upset & discouraged :(
supersparklegirl
Posts: 24
I am feeling so upset with myself I could literally cry. I failed at keeping my word to myself yesterday about eating healthy & I don't know how I'll ever stop being fat if I can't even follow through with what I tell myself I'm going to do. So discouraged! I don't see how I can become thin & healthy when I'm so compulsive around food. This has been my pattern for as long as I can remember. After years of trying to change and screwing up again, I'm feeling angry at myself and pretty hopeless.
Here's what happened- I woke up kinda tired & stressed yesterday so I knew I was at a risk for a binge. The good thing is that I was aware of it, wrote a note about it to my new MFP friends
, & felt encouraged and empowered to make healthy choices. I ate a healthy breakfast, brought lunch to work, didn't eat any of the piles of Halloween candy at the office, and then even fit in some exercise by walking the 35 minutes from work to my friend's party.
Because I figured there would be junky food there, I stopped at Pret on the way there and bought a delicious & healthy $9 salad to bring with me. When I got to the party, I told my friend I was starting to eat healthy & she was fine with that (in other words, it would have been cool for me to just eat the salad whenever I wanted during the party). BUT INSTEAD I proceeded to eat bean layered dip, hot artichoke dip, tortilla chips, manchego cheese, etc. & drink too much wine, and instead of staying for 2 hours, I stayed for over 4 & got home at 12:30am, at which point I ate some more, watched Nashville, & went to bed at 2am (so now I'm tired & discouraged & feel like I'll never be successful at this even though I really tried.) And I even forgot to bring home the untouched salad from my friend's fridge!
Sorry to rant, I'm just very upset with myself & feel so discouraged! I mean, I even brought a delicious (& expensive!) 300 calorie salad as a supportive treat, and instead I ate 3000 calories. Becoming thinner seems impossible right now
.
If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement from your own experience, I'd sure welcome it.
Here's what happened- I woke up kinda tired & stressed yesterday so I knew I was at a risk for a binge. The good thing is that I was aware of it, wrote a note about it to my new MFP friends
, & felt encouraged and empowered to make healthy choices. I ate a healthy breakfast, brought lunch to work, didn't eat any of the piles of Halloween candy at the office, and then even fit in some exercise by walking the 35 minutes from work to my friend's party.Because I figured there would be junky food there, I stopped at Pret on the way there and bought a delicious & healthy $9 salad to bring with me. When I got to the party, I told my friend I was starting to eat healthy & she was fine with that (in other words, it would have been cool for me to just eat the salad whenever I wanted during the party). BUT INSTEAD I proceeded to eat bean layered dip, hot artichoke dip, tortilla chips, manchego cheese, etc. & drink too much wine, and instead of staying for 2 hours, I stayed for over 4 & got home at 12:30am, at which point I ate some more, watched Nashville, & went to bed at 2am (so now I'm tired & discouraged & feel like I'll never be successful at this even though I really tried.) And I even forgot to bring home the untouched salad from my friend's fridge!
Sorry to rant, I'm just very upset with myself & feel so discouraged! I mean, I even brought a delicious (& expensive!) 300 calorie salad as a supportive treat, and instead I ate 3000 calories. Becoming thinner seems impossible right now
.If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement from your own experience, I'd sure welcome it.
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Replies
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Been there! Done that! More often than I care to admit. :ohwell: I'm sorry that you had a bad day - BUT that's all that it was. One bad day. Stop stressing. You still have that yummy salad that you can have for lunch/dinner today. Just because you over ate yesterday doesn't mean that you have to today. Get back on track today with your diet and drink lots of water. The only way that one day will derail your path is if you allow it too. You'll be fine! Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, get back at it. 0
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If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement from your own experience, I'd sure welcome it.
It's in the past. Stop obsessing about things you can't change and start focusing on today, which is totally within your control.0 -
Thank you nyboer, I really appreciate your suggestions and encouragement. It feels like I just un-did all the effort I've made all week with one night of losing it, so I need to remember that "the only way this one day will derail my path is if I allow it too." Going to re-read your reply throughout the day!!!0
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You know what? You didn't gain it in a day. Wise words by one of my friends here on MFP. This happened to me just this Tuesday when I ate a whole pint of ice cream. It happens! Just pick yourself up and do better the next day 0
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It happens. Last night I had too many pieces of halloween candy that didn't leave me feeling satisfied so I had two sandwiches. Those put me over my calories. I began to feel terrible as well until I let go and realized tomorrow (today) is a new day and start back at zero. What's done is done.0
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That's such a good point, bcattoes. I am sitting here feeling miserable and taking all my focus away from where I have the power to do something...today/now. Thank u for the wisdom & support!0
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Forward. Ever forward. The salad will make a great lunch. We can't spend the energy beating ourselves up. Beat a punching bag instead or exercise extra hard. Parties are notorious for doing this and it will probably not be the last party you attend. Drink lots of water and have a great November 1st.0
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Agree with the others. It was one day. Shake it off and get back on track. None of us got fat by having one bad day. When I've had one of those days, I always go back and see what I could have done differently. I always find that eating BERORE I go to a party helps. I would probably feel awkward eating a salad at a party, but if I ate it before I got there, the other junk would be less tempting.
