The 6 worst MFP personality types (the actual follow-up)
TMLPatrick
Posts: 558 Member
in Chit-Chat
I can't believe I got scooped for this thread, but c'est la vie. Disclaimer, this is just for fun... if you get offended, maybe these are hitting a little close to home.
The ghost:
The ghost is an elusive creature. They remind you of someone you once knew, but there's something different. They amass impressive streaks of logging in, yet never seem to lose weight, interact with friends, or track their meals. Our news feeds are haunted by their eternal torment. If someone could only help these wayward souls find their way to eternal fitness peace. We dislike them because they serve as a disheartening warning to what we may become.
The creeper:
The creeper will show you theirs if you show them yours. They are easily recognized by their homogeneous friend list which seems more akin to the Jersey Shore than to a fitness website. While they may offer their fair share of bro-science, be wary of their sinister motives. Their thinly veiled motives are betrayed by the way they are the first to post and innuendo with a winky-smile on every single post you make. We dislike them because we imagine them as incubators for a wide array of nefarious venereal critters they'd just love to share with you.
The jester:
The jester has never met a "cool story bro" .gif too snarky to drop on some n00b. They measure their self-worth on the amount of "MFP bully" threads result from their unique brand of humor. They are easily recognized by the way they start lowbrow forum posts that oppose other people's well thought out threads. The only thing worse than their particular brand of "humor" is their smug sense of self satisfaction. We dislike them because they never outgrew their childlike tendency to pick on those less apt to defend themselves.
The headcase:
The headcase knows that losing those last few pounds is the key to happiness. They post on their news feed daily about how miserable their life is, fishing for sympathy from a crowd of well-meaning strangers. They love to ask for advice but are woe to actually implement any recommendations. The problems above their shoulders far outweigh the problems below them. We dislike them because we have enough troubles in our own lives and don't really feel like shouldering another set of problems.
The dieter:
The dieter loves to follow the trends. Juicing, no-carb, all-carb, cat-pee, there's no fad the dieter can't yo-yo with. The dieter spends a few days trying a pseudo-scientific "cleanse" then makes forum threads about how upset they are that they aren't losing. Calories-in-calories-out is not proven, as far as the dieter is concerned, and ain't no-one got time for that. We dislike the dieter because our eyes can only roll so much.
The junky:
Unlike the dieter, the junky is a firm believer in calories-in-calories-out. They consistently hover around their goals while hitting up Burger King for that double-whopper on the way home. The mathematical gymnastics they perform to keep their diaries in tact is nothing short of amazing. Unfortunately, they still wonder why they've been on a plateau for the last 3 months and refuse to heed the advice when you suggest some healthier options. We dislike them because they want to have their cake and eat it too.
The ghost:
The ghost is an elusive creature. They remind you of someone you once knew, but there's something different. They amass impressive streaks of logging in, yet never seem to lose weight, interact with friends, or track their meals. Our news feeds are haunted by their eternal torment. If someone could only help these wayward souls find their way to eternal fitness peace. We dislike them because they serve as a disheartening warning to what we may become.
The creeper:
The creeper will show you theirs if you show them yours. They are easily recognized by their homogeneous friend list which seems more akin to the Jersey Shore than to a fitness website. While they may offer their fair share of bro-science, be wary of their sinister motives. Their thinly veiled motives are betrayed by the way they are the first to post and innuendo with a winky-smile on every single post you make. We dislike them because we imagine them as incubators for a wide array of nefarious venereal critters they'd just love to share with you.
The jester:
The jester has never met a "cool story bro" .gif too snarky to drop on some n00b. They measure their self-worth on the amount of "MFP bully" threads result from their unique brand of humor. They are easily recognized by the way they start lowbrow forum posts that oppose other people's well thought out threads. The only thing worse than their particular brand of "humor" is their smug sense of self satisfaction. We dislike them because they never outgrew their childlike tendency to pick on those less apt to defend themselves.
The headcase:
The headcase knows that losing those last few pounds is the key to happiness. They post on their news feed daily about how miserable their life is, fishing for sympathy from a crowd of well-meaning strangers. They love to ask for advice but are woe to actually implement any recommendations. The problems above their shoulders far outweigh the problems below them. We dislike them because we have enough troubles in our own lives and don't really feel like shouldering another set of problems.
