Desperately need some support...

sutefudayo

Hello everyone. I am new to these forums.

I am 23 years old and I have been yo-yo dieting for as long as I can remember. I have a sweet tooth and a great appetite, which does nothing to help these problems I've always had with weight loss and dissatisfaction with my body. Over time, the obsession has evolved into self-hate, depression and lack of productivity/motivation. I am quite prone to stress and overeating resulting from that anxiety. I was doing pretty good until recently, eating plenty of good foods and exercising and doing all that in good spirit (summer helps a little). But since I left my country, I've been having a hard time (not exactly culture shock but struggling to adapt completely and feeling a little overwhelmed/lonely.

I know a little about nutrition. I know that starvation is not a durable method, but I also feel that I don't know what hunger is anymore and what isn't. I have a pretty fast metabolism, but I'm not exactly skinny, just a little rounder than slim, I guess. Normal with a few pounds to lose. I gained a few pounds lately. I'm at 65 kg for 5 feet 6-ish, and well-proportioned. So I shouldn't be complaining. I know some of you have it way tougher than me.

I've been trying to put my life back on track (not that it ever was really balanced, but I'm trying). This problem is really ruining my efforts. I'm always hungry. All I think about is food. I can't focus my mind on anything else. I enjoy healthy foods, but I'm also quite weak for sweets. I wish I could banish sweets from my life. I have no self-control over them, so I figure I might as well give up on them forever since I can't seem to keep my consumption to a minimum. But whenever I'm upset, they make me feel a lot better, although that never lasts very long before the guilt sets in. I also like to hang out with friends and drink, but I seldom do (drink, that is) because I'm afraid of gaining weight. I'm living abroad right now and I have many opportunities to travel and try new foods, but I can't seem to watch what I eat because of that. I feel like I'm wasting precious time worrying about this.

Anyway, I know you all probably have your hands full with your own problems, but I joined this forum in order to become a bit more serious about this, meet people who have similar objectives and understand me, while keeping some sort of anonymity (my friends and family are not aware of this problem of mine - at least, not of how severe it is).

Looking forward to meeting all of you.

judith0622

You can do this ! Just take it one day at a time . Have realistic goals and be true to yourself .

sutefudayo

Thanks for the support. I really need to get serious..

GrimmJKA

You can do this. Its not going to be easy, but we are here to help support you even if you fall. Just remember it will take time.

lukirashingurae

It's definitely not an easy journey. What you really have to focus on is eating healthy rather than the number on he scale. Everyone has a different body, a different shape, and a different 'normal'. As long as you're eating right, it doesn't matter how much you way. Society and media is why we hate ourselves. Commercials telling you you're ugly because your lashes aren't long enough or that your hair should be soaked in chemicals to make it 'look healthier' rather than be healthier. It's disgusting really. I hope that my daughter never feels that she has to alter herself to be pretty rather than being healthy.

Anyway, it's going to be really hard and it's going to take a while to figure out your own rhythm. If you click this link and type in basic information, it will tell you how much and what nutrition you need.

http://nutritiondata.self.com/tools/calories-burned

I love this site because if it says I need more Vitamin K, I can research foods specifically by what vitamins or minerals I need. It's really easy to use and super helpful. But as long as you focus on healthy eating until you're comfortable with that, then you can work on adding exercise to the mix. Start off slow and work your way up. I hope this helps. Let me know if you need anything else.

sutefudayo

I used to not care about the number on the scale and focus on eating healthy, and exercising when I could. And I guess it was working well. I did lose some weight. My view was that as long as I liked what was in the mirror, it didn't matter. But now, I've come to realize that I don't like what is in the mirror, so that number will help motivate me rather than be the source of my obsession. It's just that I am quite prone to stress and overeating/unhealthy eating whenever I'm upset. I am currently having a hard time adjusting to my new life (I moved to Japan a few months ago) and to my new job. I am struggling at the latter because it's quite new for me, so I turn to sweets for comfort, but as we all know, that comfort is always short-lived... What's worse is that I know how bad it is... I wish I could grow to hate sweets. They don't do me any good, and they do me so much bad...

sutefudayo

Thanks, everyone. :-)

supersparklegirl

Konnichiwa! I lived in Japan for a couple of years. It's a huge adjustment living in a different culture, so try to go easy on yourself about reaching out for comfort foods like sugar. Of course, they won't make you feel better, so it's great that you're aware of that and are exploring other ways to support yourself (like this forum .