Go get some exercise and get back to logging. You can do this!0 -
I find it very hard to resist junk food, high calorie food, and sweets (stuff that tastes good....). Meal planning is essential for me, plus facing the fact that I'm a food addict.
The salad wasn't enough for you. You probably also needed a mental treat to survive the night. Next time eat a regular meal so you are absolutely full before you head to a party. That's the one thing that has saved me during social occasions because my self control is so poor. Once you're there, there are several things you can do, like drink water and eat something small on a small plate and take forever to eat it.
But don't beat yourself up! Richard Branson, the billionaire executive, said this about being a leader: "Make a decision, make a mistake, move on."0 -
Just like everyone said - move on. You recognized where you went wrong and now you feel awful. Sometimes feeling awful can serve us as a reminder the next time in that situation. but, do NOT let it ruin your day, your month, or your plan. Pounds come off and on one pound at a time. Just bounce back on track and do not beat yourself up over it. What's done is done. You can't change yesterday but the future is all yours!0
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We have all had moments like that.....over and over and over again.....that is why many of us are have been on MFP for at least a year and really haven't lost weight. There are so many aspects of this weight loss thing and we tend to try to just tackle one of them....FOOD. We obviously have learned what we should eat and what we shouldn't eat but until we get into our own minds, we will never fix the problem. I have tried to give myself reassurance after 4 days of good and then chomping down 4 pieces of pizza and several glasses of sweet tea. The sad thing is that I hear myself tell people that I have been "trying" to lose this weight for 4 years and it won't budge. Hell, it isn't going to budge at the rate I was going. We all have a button inside of us that can empower us to do anything we want.....we just have to figure out what it going to push that button. For me, I had to take a hard look at myself and acknowledge that it isn't my age, it is beig perimenopausal, it isn't because my thyroid must be broke....it is because I haven't loved myself enough to make it happen. Would you ever consider talking a dieting friend into nacho cheese, chips and dip.....candy? No, not because you don't want her to enjoy herself but because you care about her. So does it make sense to you that if you care about yourself, I mean truly care about yourself, that you would want what is best for yourself? I say a poster last week. It had a fat, out of shape woman against a wall with a very fit woman standing in front of her pointing her finger in her face saying "what else are you half assing in your life". That poster slapped me in the face because I realized that was exactly how I was living my life....half assing everything, especially my weight loss and fitness efforts. I made my own little poster and laminated and hung it on my bathroom mirror and everyday I tell myself I will not half *kitten* the day away...that I will give it my all. Since then, I have not even been tempted to indulge myself or make excuses. I am not going to half *kitten* the care I have for myself nor half *kitten* my love.
Dry off your face and tonight find some time to really think about what it is you want and what it is going to take to get it. Instead of talking negatively to yourself, convince yourself that you ARE worth every bit of effort and every sacrifice it is going to take. Convince yourself that there is no more half assing!!!!!0 -
Thank you jfauci, lizzy622, rayfu75, & a_healthier_m, I appreciate your support!!! Such good points about how I didn't gain it in a day...realizing I need to take a longer view of this (wanting results immediately, which isn't realistic or helpful!) Gotta let last night go (even though it has a powerful pull on me). But your words are waking me up..."what's done is done" & I can "pick myself up" & go "forward, ever forward!"
Lizzy, I like that point about not spending energy beating myself up. Better to use that energy eating well and exercising today.
Jfauci, I like the "shaking it off & getting back on track" & thanks for the "you can do this!" Good point about reflecting on what I could have done differently. I totally agree that next time I'll eat the salad BEFORE I show up at the party. Once I was hungry, the cheese & layered bean dip & chips etc were too tempting. I can see I made progress by realizing I need to buy food before I go to a party, and now I know that next time, I'll eat it first!
