Lack of support from friends and family

Wiltord1982

Hi everyone!

Before going into the details about my current situation, let me give you background information. Back in August, I realized that my fitness condition was declining and that I had gained some weight over the previous few months/years. That was due to lack of exercising, alcohol and bad eating habits. I had always been a sportive guy.

So when I decided to lose weight and get back into shape, I weighted somewhere around 178 lb (height: 5'8). So yes, I was a little overweight, but not by that much. I'd say it didn't show for people who see me in clothes, but I could tell I was a little overweight.

So since then, I have lost close to 15 lbs, and my current weight is currently 164.4. To get there, I jogged as often as possible (3-4 times per week), I played soccer as often as possible (twice per week) and I do some muscular training at my job's gym during lunchtime in order to maintain my muscular mass while losing pounds.

Needless to say, I started to monitor what I eat, but not to the point I became obsessed. So yeah, I changed my eating habits and started to bring healthy lunch to work (usually a sandwich with a salad, an apple, an orange and a fat-free yogurt). The change has been drastic and almost overnight, but I'm adapting pretty well to that and I'm staying motivated on my journey.

My ultimate goal is to lost as many pounds as possible until my birthday (or maybe the Holidays), and then to start doing more serious muscular training and adapt my nutrition to build mass. I'm not quite there yet because I'm aware I still have some fat to lose before muscles can show.

So, since August, I've been told by friends and family that I am obsessed. Am I? It's obvious that everyone knows about my fat loss plan because they saw the changed in what I eat and because I tell them what I'm doing with my body. Basically, whenever I am proud of reaching a milestone (e.g. going below 170, entering the "healthy" BMI zone) and tell about it - because yeah, I'm proud of myself - people say I'm obsessed and don't need to lost weight and everything, instead of just being either neutral of supportive.

I have received that comment in various situation: when I talk about my weight loss, when I write it on Facebook, when I talk about my jogging sessions, when I eat healthy lunches, when I refuse a second spaghetti plate, when I eat bread without butter, when I buy a new battery for my scale...

I just think it's hard to stay motivated when everyone around you comments negatively about it My motivation remains good, but I'm lucky I have MFP and its motivating people! In fact, the only people who are supportive of that are my soccer teammates, who are pretty much all in great shape and not overweight. They listen when I talk about it and even grab a tip or two for working out.

I'm thinking maybe it's because my friends and family aren't really the athletic kind, and more of less half of them are overweight.

Could it be jealousy? Or am I really obsessed? Maybe it's because they're used to see me eating more than my actual needs?

What's your opinion on that? What's your personal experience?

Last thing, they don't know I log my food in here. I don't tell because I don't want more negative comments, and perhaps to avoid being interned in a psychiatric institution... Oh, and you can add me as friend, but that's off-topic :P

Pixilox

If I had listened to everyone's opinion I would have never lost over 140 lbs . It's hard to do, but ignore the naysayers and negative comments. You're doing great in reaching your goal and you have us here at MFP to cheer you on .

sassyrayofsunshine

Babe, don't wry about what people say. It's hard for them to realize you're making a change when they don't want to. It's easier for them to dismiss your progress/success bc they don't feel you need it. They should be celebrating with you like they would celebrate anything else you accomplish. Plus, they can't have you outshining them - so many people are threatened by success others achieve (even though they shouldn't be) :P Keep up what you're doing if it makes you happy. Hope things get better with it. :flowerforyou:

lithezebra

For me, the best solution to negative comments has been not to talk about weight loss or exercise. Even my therapist was critical of my daily exercise, and I brought it up in the context of coping with anxiety, not in the context of losing weight. My doctor is fully supportive, and that's reason enough for me to ignore anyone who thinks I have an unhealthy obsession. If someone else brings it up, or has something negative to say, just say that your doctor suggested that you start an exercise program or lose a few pounds.

Families can be the worst when it comes to wanting you to stay the way you are. It's not only that they might be jealous. I think they feel threatened by change, even positive change.

Wiltord1982

It does make me happy I had grown tired of eating bad... But I just find my motivation from other source, but it sucks when you don't get it home

And... yeah, I actually talked about it with my doctor. I had an appointment with her in September and I told her about my recent weight lost (I had lost 5 lbs then) and she said it was a good idea to improve my fitness level because you can never be too fit.

So yeah, well, I stay motivated anyways :P I was just wondering if other people faced similar negative comments about their weight loss Thanks for answering!

marcon125

I completely can relate with your situation. When I started this in late April, I was a little overweight but nothing drastic. In fact, I was still in the "normal" range for my height. SW: 143.5 lbs at 5' 6" in height. I just wanted to lose the fat and get healthier and fitter.

