Help me learn from my mistakes

georgiana_paloma

Good evening,

I need your help. Let me know what I am doing wrong.

I have lost 35+ pounds over 10 different times, only to subsequently gain it all back, plus some.

I’ve noticed a trend in how this all occurs.

1. Truly dedicated for 6 – 10 months, allowing myself to lose a significant amount of weight. Am mostly not allowing myself any true indulgences. I become obsessed with counting. At this point I am convinced it’s really going to work this time around...

2. Give in to a treat, then binge, then give up. Continue to eat junk food and take out for months on end...

3. Allow myself to gain all my weight back, only to get truly disgusted with myself. Everything feels wrong, to how my seat belt fits, my clothes, stomach problems, and disgust in photos of myself.

I generally only want to do cardio, despite knowing that weight training is key. I have a little bit of anxiety and at times it has kept me from the gym. One time I was working out and felt like EVERYONE was staring at me. I was a nervous wreck. I finally looked behind me only to discover not a single person was around. I was there by myself!

Can you tell me how to do this right? How to make it last? Has anyone been in my shoes and overcame this miserable vicious cycle?

I am desperate to finally to get it right. I am so burned out from almost 10 years of dieting and gaining.
Thank you so much for your comments!

bonjalandoni

log your food and stick to your plan.. no short cuts here.

heybales

Make your goal more realistic, changes you can really sustain.

Some people jump in to start going to the gym 6 days a week for 1-1.5 hrs daily.
They put off all other or many other responsibilities that really need to be done too.
And they can't hold to it for a long period of time, no matter how much they may enjoy it.

Some people make massive eating changes, and not just a bad big deficit, but types of food they don't enjoy and won't keep eating once they feel they don't need to.

Either make the changes gradually, or just what you really will do.

Make minor and realistic changes to schedule to get healthy workouts in. If the slightest bump in the road will cause you to miss your workout totally, wasn't realistic if those bumps usually happen. Make that a night you confirm other things are done and caught up so some other night is totally free an clear for a workout, or a next morning.

Make reasonable deficit goal to total activity. Follow MFP's program of eating back exercise so deficit is reasonable. 2 lbs weekly is reasonable with a lot to lose, but should be lowered to 1.5 and 1 and 0.5 as approaching goal weight, that's reasonable.
Make realistic diet changes. If you hate half a plate of mixed steamed vegetables, how long will you do it after reaching goal weight. If you love pizza, how long if you don't even allow 1 night of reasonable amount.

BrainyBurro

classic yo-yo dieting.

in the past, have you "starved" yourself to lose weight? if so, that was your main problem. deprivation diets will cause you to ultimately binge. very, very few people can do a deprivation diet and not end up putting back on all the weight when they are done.

instead of "dieting" for a period of time and then going back to your "normal" habits (which is why the binges started), change your "normal" habits.

don't eliminate any foods from your dietary intake that you like. count calories meticulously. be honest. be accurate. control your portions, but don't eat too few calories! set a modest weight loss rate. don't have cheat days (which aren't necessary anyway if you are not avoiding the foods you love). try to work a small treat of some sort into your daily dietary intake so that you don't obsess about food and then, don't obsess about food!!

if you need to mentally take a day off from logging from time to time, don't let it be an all-you-can-eat day. still try to make the same food choices and portion sizes that you were eating while logging. focus on your micro- and macro-nutritional goals. get your fats and protein macros set properly. try to meet or exceed them every day. try to eat to your calorie goal (on average) every day. read and learn about IIFYM (if it fits your macros). stay away from anyone who demonizes food - those people are nuts and don't understand what they think they understand when it comes to weight loss. this means don't follow low-carb, or gluten-free, or clean, or paleo, or any other fad dietary intake regimens. those are, BY DEFINITION, deprivation diets. unless they align magically with foods that you are already avoiding, they will simply cause you to obsess about certain foods, leading ultimately to a binge down the road.

tequila09

I am in the same boat of losing weight just to gain it back. The key for me is baby steps. This time will be different because my main goals are fitness oriented (this month is working out 5 times a week) along with trying to eat to live and not going crazy on junk food or overeating to the point it hurts. I'm working on being able to enjoy myself with the food I love but if I do end up overeating I won't beat myself up over it and I won't let it continue day after day.

