Balance, not Bummed Out?

duckiec

Been doing the "healthy lifestyle" thing since January, lost around 50lbs with 10-15ish to go.

Fairly solid in the commitment to exercise; rarely miss a workout and making progress there. Struggling with food more than ever before, and need to change it up, but not sure how.

I've tried not tracking at all for 2 wks, which wasn't too bad- stayed the same, weight wise, though wasn't the healthiest choices. The last day, though, I really felt I had to eat all the things that would not be allowed again once I started tracking. I know that's not a healthy mindset, but it felt like jumping into the deep end all over again.

When I'm tracking and staying at calories, I'm so darn depressed! It becomes a constant thought, about what I can't have, how to get the macros, ignore the hunger, etc. I find myself desparate for the weekends, or any other excuse to actually eat/not track. And I don't go completely off the rails on the "off" days I do mind portions and try to focus on eating to hunger cues - what I want then, stop when I'm full, make sure there are healthy and some "fun" stuff too. So not an all-out calorie fest, probalby around TDEE (which is why I don't end up gaining much if anything) but there are definitely more carbs and sugar than on the "tracking/on" days.

I know I'm rambling, but I'm stuck with the idea that this is supposed to be a healthy overall lifestyle, NOT a diet. But I can't help but classify days as "good/bad" and "on/off." Coupled with the proverbial weight on my shoulders when I'm supposed to be "on." - any suggestions on how to break this mindset and work towards more balance between food choices, and overall goals? I need a plan to live by for the long haul, not this constant battle with myself.

Thanks!