Diary of a Compulsive Overeater - Day 3

ellelit

Well yesterday started out well. woke up on the right side of the bed, had a bowl of oatmeal and a banana for breakfast, walked the 15 minutes to work, was looking forward to my day... had healthy snacks and a healthy lunch, was walking home in the afternoon and it was like a magnet pulled me into the convenience store on the corner. i bought, without thinking, 2 large microwave pizza subs, a large bag or chips and a bottle of diet coke.

walking home after that was a blur, and i barely remember putting the items in the microwave, but i do remember eating it, and i made a concious effort to remember what eating these bad food felt like: bliss.:mad:

after i was done eating i looked at the pile of wrappers on the counter, the half-drank bottle of pop on the table and the little crumbs of potato chips on my shirt. "oh god, what have i done?"

immediate guilt.

this continued for about half an hour, when the feeling of guilt started to fade, and magically enough was replaced by... you guessed it.... hunger.

so there i sat, from about 7:30 until bedtime at 10 talking myself out of walking to the DQ behind my house and ordering up an ultimate burger. i could taste it. i wanted it so badly. but at the end of the night i realized i was not hungry, and even though i ate badly (not considered a binge to me because i could easily have eaten 4 of those things) i managed to stop about 1/3 of the way through my usual binge process. not something i am entirely proud of, but i can look at it a small victory because less than a week ago i had a similar eating pattern but topped it off with 2 full meals from DQ.

things will get better. here is the plan for today:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

snack:
1 small yogurt
mini carrots
22 almonds

lunch: (we're going to the keg)
1 grilled chicken burger, light mayo
i tossed salad with vinaigrette

snack:
apple
granola bar if hungry

supper:
roasted chicken thighs
1/2 cup rice
1 cup steamed broccoli

snack:
1 cup skim milk

usually fridays is a big problem for me. i usually eat a huge meal at lunch like a double bacon cheese burger with fries and gravy, but today i am going to try to lighten it up. also, usually after work i go buy a huge 12 oz. steak and make a big steak dinner with rice and gravy. today my goal is to follow the meal plan and eat healthfully with no binges. here's to trying.

ellelit

Well yesterday started out well. woke up on the right side of the bed, had a bowl of oatmeal and a banana for breakfast, walked the 15 minutes to work, was looking forward to my day... had healthy snacks and a healthy lunch, was walking home in the afternoon and it was like a magnet pulled me into the convenience store on the corner. i bought, without thinking, 2 large microwave pizza subs, a large bag or chips and a bottle of diet coke.

walking home after that was a blur, and i barely remember putting the items in the microwave, but i do remember eating it, and i made a concious effort to remember what eating these bad food felt like: bliss.:mad:

after i was done eating i looked at the pile of wrappers on the counter, the half-drank bottle of pop on the table and the little crumbs of potato chips on my shirt. "oh god, what have i done?"

immediate guilt.

this continued for about half an hour, when the feeling of guilt started to fade, and magically enough was replaced by... you guessed it.... hunger.

so there i sat, from about 7:30 until bedtime at 10 talking myself out of walking to the DQ behind my house and ordering up an ultimate burger. i could taste it. i wanted it so badly. but at the end of the night i realized i was not hungry, and even though i ate badly (not considered a binge to me because i could easily have eaten 4 of those things) i managed to stop about 1/3 of the way through my usual binge process. not something i am entirely proud of, but i can look at it a small victory because less than a week ago i had a similar eating pattern but topped it off with 2 full meals from DQ.

things will get better. here is the plan for today:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

snack:
1 small yogurt
mini carrots
22 almonds

lunch: (we're going to the keg)
1 grilled chicken burger, light mayo
i tossed salad with vinaigrette

snack:
apple
granola bar if hungry

supper:
roasted chicken thighs
1/2 cup rice
1 cup steamed broccoli

snack:
1 cup skim milk

usually fridays is a big problem for me. i usually eat a huge meal at lunch like a double bacon cheese burger with fries and gravy, but today i am going to try to lighten it up. also, usually after work i go buy a huge 12 oz. steak and make a big steak dinner with rice and gravy. today my goal is to follow the meal plan and eat healthfully with no binges. here's to trying.

ladydi

You can do it!!! You just have to stop yourself! Next time you go the store and feel like buying all that junk food think about how good your gonna feel when you lose the wait you want to. Think how good its gonna feel to look really cute in a bathing suit.That's what I do and it works most of the time.:flowerforyou:

ellelit

just stopping is the prolem. i can't. it's something i have to work on. thanks for the tips. though

gemini78

Congratulations you had 2 healthy meals out of three and all healthy snacks. Don't beat yourself up over one meal.

Don't you hate that late night battle! I had the same fight with myself last night, luckily I have nothing too terrible stocked at my house, and I don't live by too much stuff, although I was ready to drive to the gas station for something, anything with chocolate or fat! Luckily I talked my self into two pieces of toast with jelly, not too great but I'm sure better than what I would have binged on at the gas station.

chriss1tt

:drinker: One really big victory already. U did not go to DQ. Great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:drinker: U can do this because I believe U really want it. So have another great day and remember, it is one day at a time. Good luck and looking forward to ur successes!:happy:

Shannon023

elle,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I really hope you can discover what need overeating is fulfilling for you and change it's importance to you. (I don't think I'm saying this right..) :ohwell:

My best to you. :flowerforyou:

chriss1tt

elle,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I really hope you can discover what need overeating is fulfilling for you and change it's importance to you. (I don't think I'm saying this right..) :ohwell:

My best to you. :flowerforyou:

Sounded just right.

Benson

You are going to do it!! Please try my idea of not carrying money. Think about your cash needs for the day before you leave home and only take that many dollars with you. You wont be able to satisfy your unhealthy binge cravings if you dont have money to pay for them. This is forced abstinance and is painful but only for an few times. There is actually a serenity attached to it. Be curious about what happens right before the overeating attacks. Some inward exploration and tracking emotions will help to determine if you are using food as a coping mechanism. Good luck to you We are all working toward a goal. Keep your eye on the prize!! Bask in the victory of not doing the DQ! Baby steps right?
Have a great 'on track' day

DjBliss05

Pick up the book "Why Weight?". I forget who writes it, but it is definitely written for us overeatter types. I am halfway through and find it very thought provoking.

lina1131

You did great by not going to DQ! Next time you'll stop yourself from stopping at the store. You are definitely on your way.

((hugs))

peej76

Give yourself some credit, you are on a great start, just wanting to find out why your overeating, lots of people don't try this at first and fail because they are not dealing with the real issues, so great job on trying to get to the bottom of this!! Also I hope you are getting the support here that you need because we are a great bunch of people who really care and want you to succeed!! And also the fact that you are starting to realize your bingeing before your finished is worth alot too!! You are worth it, I know you can do it, it's time to get yourself some confidence, and discover that there is a happier you somewhere inside and every step brings you closer to finding her!!! It might take awhile to find your groove but I know you'll get there!!!:flowerforyou: