PMS issues? need advice/experience. (men, you can read, but

LonelyPilgrim

I never felt like I was a PMS-er before. Now I am beginning to wonder.

I got my IUD removed in August. It was a hormone-secreting one, so I did not have periods while I had it in (had it in for over 4 years). Before that I was pregnant, before that I had a miscarriage (only had 1 period between the miscarriage and getting pregnant with my son) before THAT (we're talking Nov of 2001 here!) I used natural family planning (nothing hormonal) and I Think I was FINE.

But, obviously, it's been 6.5 years since I've had regular periods, and a lot has changed for me in the meantime, so maybe I shouldn't even try to compare myself now to what it was like back then.

Anyway, I love my boyfriend. I feel more that he "gets" me than anyone else I've ever been with. When we are together, we often find ourselves in this little bubble, oblivious to the rest of the world, in tune with each other and enjoying each other's company.

But, last month and then again this month, we've *almost* broken up. Each time, right before my period started. I can't even say how the discussions begin, but we start talking and soon are questioning if we can ever "work out". If we're really "perfect" for each other or not. Every little thing that we disagree on seems like a tragedy, When he's gone a lot (which he is for work) it's the end of the world for me.

Then we get over it and move on. Last month I realized it all happened in the few days before my period. This month we've been "discussing" (I dont' say fighting, because we really don't FIGHT) for the last 2-3 days. Do we have a future together, etc. Now, today I start my period (I didn't think I was due for it for another 5 days, decided to come early I guess).

Are the 2 related? Do I become moody and unhappy and therefore more Picky at him right before my period. Are these break-up discussions my fault?

Has anyone else experienced this?

If you read my post this morning, I was feeling absolutely miserable about myself and the world for not losing weight. I actually sat on the stairs and cried for a little bit.

It seems like as soon as my period started, my mood changed. I went out and took a kickboxing class, came home and sat outside in the yard while my son rode his bike. My boyfriend is home making dinner and all seems right with the world again.

what gives?

LonelyPilgrim

I never felt like I was a PMS-er before. Now I am beginning to wonder.

I got my IUD removed in August. It was a hormone-secreting one, so I did not have periods while I had it in (had it in for over 4 years). Before that I was pregnant, before that I had a miscarriage (only had 1 period between the miscarriage and getting pregnant with my son) before THAT (we're talking Nov of 2001 here!) I used natural family planning (nothing hormonal) and I Think I was FINE.

But, obviously, it's been 6.5 years since I've had regular periods, and a lot has changed for me in the meantime, so maybe I shouldn't even try to compare myself now to what it was like back then.

Anyway, I love my boyfriend. I feel more that he "gets" me than anyone else I've ever been with. When we are together, we often find ourselves in this little bubble, oblivious to the rest of the world, in tune with each other and enjoying each other's company.

But, last month and then again this month, we've *almost* broken up. Each time, right before my period started. I can't even say how the discussions begin, but we start talking and soon are questioning if we can ever "work out". If we're really "perfect" for each other or not. Every little thing that we disagree on seems like a tragedy, When he's gone a lot (which he is for work) it's the end of the world for me.

Then we get over it and move on. Last month I realized it all happened in the few days before my period. This month we've been "discussing" (I dont' say fighting, because we really don't FIGHT) for the last 2-3 days. Do we have a future together, etc. Now, today I start my period (I didn't think I was due for it for another 5 days, decided to come early I guess).

Are the 2 related? Do I become moody and unhappy and therefore more Picky at him right before my period. Are these break-up discussions my fault?

Has anyone else experienced this?

If you read my post this morning, I was feeling absolutely miserable about myself and the world for not losing weight. I actually sat on the stairs and cried for a little bit.

It seems like as soon as my period started, my mood changed. I went out and took a kickboxing class, came home and sat outside in the yard while my son rode his bike. My boyfriend is home making dinner and all seems right with the world again.

what gives?

greysweatshirt

Well, I can't help you with the PMS issues, obviously But, just remember that you'll never have someone who is "perfect" for you, because no one is perfect! It's all about how you deal with those issues that come up in your relationship. I have been with my partner for 3 and 1/2 years and have gone through many "discussions" and have almost broken up a few times too, but we have learned how to talk to each other and work together on the problems that come up. I'm sure this doesn't always work when your hormones are going all over the place, but I'm sure when things level themselves out, you will be able to better predict that time and be aware of it.

Hope this helps a little bit!