It takes time to truly change, I've been lazy my entire life and have been trying to get healthier for maybe 2 years now but spent a lot of my time obsessing on restricting my intake or eating like crazy!! I've been doing very well for about 3 months now and have lost a few inches already.

You can do it!!!!!

georgiana_paloma

Thank you everyone.

georgiana_paloma

Make your goal more realistic, changes you can really sustain.

Some people jump in to start going to the gym 6 days a week for 1-1.5 hrs daily.
They put off all other or many other responsibilities that really need to be done too.
And they can't hold to it for a long period of time, no matter how much they may enjoy it.

Some people make massive eating changes, and not just a bad big deficit, but types of food they don't enjoy and won't keep eating once they feel they don't need to.

Either make the changes gradually, or just what you really will do.

Make minor and realistic changes to schedule to get healthy workouts in. If the slightest bump in the road will cause you to miss your workout totally, wasn't realistic if those bumps usually happen. Make that a night you confirm other things are done and caught up so some other night is totally free an clear for a workout, or a next morning.

Make reasonable deficit goal to total activity. Follow MFP's program of eating back exercise so deficit is reasonable. 2 lbs weekly is reasonable with a lot to lose, but should be lowered to 1.5 and 1 and 0.5 as approaching goal weight, that's reasonable.
Make realistic diet changes. If you hate half a plate of mixed steamed vegetables, how long will you do it after reaching goal weight. If you love pizza, how long if you don't even allow 1 night of reasonable amount.

I do agree, my goals were terribly unrealistic. Thank you for your insight. Very much appreciated.

georgiana_paloma

classic yo-yo dieting.

in the past, have you "starved" yourself to lose weight? if so, that was your main problem. deprivation diets will cause you to ultimately binge. very, very few people can do a deprivation diet and not end up putting back on all the weight when they are done.

instead of "dieting" for a period of time and then going back to your "normal" habits (which is why the binges started), change your "normal" habits.

don't eliminate any foods from your dietary intake that you like. count calories meticulously. be honest. be accurate. control your portions, but don't eat too few calories! set a modest weight loss rate. don't have cheat days (which aren't necessary anyway if you are not avoiding the foods you love). try to work a small treat of some sort into your daily dietary intake so that you don't obsess about food and then, don't obsess about food!!

if you need to mentally take a day off from logging from time to time, don't let it be an all-you-can-eat day. still try to make the same food choices and portion sizes that you were eating while logging. focus on your micro- and macro-nutritional goals. get your fats and protein macros set properly. try to meet or exceed them every day. try to eat to your calorie goal (on average) every day. read and learn about IIFYM (if it fits your macros). stay away from anyone who demonizes food - those people are nuts and don't understand what they think they understand when it comes to weight loss. this means don't follow low-carb, or gluten-free, or clean, or paleo, or any other fad dietary intake regimens. those are, BY DEFINITION, deprivation diets. unless they align magically with foods that you are already avoiding, they will simply cause you to obsess about certain foods, leading ultimately to a binge down the road.

Thank you for your reply. I don't know anything about IIFYM, I will be looking in to that. Also, great point about all those diets, such as paleo, clean, etc. Those aren't realistic, and that's what I need to be right now. REALISTIC. thank you again!

georgiana_paloma

I am in the same boat of losing weight just to gain it back. The key for me is baby steps. This time will be different because my main goals are fitness oriented (this month is working out 5 times a week) along with trying to eat to live and not going crazy on junk food or overeating to the point it hurts. I'm working on being able to enjoy myself with the food I love but if I do end up overeating I won't beat myself up over it and I won't let it continue day after day.

It takes time to truly change, I've been lazy my entire life and have been trying to get healthier for maybe 2 years now but spent a lot of my time obsessing on restricting my intake or eating like crazy!! I've been doing very well for about 3 months now and have lost a few inches already.

You can do it!!!!!

