Depressed

Lucy_6678

Hello everyone!

Well here is my story.....

My heaviest was 173 last January, I made it down to 158. Now I have ballooned back up to 170. I am so depressed over this. I know there are many factors that are affecting my weight and depression.

First I am dreadding the holidays, I always have hated Christmas. This year though will be my mother's first Christmas in a nursing home at age 63. She has Huntington's Disease, which means I have a 50/50 shot of getting it as well. This is probably my # 1 stressor.

My other source of depression is my financial life. It is a mess and I have no idea where to begin fixing this. Add in teaching, coaching, 2 girls, and a husband I am losing my mind.

Unfortunately I am not lucky enough to be one of those people who lose weight due to stress. I eat and drink to take my mind off of everything. I hate the way I feel and I hate the way I look. I just hate everything about myself. I am on anxiety and depression medicine. I know it helps but I feel like I am drowning.

I feel hopeless.

I do still try to exercise daily whether it is my 4 mile dog walk or an hour on the exercise bike. I can't imagine what I would weigh if I didn't exercise. I am sorry to be such a downer but this is how I feel right now. completely and utterly hopeless.

ossentia

Just started this week.

I also eat when I'm stressed, and it is so hard to break that habit. I honestly have very little advice except to offer that you're not alone.

As to finances, a budget (just like recording food) is a must. Do you have a smart phone? There are tons of apps now that help you budget money. Try one. Just like the weight loss, getting finances under control is a slow and steady thing, but it can be done if you work at it.

sjaykay13

I hear ya!! Set smalls goals to star alleviating some of the stress. I find myself completely overwhelmed and want to shut down almost every other day. But I've started to do a few small things, which turn into habits and things are looking up. Here is some advice:

Finances - use Mint.com to track money in/out, helps me alot. I'm a recent college grad with an amazing job BUT barely scrape by.
Mental Health - might be time to see a counselor for a quick check in, help you identify all the positive things in your life!
Exercise - try to do things that really get your mind off stress and your heart rate up!
Eating - look into some easy foods that help even you out
Hormones - us women have it rough!! try to track your mood a bit each month and identify if hormones are the cause. Sometimes just knowing it's not my fault makes me feel better.

markgriffiths507

Probably not much could say to pick you up.
Fix on how you felt when you lost the weight.
Perhaps join a club or start a new hobby to take your mind off things.
Stick with it and keep your chin up-Good times ahead

faradaysdream

First. (((((((Lucy)))))))

Have you tried journaling? I find that it helps me a lot...just to put it all out there and get it out of my head.

flywithgeorge

I can totally relate... several years ago I found myself completely out of control... in all areas of my life... health, wealth, spiritual, relationships, everything.... looking "normal" from the outside but spinning out of control fast! It's been a process that I'd be happy to share with you but let me first suggest that you begin the "reprogramming" required.... I don't worry about things I can't control, and there are many! Also think about the definition of insanity... doing things over and over and getting the same result. Don't confuse with "never giving up" but often, there's other ways of accomplishing one's goals that you may not know about. Send me a friend request and I'll share in detail other areas of my life that I've transformed. Best of luck to you regardless... it's never as bad as it seems!

writergeek313

It sounds like there's a lot in your life that you can't control right now, which can be really stressful. Something that helps me when I'm going through times like that is to think about what I can control, even if it's little things like going to bed an hour earlier, making sure I get in a workout, or taking half an hour to look through the sale flyer for my grocery store and plan healthy, affordable meals for the week even though I'm on a pretty tight budget.

I think working on improving things for yourself in small steps makes it a little easier to build new habits. Trying to change too much too quickly sets you up to put a lot of pressure on yourself, which can just add more stress and make it likely you'll beat yourself up even more if you don't achieve what might be unrealistic goals. You might not see or feel a difference right away, but little things add up over time.

PhoenixWithoutAshes1

I spent the bulk of my life in a state of undiagnosed clinical depression, which ultimately led me to doing some things that I shouldn't have, but those things in turn led me to a clinical psycholgist and put me on meds. I am now a much happier and saner person that I have ever been. Now, I said all that so that I can say this- there is help out there and there is NO shame in taking advantage of it. I was fortunate to find a doctor that was able to help me right away, and meds that started working almost immediately. It's possible that you need to talk to a professional, but also consider changing your meds. I know other people who have had to try a couple of different ones before they hit on the one that works.

Also, like some of the other replies, I'll tell you to try to look at the smaller picture. If you look at the teaching and coaching and everything else all at once it will just be overwhelming. Pick one, tackle it and celebrate even a small step forward and really celebrate when you fully conquer it. And you WILL fully conquer it! Then move on to the next item.

knitwithpurpose

I'm a stress eater, so I can relate to gaining weight when stressed. At my job we have a software release once a year and in the 2 months up to the release I always gain weight and then spend the rest of the time losing that weight and swearing I won't gain the following year, but I always do. Its a vicious cycle. I also suffer from mild depression and when I'm in a funk have a hard time motivating myself to do anything.

Some comments on your exercise routine: Walking the dog is a good way to get outside, but when I really need to burn calories I leave the dogs behind, they want to sniff and pee and they slow me down. Consider doing a power walk (without dogs) in place of the indoor cycling. As to the indoor cycling, first I'm a road cyclist and riding indoors to me is very difficult. Its great that you are going it for an hour, but unless you are really pushing yourself you are not going to get the full benefit. Do you wear a heart rate monitor? Get an inexpensive one and use it on your walks and rides.

I just read a little on Huntington's Disease and you are right to be concerned, but rather than just worrying about it discuss it with your doctor. Keep in mind that since they have isolated the gene that causes it, they are targeting treatments now and the treatments will continue to improve. So please, make the Dr's appointment.

sepulchura

I've had similar problems to yours but yours sounds like a very heavy load, I feel compassion for you on this and I guess I would say "I know a LITTLE how you feel."

My two cents, I'd get off the medication but my bias comes from seeing people do worse on them and then do better after coming off them. To the rest of the commenters in this thread who might differ on this, I respect that you have your own views if you are pro-medication, I'm just noting my own observation on it.

I take as many walks as I can. I have trained myself to look out, not inward. Introversion hasn't seemed to solve much for you so I would start trying to mechanically extrovert if it's not something you do naturally. In other words, make yourself get out of your head, stop thinking so much. Again, this is advice based on my own bias of what has worked for me. You came to this blog and asked, so I'm gonna mouth off with my answer.

One thing I have done: I went through quite a bit of effort and research to find foods I can "stress eat" that have less impact on my diet. Depending on your preferences and lifestyle this list will vary so I won't get into mine, but suffice it to say I found a lot of low calorie stuff.

I don't know if you obsess or not (I do) but one thing I do is I try to obsess over my food intake and log it either on paper (often) or on MFP (less often but I do like using it at times). I obsess on getting in walks or biking (exercise, whatever you want to do) and counting the calories and just focus on "burn more than I eat" and let that be my bugaboo instead of worrying about some other bugaboo.

As far as the rest... sometimes what works is to write down the list of problems, then choose one you think you could really tackle and just focus on it and get it under control. One thing at a time.

Katla49

See your doctor to be sure you don't have undiagnosed health problems and talk about the depression. There are some good antidepressants out there that might provide some immediate relief. Don't expect a miracle, though. They can reduce anxiety and give you a more level playing ground. You 'll have to work on the things that cause your stress, such as finances, work, and fatigue. Find a little time for you to meditate and/or exercise. Start with walking half an hour daily and go from there. Log your food, every bite, every day and drink more water to wash out your system. Stop by MFP for moral support. Good luck.:flowerforyou:

Lucy_6678

Thank you all for replying! I wish I could respond individually to your posts.
I promise I will get back to those who messaged me.

I would love to know healthy foods I can stress eat!

RavenNevermore15

I will stress eat veggies and fruits. Seriously, I feel addicted to craisins!! The best thing (as others have said) is to start small and work your way into a routine - both diet and workout wise. I understand all too well where you are coming from and hope to see you get in a better place...friend request coming your way! It does get better when you take it one day at a time, Rome wasn't built in a day ya know