The MFP pseudoscience sanctuary.

jeffpettis

In the past two weeks I have gained 5 lbs, even though I have stayed within my calorie goals. I must have gone into starvation mode, and need to eat more!!

That's when you just agree with 90% of the posts that follow telling them to do just that, eat more, cause they'll be back in a month saying they gained 10 more pounds and can't figure out why!!! :huh:

TMLPatrick

"I need to lose 50lbs in 2 weeks for my wedding, will this site help?"

TMLPatrick

My sister just started the 5:2 diet.

You eat 'normally' for 5 days, then eat less than 500kcals for two days.

I think she is an idiot.

My partner bought a book for that, she never convinced me to try it though. Pretty much any diet with an associated book is crap.

MysteriousMerlin

anything that comes out of Dr. Oz's mouth

THIS.

Also...Body by Vi

QuietBloom

My sister just started the 5:2 diet.

You eat 'normally' for 5 days, then eat less than 500kcals for two days.

I think she is an idiot.

Naw. That's just a new-ish way of approaching intermittent fasting. As long as you net a calorie deficit for the week, you will lose weight.

LoudmouthLee

Heh. One load. Heh.

I'm serious... Let's start a ridiculously stupid fad diet. Call it something catchy. The Dragon's Semen Diet or something. Eating only hot sauce and various animal's reproductive organs.

100% sure that this will catch on.

Ever wonder why the Chinese are so slim? Why they age so well? Why the live long healthy lives?

The 'Year of the Dragon' diet is built from ancient eastern knowledge, which as we all know is far more reliable than modern medical science.
The Chinese believed in the health benefits of 'Dragon Virility Juice' a derivative of dragon semen. (There is are plenty of pieces of art that clearly depict dragons in china, do not let the censoring of the modern media fool you!)
If course, dragon semen is hard to obtain these days so we bring you a modern alternative milked from lizards.
Simply knock back one load of 'dragon virility juice' a day, along with no food or water, for a month. The difference will amaze you!

Order your dragon virility juice now for only 46 low payments of $89.99

Andy_83

At uni our flatmate was constantly doing fad diets rather than just exercise and sensible eating so 2 of us decided to see if we could lose more weight than her just by letting ice cubes melt in our mouths (on the theory that a calorie is the amount of energy it takes to warm one gram of water by one degree) ok granted there's a definite nerdy element here I'm not proud of. All that happened was on about day 4 and about 6 trays each that afternoon he and I sat in a pub in the middle of summer with goosebumps. Smooth.

mrsduke2924

my boss - who currently thinks all fruit is bad, and tells me I shouldn't be chomping on bananas if I "expect to lose any weight" - apparently they're all "so full of sugar darling you'd be better off with a chocolate bar"
And she has a bit of an issue with veg - but loves cauliflower/brocolli/leeks covered in as much cheese sauce as she can eat then lectures me about what to have.

I'm 29lbs down since April, she has lost 2lb...

Hmmmmmmmm. My store of patience wears thin

Pass the bananas!

mrsduke2924

I'm serious... Let's start a ridiculously stupid fad diet. Call it something catchy. The Dragon's Semen Diet or something. Eating only hot sauce and various animal's reproductive organs.

100% sure that this will catch on.

Ever wonder why the Chinese are so slim? Why they age so well? Why the live long healthy lives?

The 'Year of the Dragon' diet is built from ancient eastern knowledge, which as we all know is far more reliable than modern medical science.
The Chinese believed in the health benefits of 'Dragon Virility Juice' a derivative of dragon semen. (There is are plenty of pieces of art that clearly depict dragons in china, do not let the censoring of the modern media fool you!)
If course, dragon semen is hard to obtain these days so we bring you a modern alternative milked from lizards.
Simply knock back one load of 'dragon virility juice' a day, along with no food or water, for a month. The difference will amaze you!

Order your dragon virility juice now for only 46 low payments of $89.99

ROFL! Aww hell I'm printing this for work - awesome.
Where do I subscribe?! :laugh:

neandermagnon

Oh where do I begin?