I will make my goals more fitness oriented, hopefully that will motivate me. I do better when I have a 5k or something in mind, but really I need to find a better way of motivating myself. Thank you so much for you comment. I am so happy for you and your success.

ni1966

In addition to counting calories, it must become a lifestyle. The junk foods you love has to be replace with healthier snacks. In stead of cake, jello or pudding, both are lower in calories. Instead of chips, plain popcorn, you don't want to feel that you are missing out.

BrainyBurro

In addition to counting calories, it must become a lifestyle. The junk foods you love has to be replace with healthier snacks. In stead of cake, jello or pudding, both are lower in calories. Instead of chips, plain popcorn, you don't want to feel that you are missing out.

no.

this mindset is both unnecessary and potentially harmful.

food is just fuel. there is no "good" or "bad" food. it's all just food.

eating too much food or eating too many of the foods that don't help you meet your nutritional needs is the only issue to worry about.

but there is nothing wrong with cake or potato chips. there is a way to work them into your dietary intake on occasion.

the disordered thinking about food on this site is by far the most frustrating problem that i see over and over and over again. so many people have been taught to fear food, or blame food for their problems. so many people treat food as a punishment or reward. these people are all missing the big picture... delicious food is one of the great pleasures of life. it's just as insane to deprive yourself of that pleasure as it is to over-indulge that pleasure.

my message to everyone is simple: don't deprive yourselves. eat any or all of the foods you love in moderation and when they can be fit into your daily/weekly nutritional needs. understanding the science behind weight loss and nutrition will help you understand how to fit cake or potato chips (or whatever) into your diet when you want them.

ni1966

It is not unhealthy to moderate yourself to eat healthier. Your statement is an oxymoron. Instead of pigging out on two pieces of cake, I try to limit myself to one piece and maybe jello or something more healthier, how can that be bad advice. There are foods that are unhealthy when pigged out on. Not sure about you but I can't do deprivation, but I can replace to limit these foods, most doctors would agree with me.

Cindyinpg

In addition to counting calories, it must become a lifestyle. The junk foods you love has to be replace with healthier snacks. In stead of cake, jello or pudding, both are lower in calories. Instead of chips, plain popcorn, you don't want to feel that you are missing out.

no.

this mindset is both unnecessary and potentially harmful.

food is just fuel. there is no "good" or "bad" food. it's all just food.

eating too much food or eating too many of the foods that don't help you meet your nutritional needs is the only issue to worry about.

but there is nothing wrong with cake or potato chips. there is a way to work them into your dietary intake on occasion.

the disordered thinking about food on this site is by far the most frustrating problem that i see over and over and over again. so many people have been taught to fear food, or blame food for their problems. so many people treat food as a punishment or reward. these people are all missing the big picture... delicious food is one of the great pleasures of life. it's just as insane to deprive yourself of that pleasure as it is to over-indulge that pleasure.

my message to everyone is simple: don't deprive yourselves. eat any or all of the foods you love in moderation and when they can be fit into your daily/weekly nutritional needs. understanding the science behind weight loss and nutrition will help you understand how to fit cake or potato chips (or whatever) into your diet when you want them.

Yes, OP, this is SO, SO, true. I was just like you. I fell off the wagon so many times because I deprived myself unnecessarily and made myself miserable on restrictive diet plans. I've been able to stay the course this time and have been consistently losing weight by following this ^^^^ advice.

BrainyBurro

It is not unhealthy to moderate yourself to eat healthier. Your statement is an oxymoron. Instead of pigging out on two pieces of cake, I try to limit myself to one piece and maybe jello or something more healthier, how can that be bad advice. There are foods that are unhealthy when pigged out on. Not sure about you but I can't do deprivation, but I can replace to limit these foods, most doctors would agree with me.

you didn't say moderate, you said replace. that's what i object to. for yourself, that's your choice. but since you were suggesting that to another as advice, i felt it was important to counter that "advice".

Cindyinpg

It is not unhealthy to moderate yourself to eat healthier. Your statement is an oxymoron. Instead of pigging out on two pieces of cake, I try to limit myself to one piece and maybe jello or something more healthier, how can that be bad advice. There are foods that are unhealthy when pigged out on. Not sure about you but I can't do deprivation, but I can replace to limit these foods, most doctors would agree with me.