I'm going to re-read all these posts throughout the day, so thanks again everyone!0 -
We have all had moments like that.....over and over and over again.....that is why many of us are have been on MFP for at least a year and really haven't lost weight. There are so many aspects of this weight loss thing and we tend to try to just tackle one of them....FOOD. We obviously have learned what we should eat and what we shouldn't eat but until we get into our own minds, we will never fix the problem. I have tried to give myself reassurance after 4 days of good and then chomping down 4 pieces of pizza and several glasses of sweet tea. The sad thing is that I hear myself tell people that I have been "trying" to lose this weight for 4 years and it won't budge. Hell, it isn't going to budge at the rate I was going. We all have a button inside of us that can empower us to do anything we want.....we just have to figure out what it going to push that button. For me, I had to take a hard look at myself and acknowledge that it isn't my age, it is beig perimenopausal, it isn't because my thyroid must be broke....it is because I haven't loved myself enough to make it happen. Would you ever consider talking a dieting friend into nacho cheese, chips and dip.....candy? No, not because you don't want her to enjoy herself but because you care about her. So does it make sense to you that if you care about yourself, I mean truly care about yourself, that you would want what is best for yourself? I say a poster last week. It had a fat, out of shape woman against a wall with a very fit woman standing in front of her pointing her finger in her face saying "what else are you half assing in your life". That poster slapped me in the face because I realized that was exactly how I was living my life....half assing everything, especially my weight loss and fitness efforts. I made my own little poster and laminated and hung it on my bathroom mirror and everyday I tell myself I will not half *kitten* the day away...that I will give it my all. Since then, I have not even been tempted to indulge myself or make excuses. I am not going to half *kitten* the care I have for myself nor half *kitten* my love.
Dry off your face and tonight find some time to really think about what it is you want and what it is going to take to get it. Instead of talking negatively to yourself, convince yourself that you ARE worth every bit of effort and every sacrifice it is going to take. Convince yourself that there is no more half assing!!!!!
Love every word of this!0 -
I think it's setting yourself up for guilt if u go to a party with a salad.
Everyone partying, eating, drinking etc and you with your salad. Of course ur gonna join in the fun!
I can't do the eating before eating thing at all or I wind up eating double or triple.
I simply eat lightly as in lots of veggies and some protein during the day of the party and do a good workout.
At the party, I'm careful but I don't deprive myself of things I really want.
No guilt and I wake up to a new day of eating well and moving my body!0 -
Start again tomorrow!! We've all been there. It's the worst feeling ever and nothing I say will make you not have it but please know you can just start again and keep going!! Good for you being open about it here and reaching out for support. Keep going, you will be so glad that you did. Maybe just avoid those social situations for now until you feel a bit stronger. You're doing great, keep going. A little slip up won't matter a few months from now.0
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We all have setbacks. Last night I had a chicken cheesesteak, fries, and about 4 beers that I did not anticipate having. Today is a new day.0
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You're aware. That's good. Here's a great rule of thumb I tell my clients.
You can have a bad day, a bad week and even a bad month, but if you stay pretty consistent, you'll never have a bad year. It happens.
Lots of people have great intentions when it comes to certain events, but sometimes you have to let loose. Don't have negative feelings towards food. When one does, they fight temptation every day. Always better to figure out how you can fit those foods in that you like within reason.
Just chalk it up to one bad day then get back on track.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
What's important with any kind of change is that you keep at it after a lapse... I do lapse sometimes myself, but usually it's planned and I fully intend to enjoy it, knowing that the next day I'll be right back on track. The other thing to remember is willpower is a limited resource... you used it all up through out the day by sticking to your plan or even just by going through a day of work! Then by the end of the day you have nothing left, and then temptation is stronger...
You have to remember though that willpower can grow the more you use it!!!!! So the more you deplete your willpower, the stronger it will get, as long as you take lapses in stride and ENJOY THEM!!!
EDIT: The more you do something, the less you'll need to use willpower to do it, because it will just have become a habit and you won't even be thinking about it. So the point is that it's not the lapses that count but whatever you did before and after a lapse for the new behaviour to become a habit. The day after a lapse is NOT a new start, because that would be denying all that you did before! Try to count a running streak of days you stick to the plan, and after a lapse start the count again and try to beat your previous running streak.0 -
I am presuming that you stayed longer than you planned because you were having fun. Don't spoil it, feel happy! Give yourself a bit of lea-way to let go every now and again. I would highly recommend these links:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/817188-iifym
http://impruvism.com/flexible-dieting-basics/
Essentially, they advocate a flexible approach to dieting so that the post-party guilt doesn't happen. You need to set yourself up for a permanant healthy lifestyle, not just while you are trying to lose weight. That will involve the odd unhealthy day, so psychologically you need to teach yourself it's ok, every now and again.0 -
3000 calories is not a deal breaker. (look at my diary last saturday). If you're eating a 500 calorie deficit every day (l lb/week loss in theory), a 3000 calorie day means this week, you will lose 0.85 Lb. Just not a big deal.
