Does anyone else suffer/ has suffered with social anxiety?

benefiting

How do you deal with it?

I've been hiding myself from the world for so long. I know the only way to overcome it is, you know, get out there and once I get past my awkwardness and the anxiety I probably would meet a lot of good people but honestly I don't even know where I'd meet people anyway. I usually talk to people online and my family in person (I sometimes see a friend) and that is my social life. I know I don't want to hide anymore and I want a life. I want to meet people, get a job, live a 'normal' life but yeah.

annekka

Meds. Becoming a teacher helped me a lot with having to be in front of people, still have other things that bug me though. It's a cold day in *&(_ that I go out to a party or something where I don't know people.

MyJourney1960

hugs sweetie. not me, but my son.

there is no magic wand to wave and make it go away.

lots of therapy, and taking baby steps, going out of your comfort zone *once* and realizing that you didn't get hurt, and trying again. do something impulsively - with my son he would ask a stranger something (i don't mean in a creepy way i mean if we had to buy something, HE would be the one to ask the questions instead of deferring to me), he would intiate a call to someone, etc.

My son has a good therapist (not great) and in the past few months started working with a "coach" who has been amazing -she got him to sign up for a class which he has been going to religiously for a few months, she helsp him make phone calls to people (kind of holds his hand while he does it), etc. i notice that with each success he gains a little more confidence. it's a long journey, and it's not easy, and i wish you the best of luck.

angelhope69

Hi

I found the best thing is to joining a class....This will give you something else to focus on and you wont even realise your socialising....

Have you thought about riding? You could have riding lessons with an instructor and join a group class when your more confident.....The horses also help you to understand yourself and socialising....as they are very social animals....

equine therepy has scientifically been proven to assist in anxiety cases also...

Hope this helps and Good Luck X

benefiting

hugs sweetie. not me, but my son.

there is no magic wand to wave and make it go away.

lots of therapy, and taking baby steps, going out of your comfort zone *once* and realizing that you didn't get hurt, and trying again. do something impulsively - with my son he would ask a stranger something (i don't mean in a creepy way i mean if we had to buy something, HE would be the one to ask the questions instead of deferring to me), he would intiate a call to someone, etc.

My son has a good therapist (not great) and in the past few months started working with a "coach" who has been amazing -she got him to sign up for a class which he has been going to religiously for a few months, she helsp him make phone calls to people (kind of holds his hand while he does it), etc. i notice that with each success he gains a little more confidence. it's a long journey, and it's not easy, and i wish you the best of luck.

Aw, that's so great! Well done to your son.

Yeah, I don't like talking on the phone either but if I have to I will. In the past I've joined a class but I'd just sit in the corner and then eventually quit partly (maybe even all) I would have to work with other people eventually. It's so pathetic but I can't handle it. I wasn't treated that good at school. >_<

amcsouth

I was extremely overweight my whole life so this was always a huge issue for me. Still is in some ways. What I did was started with some anxiety meds and signed up to volunteer (I help teach physically and mentally disabled kids how to horse ride, so there was pretty much no judgement or pressure there). Horses are amazing healers in my opinion

After awhile I joined the gym again and I eventually got introduced to weight lifting. Best thing that every happened to me. I started with a training partner who fell away and I HAD to learn to get over my anxiety if I wanted to continue lifting. I'm the only female that lifts at my gym so its a freaking scary thing to walk in there and get it done (especially since I'm surrounded by these massive guys).

You need to find something like a hobby or an activity that you enjoy which can be done socially. It takes alot of small steps but it will happen. As someone said you need to desensitize yourself to it. Make a point of talking to someone new every day even if you just say hello

MyJourney1960

hugs sweetie. not me, but my son.

there is no magic wand to wave and make it go away.

lots of therapy, and taking baby steps, going out of your comfort zone *once* and realizing that you didn't get hurt, and trying again. do something impulsively - with my son he would ask a stranger something (i don't mean in a creepy way i mean if we had to buy something, HE would be the one to ask the questions instead of deferring to me), he would intiate a call to someone, etc.

My son has a good therapist (not great) and in the past few months started working with a "coach" who has been amazing -she got him to sign up for a class which he has been going to religiously for a few months, she helsp him make phone calls to people (kind of holds his hand while he does it), etc. i notice that with each success he gains a little more confidence. it's a long journey, and it's not easy, and i wish you the best of luck.

Aw, that's so great! Well done to your son.