To put this in context, I come from a family where obesity is practically the norm. 3 of my cousins have had gastric bypass surgery and another 2 are considering it. I have always been the "skinny cousin" and I used to get snide remarks as a kid. When I got older and was trying to get pregnant, I was told by many of them I needed to gain weight to get pregnant. (I was 150 at the time!)

So, suffice it to say, I don't even mention ANYTHING to them about my fitness journey because I will get the eye roll and the "you're too obsessed" comment.

I don't think its a jealousy thing, at least not a great deal of it. My take on it is that their frame of reference is soooo skewed. They don't remotely know what normal is anymore. For example, when my son was born, he weighed 7lbs 10 oz. My family thought he was such a skinny baby and kept pushing me to feed him more. It took another one of my family members who is a surgeon to tell everyone to lay off, that he was quite normal at his weight.

I am glad to have you as a friend. You understand that even though neither of us were extremely overweight, we could see that we were becoming unhealthy and still needed to make changes. I look forward to seeing you continue your journey.

Wrxsti23

Honestly if someone told me that I was obsessed, I would take that as a compliment. I'd rather be "obsessed" with trying to be healthy and losing weight and getting fit and having more energy than to be obsessed with going to buffets, partying and drinking all night, having hangovers and sleeping in all day. I also take it as anyone in my family not supporting me is just purely jealous. Not everyone has the willpower or drive to actually stick to something. Hang around people that will support you and understand what you are going through. My parents know I am trying to lose weight yet still invite me over for unhealthy dinners. So I will just bring my own food and enjoy their company. I refuse to let anyone get to me and I just use it as fuel for more motivation. I like being obsessed with my new lifestyle. I've tried so many times and failed and I believe it's because I just took it too lightly.

So be proud of your obsession, I am.

ALSO:

Obsession-someone or something that a person thinks about constantly or frequently

an activity that someone is very interested in or spends a lot of time doing

rowanwood

If anyone told me about buying a battery for their scale as a legitimate topic of conversation (outside of a place like MFP, where that IS the topic) I would roll my eyes SO HARD.

It sounds like bragging and that's what annoys most people. I've lost plenty of weight this year but I shake my head at people updating their every move on social media. There's a time and place, man.

Don't get me wrong, there are people who are actually jealous and I've experienced that too, but they are the exception not the rule. Everyone else is probably just sick of hearing about it.

58Rock

I get you. Last week I was accused of being obsessed simply becasue I log my intake everyday on MFP. I am in the same position as you. I am 5'9" and about 167lbs. I need to lose about 10 lbs of fat. So I use MFP for what it is, a tool to help me keep track of what I am eating in order to get where I want to be. Obsessed? No, just determined to stay healthy.

bethanytowell

Obsessed is a term that the lazy use to describe the dedicated. Period. Be obsessed with your health. Be obsessed with fitness. Be obsessed with life. Disregard negativity, it doesnt help you and it only feeds the gossip mill.

MinMin97

I am amazed at how relatives will say forward things they would not say to friends.
But seriously, if your mother or father say something to you, let them know you hear what they say and will consider it! Be respectful to them.
But other people need to stop. Besides, if you listen to them talk long enough, you will probably find what they are "obsessed about." So you will know they have no room to talk.
I doubt you are going to throw in the towel for the sake of irritating relatives?

Binkie1955

you're a little OC. which reminds me of a joke.

Sam and Mary got married. they were very happy together. but after a few months, something was bugging Mary. She sat Sam down one night and said 'Honey, I love you, but I want us to be happy together, and I'm afraid that you're just a wee bit obsessive compulsive. I'd like you to see someone about that. ok?"

Sam loved Mary very much and didn't want to do anything to make her unhappy. 'A Little Obsessive Compulsive! Gosh Honey, I had no idea, I'll get right on it.

So Sam went to see a psychologist, Fred. Fred gave Sam a full day's worth of tests. At the end of the day, Fred sat Sam down and said this. "Well, Sam, we have the results of all your tests back and I'm afraid Mary is right. you do show up as having a tendency to be Obsessive Compulsive. But with just a little work together, I'm sure we can cure you of it."

'Cure me of it?', said Sam. 'Doctor, I don't want to be cured of it, I'm trying to get good at it!!"

Good luck.

viglet

I find that everyone has their own interests in life and yours just happens to be health and fitness.

As someone who is constantly talking about fitness and health myself, I find that I probably get a bit annoying to other people who aren't into the same thing. It is like that with anything.

For example, if my husband wouldn't stfu about cars all day, posting about cars on facebook and talking about cars everytime we hang out, it would probably annoy me because it isn't my thing.

