What I see vs. What everyone else sees

Vanessa1977

Per usual this post is porpelled by what I read about in other's post, combine that with my own feelings.

It seems many of us struggle with what we think we look like. I hear some people talk about how even after they lose weight they struggle with seeing the difference.

How many other people on here can remember their weight at different stages in their lives. I personally can tell you the weight I was during any relationship I have had. I can see a picture of myself and tell you my weight at that time and what I thought of myself.

I am 5'1 so weight gain on my frame shows up quickly. Even at my lowest weight in high school 112lbs, I was always considered curvey & thick. That translated to me as being fat, now of course curvey and thick have a whole different meaning, but at my HS age, curvey & thick was a negative thing.

My strong negative image of myself started when I was 23 and my fiance at the time ended our engagement because I was too fat and 'letting myself go' at the time I thought he was right, I weighed 133lbs. That was my highest weight up until that point in my life.

I struggled to get down to 122lbs, the weight I was when I met my husband. By the time we got married I was at 145lbs and I felt so ugly and fat on my wedding day, I hardly enjoyed myself. Now I look back at pictures of myself from these periods in my life and I can't believe how beautiful I was but yet at the time how much I hated myself for not looking good enough or being thin enough. My husband (ex) on the other hand is from West Africa and the weight I had gained during our courtship was considered a positive thing to him, all his friends congradulated him at our wedding for taking such good care of me and allowing my body to look happy, healthy & strong. (Compared to the skinny white girl I was when we met) lol

So what is the point of this post ...

Losing weight is a positive thing for our bodies and the longevity of our lives, but our self esteem issues seem to be there regardless of our weight. Which helps explain why some people don't feel any better about themselves after they lose weight. And why some of us were never happy with ourselves regardless of our weight.

just some random food for thought

reinventingandrea

Very good post! I've always thought I was fat even when I was at my skinniest in high school and at that time I weighed 110 and I'm 5' 4". Although I do really want to look better, my main reason for losing weight is my kids. I never have the energy to play with them and I want to be here for them for a long long time.

The part about your ex's friends congratulating him made me giggle!

Hugs!

Fabulocity

Good morning!
I can totally relate to what you have posted.
I have blogged about it quite frequently---that's why I am spending just as much--if not more--time on getting to know me, love me and accepting me versus just the weight.
I have come to understand that for me--my transformation begins with my inner person---loving me---flaws and all.
In addition, you've also raised a very interesting point----beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Men (and women) are attracted to different body types and styles--sometimes their views are shaped by their culture and backgrounds.
Personally, I am learning to understand and embrace my body. I'm learning to love my curves, my sense of style and my womanhood.
I am not trying to fit, in some cases, is a european standard for beauty---for me, it's all about health, wellness and all things fabulous!

Thanks so much for your posting. It's right on time!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
Warm regards,
Fabulocity

edinbors

Me too...I have always felt I was too heavy. I felt that way at my wedding 5.5 years ago and when I see my photos I wish I could get back to that....I am working on it! Good job! Keep up your hard work!

trisha329

Many, many moons ago, I got my driver's license. I was 17 years old. I can still clearly remember filling out the form where I had to enter my height and weight, which was going to be on the actual license. For my height, I entered 5'4". When it came to the weight, I thought, "I have no idea what I weigh", although I did think I was fat at the time. I put down 125 pounds. As soon as I got home, I weighed myself. I was 125 on the nose. It kills me that I wasted my high school years worrying about my weight. If I weighed that now, at 5'6", I would be way too thin!

khk2010

I'm not sure how this relates to your post but your post brought something up for me.

I have been on three "diets" in the last three years. Each time I got to a certain point and then gained back all the weight that I had lost. This time I'm doing it differently in many ways, including MFP, exercise, and a healthy lifestyle plan.

From an emotional eaters point of view I'm doing it differently as well. This time as I lose weight I contemplate where I was back when I first gained that weight. I think about how I was feeling at the time. What was going on. I feel like acknowledging why I overate in the first place is really helping me to lose the weight and will help me keep it off. I ate and gained for a reason. Now it's time for me to acknowledge the reasons and feel the emotions attached to it and let them go. Move on. I know my self esteem is in the mix of all of this.

Thanks for the post.

gailosborne

Interesting post, I've been thinking about this a lot!!!!

I've recently been on a beach holiday and wore a bikini for the first time - with some trepidation I might add! When I looked around, I noticed people of ALL shapes and sizes, and I mean all including people who were much bigger than I was before I lost all my weight. It was weird for me because when I was bigger, the only women I noticed on the beach the super slim ones.

It was interesting to discuss it with my younger slimmer girlfriends who I was holidaying with, one never gave anyone else a thought, one would only wear t-shirt and shorts on the beach (although she put a costume on after our discussion!) and the other was like me - wore a bikini but was a bit self conscious. I decided that it is an attitude of mind and I'm going to really work on it so it doesn't 'rain on my parade' of what I've achieved...I now have a really healthy body - it can do great things like run fast up big hills, run a long way, jump over and on top of all sorts of things and row swiftly but its not as pretty as some other people's. Personally, I know what I want - to be fit, fast and strong and I'm going to respect my self and my figure/body that it is allowing me to do/be those things. If I don't I could easily find myself getting obbsessive/fed up with wobbly bits and yes you are right, in 10 yrs time I'll look back and think how good I looked but never appreciated it.

I think we owe it to ourselves to speak kindly to our reflections in the mirror and to 'filter' out the bad thoughts for reasoned, truthful ones.

Amarea

As the comments unfold, it reminded me of the book I blogged about a week or so ago. I'm not invested or anything, so I feel I can put it out there without repercussions, lol. Oprah recommended, Women, Food and God. It focuses a lot on the things some people have said here, about how you think about yourself, and how often we turn everything into a negative and don't even realize it. Also, how we treat others with such kindness, but rarely do we do that for ourselves. It's truly made a difference in my attitude and worth the read. I know I have beat myself up at every age about my weight and recently saw a picture of myself at 25...SO THIN, but I thought I was huge. I was also "curvy" since the time I was 10 years old and actually heard a friend's mother comment about how incredibly curvy I was. I didn't take it as positive and let it only endorse my negative thoughts even then. I love all the things I've read from you all about understanding yourselves and focusing on what great accomplishments you're making and how different and fantastic you feel. It is truly wonderful to hear about the changes that we're all making!

ladybugss

I'm not sure how this relates to your post but your post brought something up for me.

I have been on three "diets" in the last three years. Each time I got to a certain point and then gained back all the weight that I had lost. This time I'm doing it differently in many ways, including MFP, exercise, and a healthy lifestyle plan.

From an emotional eaters point of view I'm doing it differently as well. This time as I lose weight I contemplate where I was back when I first gained that weight. I think about how I was feeling at the time. What was going on. I feel like acknowledging why I overate in the first place is really helping me to lose the weight and will help me keep it off. I ate and gained for a reason. Now it's time for me to acknowledge the reasons and feel the emotions attached to it and let them go. Move on. I know my self esteem is in the mix of all of this.


Thanks for the post.

I love what you wrote. I feel like this is what I need to do too. Just not to sure how to start. Please share some of your strategies with me. Things you are doing to accomplish this task.

CudyBug

I actually just posted on another thread about this issue. Everyone keeps telling me how great im looking and stuff but I still see the old me. I still feel and think I look huge. I am stll over weight since I am only 4 foot 11 inches and like you being short means the wieght shows alot. Ive never really cared much and when I got married (i was 18) I was 135 and still felt I was abit chubby but didnt care and now my goal is to be that size again.

The real question is, when we will ever be able to look at ourselves the same way other do?