Yeah, I don't like talking on the phone either but if I have to I will. In the past I've joined a class but I'd just sit in the corner and then eventually quit partly (maybe even all) I would have to work with other people eventually. It's so pathetic but I can't handle it. I wasn't treated that good at school. >_<

well again, and this is what worked with him - he signed up for ONE course that was 15 weeks. it seemed insurmountable to him at first - but i told him, go once. and i even went with him the first time (i didn't go into the class - i went with him to the college [it's in a different city] and then met him after class. the following few times i met him after class to go home together until he felt "safe" and does it on his own now). the fact that it had a start and finish point helped him. and now he is looking into a nother class. and maybe college some day. so maybe go to a one time class in something you love - i don't know, like cooking? art? a guided tour of a museum? something that is interesting to you and will have peope that you don't know and that don't know you

Ke22yB

At my heaviest I was always avoiding alot of social situations, before a group dinner would check to see the restaurant seating no chairs with arms no booths etc. I could stand in a room of people at a party with a drink in hand and listen to everone else talk to each other being afraid to eat because eveeryone would be looking at the " fat guy" eat.
So lets not overthink this first you are making great progress here you have taken control and losing weight and getting fit so you have removed the image problems now as alot of people here have said take some baby steps.
I have joined a yoga class and a men's fitness class at the center in my town so slowly we have gone from nods and hellos to comments about the class and what we are doing to conversations about real life our kids our grandkids the town politics and so forth. I am now at class 15 minutes early to chat with people about everything.
I walk alot around town people have called me the "walking man" and started to nod and say hello we now chat for instance if I get to the post office door and hold the door we walk in together and chat "nice day" how are you whatever its interaction with people.
Lastly I joined a runners group and we meet 3 or 4 times a week and I try to get to all the runs since we talk and run together and now go to local races so I belong, I am by far the oldest and the slowest runner things I would have shunned in the past and nows its OK we ran our first club race last week and I finished last and the rest of the club was at the finish to shake my hand. I was not mortified but proud I have turned the corner from social anxiety and run a ways down the block as well
You can do this "take baby steps" and before you know it comfort replaces fear
Good Luck

benefiting

hugs sweetie. not me, but my son.

there is no magic wand to wave and make it go away.

lots of therapy, and taking baby steps, going out of your comfort zone *once* and realizing that you didn't get hurt, and trying again. do something impulsively - with my son he would ask a stranger something (i don't mean in a creepy way i mean if we had to buy something, HE would be the one to ask the questions instead of deferring to me), he would intiate a call to someone, etc.

My son has a good therapist (not great) and in the past few months started working with a "coach" who has been amazing -she got him to sign up for a class which he has been going to religiously for a few months, she helsp him make phone calls to people (kind of holds his hand while he does it), etc. i notice that with each success he gains a little more confidence. it's a long journey, and it's not easy, and i wish you the best of luck.

Aw, that's so great! Well done to your son.

Yeah, I don't like talking on the phone either but if I have to I will. In the past I've joined a class but I'd just sit in the corner and then eventually quit partly (maybe even all) I would have to work with other people eventually. It's so pathetic but I can't handle it. I wasn't treated that good at school. >_<

well again, and this is what worked with him - he signed up for ONE course that was 15 weeks. it seemed insurmountable to him at first - but i told him, go once. and i even went with him the first time (i didn't go into the class - i went with him to the college [it's in a different city] and then met him after class. the following few times i met him after class to go home together until he felt "safe" and does it on his own now). the fact that it had a start and finish point helped him. and now he is looking into a nother class. and maybe college some day. so maybe go to a one time class in something you love - i don't know, like cooking? art? a guided tour of a museum? something that is interesting to you and will have peope that you don't know and that don't know you

I'm going to try and get into doing my Childcare course next year. It isn't a short course but I know Childcare is one of my callings, so I might as well spend my time on something that will benefit me.

