Need a serious pep talk

kssnuo89

Hello Everyone,
I have been using myfitnesspal for while now, on my phone. I have never posted anything, so it's my first time.
Okay, so I am having a bit of a rough time at the moment. My self-esteem is pretty much in the toilet. My battle with my weight is NEVER ending. I feel like I am losing my mind. SERIOUSLY it keeps me up at night. I lost about 30lbs a few months ago, but as soon as school started I gained back fifteen. I have NEVER been thin. But I was looking great, but feeling deprived. I had gone on a seriously restrictive no carb diet. I was tired all the time and ALL i could think about was food
I am a full time nursing student, in my fourth year. I am living and breathing school, I don't work and I live with my parents which is great because I don't have to worry about paying rent, but omg. My family is OBSESSED with weight loss. my mother and my sister are TEENY, my brother is an obsessive gym freak. They watch every single thing I eat, and comment on everything that I eat; what I should and what I shouldnt. I was miserable on the diet, but it worked. I am considering doing it again, especially if it means that they will leave me alone. Another thing; my mom and sister are addicted to laxatives to stay thin. I feel a lot of pressure; I feel like no matter what I do, if I start going on another diet, or even if I eat a slice of whole wheat bread I'll be judged because "you shouldn't be eating bread". I feel like my weight will be the death of me, at least the death of my self esteem and relationship with my family. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I feel gross that I gained back fifteen pounds. I feel like I have failed. I need some advice, or some positive words, because I don't have any. thanks for reading!

prettygirlstorm1

Hello Congrats on being a full time Nursing student that in itself has to be stressful. You are putting too much pressure on yourself. You are beautiful no matter what size you are. It's too bad that your family is not supportive. I tried the no carb diet and it gave me headaches. Over the last three years I have struggled with my weight and it was hard. I would take it off then put it back on. I love food, but I also like to exercise so they just balance out so I don't lose or gain weight. Do you exercise? That may help with some of the depressive feelings it sounds like you have. Do you have friends that you can talk to about this. I don't want you to end up with an eating disorder because of how your family is relating to you. Look at your accomplishments and be proud of them. You lost 30 pounds so what you put back on 15 that is still a loss. As hard as it may be to do you are going to have to ignore your family's responses and let them know that you are not like them and may never be but you still are special and have goals that you will accomplish on your time and on your terms. I use this site mainly to log what I eat and keep track of my weight. Good luck to you I believe that you will be successful!!! Celebrate your 15 pounds and work on your goals. good luck with the nursing. You should talk to a nutritionist who can give you a diet that includes all food groups so you won't feel deprived. Exercise is great! Cardio mixed with weight training will have you getting that 15 pounds off and then some. Good luck to you I know you can do it.

arl1286

The reason you failed is because your diet was so restrictive, ergo, you should not do such a restrictive diet. That doesn't mean totally give up, though! Just count your calories, and maybe cut out certain types of foods gradually (for example, cut out soda, then potato chips, etc.). You got this!

teresapennell

Awww Honey you are working hard with school, give yourself some credit first of all. Plus you were able to loose 30 pounds, but was miserable. I think you should be able to eat and feel good without over doing it. I think we can be just a little uncomfortable until our body gets use to lesser food. don't start using laxatives that can't be healthy. Maybe you tried to loose to quickly. I watched my daughter do this with monitoring everything she ate and then adding exercise later on, and she did it being healthy and yes treating herself once in awhile. You can do this, just be kind to yourself. Self talk the positive into your life. Words are powerful. I can relate with thinking about food all the time, that has been my life, but I let it be that way. This site is awesome USE IT USE IT USE IT. Let people encourage you. Keep us posted and good luck

tonybalony01

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Just kidding.

Your family seems to be a little overbearing from what you're saying.
Let them know that you appreciate their concern, but you need to discover what works for you. Remember that, as long as calories out > calories in, it'll happen. And quit comparing yourself to them. It doesn't sound like they're doing things in a very healthy manner.
I know that this is an extremely busy time in your life, but you'll have to make time for some exercise, as well. Go for a walk, a run, lift some weights or whatever. It'll help with the stress, get those muscles working, and clear your mind.
Keep eating right, doing what you're doing and focus on your school and your own health. Let your family worry about themselves.
Good luck.

And just in case you need some more encouragement, here's Chuck Norris riding a unicorn.

CamillaHerold

You didn't mention exercise. That could be your secret weapon. Restricting carbs helps, but eliminating them is unhealthy. Also you need to be counting all calories to be sure you are getting enough protein and fat. You may need to take a multivitamin too. Plan your meals and snacks privately if you want, but do it. But more than anything, you need to exercise. It will help immensely with the stress generated by your obsessive family. And LAXATIVES? please, anyone who takes laxatives to stay thin has no credibility. It sounds like they have all railroaded you into something that is now totally out of control.
So how do you take control? One meal at a time. Just relax, and breathe. You can do this. Build a fortress around yourself and your emotions and keep them out. You need all of your mental energy not used at school to focus on eating right and exercising. If you are new to exercising, start with something simple like walking. You are clearly an intelligent person, so you can create a plan for reasonable calorie restriction and exercise. Gradually increase the exercise. Small improvements will increase your motivation. Don't look to anyone else except your friends here on MFP for support, but even then you must realize it has to come from inside you. Make the commitment, start logging everything, and prepare for permanent life changes. That's what it takes, and I wish you the best in your efforts!

smarionette

Just because your brother and your sister have internalized your mother's relationship with weight and weight loss doesn't mean you have to. In fact, please don't!