Oh sure the scale may go wild, show you up 2 or 3 lbs today/tomorrow .. but that's just normal variance, water, solar flares, whatever .. not truly meaningful. The math above is all that really matters. (use your real numbers to find the real impact - but it's minimal)
The other thing is .. I hope you mean the $9 for the salad was the treat, and you're not considering the salad itself to be the treat ..
When I worked across from this restaurant: http://www.paparazzitrattoria.com/_pdf/menus/lunch-paparazzi.pdf
I would get this salad many fridays: MANZO* beef tenderloin, mesculin greens, chopped tomatoes, sweet red onions, gorgonzola, red wine vinaigrette 15.99
I figured that if I was going to be eating a lot of salads, I deserved an epic one from time to time ..0 -
Oh my goodness, you are all so supportive & helpful, thanks to each one of you! I've never participated in an online community like this before & I feel really touched by your sincere and kind responses (& they're really freaking helpful!)
HollisGrant, love the Richard Branson quote, "make a decision, make a mistake, move on." Good stuff.
RheneeB, powerful points, thank you for sharing that. I'm going to take it all in & do what you suggest and spend time reflecting about how this really does connect with me abandoning myself and not fighting for myself (which of course connects with painful experiences I had as a child). I see how it is a way of not loving myself- that image you gave about shoving nachos on a dieting friend- I would never be that mean! But I do that to myself, which is something to think about. Love this, "Instead of talking negatively to yourself, convince yourself that you ARE worth every bit of effort and every sacrifice it is going to take. Convince yourself that there is no more half assing!!!!!"0 -
In addition to all the good advice given so far (and I apologize if this has already been said - I skimmed), channel some of that energy into thinking about how you could handle that kind of situation better next time.
For me, alcohol isn't just a high calorie treat, it's a gateway drug. I know that sounds silly but I'm serious. Once I start getting tipsy, all bets are off and my willpower is dead. Bring on the food! So if I'm going to be in a situation where alcohol and lots of food are both involved, I really make sure to pace myself. Trade off every other glass for some water or even diet soda. If your crew are the kind that might make comments about you not drinking, soda tends to be the better choice - most poeple assume it's a mixed drink or spritzer.
If you know certain treats are going to be served that you just can't stay away from, make a deal with yourself that you'll only have a few bites of those things. And next time, eat your salad first so you have less room and will be less likely to overindulge.
I will say though, for your first challenge, I think you did a halfway decent job. Your intentions were good and you did a few things right. Think of each following event as an opportunity to do better and learn more and eventually you'll get the hang of it.0 -
Seems like you're being too strict on yourself and not planning a lifestyle you can live with - do you want to spend a lifetime taking salads to parties? Er no.
So on days where you have something fun planned... eat well in the day [as you did] and squeeze in some exercise [which you did] and enjoy the party [which you did]... instead of having a massive blow out you could say I'm allowed this much of everything or more of just two things [your favourites] etc. That way you permitted yourself and you don't have to spend the next day/week punching yourself round the head.... you just get back on with eating healthy at home/work and exercising until the next party.... just make sure you're life isn't one long party :P
Better to lose the weight at a slower realistic pace in a lifestyle you can stick to, than lose it fast, and then put it back on as you didn't learn any habits for life.
Just my two-penneth worth.0 -
Who HASN'T done that? Pick yourself up and move on.0
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You had a good time at the party didn't you? You won't be going to parties every night. Be glad you had a good time, move on. Its so easy to get into bad habits and that's what we have all done when we binge. If we just try to break the habit we can, it just takes a few days of being strong and doing what we know is good for us. I know every time I crave something and eat it I think to myself did I really enjoy it...no, and I try and remember that for next time I want the candy, chocolate, whatever I'm planning to binge on.