I would say just make sure you know audience. If your family isn't into fitness and health, just tone it down a bit with them. Find friends in your life that support your interests and share it with them.

mel4bee

Je vais te réponde en français

Je peux m'identifier à ta situation. Dans mon cas, je crois que c'est de l'incompréhension. Les gens qui me critiques ou qui font des commentaires ne pratiquent pas de l'exercice ou ne se forcent pas pour manger sainement et ne l'ont jamais fait. Ca ne fait pas partis de leur priorité dans la vie et c'est correct. À un point j'ai décidé d'expliquer comment je me sens pas rapport aux commentaires et j'ai réalisé que mes (parents) font ces commentaires car ils veulent mon bien et ne veulent pas que je m'épuisent ou que je me nuis.

Je leur ai expliqué que c'était une passion et que je m'assurais de faire le tout avec prudence et en écoutant mon corps.

Maintenant, j'ai l'impression qu'ils me supportent plus mais ils m'ont aussi fait réalisé que j'avais besoin de repos une fois de temps en temps et que ma relation avec la nourriture se devait d'être saine, c'est le cas maintenant.

VeroJuly

You are not obsessed at all... you are dedicated and are on a healthy lifestyle, nothing wrong with that. My family still thinks that I am crazy and stupid for logging my food and exercising and they are ALL overweight. Just don't listen to them and do what makes you happy and makes you feel good about yourself.
If you need more support, add me as a friend I love my MFP friends! Always supportive and we are all on a lifestyle change together♥

scward1991

I had the same problem, I am 5ft 6 and 9 and a half stone, people always have an opinion on others, but rarely apply that opinion to themselves. People tell me I don't need to lose weight - which is great in their opinion, and if I was trying to lose a lot it would be a problem, but monitoring yourself and looking after yourself is a good thing - not letting things spiral out of control.

As long as you know your own limits - there is no problem! Keep it up!

mumblemagic

My take on it is that their frame of reference is soooo skewed. They don't remotely know what normal is anymore

I think this person has nailed it on the head as to why people are not being as supportive as they could be. People don't know what is healthy any more; a large percentage of the population are overweight and don't do enough excercise, so that is what looks "normal" in the "most common" sense of the word. They also don't see being a little overweight as a problem. Many people only see being overweight as a problem when it is causing other health issues - losing weight is cosmetic unless your weight is killing you!

It sounds like you're doing more excercise than most people, but not an unhealthy level, and you're eating healthier than most people. Your goal sounds like it's more "to be healthy and fit" than purely to lose weight for the sake of it, and that's a good thing. The only way to get fit and gain and maintain a healthy weight is to monitor your diet and do excercise, which most people don't do.

That said, studies have shown that it is perfectly healthy to have 10-20% of your daily calories as "discretional", i.e. cake and chocolate and generally unhealthy foods.

Something I have found useful is saying "my BMI is in the overweight range" rather than "I am overweight". It's a more scientific precise definition that people cannot disagree with. I had a friend who, trying to be nice, said I didn't need to lose weight. I told him my BMI, and he said it surprised him, but fair enough if I want to lose weight

jennibear8504

Its a mixed bag. I have some people in my life that are very negative, and some that are super positive.... I just choose to "TRY" not to let the bad bother me... I also try not to talk about it to people who arent trying for similar lifestyles.

NRSPAM

I've pretty much been in the same boat. I've had co-workers and family members, all of whom were unhealthy and quite overweight, telling me that I don't need to lose anymore, I need to quit losing, or I'll be "too skinny." "Men don't want to cuddle up to bones." I know that I still have a belly, and some unwanted fat in other areas as well. I know that as I lose more weight, it will eventually, and hopefully come off of those areas. They think I want to be a bulky, muscular, manly chick, just because I lift weights. They don't realize what I'm trying to do either, because they don't understand it. I don't want to look manly, but I lift weights, because I know that muscle burns fat, and will help fill in the loose skin I have from all of my weight loss, and will just plain look hawwwttt! Lol. If I ever did feel like I looked too "manly" then I could always cut down on the weights. In the meantime, I'm happy with all of the calories I can eat to lose weight and fuel my muscles. Just keep doing what you're doing, and send me a picture when you look like David Beckham. :flowerforyou: :happy:

lbesaw

We all fall into that trap. People even ask which leads us to believe they are interested in what we are doing and how we are accomplishing our goals. In alot of cases they ask just so they can "punch holes" in our program. I find it much easier to not even discuss it ever because of all the negative nellie's out there. If someone says something about my weight loss I just confirm that I am eating healthier these days and leave it at that. Good luck

kowajenn

Maybe you are talking so much about it that your friends and family are sick of it being the topic of conversation. Do your thing without reporting on it all of the time.