You're backpedalling a little. You just said "The junk food you love has to be replaced with healthier snacks." Now you're saying one piece of cake is fine, but not two... What is your stance, moderation or elimination? I'm confused.

Cait_Sidhe

I also am on this cycle of losing/gaining, so I don't have much advice (latest gain is due to a huge amount of stress and physical pain).

Listen to BrainyBurro though, what he's saying makes a lot of sense.

keeptehpeace

allow yourself your treats, just apply portion control - if you find you have the calories for it, have that chocolate bar, or that steak, or whatever you're craving.

gigglesinthesun

treats are not terrible, in fact I live for ice cream (yes yes ... emotional attachments to food ... bad ... blah blah blah ... still love ice cream )

However, I would recommend at least for a while to make you own cakes and treats and log everything accurately to the recipe maker so you get an idea what sort of calories are in your favourite treats and in what portion size. Just allow yourself a certain amount of calories a week and play around with portion sizes.

Don't aim for a massive deficit either (2lbs a week equal 1000 cal deficit a day, 1lbs is 500 cal a day etc etc), so that you don't end up with like 1200 cals a day, because that leaves little space fore treats :-)

zensugi

2. Give in to a treat, then binge, then give up. Continue to eat junk food and take out for months on end...

Question: What does trigger this? Do you really miss that food or are there other pressures so you start sabotaging yourself? By the way, I think BrainyBurro's (I love that name) explanation is the way to go for you on terms of food.

Mongognom

1. Truly dedicated for 6 – 10 months, allowing myself to lose a significant amount of weight. Am mostly not allowing myself any true indulgences. I become obsessed with counting. At this point I am convinced it’s really going to work this time around...

2. Give in to a treat, then binge, then give up. Continue to eat junk food and take out for months on end...

1. I am the same. I go out of the fate full steam, and then give up pretty fast when I can't go to the gym 5 times a week. This time, I made small changes instead. I'm not going to the gym, instead I've started to walk to and from work and doing exercises at home with a cheap workout dvd. As time goes I might up the exercise, but right now this works for me.

2. I had to identify what foods or situation were my triggers. It's not that I don't eat those foods, it's just that I don't have them in the house all the time and instead of buying a pizza when I want it, I make my own. It tastes just as good with half the cheese and more veggies.

JesterMFP

It is not unhealthy to moderate yourself to eat healthier. Your statement is an oxymoron. Instead of pigging out on two pieces of cake, I try to limit myself to one piece and maybe jello or something more healthier, how can that be bad advice.

I'm curious - in what way is jello inherently "healthier" than cake?

OP - I completely agree with what BrainyBurro and others have said. It's completely unnecessary to cut out certain foods to successfully lose weight (barring specific medical issues). From what you've said about your pattern o dieting, that's the main change I would make - stop cutting out food you enjoy, and then you won't feel the need to "give in" and "indulge" somewhere down the line, leading to giving up altogether.

Food isn't good or bad, even your overall diet isn't good or bad - there is a massive range of options in between. Eating nothing but cake all day every day is not going to support your health. Eating a piece of cake every week, or even every day, if all your other nutritional needs are met, is not going to stop you losing weight, or make you unhealthy.

So, yeah. Stop cutting things out that you enjoy eating. Break the cycle there. Chances are, you may find that your diet changes over time anyway, organically, as you start paying more attention to what you're eating. That's what I've experienced. Not because I've imposed strict limits on myself, but because in my efforts to eat more protein and fibre, lots of fresh vegetables etc, my eating priorities have shifted quite naturally.

Along with that, I'd recommend only a small calorie deficit, and getting used to the idea that this is going to take a long time, and if it's a true lifestyle change, it is forever. Don't make changes you can't stick with.