Don't beat yourself up, you can see by all the other comments the support you have on here. Move on tomorrow is another day 0 -
I do the same thing. That is something that has always hindered me from losing the weight. I would go a little overboard and freak out, resulting in a binge, resulting in a week then a month then a season of my "piss on this noise" mentality. Now looking back I could just kick myself, because what I ate on that first day probably was not that big of a deal anyway. I try to focus on my weekly intake. Sometimes this helps me to allow myself a little freedom. I still want to keep myself accountable and not get too far off track, but it helps remind me that I am human and I will not always eat perfect. My skinny friends (ho bags) eat normally and have decadent things and drink, but they dont do it every day or every week. They have that little button in their brain that tells them,"STOP........Fatty McFatterson!!!!!" I dont have that button I guess, so I have to intentionally make myself do it. Bottom line is we are all in this together and this community has made it possible for me to have the amount of success I have had and the future success I know I will have!!! You got this toots 0
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Poop happens.... move on. Dust yourself on and try again. Not the end of the world just a lesson learned. Probably wont be the last time you "fall off the wagon" you just got to figure out if you are going to let it define you or if you are going to be strong enough to move past it and not let it overpower you. First and foremost you have to change the way you view your downfalls. You have to stop letting it get you down like this... just say "oh well! Gotta do better today!" What is done is done. Can't change it all you can do is MOVE FORWARD!!!! Everyday is a New Beginning!!!! :flowerforyou:0
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I wish I could comment on each & every post since they are all so helpful! Good to hear different perspectives on this. It's helping me realize how I've set myself up to fail in the past. And some different thoughts and actions I can experiment with now...
Will just make a few comments here- Broox80 you made me laugh with the "you've got this toots" MinnieinMaine too! Alcohol IS totally a gateway drug for me too, that's funny but true. OF COURSE my resolve would go down after that. Good to realize that & take it less personally. And lol, Sollus, it was the $9 that was the treat, not the salad! Thanks for the numbers perspective too.
Good reminders kbcara & barbs that I am creating a lifestyle I'll want (& be able) to sustain & enjoy, so maybe I can ease up with the "gotta eat a salad" at a party. I tend to get a bit "all or nothing" with things, which is maybe why I've found MFP unsustainable beyond a few days in the past. It's always felt oppressive & then the rebel in me (she's a bit of a badass) is like "enough with this already!"
Very interesting points, Toyb0x about willpower being a limited resource we can use up & also build up like a muscle. That really describes how I felt after all the many healthy choices I made up until 8pm at the party! A great thing to keep in mind so I can then be realistic & cool with myself about it, rather than beating myself up for something that's a natural process!0 -
I'm the exact same weight and looking for the same loss. I'll send you a FR.
I need some motivation as well to keep going!0 -
I am feeling so upset with myself I could literally cry. I failed at keeping my word to myself yesterday about eating healthy & I don't know how I'll ever stop being fat if I can't even follow through with what I tell myself I'm going to do. So discouraged! I don't see how I can become thin & healthy when I'm so compulsive around food. This has been my pattern for as long as I can remember. After years of trying to change and screwing up again, I'm feeling angry at myself and pretty hopeless.
Here's what happened- I woke up kinda tired & stressed yesterday so I knew I was at a risk for a binge. The good thing is that I was aware of it, wrote a note about it to my new MFP friends, & felt encouraged and empowered to make healthy choices. I ate a healthy breakfast, brought lunch to work, didn't eat any of the piles of Halloween candy at the office, and then even fit in some exercise by walking the 35 minutes from work to my friend's party.
Because I figured there would be junky food there, I stopped at Pret on the way there and bought a delicious & healthy $9 salad to bring with me. When I got to the party, I told my friend I was starting to eat healthy & she was fine with that (in other words, it would have been cool for me to just eat the salad whenever I wanted during the party). BUT INSTEAD I proceeded to eat bean layered dip, hot artichoke dip, tortilla chips, manchego cheese, etc. & drink too much wine, and instead of staying for 2 hours, I stayed for over 4 & got home at 12:30am, at which point I ate some more, watched Nashville, & went to bed at 2am (so now I'm tired & discouraged & feel like I'll never be successful at this even though I really tried.) And I even forgot to bring home the untouched salad from my friend's fridge!
Sorry to rant, I'm just very upset with myself & feel so discouraged! I mean, I even brought a delicious (& expensive!) 300 calorie salad as a supportive treat, and instead I ate 3000 calories. Becoming thinner seems impossible right now.
If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement from your own experience, I'd sure welcome it.
GRACE!!! Give yourself GRACE!! There is always tomorrow and the next day and the next day....look at this from a LONG term perspectiive and don't be so very hard on yourself.0
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