Ouch...but I asked for it!

littlexbug

One of our regulars came in and told my co worker (who probably is 110lbs), "I need my back cracked, will you walk on my back."

Now I like to make jokes....at my own expense....and I said, "what about me, you don't want ME to walk on you." He replied, "no, I don't want my back broken!"

Ouch....didn't realize how much that got to me. I shouldn't complain....I mean I did open up the chance for him to say something like that. But it still got to me. I try to stay positive...and just use this experience to motivate me to keep going....but it's hard to let comments like that go...ya know?

Has anyone made a joke at your own expense, and the felt humiliated? What did you tell yourself? How did you "let it go"?

danika2point0

Wow! That's a pretty horrible thing he said to you! Even if he was joking, it's super insensitive. Try and think about a nice thing someone has said to you before or your positive attributes. I find that when I dwell on something negative, I just get worked up and bitter. Keep your head up x

littlexbug

Thank you so much for the encouragement!

I keep telling myself that it's just one person and I'm not going to let one person screw up my progress or make me feel like crap. I'm like you, when I dwell on something negative, I do become bitter. It takes a bit of effort to let that kind of stuff go, but the effort is worth it in the end

Thank you again. I really appreciate it

Madame_Goldbricker

He sounds like a knobhead. He was probably attempting to flirt with your co worker & his lame response was his level of 'wit'. If it wasn't for the fact he was a customer. I'd probably have offered to stamp on another piece of his anatomy for him instead then. As the other poster said just don't let it drag you down. I always tell myself its "different horses for courses". I've heard everything from people saying I'm very attractive - to basically I'm a bit of a dog. However, I just think well they can think/say what they want but whose to say their right? It's how you feel about yourself that counts & self confidence is a wonderful thing. Don't let it mess with you.

littlexbug

Thank you hun.

I like the idea of "different horses for different courses." It's true that I can't expect everyone to like me, and you are totally correct in saying, "who's to say they are right." That's great insight!

Thank you, I'm grateful for your input!

tinana_RN

You're not even BIG! I weigh more than you do and I walk on my husband's back. That guy cracking jokes is just a wimp.

JoelleAnn78

When I was 16 I was with some family and we were outside in the summer -- we all needed to put on sunblock and someone said to me, "Let the rest of us go first, you have waaaay more surface area to cover and we won't have any left!" He was totally serious - he was not joking, laughing or otherwise. I was so humiliated.

blueboxgeek

I'd have had to come back with something like "wimp..... can't deal with a real woman on top of you huh?!"

Honestly I do the same and make jokes at my own expense, I think it's a self esteem thing. I do it even if someone compliments me, they will say ohhh you have lost weight and my immediate response is "yea but got a LONG LONG way to go". I don't really know why I do it

SamMorBelsmom

You're not even BIG! I weigh more than you do and I walk on my husband's back. That guy cracking jokes is just a wimp.

All of this! Seriously, unless the guy himself only weighed 110lbs. What an *kitten* hole! One this my husband has taught me, because I am just like you, I like to make other people laugh at my expense, he told me that if its going to hurt too much, then hold back and let someone else make fun of themselves. And I have caught myself doing that. When I am in a good mood and feel like super woman, I crack all the jokes about me that you can think of. But when I am having a bad day, I sit back and think, this isn't good for me today. Took some practice but it does help. And you just have to roll it off your shoulder. A man like that, making big comments and being rude, is probably making up for lack of his second head. Smile next time and say, this is a gym, not a chiropractic office.

weaving2fast

Wow, that hurts. You opened up the door for that one but they didn't have to step in. Don't let them keep you down.

taunto

Next time, don't fish for compliments if you can't handle the backlash

wewon

Put it into context. is he normally kind of mean-spirited that looks for any opening and this was par for the course, or was this a normally decent person that took a joke somewhere that it didn't need to go?

Either way, don't take it personally, some people are simply not funny and your weight is fixable.

LarryDUk

Next time, don't fish for compliments if you can't handle the backlash

QFT. You asked for this. He was probably joking. A woman your size isn't going to break anyone's back!

HisSweetGirl

This makes me think of an incident a LONG time ago (like 20 years) where a friend and I were eating in a food court at a local mall. She was smaller than was, but not a tiny girl. Some teenage boys were at a table close to us, and I heard one comment, "Fat people shouldn't be seen in public." Almost without thinking, I responded, "Stupid people shouldn't breathe either, but you don't see me complaining about you using up my oxygen." His buddies just about fell out of their chairs laughing.