Honestly the best way to get out from their control is to exert your own and stick to it. When they ask you why you are eating bread tell them that you like bread, and leave it at that. When they try to talk to you (or down to you as it sounds) just shut them down. Tell them firmly but politely that you are doing things in a way that works for your lifestyle. Eventually they will get the message. Is it a hard habit to get into? Yes, but you need to do it. When you have people that are so highly critical they will never see what you are doing as enough, so just refuse to talk about diet and weight loss with them.

jensterfer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-gQLqv9f4o:flowerforyou:

kssnuo89

Thanks so much for replying, and you're right, that is the reason why I failed. It was the only thing that ever worked for me, I saw the scale move quickly, and it was a motivator. I know that much of it was water weight, but it was a psychological thing for me; "omg, the scale went down, the suffering was worth it all". What's the point in taking part of a weight loss journey, if you can't enjoy it? The other thing was that even though people told me I was looking better; I really did not see it. I still avoided mirrors.

kssnuo89

Just because your brother and your sister have internalized your mother's relationship with weight and weight loss doesn't mean you have to. In fact, please don't!

Honestly the best way to get out from their control is to exert your own and stick to it. When they ask you why you are eating bread tell them that you like bread, and leave it at that. When they try to talk to you (or down to you as it sounds) just shut them down. Tell them firmly but politely that you are doing things in a way that works for your lifestyle. Eventually they will get the message. Is it a hard habit to get into? Yes, but you need to do it. When you have people that are so highly critical they will never see what you are doing as enough, so just refuse to talk about diet and weight loss with them.

Yes, they are highly critical! critical of themselves, and others! it's infuriating, and toxic to everyone around. And you're right, I feel completely out of control, and I need to get that control back. thanks for taking the time to read and reply, I really appreciate it!

jillmarie125

I know it has been said, but I would like to just say it again....exercise. I think if you can get into a decent workout program that you enjoy, you will notice changes in your self esteem faster than you think. You cannot change your family. But you can change how you react to them. In this case, I would just ignore. Focus on you. Focus on school, eating well (what you feel healthy is) and workout. I have had major self esteem problems my whole life. Still do. But I feel so much better about myself when I am working out regularly. And please, do not do anything you don't want to just to please someone else. Please yourself. Ignore the rest.

kssnuo89

You didn't mention exercise. That could be your secret weapon. Restricting carbs helps, but eliminating them is unhealthy. Also you need to be counting all calories to be sure you are getting enough protein and fat. You may need to take a multivitamin too. Plan your meals and snacks privately if you want, but do it. But more than anything, you need to exercise. It will help immensely with the stress generated by your obsessive family. And LAXATIVES? please, anyone who takes laxatives to stay thin has no credibility. It sounds like they have all railroaded you into something that is now totally out of control.
So how do you take control? One meal at a time. Just relax, and breathe. You can do this. Build a fortress around yourself and your emotions and keep them out. You need all of your mental energy not used at school to focus on eating right and exercising. If you are new to exercising, start with something simple like walking. You are clearly an intelligent person, so you can create a plan for reasonable calorie restriction and exercise. Gradually increase the exercise. Small improvements will increase your motivation. Don't look to anyone else except your friends here on MFP for support, but even then you must realize it has to come from inside you. Make the commitment, start logging everything, and prepare for permanent life changes. That's what it takes, and I wish you the best in your efforts!

Yea the exercise has always been a lot harder for me to implement. It's always been a weakness, I did at one point exercise a lot. I'm just so friggin' tired all the time. And I do need all the extra mental energy on exercise and eating right. It seems to be wasted on them and their words. My family has always been very focused on the physical, it's very important to them. Not a single person in my family (extended as well) is overweight. and the worst thing is when I go visit my extended family; they too don't allow me to forget that I have excess weight, they've told me that if I din't lose it, my boyfriend would leave me!
I really appreciate you replying!! and I will slowly and gradually implement exercise again.

aliceh69

YOU do what you know is the right. I don't tell anyone I am on a diet, I just count my calories and I gradually. lose weight. When I over eat I try to exercise little more.

VoodooAborisha

Just wondering - the your profile pic showing your face - you don't "look" large, though of course I can only see your face. Can't see any other photos of you or what weight/height you are on your profile, but I expect you might have an unhealthy body image, if you are living with a mother and sister like that.

When I weighed 117 lbs and was a size 4, my family told me I should quit my ballet classes and start sumo wrestling or join the football team because I was so fat.

If you are comparing yourself to people who take laxatives to stay thin, it's possible - just saying it is possible - that you are closer to your healthy weight than you think, but your bases of comparison are way off (mother and sister). Do other people outside of your family think you are too large? (Mean boyfriends don't count!) According to weight charts and bmi charts, how much overweight are you actually?

chani8

You need to learn to love yourself just the way you are. Self-love is the best diet of all.