The Hubby's Making My Hair Turn Grey!

MadelineGraceG

Warning: Long, boring, ranting post!

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. During those 6 years we've moved 5 times, had 2 kids, he's gone through about 4 jobs and to top it off - I've gained about 50 lbs and he's gained about 60-70 lbs. I've been trying to lose weight for about two years, but really got serious at the beginning of this year. I've only lost 13 lbs, but I'm also 7 1/2 months pregnant, so losing weight is kind of on hold until the first week of December. I still eat healthier and exercise, but my weight never changes.

But for him, the weight keeps piling on! I buy him a new shirt about every month because he starts to outgrow the last one. My mom had a rule that when it comes to maintaining/losing weight, NEVER buy bigger clothes, and that when you start to look terrible in the clothes you have, you'll do something about it. But he doesn't seem to care about how he looks, I do. I can't stand his tummy sticking out under the hem of his shirt. Or his "plumbers crack" peeking out the back. I still want him to look nice.

He seems to be in complete denial about his weight. He blames the shirts not fitting on my washing skills. (No one else's clothes "shrink" BTW) And just the other night, he said that the BMI chart was really stupid because it said he was obese, and he doesn't think he is. I quietly responded with - "Honey, it says that I'm obese, because I am. Being 50 lbs overweight IS obese." He interrupted me and said that I was NOT obese and that the chart was wrong. (sigh)

Every time I mention getting healthy, I mainly point out myself and how I need to eat better/exercise/lose weight because I don't know how personally he actually takes it. But it's getting to where I can't do that anymore. He snores SO bad every night! Even to where he stops breathing and I have to wake him up. He didn't when we were first married. He gets really winded whenever he does any physical work and it really worries me. He complains that I don't make enough food when I am making the same amount of food I always have.

When he turns everything back around to me I get my feelings hurt and really want to snap at him and "lay it all out there." But I'm pretty sure that will only make things worse. I know a lot of his weight gain this year is due to his new job, where he's on the road ALL day, and eats fast food for at least 2 meals and then snacks. But when I mention that it's not healthy, he makes up some excuse about how he can't eat sandwiches every day. (Even though that's what the kids and I do.) Or he goes and buys some new weight loss shake, but then eats both the shake and fast food.

I want to mention "Hey! Let's lose 20 lbs by Christmas!" But I can't, it would just be him since I've already been told not to try and lose anymore right now. And I'd feel self-righteous if I just told him to. So I guess I'll put up with the snoring and buying more shirts till after Christmas when I'm getting back on track, then mention losing weight together.

Sorry the post is so long..... Just really frustrated right now....

HarrietSmeltzer1

The more people told me about my eating habits when I weighed 275 and felt empty ge mire I ate. Veingvobese is hit about food it is about emptiness. I could not stop eating until I found out what was eating me. I dovunderstabd both sides as I have been there. Somevtimesbnen are fearful fort their wives to Oise weight. Good luck. I hope he can realizevut is ruining his health. Be complimentary about other things to him. Maybe he will than take pride again in the body image. Good luck with the baby.

tsw420

I am going through the exact same thing with my husband. I desperately want to get the weight off and keep it off, but my husband (who could also stand to lose a few pounds) just isn't to that point yet. I have to keep telling myself that I have to focus on me. Eventually he will have that "ah-ha" moment too, and will make the change with me.

Until then, keep looking out for you and your new baby... your husband will see the great things you are doing and hopefully will change too!!

faith_76

It's all your fault, your washing his clothes wrong! Lol, jk, that sounds just like something my husband would say too.
Like someone else said, look after yourself, he will eventually have an ah-ha moment.

embaudin

Warning: Long, boring, ranting post!

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. During those 6 years we've moved 5 times, had 2 kids, he's gone through about 4 jobs and to top it off - I've gained about 50 lbs and he's gained about 60-70 lbs. I've been trying to lose weight for about two years, but really got serious at the beginning of this year. I've only lost 13 lbs, but I'm also 7 1/2 months pregnant, so losing weight is kind of on hold until the first week of December. I still eat healthier and exercise, but my weight never changes.

First and foremost, brava you on your weight loss! And highly impressive when your 'eating for two' at the moment! Have only just joined the site myself, managed to lose a stone on my own, but then it started to plateau for a little longer than I was happy with, so someone told me about this site. Hope it can help in the same way it seems to have for you!

But for him, the weight keeps piling on! I buy him a new shirt about every month because he starts to outgrow the last one. My mom had a rule that when it comes to maintaining/losing weight, NEVER buy bigger clothes, and that when you start to look terrible in the clothes you have, you'll do something about it. But he doesn't seem to care about how he looks, I do. I can't stand his tummy sticking out under the hem of his shirt. Or his "plumbers crack" peeking out the back. I still want him to look nice.

He seems to be in complete denial about his weight. He blames the shirts not fitting on my washing skills. (No one else's clothes "shrink" BTW) And just the other night, he said that the BMI chart was really stupid because it said he was obese, and he doesn't think he is. I quietly responded with - "Honey, it says that I'm obese, because I am. Being 50 lbs overweight IS obese." He interrupted me and said that I was NOT obese and that the chart was wrong. (sigh)

Every time I mention getting healthy, I mainly point out myself and how I need to eat better/exercise/lose weight because I don't know how personally he actually takes it. But it's getting to where I can't do that anymore. He snores SO bad every night! Even to where he stops breathing and I have to wake him up. He didn't when we were first married. He gets really winded whenever he does any physical work and it really worries me. He complains that I don't make enough food when I am making the same amount of food I always have.