Good luck to your son. May I ask how old he is?

nomeejerome

Take slow steps and try to make a list of goals you would like to accomplish each day. Try having one of those goals being out of your comfort zone. It is ok if you are not able to accomplish that one uncomfortable goal right away, but trying is a huge step. Do you see anybody professionally?

benefiting

At my heaviest I was always avoiding alot of social situations, before a group dinner would check to see the restaurant seating no chairs with arms no booths etc. I could stand in a room of people at a party with a drink in hand and listen to everone else talk to each other being afraid to eat because eveeryone would be looking at the " fat guy" eat.
So lets not overthink this first you are making great progress here you have taken control and losing weight and getting fit so you have removed the image problems now as alot of people here have said take some baby steps.
I have joined a yoga class and a men's fitness class at the center in my town so slowly we have gone from nods and hellos to comments about the class and what we are doing to conversations about real life our kids our grandkids the town politics and so forth. I am now at class 15 minutes early to chat with people about everything.
I walk alot around town people have called me the "walking man" and started to nod and say hello we now chat for instance if I get to the post office door and hold the door we walk in together and chat "nice day" how are you whatever its interaction with people.
Lastly I joined a runners group and we meet 3 or 4 times a week and I try to get to all the runs since we talk and run together and now go to local races so I belong, I am by far the oldest and the slowest runner things I would have shunned in the past and nows its OK we ran our first club race last week and I finished last and the rest of the club was at the finish to shake my hand. I was not mortified but proud I have turned the corner from social anxiety and run a ways down the block as well
You can do this "take baby steps" and before you know it comfort replaces fear
Good Luck

Well done on your journey.

Just wanted to make this clear because I don't know if people are thinking I feel anxious about social situations because of my body image because that isn't it. All good if you weren't implying that. :P

AA1ex

I have to say the "taking classes" idea is what has helped me. I have become a great student so I'm confident in helping others in the class so it is socializing but not too awkwardly. Maybe volunteering some where that includes an interest of yours. For the parties that I get dragged to and don't know anyone I keep the interaction short and pleasant, clichés work well when giving a simple responses. Hope this helps but you will find what works for you. :flowerforyou:

benefiting

Take slow steps and try to make a list of goals you would like to accomplish each day. Try having one of those goals being out of your comfort zone. It is ok if you are not able to accomplish that one uncomfortable goal right away, but trying is a huge step. Do you see anybody professionally?

I currently am not but I will find someone soon.

benefiting

Thanks for the replies guys.

nomeejerome

Take slow steps and try to make a list of goals you would like to accomplish each day. Try having one of those goals being out of your comfort zone. It is ok if you are not able to accomplish that one uncomfortable goal right away, but trying is a huge step. Do you see anybody professionally?

I currently am not but I will find someone soon.

Good to hear. Wish you well.

stt43

It's hard. I have had social anxiety with other types of anxiety, and depression, for about 10 years. I am doing a Masters degree at university, but have been feeling worse and worse over the last few weeks to the point where I can't take the transport to uni, and I don't go out anywhere or do anything. Shopping is a struggle, so I get my groceries delivered, but now I'm sat here waiting for the delivery getting anxious about that!
Medication, therapy, exercise, nutrition, and meditation have all helped me a little in the past though.

benefiting

Good to hear. Wish you well.

Thank you!

benefiting

It's hard. I have had social anxiety with other types of anxiety, and depression, for about 10 years. I am doing a Masters degree at university, but have been feeling worse and worse over the last few weeks to the point where I can't take the transport to uni, and I don't go out anywhere or do anything. Shopping is a struggle, so I get my groceries delivered, but now I'm sat here waiting for the delivery getting anxious about that!
Medication, therapy, exercise, nutrition, and meditation have all helped me a little in the past though.

That really sucks. Keep at it though! Thanks for the advice.

Ke22yB

No I was saying I was socially anxious because of my body image and what I was afraid people was saying at and about me. I can not speak to what causes your feelings since we don't know you at all. So I meant you are controlling that and if it was a problem you should discount that

Anita_hoar12345

exercise helps me I am hoping it will be gone when I lose all my extra fat. I hate it because I always quit jobs and **** and my brain can't work like normal people in public places even around friends sometimes I just want to disapear.

_Tink_

I've struggled with it my entire life, and it's actually gotten worse in adulthood (probably because I've moved so much for work - starting over gets harder every time). I've learned to fake social comfort pretty well when it comes to work and casual situations, but I still struggle with fear and anxiety in nearly all social situations. If there was just one thing about myself that I could change, that would be it. The worse it gets, the more I hate it - and it just contributes to an already poor self image.

Smiling_Sara

Mine has gotten worse with age as well. In fact a lot of what you've written I could of written. The worse it gets the worse I feel. Have you tried therapy? I'm working up the courage to make some phone calls and see what happens, but I think I need some therapy

TarynAngeline

Do that which you fear and the fear disappears.

Screw baby steps. Make your new years resolution to go out and meet 50 new people. Just introduce yourself and ask questions if you don't know what to say. People love to talk about themselves! Each time will get easier. Practice, practice, practice.