I don't know what I would have done in your situation. I might have told him that it hurt my feelings. He won't know otherwise, regardless of whether you think he should or not. Often times, I tell people what they said wasn't nice or was hurtful. Either way, let it go. Be content with who you are. Your weight is NOT who you are! Keep on keeping on, you are doing GREAT.

da_bears10089

I never ask to walk on people's backs or to be picked up and carried for this specific reason. if you don't want someone to comment on your weight, then don't ask questions involving it. simplez

nytrifisoul

This reminded me of this time my father and I were eating at this diner we used to goto and a waitress my father had not seen in awhile was there. My father looked at her belly and asked her when she was due, she looked confused and said due for what, and walked away. We never went back there since.

UsedToBeHusky

You know, like you said, you opened yourself up for that. It's not that he wasn't wrong for saying it, but I think the more important thing here is to work on the part of yourself that thinks it is okay for you to set yourself up for that type of ridicule. I mean, you put yourself down first, and basically told him it was okay for him to treat you as badly as you treat yourself. Why would you do that?

DavPul

He didn't make a joke at your expense; you did. He just consigned it.

escloflowneCHANGED

I would have said the same thing, it's actually kind of a tame reply compared to what I could have said in the moment!

nytrifisoul

I would have said the same thing, it's actually kind of a tame reply compared to what I could have said in the moment!

I know, people are too sensitive these days. If she wasnt a female i would have said grow a pair.

hookilau

I remember when I was slight and all the guys wanted me to walk on their backs. I weighed about 100#'s and I also recall the point in time when I became to big to sit on my husband's lap :sick: It. Was. Humiliating.

Now that I've been steadily dropping, it appears I've entered the alternate universe where I'm small again. I'm only 5' tall too, so that has a lot to do with it.

Yesterday, A very large (think fee fi fo fum) 6+ foot tall, upwards of 275# man with a booming voice expressed disbelief when he asked me if it was me who walked a particularly large Choc. Lab. She probably weighs somewhere in the neighborhood of about 115# and is exceptionally long in body length. So much so that she is unable to back up :blushing: She has to be led around in a circle like a horse :laugh: She pulls like crazy by the way, if you allow her to.

I had to laugh at the look on his face when his eyebrows met his hairline, as I said that it was I who walks her regularly & that no, she doesn't pull me down the block.

To be fair....he had quite a snootful :laugh: :blushing:

AmykinsCatfood

The filters that people once used to avoid hurting other peoples feelings/offending them are becoming a thing of the past. Even the FCC is becoming more lax about what they will allow on TV. They don't say these things intentionally most of the time- just don't think about it before it comes out of their mouth.

In one way it's refreshing- people aren't constantly monitoring what they say or feel in order to avoid hurting someone else's feelings, but in another it can be quite hurtful if you're on the receiving end of a comment like that. Often they didn't even mean to say it and probably feel like a *kitten*, but It happens, and it sucks. Just use it as motivation. I had a group of teenagers drive past me while I was on my bike and yell cruel things at me. I then went on the most kickass bikeride of my life, and 40lbs later, I'm still losing.

conniemaxwell5

Over the years I've had several things like that said to me and I remember the hurt. I finally realized that what others say about me does not have to define me. I evalutated myself and began to appreciate the things I liked or loved about myself and then started to work on the things I didn't like so much. I became a woman that I am now proud of and nothing anyone says or does can take that away from me. That's what I recommend to anyone who is affected by the words or actions of others. Make lists of the things you like and dislike about yourself. You have control over those things. You have power over them. When you empower yourself, you remove the power from others to have that kind of affect on you.

cafeaulait7

I don't think you were fishing for a compliment (hope not!), but I do think that self-deprecating humor involves deprecating I actually think what he said sounds joking and exactly in line with where you were going.

What are some responses you think he should have said? They probably sound too serious when someone is kidding, imho. Or he would have to compliment you instead, yes, and then you'd feel silly because you were joking, not asking for a compliment!

If he'd taken you seriously instead of joking, I think it would be more awkward. Maybe he should have just laughed, but you know guys like to have a comeback I can't think of a good, clever one he should have said, lol. So he's fine, I think. And you shouldn't joke about something you are serious about! That can get awkward, yes!