Cassia

if you are anything like me then thats might be why you found you gained weight this week. I normally can gain anywhere from 3-5 pounds just from my period. (i was going to say this in the other post but this is probably the one you are reading now)

walnut

Hmm. I don't know as I don't really have problems with PMS mood swings, but it seems to me that if it were only hormones, why would your irritation with him go as far as to almost break up? It sounds like you are having actual problems with his being out of town, and that maybe your hormone-related mood swings are just causing the irritation to come out more. If there wasn't an actual problem to discuss breaking up over, then it seems like you would just be annoyed with him and it would stay at that, and not move into thoughts and discussions about breaking up.

??? Just my thoughts.

eperkins

PMS can cause havoc in our "girlie girl" lives. Not to mention the weight gain, bloating, and breaking out.

Any time you feel irritated you should really stop and ask yourself, "is this worth getting mad about?" You choose to be upset and you need to choose how to resolve it. If it is PMS, that is a good realization and you need to stop yourself from saying anything hurtful.

I used to get really mad at stupid things right before and then I realized that this was not healthy for myself or my relationships with family and friends. When I was upset I would ask myself if the situation was a life or death matter. It never was, so what, and move one. Life short, choose how you want to live yours. :flowerforyou:

MontanaGirl

LP - I would say it probably is PMS related. Plus, maybe some unrealistic expectations out of the relationship. Sometimes the "mood swings" are us looking at situations more realistically and sometimes our hormones get a little wacky and we are "nuts". :laugh: My piece of advice would be to sit down, alone, and look at your relationship. Seriously. When you're not PMSing. List the drawbacks, "imperfections" and the positives - the great things. Be real about it. If it seems like the relationship is as good as you've been thinking it is - keep that list around for those PMS times. If things seem not so good - work at it or make the changes necessary.

Sometimes when the hormones go crazy - we need to understand that it is the hormones. If you have a written list of why you love this guy so much - read it then and remind your self why. Then, bite your tongue and take a walk - alone or even with him. The fresh air and exercise will counter some of the PMS stuff, plus help your brain release endorphins which always help :drinker:

Since you haven't really had to deal with PMS, you are new at this. It will take time to figure it all out. I would also suggest keeping a journal - daily so you can refer back to it to see patterns and how your thinking changes related to that time of the month. God bless you and good luck :flowerforyou:

LonelyPilgrim

Thanks everyone.

I talked to him last night about the unhappyness we seem to experience in cycles. I x-d out 4 days on the calendar next month (the 3 right before my period and 1 the first day of my period). We decided we aren't allowed to fight on those days. If there are issues, we'll discuss them once the X period is over.

I think that unrealistic expectations has some truth to it, perhaps on both of our parts, but we don't know yet how to change that. Our divorces were final within a week of each other last year. He was with his wife for 18 years, I was with my husband for 8.

My ex was home a lot more than my current boyfriend is. To me, spending time together was the "norm'. To him (my boyfriend) he already does make more of an effort to be home than he did when he was married. With her, he would often work m-saturday AND go in on sundays to prep for classes the next week (he's a teacher and coach). With me, he never goes into work on Sundays anymore. So to him,he is already making this great effort. To me, it doesn't feel like enough because my exhusband was home every weekend and didn't work 11 hr days during the week.

I feel like I want more. Time. but not a new person. It causes rifts, because I feel like he's too busy for me, and he feels like I don't appreciate what he DOES give.

Usually I can understand where he's coming from. I understand that he's not being selfish, that he's doing his JOB. not going out with the boys or playing golf all day every weekend like some Husbands. I should be happy. but there are these times when it feels like I'm always saying "goodbye" and we're never having quality time together and then when any other little tiny thing happens, It feels like the end of the world.

For example (and you all will laugh at me, this is why I think it is my fault) this week the arguing began because he forgot about the scarf he said he would buy me. He isn't the kind of guy who buys me a lot of gifts. (but he does "surprise me". After work I'll come out to my car and there will be a love note or flower under my windshield wiper). He loves me in scarves. The one I wear most often is getting worn out and he mentioned he wanted to buy me a new one. I told him what color I had wanted and we talked about it for a while. Weeks passed. No scarf. I finally bought one for myself. i thought he would say "oh! I'm sorry I hadn't had time to get one for you yet". But instead he got this sad look on his face and said "I completely forgot until I saw you wearing that". To me, it felt like... Why doesn't he remember me? How can we have this entire conversation about how he wants to do this for me, and then he just forgets? Why aren't I IMPORTANT to him (hear the hormonal part kicking in?) Just to be a B*&^% I said. "So, what was the boys' time on the distance medley at the track meet last week?" Reflexive, he answers "10:39". Then my feelings are even more hurt. How can he remember every single time of every race, the splits even, and not remember things OF ME?

sheesh.
See?

I'm a Loon when I'm hormonal!