How do we not get our weight perception replace reality?

NYCNika

For some of us, who are clearly at a healthy weight (say, 22% body fat for a woman) and fit, knowing when to stop can be a struggle.

In this society, thinner is just better, more valued. And we know, by that stage, how to accomplish getting even smaller.

So it is hard to resists that conditioning that says, "just 1-2 more lb". And when you reach it, than just 1 more.

I see so many girls here around 5'3 that want to be around 105-112lb. I don't know what is going through their heads. Why do they think that this is the best weight for them? How do you come up with that figure? Is that not the "thinner is better" attitude among the peers?

I can't say that I'm not susceptible.

While I'm very happy with the way my body looks and feels, after seeing a bunch of 105-112 posts, I start to feel big and doubt my goal. (I am size XS due to lean muscle mass), but I am 128lb. If I lose much more, I will have trouble shopping for women's clothing in most brands, and yet, when I see someone my height STARTING at my goal weight, and wanting to lose 20lb, I can't help but think if I am wrong.

How can I make sure I'm being objective when it comes to my body's optimal weight?

p4ulmiller

How can I make sure I'm being objective when it comes to my body's optimal weight?

Because you're confusing two different things.

What do you want? To look good or weigh less? And if the latter, how do you go about describing that day-to-day?

So for example, if your aim is to weigh 110lbs by the time you hit the beach, what is it about that weight that you want - the number on the scale or the fact you will look good in a bikini?

The point I'm making is that you'll know when to stop when you look in the mirror and are perfectly happy. When you workout, run, lift and are satisfied with how far you've come.

Your goal is a moving feast, and should be based on something other than the scales. For me, its a few running and cycle races in 2014 and a triathlon in 2015. To get there, I need to drop a ton of weight and that's where my focus is. Then I can concentrate on fitness.

Suggest you look beyond the scale and into something with more of a Non-Scale-Victory (NSV).

Mokey41

Weight is irrelevant. I'm 5'2", 115 lbs, 19% BF and 56 yrs old. I'm very small framed (my mom always said I was built like a popsicle stick) and carry a good bit of muscle. At 140 lbs I'm fat but I've seen other people my height at 130 lbs who look fine because they have wider hips, bigger breasts, etc and carry more weight in their frame. You have to decide where you want to be. Do you want hip bones that stick out and to be able to count your ribs or do you want to have lean muscle?

NYCNika

I accomplish a lot of satisfying NSVs. And yet, when I see a new member, going "Hi, I am 128 lb and need to lose 20" and everyone else going "YES! You can do it!". I can't help but have some doubts if me losing more weight is a perfectly reasonable thing.

NikiChicken

How can I make sure I'm being objective when it comes to my body's optimal weight?

The point I'm making is that you'll know when to stop when you look in the mirror and are perfectly happy. When you workout, run, lift and are satisfied with how far you've come.

Ah, here is problem I see with this (because I am guilty of it). Some of us that have lost weight, look in the mirror and still see that "fat girl" (or boy). Our perceptions are off. I still have a long way to go (I am not near my healthy weight range, even though I have already lost a lot), but I look in the mirror and still see myself where I started. Someone gave me a bunch of clothes to go through and keep what I wanted and when I pulled them out, I thought there would be no way they fit - I couldn't possibly be that small! However, I found that many of them were actually too big. That perception is what kills you, so I see what the OP is asking. Many of us can look in the mirror and *not* see the reality, so losing "1 more pound" starts sounding more and more realistic.

So, how do you become objective when it comes to optimal weight when you look in the mirror and really don't see yourself as others do?

Ely82010

I really don't understand your question or worries.

You forget about body/bone structure. I am 4 feet 11.5 inches and my weight is 102 lb, and it is a good weight for me considering that I used to be about 98 lbs when I was younger. My max was 114 lbs and it was way to much for me; that is why I am in MFP

I am on maintenance, doing well, keeping up with my own healthy diet, and exercising 5 days a week. I buy clothes in the petite section, never in the woman section, and yes it is hard to find something that fits my small waist and my not so small hips, but I deal with it.