Remember, our minds are very powerful (and often trick us by repeating thoughts that aren't true). You have the power to turn these thoughts about food into an obsession OR to realize that "hey, you're doing pretty darn good, making this big adjustment, struggling with it some, which is natural, and letting go of these destructive thoughts that aren't helpful".

Your body needs nourishment and food. You need food to be thin and healthy and can enjoy trying new foods. Lots of healthy fish & veggies in Japan! Maybe you could find fun ways to add in healthy foods? That's often the easiest way to let go of bad habits of thinking- focus on positive ones instead. And please try to go easy on yourself- your body will become naturally thin with ease. Remember this quote from the Buddha, “You, yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” (You really do.)

sutefudayo

Thank you for sharing your story. I guess it doesn't help that everyone around me is super tiny, hahaha. What's funny is that I actually love healthy food. I love almost all foods, but that includes the bad stuff. Having lived in Japan, you must know that sweets/fast food is very easy to access here, unlike what people thing.

I guess the last part is the hardest to me: loving myself.

Lersania

Never give up! Never be too hard on yourself! Tell yourself no matte the obstacles in life you can and will overcome! Remember to never let numbers rule your life! Your heart is what matters. Be healthy for yourself.

mundaetraversa

Sounds like a lot of your struggle is where it is for most of us: in your mind. You're struggling to adjust to an entirely different environment, so of course you turn to things that make you feel comfortable, like sweets. First of all, that's normal. You're normal.

That said, I am so sorry that you're feeling so stressed out. It seems like you know the food won't make you feel better long-term, but you go to it anyway because it does help for a while and maybe you're not sure what else to do to feel good. Would you consider trying meditation, yoga, or another form of mind/body connection? Sometimes that can help provide a 'reset' when a person is using their body to try and heal the mind, as many of us do with food. If that doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy, maybe it's time for an awesome new book to lose yourself in, take up knitting, try a sport, or become a tea connoisseur.

You can always limit yourself to sweets that take a long time to consume, like hard candy or caramels. Take two or three with you in the morning with the understanding that those pieces are all you're going to get that day. You can eat them whenever you want, but you only get those pieces. That may help you keep the sugary deliciousness in your mouth for longer, as you want to stretch out the experience as long as possible. When you do eat them, close your eyes and REALLY enjoy them. Sweets, like everything else, are all about moderation. I wouldn't want to live a diet without any sweets! It's corny, but sometimes I take a moment and mentally thank the earth, the sugar or cocoa grower, the harvester, the truck driver, the pilot, and anyone else in the supply chain for doing all that work just to provide me with that few minutes of bliss. It won't work for everyone, but for me personally, it helps me to remember that everything I eat comes from somewhere, and that helps me to enjoy and appreciate the candy I do eat.

I hope you start to feel at home and full of joy in Japan soon. You're very brave to move to a different country, and not everyone is that brave. Give yourself a lot of credit. You sound pretty awesome to me.

theopenforum

Hello and welcome to MFP

The majority of us can attest to your sentiments of hate and I can tell you from my personal experiences that that is no way to live. I can't go back to that nor would I ever want that for anyone else. But I am a firm believer that the weight of most people is a manifestation of their internal psyche. I think therefore I am so to speak. I believe that would be helped once you become a bit more acclimated with your surroundings. Whatever you do, don't stress, just take it one day at a time. I am here if you need me

Cheers

Tof

supersparklegirl

Yes, the Japanese do love their sweets & cakeeee! The hard candy suggestion is a great one & maybe also become a "dessert snob"...so rather than eating lots of mediocre sweets you don't really even like (but just eat because it's there or you're stressed), allow yourself to eat only the sweets you really love & then give your full attention to it. Sit down, light a candle, take 20 minutes to eat it & enjoy every bite. I mean, if you're going to enjoy something, ENJOY it! And it's kind of a nice way to say "no" to yourself about all those average-tasting whipped cream cakes and the sweet rice blobs- rather than "you can't have it, you're fat", you can tell yourself, "Oh, I am such a sweet connoisseur, I only eat the very best."

And yes, learning to love ourselves is a long journey for most of us, but one that is so important & worthwhile! Keep doing your best (gan'batte) in each moment & practice being as kind towards yourself as you can.

sutefudayo

Thank you all for your kind words. They are very inspiring. It's nice to know that some people believe in me even though I have yet to convince myself. I will follow the advice about not giving up on sweets completely but having something small once in a while and enjoying it thoroughly.

I will continue to do myself in trying to adjust. I had started yoga last year, but I have grown a little lazy lately. Time to get back on track!