Recovering and gaining weight

Rawrsawrus29

Hey all,

So I am recovering from an eating disorder and I am currently trying to gain 5 extra kilos to get back to a healthier weight.
I know that I need to gain weight and I am trying to gain it all but it's so difficult for me (mentally). So I was hoping to get some support from MFP users!

Every time I step on the scale and see that I have gained a bit, I feel both happy and disappointed.. Is this normal?
I also can't stop counting calories and feel guilty for every 'unhealthy' thing I eat..

Does anybody have any advice for me on how to find peace with my body and the whole gaining weight situation?

**PS I also posted this in the support and motivation side of MFP

amesy86

Hi there!

I can't offer any advice, but thought if post a reply because I am in the exact same boat. I've lost over 40kg, 6-10kg of those unintentionally due to my current "eating disorder". My long-term dieting has caused me to develop some very strict rules with what I do/don't eat. I can't seem to get out of the diet cycle! Still restricting what I eat and depriving myself if all the wonderful aspects of food. I feel like exercise is for compensation (even though I have nothing to compensate for), and not for enjoyment. I can't stop counting calories either and won't allow myself to eat things that others may consider "treats" - they are foods that I am frightened of and just won't touch. I'm frightened of food in general most of the time because
I am so scared to gain the weight I have lost back.

I'm the same in that I probably need to gain a few kilos to be back looking a little healthier. I know I need to do this but also know how I'll feel when I see those scales going up... It'll be quite distressing. I could really use some guidance too. Have you considered seeing a nutritionist?

webbeyes

My reasons for wanting to gain weight are different than yours, so I'm not sure how much help I can be overall.

I will admit, however, that it was disconcerting to have gained to a specific weight, then I got a cold and dropped a few pounds - just as I thought I had reached a new "minimum".

I guess I can throw a couple of things out there, however:

- gaining or losing is a marathon, not a sprint.
- setting longer term targets, but shorter term "desired plateaus" works
- celebrating smaller successes is key
- remember our weight fluctuates wildly: illness, activity, "time of the month"
- don't be shocked by the scale ... it's merely a point-in-time device
- keep the next plateau in mind at all times
- gain weight in a healthy manner and at a healthy pace - muscle-building, not gorging/bulking (put the kilos where you WANT them to go)
- Because I worked out yesterday morning AND will workout again this morning, I don't feel guilty about a once-a-week visit to McDonalds treat with my kids :-)

keem88

it is normal to feel both ways.

you need to ditch the scale. seeing the weight go up, for myself, is a huge trigger. it has taken me 11 years to finally seek help with it, i had started to recover again on my own and was doing well, i stopped weighing almost 2 months. my clothes all fit the same but i could feel that i gained about 6-10 lbs.

i know treatment is expensive so i found a research study going on at columbia university and cornell. i am currently still being screened for elligibility, although have recived an official diagnosis of anorexia nervosa from them. i am doing an eating study tomorrow which i am scared ****less of, and then after meeting with the assistant for more of an interview. the dr said they can prolly start me in the trial on monday if the interview goes well (it's to see if olanzapine has an effect on anorexia nervosa).

anyway, it is totally normal to feel that way but for myself i had to lose the scale when i was recovering, and it didn't work so many times on my own so i finally reached out and tried to get help. hopefully they accept me to the study so i can try to get better.

best of luck and feel free to add me if you need support or a recovery buddy. it's sure as hell not easy, many relapses can occur at times and sometimes, most of the time actually it takes years to fully recover.

just curious does anyone in your real life know about it? the support from friends and family is so important as well but i do not have that yet

keem88

also slowly upping cals works for me. i can't stand the full feeling and being bloated from eating more, and for me that is a trigger to start restricing again. even if you up by 50-100 cals every few weeks. this eating disorder didn't happen overnight, and it's better to slowly gain then start eating too much at once and possibly making things worse. imo anyway.

delicious_cocktail

She's 11 pounds heavier on the right-hand photogtraph.




Good luck in your recovery.

Rawrsawrus29

Thanks to everybody for the replies, I really do appreciate it.
With everybody going through the same thing as me, good luck and stay strong.. I know that reading this from the person with the problem is weird, but seriously, don't give up..

My family all know that I have a problem and they aren't very supportive about it.. In fact, they judge me for it.. So that's why I came to MFP users for some support (Pathetic.. I know..) Getting professional help here where I'm from is too expensive for me to afford but I really do wish to recover and I REALLY want to gain muscle and look lean and be strong..

So I've been trying to get in as much information as I possibly can regarding a healthy recovery

Thanks guys!

keem88

that's why i don't tell anyone about it. a lot of people misunderstand eating disorders, and can be judgemental about it. sometimes it's easier to keep it to yourself. check out any free services offered through teaching hospitals/universities

thinfitfabulous

Hello! I recovered from a diagnosis of EDNOS/ Anorexia,
prior to recovery I was 92 lbs, I am now recovered and am approx.105

Rawrsawrus29

Well done! What's your height if you don't mind me asking?

karenb4729

Wow, I'm glad to see this post. I lost over half my body weight and kept continuing to lose. I went from 271 lbs to my lowest at 108 and now slowly gaining back. My goal is to gain muscle. To go from being morbidly obese to a diagnoses of Anorexia is pretty shocking to me but it's all about control or lack of control. I understand the fear of foods or categories of food, for me it's been the carbs but I am finally up to about 200 grams a day vs the 20 grams a day for the past almost 2 years while losing weight. Its baby steps and the help of a great personal trainer who also is great with nutrition. Good luck everyone! Eating disorders really suck!

x2theandra

Hi! Don't feel pathetic! We are all here for the same reason, to get support on our own journeys to being healthy. Loosing weight or gaining weight isn't the issue full stop, its our relationship with our bodies, and relationship with the food we put into it... and even the relationship with the people we allow into our lives!

each of us has our own journey! And for everyone its different.

Good luck!