came when I rewrote the lyrics to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" from the point of view of a dieter talking to her body fat. And so I share it with you here, to help brighten your day and maybe give you a bit more oomph to carry on:

At first, I was afraid, I was petrified,
Kept thinking, I could never eat unless the food was fried
And how I spent so many nights, eating cookies by the pound,
Until I found, that my body shape was round

So to that fat, all over me
I know it's both our faults you made my toes impossible to see
I should have skipped that chocolate cake
I should have taken yoga class
But now I've simply had enough of you just riding on my a**

Go on now, go, get off of me
Just melt away now, 'coz I am losing weight, you see
You were the one who shot my blood pressure sky high
Set my heart racing until I thought that I would die

Oh no not that, to hell with fat,
Oh, I'll miss my late night bingeing fits, but I can live with that
I've got a life to live, you see, I've got some muscle still in me
So, goodbye fat, health's where it's at, hey hey!

It took all the will I had not to eat it all
I had to learn Domino's understands if I don't call
I may spend way too many nights just craving everything I see
I want to feed, but I'll eat only what I need

So when you see me looking great
It's coz I'm strong enough to not completely clear my plate
And when I feel like giving up and thinking I just can't survive
I'll think of just how great I'll feel when I'm 175

Go on now, go, get off of me
Just melt away now, 'coz I am losing weight, you see
You were the one who shot my blood pressure sky high
Set my heart racing until I thought that I would die

Oh no not that, to hell with fat,
Oh, I'll miss my late night bingeing fits, but I can live with that
I've got a life to live, you see, I've got some muscle still in me
So, goodbye fat, health's where it's at, hey hey!