Maybe give him a challenge to 'put his money where his mouth is'; if the BMI chart is wrong and he's right, a simple doctor's check up would back him up. A blood test, blood pressure test, just the normal run of the mill stuff. If he's right, the doctor will be able to tell him that he's in 'great shape'. If your hubby is wrong, the doctor will be able to help you back up your concerns and speak to him about the health risks it can create.

When he turns everything back around to me I get my feelings hurt and really want to snap at him and "lay it all out there." But I'm pretty sure that will only make things worse. I know a lot of his weight gain this year is due to his new job, where he's on the road ALL day, and eats fast food for at least 2 meals and then snacks. But when I mention that it's not healthy, he makes up some excuse about how he can't eat sandwiches every day. (Even though that's what the kids and I do.) Or he goes and buys some new weight loss shake, but then eats both the shake and fast food.

Why not try recording him the next time he does that? Chances are he doesn't even realise what he sounds/seems like when he does that to you. I'm also betting the man you married would be horrified to hear what he's actually saying to the woman he married. Don't shove it under his nose or anything, just record it, put it on a disk or an mp3 file, and leave a little note on it explaining how each makes you feel - that way you can both talk through it when you're not having him in your face and he's not fuming that you've gently 'put him in his place'.

I do hope that things work out for you eventually and that he begins to see your concern for him.
Congrats again on your weight loss, and congrats in advance for the arrival of little one number 3! xxx

logicman69

I see myself and my relationship in this, but flipped. Me and my wife have been married for 12 years. We both gained weight (me more than her). I hit a point where I said enough is enough. I ended up loosing about 100lbs over the course of 3 years. She though has continued to gain weight. I have tried to help her loose weight, but she is just not motivated..

and that is the key: Motivation.

You can push, you can plead, you can beg.. but until he wants to do it FOR HIMSELF, there is not a thing you can do about it.

That is not saying you have to stop trying though. Make him the meals and make sure you pack healthy things (now, before everyone jumps down my throat about this being a "feminist" comment.... I make my wife breakfast, pack her lunch for the day, and have dinner ready EVERY NIGHT. So I will have none of that, thank you..). This way you know he has healthy options throughout the day and not hitting fast food at lunch (Something I was guilty). Also, maybe make working out a family thing. Hikes, walks, or even doing workout DVDs together (my 4 year old LOVES watching me workout and will even participate in the stretching portion.. and sometimes the running parts).

These are just my thoughts and experiences. Feel free to add me if you need some support.

Dancing_Laeti

I'm not married, so I don't think I can imagine how worried you are about your husband's health, but I know that for me to start this process, it had to come from myself. My Mum has been nagging me for years to lose weight (type 'I did it, everybody can do it!') which is horribly annoying. It really is, I'm sorry to say. He will come around. Maybe also just stop buying new/bigger shirts?

There is no quick fix to this. It has to come from himself and eventually it will.

ldrosophila

I'm sorry dear the only person you can change is yourself. You cant help anybody into health he has to choose it for himself. You can set ultimatums and you can tell him what you will or will not put up with in your marriage. However, the ownness is on him. I wouldnt buy him new clothing.

I would set an example, and hope he follows. On the road he makes those choices, so you can prepare healthful meals for your family but as the saying goes "you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make them drink."

Keep praying for him and lightly encouraging.

michelefrench

bumping as i'm kinda in same boat (not pregnant part...) interested to see what people have to say...

Pisc2749

Stop buying him new, bigger shirts. If he outgrows one, let HIM go out and buy a bigger size. A light might go on for him then. If he just magically gets a new shirt that fits every month, the impact is not there for him. Buying bigger size clothes feels awful. Or at least, it should.

I went through the same struggle with my husband. I started to lose weight when I realized my work clothes were not fitting anymore. I had a closet full of clothes! I saw all that money being flushed down the toilet.

I told my husband the same thing, if he keeps overeating and gaining weight - he's not getting a new wardrobe to reward himself.
I noticed after that he thought more about what he was eating and now he's stopped gaining but he hasn't lost any either. I'm ok with where he is as long as he stops gaining. I make his breakfast and pack his lunch every day so he won't get fast food. That helps although he still snacks too much. I work full time by the way, the first hour of my morning is devoted to making his breakfast/lunch. And we don't eat out at night either, so yeah, I'm in the kitchen a lot.

CaliopeCupcake

He's a man who believes he is in control--of himself ...and you. So let him believe it. You do what is healthy for you and don't give up.. The best testament is your success. Food is his drug of choice right now. When everything else is depressing, at least food feels good. You may not be able to have say in what he eats, but you prob'ly buy the groceries. Only buy healthy food for your family. It will be an important example for your children. He will be forced to fend for himself if he wants to eat unhealthy things when there aren't any bad choices at home. It is human nature to blame someone else--when he does this, it means he isn't responsible for what is happening, so he doesn't have to do anything to change it. A person is always responsible for they eat. He will have to get sick of his condition first before he decides himself to do something about it.

CaliopeCupcake

+1 to above post about the shirts

ethompso0105

It does sound like the job is the biggest problem. But the snoring? That could be sleep apnea--it can be deadly. Have you ever tried telling him that you're AFRAID for his health? That's the route I had to take with my boyfriend. He was pretty obstinate about weight until I told him that I was afraid for our future together, as well as his safety. Now he's having better weight loss success than I am!!

Does he have any other outlying health issues? It may be time to encourage him to do a sleep trial and/or see a doctor about it.

Best of luck you you, your kiddos, and your husband. Hugs!

yosoypinguino

if he's snoring and stopping breathing he might have sleep apnea... if so energy levels are way low and obviously makes him really tired, gaining weight is one cause or it can be gentic.... might want to check it out.....