Simplify. Ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen? and what is the likelihood that this might happen?

example: worst case scenario: the person I introduced myself to thinks I'm a total loser. Worst that happens?I didn't make a friend. Same outcome if I hadn't talked to that person to begin with, but I've gained experience and my broke down the walls of my comfort zone because of it.

You can't lose!

I used to be really self conscious until I realized that most people are self conscious and are too busy worrying about themselves to notice half the things I assume they are thinking about me. People are pretty self absorbed, so no need to worry.

alexandriax03

I was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety and panic disorder when I was a junior in high school. I literally could not function on a day to day basis. I was missing weeks of school. Even when I did make it to school, I left within 4 hours of arriving because it was so overwhelming and I was so physically sick from my anxiety/panic.

I thought I was dying. Literally. I saw a million specialists to try to figure out what was going on, because at the time I had no idea. I didn't know anxiety/panic could make you physically ill. After getting negative test results for everything, the doctors suggested I see a psychiatrist who proceeded to diagnose me with the anxiety/panic disorder.

She suggested medication because my day to day life was impacted. Reluctantly, I started taking the meds. Zoloft at first. Then Prozac, Lexapro, Celexa, Cymbalta, Effexor, Pristiq, Propranonol, Ativan, Klonopin.

******I HIGHLY SUGGEST AVOIDING MEDS AT ALL POSSIBLE COSTS BECAUSE THEY CAUSE WEIGHT GAIN FOR MOST PEOPLE. I GAINED 106 LBS ON THEM IN LESS THAN 3 YEARS. I was a tiny but healthy 97 lb girl when I started the meds. I now weigh 203 lbs. I've basically doubled in size. It's quite depressing.******

I have always been a homebody, even before getting diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder. I was never a party girl or someone who'd prefer to go to a party over staying home and watching a movie. Most of my anxiety/panic is a result of my physical symptoms.

Every day of my life I have a migraine, I feel nauseous, I feel dizzy, I feel faint, I feel weak, I have the jitters, I sweat profusely, I have vision problems, my heart races, I get heart palpitations.

I have a fear of fainting, throwing up, seizures, strokes, heart attacks, etc.

Because I have all these physical symptoms, I fear I am going to faint or throw up or have a stroke or seizure. So I don't like to leave my house because I fear one of those things happening in public.

I have done talk therapy with a psychologist. I have done desensitization with a social worker. I have done an accelerated intensive cognitive behavioral therapy treatment (which costed $4,000 out of pocket because the treatment is not covered by insurance).

The only thing that has worked for me was the desensitizing/CBT because it makes you face your fears. During my therapy appointments we would go driving (driving is a trigger for me), went to the pet store and played with puppies, got ice cream, went to the mall, got coffee, rode in an elevator a bajillion times.

Honestly, the best way to overcome it is to get yourself out in the world. Take it one step at a time. Do a little at once.

Athijade

Social anxiety is not something that people can "just get over". It doesn't just "disappear". It is not just being afraid of people saying something about how you look or not liking you. It is WAY beyond that. People who have not actually dealt with REAL anxiety disorders just can not understand the thought process that goes on in those of us who do deal with them.

I am now diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (as well as Depression, mild OCD, and mild PTSD (caregiver)), but was originally diagnosed and treated for Social Anxiety. My Social Anxiety is still there, but with the addition of some other events in my life, the diagnosis was changed.

The best thing you can do is get professional help. Find someone. Even if it is just counseling at first. I will say my counselor has been a life saver for me since I started to see her after my mother passed away (and a whole lot of other **** happened). She has helped me figure out what my thought process is, where the "illogical" thoughts are coming from and why, coping strategies, and other general mental health assistance. I am also going to be seeing an actual Psychiatrist next week in order to find out if medication would also help due to recent set backs. Nothing wrong with it.

Is it hard to take that step? Hell ya. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done to go see someone I didn't know and tell them that I was "messed up" (in my own words). But it was the best thing I could have done... and I don't know if I would be alive today if I hadn't.