The dieter:
The dieter loves to follow the trends. Juicing, no-carb, all-carb, cat-pee, there's no fad the dieter can't yo-yo with. The dieter spends a few days trying a pseudo-scientific "cleanse" then makes forum threads about how upset they are that they aren't losing. Calories-in-calories-out is not proven, as far as the dieter is concerned, and ain't no-one got time for that. We dislike the dieter because our eyes can only roll so much.
The junky:
Unlike the dieter, the junky is a firm believer in calories-in-calories-out. They consistently hover around their goals while hitting up Burger King for that double-whopper on the way home. The mathematical gymnastics they perform to keep their diaries in tact is nothing short of amazing. Unfortunately, they still wonder why they've been on a plateau for the last 3 months and refuse to heed the advice when you suggest some healthier options. We dislike them because they want to have their cake and eat it too.
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Replies
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*crickets and groans* Thank you, I'll be here all night!
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Nailed it!
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I laughed!0
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reading doesnt burn calories... you lost 95% of viewers when they saw the length of the post...
Tell me more about this cat pee detox0 -
I ALWAYS want to eat the cake when I have it :bigsmile:0
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The ones who aren't willing to read, are the ones who aren't worth the effort.... and nothing kills an appetite like a tall glass of feline. :laugh:0
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:flowerforyou: Just cuz you have HOCKEY in your ticker! lol0
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:laugh:0
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:yawn:0
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Cool story bro. 0
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Cat pee for the win :smokin:0
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How did they get that cat to sit with those glasses on long enough to take a picture??0
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I love my creepers....especially the ones you did not mention...send and send but don't want back....:drinker:0
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i'm the nobody then
I'm none of those~! T^T 0 -
I ALWAYS want to eat the cake when I have it :bigsmile:
OMG- MEE TOO! lol.0 -
Nice read the whole thing. I think there's more to add though. Thinking.....thinking.... thinking.... Go Pens!0
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Wait, can I be a ghost if I'm posting here? Damn.0
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You forgot the white knight, bro.0
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*crickets and groans* Thank you, I'll be here all night!
Just tell me which one I am I don't have time for this.0 -
Perfection! You had me at cat pee.0
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The junky:
Unlike the dieter, the junky is a firm believer in calories-in-calories-out. They consistently hover around their goals while hitting up Burger King for that double-whopper on the way home. The mathematical gymnastics they perform to keep their diaries in tact is nothing short of amazing. Unfortunately, they still wonder why they've been on a plateau for the last 3 months and refuse to heed the advice when you suggest some healthier options. We dislike them because they want to have their cake and eat it too.
Interesting. I would classify myself as this, except I took 1st in a bodybuilding competition two weeks ago. How does that work since it seems I can have my cake and eat it too.0 -
The only one you missed is The Troll.0
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nice, well worth the read, although this thread will inevitably derail at some point. also you forgot the 'diary inquisitor' much like the Spanish Inquisition (and no-one expects the Spanish Inquisition) they will question everything you eat and make snide comments about your food habits, and if you're not eating the right foods, it will be deemed as heresy....0
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nice, well worth the read, although this thread will inevitably derail at some point. also you forgot the 'diary inquisitor' much like the Spanish Inquisition (and no-one expects the Spanish Inquisition) they will question everything you eat and make snide comments about your food habits, and if you're not eating the right foods, it will be deemed as heresy....
oh yeah i HATE this one...this is the ONLY type who i have deleted from my thingie.0 -
:laugh:0
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Interesting. I would classify myself as this, except I took 1st in a bodybuilding competition two weeks ago. How does that work since it seems I can have my cake and eat it too.
Yeah, that one is definitely me too...0 -
nice, well worth the read, although this thread will inevitably derail at some point. also you forgot the 'diary inquisitor' much like the Spanish Inquisition (and no-one expects the Spanish Inquisition) they will question everything you eat and make snide comments about your food habits, and if you're not eating the right foods, it will be deemed as heresy....
Nice addition! I haven't run across many of those, but they sound like they'd have a field day with my diary.0
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