SinomenJen

classic yo-yo dieting.

in the past, have you "starved" yourself to lose weight? if so, that was your main problem. deprivation diets will cause you to ultimately binge. very, very few people can do a deprivation diet and not end up putting back on all the weight when they are done.

instead of "dieting" for a period of time and then going back to your "normal" habits (which is why the binges started), change your "normal" habits.

don't eliminate any foods from your dietary intake that you like. count calories meticulously. be honest. be accurate. control your portions, but don't eat too few calories! set a modest weight loss rate. don't have cheat days (which aren't necessary anyway if you are not avoiding the foods you love). try to work a small treat of some sort into your daily dietary intake so that you don't obsess about food and then, don't obsess about food!!

if you need to mentally take a day off from logging from time to time, don't let it be an all-you-can-eat day. still try to make the same food choices and portion sizes that you were eating while logging. focus on your micro- and macro-nutritional goals. get your fats and protein macros set properly. try to meet or exceed them every day. try to eat to your calorie goal (on average) every day. read and learn about IIFYM (if it fits your macros). stay away from anyone who demonizes food - those people are nuts and don't understand what they think they understand when it comes to weight loss. this means don't follow low-carb, or gluten-free, or clean, or paleo, or any other fad dietary intake regimens. those are, BY DEFINITION, deprivation diets. unless they align magically with foods that you are already avoiding, they will simply cause you to obsess about certain foods, leading ultimately to a binge down the road.

^^^ THIS ^^^

alisonlynn1976

Don't change everything all at once, change one thing at a time. For me, I'd guess there was a good 8 months between beginning to take small steps toward doing something about my weight and becoming a hardcore really into fitness person. I started with little things like not eating potato chips at lunch anymore and taking the stairs at work. When I started seeing my small changes make a difference, this motivated me to make bigger changes.

Commander_Keen

Cardio is part of the key
Weight lifting is part of the key.
Diet is part of the key.

p4ulmiller

I am desperate to finally to get it right. I am so burned out from almost 10 years of dieting and gaining.
Thank you so much for your comments!

So stop dieting then. Don't have a goal, and most definitely don't force yourself into timescales.

Make a promise to yourself today, here and now, that you have changed your unhealthy eating habits. You are going to eat properly and normally, and you are going to start taking a little exercise.

That's all you need to do. That's your primary aim.

Write it down and stick it on the fridge or the wardrobe door; somewhere you'll see it every day.

A secondary consequence is that you will lose weight; another is that you'll begin to feel better about yourself.

Stop giving yourself a goal, because it looks like you are reaching that goal and saying "that's it, finished" The truth is, it never finishes. Never.

Chevy_Quest

.. delicious food is one of the great pleasures of life. it's just as insane to deprive yourself of that pleasure as it is to over-indulge that pleasure.

my message to everyone is simple: don't deprive yourselves. eat any or all of the foods you love in moderation and when they can be fit into your daily/weekly nutritional needs. understanding the science behind weight loss and nutrition will help you understand how to fit cake or potato chips (or whatever) into your diet when you want them.

Yes, OP, this is SO, SO, true. I was just like you. I fell off the wagon so many times because I deprived myself unnecessarily and made myself miserable on restrictive diet plans. I've been able to stay the course this time and have been consistently losing weight by following this ^^^^ advice.

^^^ This and ^^^This - Listen to some of these veterans - I have finally thrown off the "albatross" of good foods and bad foods and concentrated on the big picture.. health and fitness.

socajam

Good evening,

I need your help. Let me know what I am doing wrong.

I have lost 35+ pounds over 10 different times, only to subsequently gain it all back, plus some.

I’ve noticed a trend in how this all occurs.

1. Truly dedicated for 6 – 10 months, allowing myself to lose a significant amount of weight. Am mostly not allowing myself any true indulgences. I become obsessed with counting. At this point I am convinced it’s really going to work this time around...

2. Give in to a treat, then binge, then give up. Continue to eat junk food and take out for months on end...

3. Allow myself to gain all my weight back, only to get truly disgusted with myself. Everything feels wrong, to how my seat belt fits, my clothes, stomach problems, and disgust in photos of myself.

I generally only want to do cardio, despite knowing that weight training is key. I have a little bit of anxiety and at times it has kept me from the gym. One time I was working out and felt like EVERYONE was staring at me. I was a nervous wreck. I finally looked behind me only to discover not a single person was around. I was there by myself!