I don't care what other people's perceptions or realities are, I just care about how I feel, how I look, and how healthy and strong I am. I never struggled to meet certain standard and I knew and I know when to stop. I have my own rules and perceptions.

Just worry about your healthy and fit self and forget about how much other ladies weight or what their goals and perceptions are. You will be happier.

Congratulations on your weight loss!!

Hildy_J

Perhaps try it? Lose 10 pounds, see how you feel about yourself. As long as you're well into the healthy range, it doesn't matter.

I know I want my BMI to be 20 because I have photos of me at that weight which I'm happy with - under it I look hollow-cheeked and unwell, over it I look kind of meh and shapeless.

btw *I* look overweight and shapeless over that BMI, not saying others do at all! I always assumed if I put on weight I'd put it on like Marilyn Monroe/ Kim Kardashian/ Nigella Lawson - all boobs, butt and tiny waist. That wasn't the case - it just kind of spread all over.

silken555

I'm 5'2" and at even your weight I'd probably look like an annorexic stick. I weight 173lbs and I'm a size 10. I don't look like I weight that much at all. I have a very dense bone mass but I'm not big boned at all.

Honestly I think you shouldnt compare yourself to someone else. Your bone density, bone structure and the way your body handles weight are unique. It would be like me comparing my curvy figure to someone who is naturally svelte.

KateK8LoseW8

Pictures help me a lot when being objective about my body. In the mirror, I zoom in on those problem areas and I make myself think I'm a lot larger than I am. But looking at pictures of my body, especially compared to old pictures of it, helps me see reality a little better.

Also, if someone is 5'3" there is nothing unhealthy about being 112 pounds. According to BMI charts, I can be 112 pounds and still be in the healthy range for my height (5'5"). They might just want to get down to the lower end of their healthy BMI for more "wiggle room" come holidays. Or maybe they want to build muscle after fat loss. My goal weight is around 130 pounds, but I'm planning on getting down to 125 or a bit less first for fat loss, then gaining muscle weight. Or maybe they just want to be small; there's nothing wrong with that as long as they aren't trying to become underweight.

p4ulmiller

So, how do you become objective when it comes to optimal weight when you look in the mirror and really don't see yourself as others do?

What a great question.

The phenomenon of "mirror perception" seems to exist because we compare ourselves to yesterday rather than, say, 6 months ago. The trick is, apparently, to look at our old photos to get a snap shot of where we were then.

I'm not sure the reality is that easy though.

crash_aly

I struggle with this myself. I look in the mirror and see everything I want to change. I've gotten to the point where I have to hide the scale or only allow myself to go on it once a week. A friend gave me clothes that no longer fit her and I laughed saying there was no way any of it would ever fit, low and behold it did! I've tried paying more attention to my clothing and how it fits, but I find I just become more obsessed with the size I'm wearing and where I want to be. For some of us it gets quite ridiculous. It doesn't even have to be me comparing myself to anyone else but just what I think I should be. I was very athletic for most of my life and then I gained weight and despite losing over 50lbs, I still see myself as heavier. I'm on the high end of my healthy weight range though and want to be closer to the middle or smaller end. I do have to remind myself of how I am built also, I carry my weight in my legs, hips, butt... I think self awareness and honesty are key here. It's easy to get obsessed and let it go too far, especially when you have lost a good amount and know how to get the rest to come off. Remember the goal should be for health, not just to be thin.

Siansonea

I'm aiming for a dress size (6) which, based on past experience, was my "foxiest". For me, that happens at around 130-135 lbs (I'm 5'8"). So I'll be checking to make sure that I am indeed sufficiently foxy when I reach that goal weight, which should be within the next couple of months, I'm only 7 pounds above that range right now. If I find that I'm not sufficiently foxy, I'll reevaluate whether more weight needs to be lost or gained, or whether it's simply a matter of toning up all the wiggly bits. :bigsmile:

And since I have been too thin in the past, I know that you don't win a prize for being too thin, you just make people think you've got an eating disorder. :grumble: