How to cope when others aren't on a weight loss journey?

yoovie

Your man wants to cook for you. You win. Eat smaller portions and burn a couple of calories with reward sex after. I would never deny my man if he wanted to cook for me...and he has made some pretty questionable meals.

Ew. Especially "reward sex" but also the overall tone of "don't complain when your man does something even if you don't like it."

Think of calories as dollars. If your partner wants you to give him or her $300 every day, you'd say, "no I need to budget my money." When you are watching your caloric intake, you are budgeting your food. A responsible partner won't expect you blow your diet on one meal any more than they would expect you blow your paycheck the day after you receive it.

I thought it was clear that this is comment was not about calories. It's about accepting that he wants to do something nice for her. She doesn't have to gorge herself to show appreciation for his gesture.

I guess I don't see anything "ew" about giving some physical love to show gratitude. My bf sure hasn't ever complained about it. Men tend to like that sort of thing.

agreed. every word.

paintlisapurple

I am the only one in the household that had adopted this new health concious life style. I am also the only one in the house who cooks. My husband and children all eat what I eat (to an extent as they each have their likes and dislikes) because it is what I cook; but I do include the foods that they love too. Heck, my hubby just finished the last of the peanut butter brownie bars last night. LOL
Anyway, there haaaaaaaaas to be some sort of middle ground. You know, things that would suit the both of you. If he wants to make some stuffed shells ask him to use the light ricotta and you make a great salad to go with it...you get the idea!

Contrarian

After a second hashing it out with him, it appears that it was less a matter of what we were having for dinner, and more a matter of me being dismissive of something important to him. He DOES value food a lot. He thought about going to school for culinary, and still considers changing his major from time to time.

Most nights, we do just cook for ourselves, but he views his cooking as an art form, and one that requires vulnerability to share with me. He says that the way I shot it down was hurtful.

I honestly don't believe the issue is with my weight loss, but about the loss of a bonding activity between the two of us. When we started dating (and indeed, until about 2 months ago), I was just as much a foodie as he is. New recipes and delicious food was something to bond over, and I think he's afraid to lose that.

We ended up just picking a regular (non-diet-friendly) recipe and making it together. When it's finished, I just plan to have a small portion and a large salad. I won't be able to log it properly, but I'll get over it. Next step: finding some challenging low-cal recipes for him to make!

I'm glad the two of you were able to resolve the real issue. By working together, I know you will be able to stay happy and neither one of you has to give up the things you enjoy. Well done.

sillygoosie

Your man wants to cook for you. You win. Eat smaller portions and burn a couple of calories with reward sex after. I would never deny my man if he wanted to cook for me...and he has made some pretty questionable meals.

Ew. Especially "reward sex" but also the overall tone of "don't complain when your man does something even if you don't like it."

Think of calories as dollars. If your partner wants you to give him or her $300 every day, you'd say, "no I need to budget my money." When you are watching your caloric intake, you are budgeting your food. A responsible partner won't expect you blow your diet on one meal any more than they would expect you blow your paycheck the day after you receive it.

I thought it was clear that this is comment was not about calories. It's about accepting that he wants to do something nice for her. She doesn't have to gorge herself to show appreciation for his gesture.

I guess I don't see anything "ew" about giving some physical love to show gratitude. My bf sure hasn't ever complained about it. Men tend to like that sort of thing.

1) It's not nice to pick a fight with someone.

2) Oh, word? Men don't have a problem with viewing women as sexual objects they own? Well if your BOYFRIEND doesn't have a problem with it, why should some female? Especially when you're on the net telling OTHER women to prostitute themselves for a chicken dinner.

You are a misogynist who has internalized the idea that women are inferior. It's sad, but mostly infuriating when you use your belief in the inferiority of women to offer relationship advice on a public website.

Oh my :laugh:

likitisplit

Your man wants to cook for you. You win. Eat smaller portions and burn a couple of calories with reward sex after. I would never deny my man if he wanted to cook for me...and he has made some pretty questionable meals.

Ew. Especially "reward sex" but also the overall tone of "don't complain when your man does something even if you don't like it."

Think of calories as dollars. If your partner wants you to give him or her $300 every day, you'd say, "no I need to budget my money." When you are watching your caloric intake, you are budgeting your food. A responsible partner won't expect you blow your diet on one meal any more than they would expect you blow your paycheck the day after you receive it.

I thought it was clear that this is comment was not about calories. It's about accepting that he wants to do something nice for her. She doesn't have to gorge herself to show appreciation for his gesture.

I guess I don't see anything "ew" about giving some physical love to show gratitude. My bf sure hasn't ever complained about it. Men tend to like that sort of thing.

1) It's not nice to pick a fight with someone.

2) Oh, word? Men don't have a problem with viewing women as sexual objects they own? Well if your BOYFRIEND doesn't have a problem with it, why should some female? Especially when you're on the net telling OTHER women to prostitute themselves for a chicken dinner.

You are a misogynist who has internalized the idea that women are inferior. It's sad, but mostly infuriating when you use your belief in the inferiority of women to offer relationship advice on a public website.

I think you are both missing the point. In this case, I'm picking up the food was a large part of their relationship. What they did together as a couple was discuss what to cook, prepare food and enjoy it together. Now that dynamic is changing and it needs to be renegotiated. Eating a small portion of what he prepares with no contribution to the decision and stating that it was delicious would probably be as offensive to him as a mechanical blow job at the table to "thank him."

Either they need to find recipes they both can get excited about or come up with a new point of connection as a couple.

mmipanda

Your man wants to cook for you. You win. Eat smaller portions and burn a couple of calories with reward sex after. I would never deny my man if he wanted to cook for me...and he has made some pretty questionable meals.

Ew. Especially "reward sex" but also the overall tone of "don't complain when your man does something even if you don't like it."

Agreed, so much about that quote makes me feel squicky.