Mama06

I was diagnosed and treated for this when I was in my late teens/ early 20s. It really helped me when I started going to Starbuck's & sitting with a coffee and slowly random people talked to me until I started forming casual friendships that drew me out of my shell. At first I would get dressed cute, put on make-up and really put out an effort to look decent so hat I would have a boost in confidence. Sometimes I would takd a book, sometimes I would bring a friend. Sometimes I would sit for a whole evening & no one would really speak to me but I would smile at passersby and try to be friendly and other times there would be a whole group of us regulars laughing & chatting. It really helped me. The most important thing is to not be fearful or self conscious about hanging out alone at first.
Good luck and God bless from someone who has been there.

salembambi

I have agoraphobia, ptsd and also battle depression

It has become worse as I have gotten older as well and it is hard for me to function in my daily life

anyone who says "you can just get over it " has no idea what they are talking about ...that might work for someone who is "just feeling a little down and self conscious" but not someone with severe mental health issues and trauma

I was on medication for about 8 years then decided 3 years ago to stop it ...I might be put back on some medication in the future I do not know

The only advice I can give is surround yourself with only people you feel comfortable with , let people know your boundaries , avoid triggers if possible and when you are faced with triggers BREATHE and do what you think you need to in that moment

find a psychiatrist you feel comfortable with - this can be really hard.. it might take a couple different ones to find one you like

You might even need to admit yourself to a mental hospital if it gets too severe for you to handle but it sounds to me like you are not that severe right now so you are lucky

Oh also you could find some support groups to go to

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kingscrown

I totally pretend that I'm not nervous when I have too. I think what's the worst thing that could happen? It's never something so terrible I need to hide. Inside I'm dieing, but I suddenly I realize I had nothing to be nervous about. Going to the gym has been a boon for me. The more fit I got... the more classes I took... the more people I met... it took me a year to get fairly comfortable. Today I made a date to try a hot yoga class with a trainer. Couldn't believe I asked someone to do something with me. I thought the worst thing that could happen was they'd say no. I can live with that. BUT they said yes.

Mama06

I just embrace it. I know that's not what you're asking, but seriously. I have just accepted who I am and that's it. I don't enjoy being social. It causes me too much anxiety. I just like being alone, with my girlfriend who is very similar to me, or with my kids. That's about it. I disagree that it is a problem. We are always trying to fit square pegs into round holes. Just because I don't mold into how other people love to be around each other, doesn't mean something's wrong with me. People steal my energy. I find myself completely drained after a day out. I went to a friends BBQ once and there were probably about 20 people there and he sat down next to me and said, "isn't this relaxing, just chillin with friends". I told him no. It's extremely stressful and it makes me tired after a while.

Everybody being diagnosed is ridiculous. Just embrace who you are. You like to be alone. That will never change for you. You feel most comfortable by yourself. No matter what kind of therapy you go through, you will always feel more at peace alone at home. Stop trying to fight it and just accept that that's who you are. From there, you can do anything you want. Knowing yourself is half the battle in life. Most people miss it.

I love that you said this.
My nephew recently posted on FB that "Life is too short to be at war with yourself."
I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder years ago (I wrote that in a previous post) I went through therapy and only found it marginally useful at best. I took medication but felt disconnected & I have never liked the idea of putting chemicals into my body. I had to figure out how to accept myself. This summer I was diagnosed with GAD and panic attacks & again they shoved some pills (including offering pain killers), advised to see a social worker then sent me rudely on my way with the admonition that I was going to have to do some work and it wasn't going to fix itself. I wondered how popping pills everyday was "doing work" to heal myself? Anyway, I threw out the pills, never saw a social worker & complained about the doctor. When my nephew posted the quote I felt such relief because I realized that, one way or another, I was "at war with myself" and now I'm working on freeing myself from the daily and moment by moment battles.

Jenni129

As I reply to this thread, I am having a mini anxiety attack, because what if someone doesn't like what I have to say? lol but, seriously, I have social anxiety, too. Never seen a professional about it. One time I tried to talk to my doctor about it and she said I should go to group therapy. IMO: Wrong solution for a person who can't stand "groups" of people. Too many people make my skin crawl, like going to concerts and packed shopping malls. It is just too overwhelming. I can't even handle a family reunion. It makes me sick to my stomach. I'm not even happy to go do these things and think of excuses not to go. It has nothing to do with body image. It is just the way I am wired. The older I have gotten, the less trouble I have with it though which has been nice. The problem I have is why everyone thinks something is wrong with it. Why not just embrace it and just do what makes you comfortable? Does it really matter how many friends you have or how many parties you go to, etc.? These are questions I have asked myself. I know my social anxiety is not as severe as others, but I am okay with what I can do, the people I do have in my life, job and hobbies. If I could not go get my groceries or leave my house, then I would definitely get some professional help.