^^^^ this

fruit is dangerous to humans in spite of the fact primates have lived off fruit for millions of years

everything about the "paleo" diet that isn't actually palaeolithic

sugar and sweet foods are as addictive as heroin and cocaine and you can do detox to rid yourself of cravings for them - quick! better go to the zoo and put all the other primate species in detox too!!! they crave sweet things too!! ya know, cause like the desire to eat sweet things didn't evolve in animals to make them seek out nutrient rich foods like fruit and honey.... no it's an addictive drug *sigh*

breatharianism. i.e. doing what 600 million years of animal evolution couldn't do and developing the ability to photosynthesise.

fruitarianism. i.e. only eating the parts of plants that the plant willingly gives up (a plant has a will??), so you don't kill or harm any animals or plants. sorry guys, you're animals. you have to eat other living things to survive. Sorry that you weren't born as a tree or a hydrangea bush or some other member of the plant kingdom, but you were born as an animal and that means you have to kill things to get the nutrition you need. nature is red in tooth and claw. sorry about that. even if you'd been born a tree, you'd have giraffes or something nibbling your leaves all day. And greenfly..... and you can't just walk down the pharmacy to get yourself a special shampoo to wash the greenfly out of your leaves, plants are just stuck there, they can't just get up and move somewhere else.

PJ64

This Works!!! Eat 100 Calories every other hour and exercise for 14.5 minutes on a Tri Split every other week routine for 30 days

It's true because I got it from someone who:
--Has logged 30+ days on MFP
- Has an Internet Personal Trainer Certificate AND a WHOLE lot of Random Vowels and Acronyms like A.X.S.S.E. after their name

candiceh3

I am so in.

broccoli has negative calories so eat as much of it as you want

stealthSLOTH

I took LSD and became a toaster.

Wait - a toaster or toaster oven? Could you toast bagels, for instance?

Mutant13

I've started drinking mouthwash, it cleans out all your toxins

Derpes

I've started drinking mouthwash, it cleans out all your toxins

I usually drink bleach to flush my liver - I add sugar free Kool-aid to make it taste better.

Madame_Goldbricker

I've started drinking mouthwash, it cleans out all your toxins

I usually drink bleach to flush my liver - I add sugar free Kool-aid to make it taste better.

Paleo won't allow kool-aid or bleach. What can I do instead?

JUDDDing

My favorite so far has been oil pulling.

Apparently, you can lose weight and cure cancer by making mayonnaise in your mouth.

p4ulmiller

Pregnant woman piss.

500 cals a day and a drink of pee, and the pee makes your fat *literally* melt.

candiceh3

Pregnant woman piss.

500 cals a day and a drink of pee, and the pee makes your fat *literally* melt.

LMAO ewww. But man that hcg really packs a punch.

I hear you shouldn't eat carbs, fats or proteins after 3:42.11 pm.

neandermagnon

I've started drinking mouthwash, it cleans out all your toxins

I usually drink bleach to flush my liver - I add sugar free Kool-aid to make it taste better.

Paleo won't allow kool-aid or bleach. What can I do instead?

the start of the middle palaeolithic era is heralded by the controlled use of fire, so maybe you can use fire and burn all the toxins out of yourself? Or cauterise your liver with a stone blade heated in a fire?

reds_1

I've started drinking mouthwash, it cleans out all your toxins

I usually drink bleach to flush my liver - I add sugar free Kool-aid to make it taste better.

Paleo won't allow kool-aid or bleach. What can I do instead?

the start of the middle palaeolithic era is heralded by the controlled use of fire, so maybe you can use fire and burn all the toxins out of yourself? Or cauterise your liver with a stone blade heated in a fire?

Wait, what? Fire is all I need? I've got a handy weight loss method in a box of matches?

Feel the burn!

Mutant13

It makes sense to use fire. A calorie is the amount if energy it takes to raise a litre of water by one degree, and fire makes water boil. So it burns all the calories.

It's just science