Weightloss & dealing with socially deep-rooted ideas

Eleonora91

I've never opened a topic on here before (at least not to rant) so it's kind of weird to me, but I think that no one can give me a honest opinion about this whole thing more than people who are trying to lose weight as I am.

I've always been overweight and I've started dieting 1,5 years ago because I felt ugly all the time and I couldn't bear it anymore. I was getting into unhealthy eating habits and I realized that I needed to do something in order to finally get back on track. This is something that must have happened to so many other people on there. Since then I've lost 13 kgs and I now am almost close to a normal weight range - but still definitely plump. I need to lose more, to re-define my body shape, and so on. I think we can say that my condition isn't very serious at the moment.

Even though I've come to know more things about food and health than I ever did since I joined MFP, I still feel very influenced by socially widespread cliches. Being young and trying to be healthy nowadays is HARD.
I might be weak and easily influenced, but as a matter of fact (as a overweight person) I always feel judged, as if my weight (or anyone else's weight) should be something to talk about.
This doesn't necessarily have to be about me, or my own weight, and it's not even always bad, but it's just an observation.

All of this (hopefully not pointless) lucubration came from a talk I had yesterday with a girl. Not here on MFP, otherwise I would have probably thought that she didn't know why she was here for.
Lets point out that as anyone else who's trying to lose weight I'm already dealing with my own s**t and this "journey" is kind of hard by itself. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about.
What really grinds my gears is that this normal weighted girl felt the need to tell me she was skipping lunch because she's fat. I collected all my kindness and understanding and told her "oh no, you're not!" because as a fat person myself I know that NO ONE should EVER skip meals (even if you're obese) and the response I got was: yes I am, I am 174 cms / 58 kgs.
10 cms taller than me - more than 10 kgs lighter than me.
Now, this doesn't have to be about me at all. I am trying to see the whole thing in the perspective of any other overweight person. And nothing good is coming out of this anyway.

What I'm really asking myself now is just - WHY?
I know what it means feeling fat. I know what it means being hypercritical about yourself. I unfortunately know it all.
But I also am what you'd call a "fat" girl. And I know what fat means.

I know this is probably nobody's fault but why do we have to stuff people's brains with such convintions? Why do we need to make someone think they're FAT if they're normal weighted? Why do we need to distort everything, to twist every healthy knowledge that might actually do some good for society instead that feeding misconceptions and potentially harming convintions?

I honestly feel like having a healthy food knowledge is like a privilege right now. I don't want to have to join a dedicated website to find people who actually know what they're talking about. I don't want to have such a limited space to communicate with people who never use FAT as an insult, who can suffer about their conditions but still be objective about what they've done and what they could do.

I want to get better and be healthy and feel good for once in my life but I fear that this will be impossible while living in a world in which no one ever knows what health is and never stop mistaking bad for good.
I'm getting tired of all of this and I feel so confused. I don't even know what do to anymore. I really want to talk to people and share my experiences but sometimes I feel like I'm better off alone as usual because in the end who really understands?

Sorry if all of this sounds demotivating to some of you. I just get discouraged about such things and I would like to know if anyone else has been through the same.

p. s. I apologize for any mistake, I'm not an English native speaker.

somethingnewjc

i think if you feel you would benefit from connecting more with people then keep putting yourself out there and you will find some that you feel you are on the same page with... there will certainly be those that you simply don't understand their perspective and they might not get yours, but i think that's normal... as for society's influence on peoples' views of themselves and others as being fat or skinny well that's not a simple issue... ultimately i think we have to learn how to be healthy and try to find acceptance of ourselves, and its great to try and be supportive of others, but if they have deeply ingrained distortions about their body image i doubt we can change their mind even with a well-meaning reassuring comment, and i would try not to let their body image influence our views of our own bodies... my personal feeling is that there is always someone thinner than us and also always someone heavier than us so its not that productive to focus on comparisons and society's norm and all that... i'm just trying to end today a bit healthier than i started the day, and to focus on goals that will bring me satisfaction for personal reasons... keep looking for people you can relate to and you will find some; it's hard to take on weight loss alone so i encourage you to connect with at least a few other people (even if just online) as i think it makes it easier and can be a source of inspiration... if you want some support feel free to add me as a friend--i think i'm pretty non-judgmental and i make lots of comments on my contacts activity

Eleonora91

i'm just trying to end today a bit healthier than i started the day, and to focus on goals that will bring me satisfaction for personal reasons...

This is very true and this is what I usually do to keep myself focused and "happy". I wouldn't have been able to resist 1,5 years of diet without this mental disposition. Unfortunately, humans are social animals and so we naturally try to communicate with people and keep in touch with them. I try not to get influenced but as long as I live on this Earth it's impossible not to talk to people and not to listen to what they say. It's hard for me to keep their words far from me, I wish they could think more before speaking because once you've said something I cannot undo it. It's like wearing a bulletproof vest while people keep shooting.
Thanks for your input anyway, makes so much sense.