"Boyfriend Problems" but still need to lose weight

Sporteee

Hello..

I have been seeing a man.. I thought he was my boyfriend. Now it is looking like he is not my boyfriend. He has a very demanding job.. crazy hours...and he is not fully in charge of his time... he is sent out of state or far off to respond to emergencies.

However.. we had a real connection. For many months I thought it was moving toward love. Now I find out that although he filed for divorce before I met him... things have slowed down in that area... I do not know if it is because of his job and not having the time.. or if it is because of the cost .. attorneys and courts.. but.. he is just not as available as I thought he was.

So I am trying desperately to leave him alone.. maybe for a whole year and just see what happens on the other side of it all. I wish I did not fall in love with him, but I really did not know about the complications until months in.

I know dating a man going through a divorce is risky at best and he may have all kinds of weirdness going on.
Since we started dating and I did not know what was going on and what was prompting his need for "space"...
I gained some weight.

I have some hormone issues and I am sure I also did some stress eating. I gained 17 pounds.. I can barely pass for acceptably feminine looking when I am just under 200 .. but when I get up to 217.. I just cannot put it together...
my feiminity gets obscured by rectangular curves and I lose my waistline... I no longer feel comfortable with my body.

I know my guy friend is trying to stay away from me for a while and I him... but I miss him so much. I really need support to get determined to lose this weight. I look okay at 172... 150 is my goal.

I am afraid of online dating ... because my photo is from last year when I was about 182.. and men do contact me... but I don't want to meet them at all at 217.

I have been alone so much of my life, even though I was married, my ex husband never touched me... for over a decade. I really want a permanent love relationship, hopefully marriage. i do not want to make the mistake again of getting to know a man and thinking he is available and finding out he really is not.

It feels awful to be in love with a guy who did not tell me about his mess at home and at work.. .and to find out he really is not ready for a relationship.

It is so hard to find a man who accepts me for being a little overweight as it is... I am terrified of being used or seen as a temporary woman or being lied to.

I know there is a man out there somewhere for me but I really want to be strong enough to not look for him and not care and just get through this weight loss somehow before looking.

It takes me so much more for me to lose weight with my hormone imbalance than it does for others who do not have my diagnosis. I have to work out more than an hour a day and be on an extreme diet and take hormone supplements for the scale to move at all. If I do nothing but diet.. I gain weight even if I am eating very little... I am at least grateful that I now realize without a lot of exercise it does not work for me.

I tend to platuea at a little bigger than I am now if I do not do extreme work outs. I am desperate to never get that big again... it makes my back hurt.

I got injured last fall and that is when I started this weight gain.
Any encouragement welcome... and please check back. All my friends are thin and married and no one has this diagnosis...
they do not understand how hard it is... and I have no reason to tell them, I do not want to be a bummer. I do hope that I can figure this out and beat it and get to my goal weight. I am petrified that my daughter may get this condition when she is a teen.

Any stress and any sitting around and boom... rapid weight gain. At least I know.. I can no longer put anyone ahead of my need to excercise. I do have an elliptical trainer in my garage.