Can you tell me how to do this right? How to make it last? Has anyone been in my shoes and overcame this miserable vicious cycle?

I am desperate to finally to get it right. I am so burned out from almost 10 years of dieting and gaining.
Thank you so much for your comments!

This is my answer to answer person who asked a similar question:

Here is a tip I learnt from someone on here. Right now I am at 169.4, say my goal is to get to 166.0, if I go off the wagon and put on 2 pounds, that means I have 5.4 pounds to lose to get to 166. instead of 3.4 pounds. So now I have to work even harder to lose that extra 5.4 pounds, whereas if I work this hard I might even lose more than 3.4 pounds. Hope that makes sense.

This is what helps to keep me on track not to say I do not stray, but 1 day here and there is better than straying for days, weeks and even months.

GingerLolita

As others have said, still indulge in your favorites, but make sure you eat a reasonable portion that fits within your calorie limit. I'd like to add that I find my favorite indulgences even more delicious because I have them so rarely now. Also, don't think of food as a treat and don't try and rationalize/justify it, saying "I've been eating good/working out" because then you're making excuses, but you don't have to if you limit the treats to a reasonable amount and frequency.

Also, someone called clean eating a fad deprivation diet, but I disagree. I try to eat mostly clean and most clean eaters are only 70-95% clean, so they're striving towards clean eating but not depriving themselves. Although some take it too far, it's not deprivation if it's something you want to do.

ni1966

It is not unhealthy to moderate yourself to eat healthier. Your statement is an oxymoron. Instead of pigging out on two pieces of cake, I try to limit myself to one piece and maybe jello or something more healthier, how can that be bad advice. There are foods that are unhealthy when pigged out on. Not sure about you but I can't do deprivation, but I can replace to limit these foods, most doctors would agree with me.

You're backpedalling a little. You just said "The junk food you love has to be replaced with healthier snacks." Now you're saying one piece of cake is fine, but not two... What is your stance, moderation or elimination? I'm confused.

Geez, it was one piece of advice. I didn't think this community was full of such bullies. Just like you are free to make suggestions about what works for you withou being attacked so am I. Why behave in this manner? If you have different advice, say it, and let her decide. Great welcome I am getting. Didn't know it was "that kind of community".

ni1966

It is not unhealthy to moderate yourself to eat healthier. Your statement is an oxymoron. Instead of pigging out on two pieces of cake, I try to limit myself to one piece and maybe jello or something more healthier, how can that be bad advice.

I'm curious - in what way is jello inherently "healthier" than cake?

OP - I completely agree with what BrainyBurro and others have said. It's completely unnecessary to cut out certain foods to successfully lose weight (barring specific medical issues). From what you've said about your pattern o dieting, that's the main change I would make - stop cutting out food you enjoy, and then you won't feel the need to "give in" and "indulge" somewhere down the line, leading to giving up altogether.

Food isn't good or bad, even your overall diet isn't good or bad - there is a massive range of options in between. Eating nothing but cake all day every day is not going to support your health. Eating a piece of cake every week, or even every day, if all your other nutritional needs are met, is not going to stop you losing weight, or make you unhealthy.

So, yeah. Stop cutting things out that you enjoy eating. Break the cycle there. Chances are, you may find that your diet changes over time anyway, organically, as you start paying more attention to what you're eating. That's what I've experienced. Not because I've imposed strict limits on myself, but because in my efforts to eat more protein and fibre, lots of fresh vegetables etc, my eating priorities have shifted quite naturally.

Along with that, I'd recommend only a small calorie deficit, and getting used to the idea that this is going to take a long time, and if it's a true lifestyle change, it is forever. Don't make changes you can't stick with.

Don't worry, I will be leaving this blog. I am been a member all of one week, and gotten nasty replies. Apparently, this is not the best place to give and share "OPINIONS" without a freaking debate. Best of luck......

ni1966

Obviously you are the "expert", so never mind. I just love sharing advice (thought that was the point) and then getting bashed/slammed by the resident doctor, diet guru, expert. Happy weight lose to you too.